25 quotes
Cliff Diving Lessons with Unconventional Instructors
Linda White
Tomorrow Helmut and Christopher are giving me cliff diving lessons.
Randy White
Great! What could be more fun than jumping off a cliff with two German bisexuals?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pilot's Safety Announcement in Club Paradise
Pilot
I'd like to thank you and ask that you remain seated, with your seatbelts securely fastened until the aircraft has come to a complete... Brake pressure!
[buzzer interrupts his announcement]
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Beauty and Despair in Paradise
Terry Hamlin
It is so lovely here.
Governor Hayes
I hate beauty. Do you realize how boring it gets looking at beauty day in and day out? Anyway, It can't last much longer.
Terry Hamlin
Are you always this cheerful in the morning?
Governor Hayes
Either the Americans will move in and turn it into Miami Beach, or the Cubans and Russians will come and turn the whole island into bloody Albania. There really is no hope. Islands like St. Nicholas make such nice missle bases, naval stations, money laundries.
Terry Hamlin
Well if there isn't any hope why don't you leave? Go to New York or London?
Governor Hayes
No. If the world is going to hell in a bucket, I want to hold the handle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Business Proposition and Personal Choice
Voit Zerbe
You know, if you were smart, you'd sell that place to me and get out of here. Sure, are you kidding—a guy like you in New York with money in his pocket? Oh, forget it. Take my advice: sell it.
Ernest Reed
I say this for you, Mr. Zerbe: you've got style. But it's not for me.
Voit Zerbe
Well, think it over. I've gotta go, so good luck.
Ernest Reed
See you around.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Club Paradise: Your Destination for Fun
Jack Moniker
Club Paradise. Your Hot Spot For Fun With Guns in the Sun.
[creating a new slogan for his club]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disturbing Tale of Revenge and Irony
Jack Moniker
I heard about this guy in Cicero, well he stiffed a loanshark, so a couple of these guys got him, cut off his arm, beat him to death with the arm, and shoved it in a food processor and made a dip out of it. Then they served it to his family at his sister's wedding. And the sister loved it so much, she wanted the recipe. It's a crazy world, isn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipation of a New Opportunity
Voit Zerbe
Sol, the boys are back. Our ship has come in. Now we've gotta deliver.
[during a polo game]
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A New Adventure Awaits in the Caymans
Voit Zerbe
Forget this place. You guys are gonna love the Caymans!
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Owner eager to sell Club Paradise
Voit Zerbe
Gentlemen, I just spoke to the owner of Club Paradise, and believe me, he is dying to sell.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Observation About Runway Length
Barry Nye
Isn't that the runway?
Pilot
Geez, I hope not. If that runway was any shorter, it'd be a patio!
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A Doctor's Call to Action
Ernest Reed
There's a sickness in this place, and I'm the doctor. It's time to operate!
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Questioning the Name "Moniker
Voit Zerbe
Moniker? What kind of a name is "Moniker"?
[after hearing Jack's name]
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Tax Issues and Concerns in Paradise Resort
Ernest Reed
What can I do for you, Mr. Gundy?
Solomon Gundy
Nice to see you again, Ernest.
Ernest Reed
Nice to see you too, Mr. Gundy.
Solomon Gundy
Ernest, I come to you tonight because I'm deeply, deeply concerned. Now, when I became Prime Minister of St. Nicholas, I told you to come to me if you had any problem. Now, as Minister of Finance and Minister of Tourism, it has come to me...that you are delinquent in your taxes to the amount of $6,000, and that you haven't paid your food and beverage taxes; violations of the Tourism Codes; and reports of ganja being smoked right here on these premises. How can this continue?
Ernest Reed
Divine justice, Mr. Gundy. Life is full of miracles.
Solomon Gundy
I'm afraid it will take more than a miracle. Listen to me, Ernest: There is a new wind blowing across St. Nicholas.
Ernest Reed
I smelt it the minute you walked in. It's business, man—you and your bankers and your lawyers are trying to "business" me out of here. Now if you're not drinking and you're not dancing, you'd better be going!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of an Affordable Paradise
Jack Moniker
Read this, pal, and weep: "Paradise for pennies...a Garden of Eden, built on a secluded lagoon with its own private dock and speedboat included. Contact Mr. Banks, St. Nicholas.
[handing a fireman, Dave, a newspaper clipping]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Governor's Visit to a Controversial Location
Jack Moniker
Your Excellency. You're looking elegant this evening. Why are we graced with your imperial presence?
Governor Hayes
The fact is, one can smell the suntan oil and the frying female flesh right across the island. I was curious to see what was going on at this perverted passion pit you're running here. This orgy bin. Whatever you call this drug-crazed nipple ranch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Consequences of Starting a Revolution
Jack Moniker
Oh, sure! Go start a revolution. It's not gonna look good on your resumé, you know!
[to Ernest Reed, the owner of Club Paradise, during a storm]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Debate on Life Choices and Fun
Governor Hayes
My dear young lady, unlike you, I have not spent my life cruising from discotheque to discotheque with my ass hanging out of a french cut bathing suit.
Phillipa Lloyd
Well, you're missing all the fun, aren't you?
Governor Hayes
I suspect you're right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Nation's Constitution in Pencil
Jack Moniker
Babe, this is the only country in the world where the constitution is written in pencil.
[to his girlfriend Phillipa Lloyd ("Miss Philadelphia") after being released from jail]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wicker Furniture as a Defensive Strategy
Jack Moniker
Oh Yeah! Rattan's gonna make a nice bulletproof barricade! Why don't you just build yourself a Wicker tank??
[yelling at Ernest]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Threat from Solomon Gundy
Solomon Gundy
I will crush Ernest Reed!
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Unexpected Consequences of Smoking Marijuana
Jack Moniker
Last time I smoked that stuff, they found me on top of the Sears Tower trying to build a nest.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Personal Preference for Original Music
Ernest Reed
I ain't one for these songs! I have my own songs—I'm not doing these songs.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bold Declaration of Intent
Solomon Gundy
I will eat his bones!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Piece of Advice on Pride
Jack Moniker
You know, I knew another proud, young, black man, like yourself, once. And I gave him some advice too. I told him, wear one glove - just one glove. The rest was history.
Ernest Reed
Who was that?
Jack Moniker
].
[[Willie Mays]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Assessing Interest in Potential Connections
Jack Moniker
Check it out. What about those two?
Barry Steinberg
Eh... I don't think they're interested.
Barry Nye
Too tall.
Jack Moniker
Come on. They were just talking to me about you.
Barry Steinberg
No.
Barry Nye
Really? Then what?
Jack Moniker
They said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.