30 quotes
Personal Attachments in Everyday Conflicts
Mom
Why did you leave your dishes in the sink, for me?
Sue Ellen
God, you take these things so personally.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Name Tags and Early Mornings
Sue Ellen
Why are you guys wearing name tags?
Walter
She says she has trouble remembering things.
Melissa
We're supposed to wear them at all times, and she's getting us up at the butt crack of dawn to tidy up the garage.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Thermostat Tensions Between Siblings
Sue Ellen
Did you turn the air conditioner on?
Kenny
Yeah, well I was hot.
Sue Ellen
Look I'm stuck with the bills, I would like to keep that thermostat at seventy-six, okay?
Kenny
Wow, you take these things so personally.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings About a Babysitter's Condition
Zach
We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory.
Sue Ellen
I didn't kill her, Zach. She died in her sleep.
Melissa
Probably choked on her whistle.
Walter
She doesn't look dead.
Zach
That's cause it just happened. So, you can't really tell, like on ].
[[w: MacGyver (1985 TV series)|MacGyver]
Kenny
Um... what should we do with her body?
Sue Ellen
Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well, I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...
Kenny
They'll probably blame us.
Sue Ellen
They'll definitely call Mom.
Melissa
SHE'LL blame us.
Kenny
Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then she'll be in our faces.
Sue Ellen
I don't want Mom to come home.
Zach
I don't either.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Teenagers face limited job opportunities.
Sue Ellen Crandell
No-one'll hire a teenager to do anything that isn't disgusting.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Age and Experience
Mom
She seems very nice, right? And she has lots of experience.
Sue Ellen
Of course she does. She's 200 years old.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Responses in Casual Conversation
Rose
Sue Ellen, have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm?
Sue Ellen
No, I've never been to Santa Barbara.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Freedom and Responsibility
Katrina
She's leaving you guys all alone? What about the kids?
Sue Ellen
Kenny'll watch Zach, Melissa'll watch Walter and I'll have Mom's car. I can go to the beach, I can stay out as late as I want to, anything! I'm a free woman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mother's Need for a Break
Melissa
How come you gotta go?
Mom
Because, I've had a very rough 37 years and I need a break.
Melissa
You swore you'd sign me up for baseball.
Mom
Little League will still be there next year.
Melissa
So will Australia. I wish Dad were around.
Mom
No, you don't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Car Parking Dispute Among Friends
Bruce
Hey, yo, Mad Dog. You wanna park the car?
Hellhound
We're on a break, dude.
Mole
Yeah, park it yourself, Metallica-breath.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Requesting Money from Mom
Mom
Zach. Put it back, right now. If you need money, ask me first.
Zach
Okay then. Can I have ten dollars?
Mom
Forget it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Self-Care Essentials
Rose
Why don't you go on home, have a glass of wine and put some cucumber slices on your eyes, you'll feel much better.
Sue Ellen
Well, I'm all out of cucumbers.
Rose
Sue Ellen, every girl over twenty-five should have a cucumber in the house.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Staying Up High
Mom
Melissa, want to get down from there?
Melissa
No.
Mom
Get down from there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Calling for Help
Zach
Call the cops.
Sue Ellen
Oh yeah, what are we going to say, ] stole our Buick?
[[w:Liza Minnelli|Liza Minnelli]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Taking Charge of the Situation
Sue Ellen Crandell
I'm right on top of that Rose.
[repeated line]
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Reassurance in Absence
Sue Ellen Crandell
Relax Mom, everything's going to be great when you're gone.
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Unexpected Confessions at Lunch
Gus
By the end of lunch we'll probably be sharing our intimate histories, stories of our first time. Next thing you know we'll be sharing a cigarette in post-coital bliss.
[casually hitting on Sue Ellen]
Sue Ellen
Are you talking about us having sex?
Gus
Hey, hold on, slow down, you're moving too fast for me! But if that's an area you're interested in, it can be arranged. And if it doesn't, I was kidding.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Grunion Reproduction Differences
Bryan
Anyway, the ] comes and lays her eggs in the sand and then the guy grunion, he comes and fertilizes them.
[[w:grunion|grunion]
Sue Ellen
So they don't like do it together?
Bryan
No, not like us. I mean like humans.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Decision on Earning Money for the Family
Sue Ellen Crandell
Since we are the two oldest kids, one of us needs to earn money. We will settle it this way. ] face up, I go to work. Mama Celeste face down, you are selling carnations by the freeway off-ramp.
[to Kenny; takes a box of frozen pizza and prepares to toss it in the air; [w: Celeste (frozen pizza)|Mama Celeste]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Coworkers in the Office
Carolyn
Hold. Reception. Well, I can't right now. I have to stay and redirect all the incompetents who are coming up here instead of going straight down to personnel like they are supposed to. All right, all right, all right, all right. You'll have about 12 seconds. I'll be right there. You... are supposed to go down... to personnel. That is on the first... floor. There's a great big sign that says... personnel. Do.. you... under... stand?
[to the person on the phone; takes another call; gives Sue Ellen an annoyed look; she stands up and glares at Sue Ellen]
Sue Ellen
Yeah.
Rose
Where's Carolyn? Mouse brown hair, gives ya a headache.
[walks up]
Sue Ellen
Talks like she's chewing her face?
Rose
That's her.
Sue Ellen
She'll be back in a few seconds.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Siblings About the Kids
Sue Ellen
Where are the kids?
[asking about her brothers and sister]
Kenny
Zach's at Cynthia's, Melissa's upstairs, and Walter's asleep. ] into the oven and shuts the door]
[Throws the can of [[w:Reckitt|Easy-Off]
Sue Ellen
What's wrong with you?
Kenny
Nothing is wrong with me.
[pulls the gloves off and throws them on the counter]
Sue Ellen
Did you burn something?
[opens the fridge and takes out a can of [[w:Diet Coke|Diet Coke]
Kenny
Yeah, well, maybe if you'd called and told me you were gonna be, like... three-and-a-half hours late, I could've planned my dinner better.
[annoyed]
Sue Ellen
I had to work late, OK?
Kenny
You still shoulda called. I sat and I waited. I went ahead and I fed the kids. I worked all day on that casserole.
Sue Ellen
Sorry.
Kenny
You haven't even said how nice the house looks. You're off at the office all day doing interesting office things. I'm stuck here. Cooking and cleaning and mowing, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doin your party shit! You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? Y'know what? I'm sick and tired of not bein appreciated.
Sue Ellen
I appreciate you.
Kenny
Eat shit!
[storms into the living room and starts whisking the couch]
Sue Ellen
I don't believe this! I get to get up at 5:30 every morning so I can beat rush hour traffic and go sit behind a desk for eight hours and miss ] every day on my summer vacation. And then, I get to drive home in gridlock in a VOLVO with no air conditioning just so I can take care of you guys and put food on the damn table! It's a rat race and it sucks, Kenny. So what do you want, a medal?... Oh come on, you don't have to do all this. I mean, I never asked you to whisk the couch.
[[w:The Oprah Winfrey Show|Oprah Winfrey]
Kenny
Well, it needed it.
[stopping, wistfully]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict of Trust Between Gus and Rose
Gus
Now are you gonna believe me or are you gonna believe some kid?
Rose
I'm gonna believe some kid, go to hell Gus.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos and Calm Amidst Household Tensions
Kenny Crandell
(after shooting the dishes) The dishes are DONE, man.
Zach Crandell
Cynthia, you're my moon goddess.
Rose Lindsey
Don't feel overwhelmed. Just do one thing at a time.
Kenny Crandell
Swell. Will you hurry up? Melissa and Zach are beating each other over the last ]. It's the last food we got.
[[w:Sno Balls|Sno Ball]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Respecting Privacy and Curiosity Dynamics
Bryan
I'd respect your privacy if you weren't so secretive.
Sue Ellen
Well, I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Farewell to Mom's Extended Absence
Friend
Isn't your mom like leaving for months?
Kenny
Oh, you're right. BYE MOM, HAVE A BLAST!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Difficult Decision at Work
Sue Ellen
I am going to have to let you go, Nicole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Measuring for Uncertainty in New Experiences
Kenny
Sure she's gonna fit?
Sue Ellen
How should I know? I've never done this before.
Kenny
Well, neither have I.
Zach
I think we should measure her first.
Melissa
Let's hack off her head!
Walter
Yeah!
[in agreement with Melissa]
Sue Ellen
Uh, alright, go get that, uh, metal tape measure thing out of the garage.
Kenny
Would you stop ordering us around, you're not the babysitter.
Sue Ellen
That's right Kenny, the babysitter is dead. Now just do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bedtime Disrupts Teenage Plans
Mrs. Sturak
Time for little boys to be in bed.
Zach
Can't you see I'm in the middle of a date?
Mrs. Sturak
And time for little trollops to go home!
[Opening the car door and tossing Cynthia out]
Zach
I'll call you later, Cynthia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Witty Exchange on Intelligence
Sue Ellen
Kenny, why don't you save your last three brain cells, you might need them.
Kenny
I won't!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Summer Struggles and Unconventional Solutions
Kenny
This place is a crock. We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hole up at Lizard's.
Sue Ellen
Oh, that's real brotherly of you, Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride?
Kenny
No.
Melissa
I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.