Coneheads (1993) - Quotes

Impending Calamity Acknowledged by Coneheads

Gorman Seedling: Do you agree that the world is headed for a terrible calamity?

Beldar Conehead: Most definitely. In fact, I have direct, personal knowledge that this is so.

Eli Turnbull: Great, may we come in?

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Understanding the Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable

Beldar: An owner's manual to a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable.

Highmaster: Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable?

Beldar: A personal conveyance named after its inventor, an assassinated ruler, a character from Greco-Roman myth, and a small furry mammal.

Highmaster: Ah.

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Lunch Break Announcement

Beldar: It is time for mid-day cessation of activities for carbo-protein intake.

Otto: Yeah, sure. Take a lunch break.

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Uncomfortable Compliments in Formal Attire

Beldar: You look handsome, yet uncomfortable in your pubescent ceremonial garb.

Ronnie: Yeah... You mean my tux, right?

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A Weekend Gathering with Food and Fun

Prymatt: Perhaps you and Larry will join us for the consumption of mass quantities this weekend. We will ignite our new flame pit and char some mammal flesh for you.

Lisa: That sounds like fun. I'll make coleslaw.

Prymatt: Ah, coleslaw. We will enjoy it.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Alien Responsibility and Jurisdiction Debate

Eli Turnbull: Excuse me, sir, but should they be in fact, creatures from another planet, isn't that the Air Force's responsibility?

Gorman Seedling: If they're just visiting, sure... but the minute they try to work here, they're mine!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Discussion of Social Security Status

Otto: Beldar, you tryin to tell me you don't got a social security number?

Beldar: Correct.

Otto: Why not?

Beldar: I am an illegal alien.

Otto: I knew you were too good to be true! Every time I make some money, this happens!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Conflict Over Senso Rings and Responsibilities

Beldar Conehead: AAAHHHH, SENSO RINGS! Where did you GET THOSE?!

Connie Conehead: Under your bed?

Beldar Conehead: UNACCEPTABLE! YOUR CONE IS TOO YOUNG! Get up! You are coming to Remulak RIGHT NOW!

Connie Conehead: I am staying with Ronnie!

Beldar Conehead: Maintain low tones. Impossible! Undesirable! Inadvisable!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Conversation on Writing and Beliefs

Highmaster: Let it be written... are you writing this?

Ronnie: [seeing Connie eat] Whoa! My mother is the only one who could take a sandwich like that.

Gorman Seedling: You just can't talk religion with some people!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Prymatt Conehead's Unusual Birth Announcement

Prymatt Conehead: [going into labour] My plubar has broken,....the birth spasm has begun.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Open Communication in Relationships

Prymatt Conehead: You know, Connie, I read in a magazine that you can talk to me about anything.

Despair in the Face of Loss

Beldar Conehead: If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench would be great.

Beldar Conehead Advocates for Quiet Communication

Beldar Conehead: Maintain low tones with me, maintain low tones.

Consequences of Displeasing the High Master

Beldar Conehead: [about being stranded on Earth] When the High Master hears of this, he will surely cut off my plargh and hand it to me.

A Reluctant Acceptance of Circumstances

Beldar Conehead: [about waiting on his car repairs] Very well. What choice do I have? It is as if you have seized me at the base of my snarglies!

A Father's Gift to His Child

Beldar Conehead: [to Connie, after coming back to Earth] It is not every day a father can give the world to his child.

Prioritizing Safety for Prom Night Outings

Beldar Conehead: [to Ronnie] The frightening statistics of young earthlings mangling themselves in internal combustion vehicles on the night of prom ritual makes me insist that you use maximum safety awareness, return at the predesignated time coordinates, and, in fact, take my car. Its reinforced alloy superstructure is far superior to that of your broken down, rusted out shitbox.

Threats of Force and Unacceptability

Beldar Conehead: I find you unacceptable! If I did not fear incarceration by human authority figures, I would terminate your life functions by applying sufficient force to your blunt skull so as to cause its collapse!