Chasing Amy Quotes

Holden McNeil It's not who you love, it's how.

Alyssa Jones One minute and five seconds; you are such my bitch.

Banky Edwards I'm telling you that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in ]!

Hooper X Honey, don't give me that "all for one" shit. I got to deal with being a minority in a minority of a minority, ain't nobody supportin my ass.

Banky Edwards Catholic school girls. The uniform's what does it for me. I wish I had've went with more Catholic school girls when I was a kid. As it stands I have no, "And then she unzipped her jumper," stories.

Banky Edwards I'm going to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Archie is all about pussy!

Alyssa Jones I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.

Holden McNeil If this is a crush, I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened.

Hooper For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villain, was introduced - usually by white artists and writers - they got slapped with racist names that singled them out as Negroes. Now, my book, "White-Hating Coon," don't have none of that bullshit. The hero's name is Maleekwa, and he's descended from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet, while all you European motherfuckers were hiding out in caves and shit, all terrified of the sun. He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to. Cause I'm here to tell you, the chickens is coming home to roost, y'all. The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in the realm of comics and sci-fi fantasy. We keepin it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary.

Holden Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse shit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?

Hooper Who said that?

Holden I did! Lando Calrissian is a strong role-model in the realm of science fiction/fantasy.

Hooper Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle-Tom nigger! Some white boy's always gotta bring up the "Holy Trilogy". But those movies is all about how the white man keeps the brotha man down, even in a galaxy far far away. Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy, Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!

Banky What's a "Nubian"?

Hooper Shut the fuck up! Now, Vader, he's a spiritual brother, down with the Force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a lightsaber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fucking universe; gets a whole clan of whites together and they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now, what the fuck do you call that?

Banky Intergalactic Civil War?

Hooper Gentrification! They gon drive out the black element to make the galaxy quote, unquote, "safe for white folks." And Jedi is the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!

Banky Well isn't that true?

Collector So, you draw this comic, or what?

Banky I ink it. I'm also the colorist. The guy next to me draws it, but we both came up with the characters. Next.

Collector What's that mean, you "ink" it?

Banky Well, it means that Holden draws the pictures in pencil, and then he gives it to me to go over in ink. Next!

Collector So, basically, you just trace.

Banky It's not "tracing", alright? I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. Only then does the drawing truly take shape.

Collector No, no. You go over what he draws with a pen. That's tracing.

Banky Not really. Next!

Collector Hey, lemme ask you something. If somebody draws something, and you draw, like, right on top of it without going outside the original designated art, what do you call that?

Little Kid I dunno, man...tracing?

Collector See?

Banky You want your book signed or what?

Collector Hey, hey! Don't get snippy with him just because you've got a problem with your station in life!

Banky Oh, I'm secure with what I do.

Collector Then just say it — you're a tracer!

Banky Who should I sign it to?

Little Kid I don't want you to sign it. I want the guy who draws Bluntman and Chronic to sign it. You're just a tracer.

Collector Tell him, little shaver.

Collector You're mucking with a "G", you fucking tracer!

Banky I'LL TRACE A CHALK OUTLINE AROUND YOUR DEAD BODY, YOU FUCK!

Holden Could you get him out of here?

Collector Hey! He shoved me! You fucking tracer!

Banky YOUR MOTHER'S A TRACER!

Banky Edwards Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?

Holden McNeil I love you…I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But—I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't—I can't look into your eyes without feeling that—that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.And I know, this will probably queer our friendship—no pun intended—but I had to say it, cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But, God, I just—I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something, too. And all I ask, please, is that you just—you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which—while I do appreciate it—I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Holden Sorry about him, he's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker.

Alyssa Aww... you trace.

Holden So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?

Banky I dunno. Get a pizza, watch ].

Holden You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.

Banky I got a weird thing for girls who say, "Aboot".

Hooper X All the boys need to feel like they're ] when it comes to sex.

Banky Edwards I feel a hate crime coming on.

Jay Bitch tasted life, yo, now she's settlin for your boring, funny-book-makin ass.

Alyssa Jones Since most of these people are cheering for the home team, I'm going to root for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee in the morning before they leave!

Banky Edwards All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'.

Hooper X See that man over there? He the Devil! Never take your eye off the man.

Hooper X Archie was the bitch and Jughead was the butch. That's why he was always going around wearing that crown-looking hat…he was the king of queen Archie's world.

Holden How do you manage to get away with this all the time? I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now?

Banky Wrong coast.

Banky Edwards This is all going to end badly.

Hooper I need to sell the image to sell the book. I mean, would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle if they found out the book was written by a... you know...

Banky Faggot?

Hooper When you say it, it sounds so sexy.

Banky Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim, but not your catcher, all right?

Banky Edwards What difference does it make if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the comfort of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?

Banky I just have to get something.

Banky Edwards Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee!

Fan I love these guys! You know what? they're like Bill and Ted meet... Cheech and Chong!

Holden Yeah... I kinda like to think of them as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon.

Fan Yes! Who?

Holden McNeil Look, man, we miss this , and I am gonna shitcan you and just hire ].

Jay You gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, "Life ain't nothin but bitches and money.

Alyssa How bad could it have been?

Holden Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?