Cocktail Quotes

Uncle Pat You outwork, outthink, outscheme and outmanuever. You make no friends. You trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up.

Taglines When he pours, he reigns.

Doug Coughlin Coughlin's Diet: Cocktails and dreams.

Doug Coughlin The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got.

Brian Flanagan I am the world's last barman poet! I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make.America is getting stinking on something I stir or shake.The Sex On The Beach...the Schnapps made from peach!The Velvet Hammer...the Alabama Slammer!I make things with juice and froth, the Pink Squirrel...the 3 Toed Sloth.I make drinks so sweet and snazzy, the Iced Tea...the Kamikazi!The Orgasm...the Death Spasm.The Singapore Sling...the Ding a Ling.America you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you want to get loaded...why don't you just order a shot!Bar's open!!

Taglines They thought he was good, they were wrong... he was the best.

Doug Coughlin A bartender is the aristocrat of the working class.

Doug Coughlin Anything else is always something better.

Doug Coughlin I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.

Doug You are in training my son.

Brian In training for what?

Doug For stardom. No matter how liberal this world may become, a man will always be judged on the amount of alcohol he can consume, and women will be impressed with it, whether they like it or not!

Doug Coughlin You see, there are two kinds of people in this world, the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle and you my friend, are a worker.

Jordan Mooney Your sexy smile isn't gonna work this time.

Brian Flanagan Everything ends badly, otherwise, it would never end.

Jordan Mooney I am going to be VERY fat, and YOU are gonna love it!

Doug Coughlin Coughlin's Law: Never show surprise, never lose your cool.

Brian Flanagan If Jordan gives birth to a fine Irish son,There be Cocktails and Dreams for him one day to run.A business that shall yield a financial windfall...

Uncle Pat It better!

Brian Flanagan To be franchised in every suburban shopping mall.Now, if a daughter arrives to bless our clan,I guess the shit will certainly hit the fan.But this I shall promise to thee:I'll never let her marry a guy like me.Still if our child is the naughtiest of girls or the wildest of young men,I swear I'll be the best dad I can.And never ever get spooked again.

Brian Flanagan Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, your life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.

Doug Coughlin My dearest Brian, A guy like me looks in the mirror, he either grins, or he starts to fade away. And I haven't seen anything to grin about in a long time. This may not be the most graceful exit, but I know when the bottle's empty. The only thing I'm really going to miss is the conversations we had. At least I get the last word, even if I had to mail it in. Coughlin's Law: Bury the dead. They stink up the joint. As for the rest of Coughlin's Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of shit. But I guess you knew that already.

Doug Coughlin Never tell tales about a woman, she'll hear you no matter how far away she is.