Name: Eight Crazy Nights
Genre: Animation, Comedy
Released: 2002-11-27
Duration: 76 min
Rating: 5.2
Cast: Adam Sandler, Jackie Sandler, Kevin Nealon, Austin Stout, Rob Schneider

Eight Crazy Nights

Unexpected Peanut Brittle Conversation

Davey ] while riding with Whitey]

[''Eating [[w:Brittle (food)|Peanut Brittle]

Whitey How are those peanut brittle?

Davey Crunchy and delicious.

Whitey Funny, I don't remember Jessie or Denise ringing you up a purchase.

Davey I guess that means I stole it, doesn't it? Easy seizure boy!

[''Whitey gets pissed and has a panic attack, which causes him to swerve the car'']

Whitey That's it! I'm calling the judge!

[''Enragedly'']

Davey Go ahead, I'll be on the first bus out of here. I ain't spending ten years in ].

[''Getting annoyed''; [w:Prison|prison]

Whitey Maybe I'll take you in myself. Don't think you can intimidate me because of my size.

Davey What? You're smaller than me? I didn't know that.

[''Sarcastically'']

Whitey Put me down! Put me down! And get out of my car right now!

[''Gets Davey's hands off him and points to the car door'']

Davey Oh no! You're gonna make walk ten feet out there? Because that's where I live you idiot!

[''Sarcastically'']

Whitey Oh!

Davey Thanks for the ride Patchy! It was great patching with you, I guess I'll patch you later!

[''Exits vehicle''; ''Closes the door'']

Whitey I'm letting this one go, Stone! But the next screw up, ] Hmh! Got any sand or ] in there? ].

[[w:Slammer|it's slammin time!; [w:Halite|rock salt; [w:Traction (mechanics)|I need to get some traction]

Davey Got any sand or rock salt in there? Cause I need to get some..." Oh, shut up!

[''Angrily mocks Whitey''; ''Davey goes into his trailer'']

Whitey He could've at least given me a push or something.

TV anchor Closing, channel 36 would like to wish all of ] the very happiest of Hanukkahs.

[''Davey in his trailer''; [w:Borscht Belt|its Jewish viewers...]

Davey Boo!

[''Unplugs TV'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Unexpected Reaction to a Disturbing Sight

Davey Stone Ugh! Jeezum crow! Did I just see two ] on your ass? I think I’m gonna BA...RF...!

[''Davey comes over to see a disgusting sight: Whitey’s butt cheeks are covered with white, furry hair as Whitey puts a jock strap on''; [w:Persian cat|Persian cats; ''sustains a burp'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Misunderstanding Modern Technology

Whitey Wow, Benjamin, ]. Not too shabby.

[[w:Etch a Sketch|an etch a sketch]

Davey That's ], you idiot.

[[w:Game boy|a game boy]

Whitey Sorry, I'm not up on modern technology.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Consequences of Excessive Drinking

Whitey That’s what happens when you hit the bottle pal, you go to sleep in Dukesberry you wake up in Pukesberry. Hehe, Pukesberry.

Whitey The worst has happened... I'm covered in human feces...

[''Walking out'']

Davey That's a good look for you, but how about is that I should probably spray you off? Smell You Later, ].

[''Dementedly sprays Whitey with a hose freezing him''; [w:Popsicle|Poopsicle; ''Laughs evilly and walks away'']

Whitey You're a fricking degenerate.

Davey I know I am.

Whitey A little help, please. Your tongues tickle. They tickle.

[''Deer start licking him'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Exploring Alternatives in Challenging Situations

Whitey Duvall What other options do you got, ]?!

[''To Davey who rejects living with Whitey after his trailer is ablaze''; [w:Rockefeller family|Rockefeller]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

The Complexity of Holiday Emotions

Narrator It ain't a better time of year. You got no school, ], and ]. Kind of makes you feel all tingly inside, doesn't it? But you know what? There are some buffoons out there who actually can't stand the holiday season. And seeing other people enjoy the festivities... gets them even more disgusted. In fact, ] lives right here in little old dukesberry. His name's Davey Stone. That fool's in the China dragon... coming up with his own way of feeling tingly all over. At one time, Davey was a super student, super athlete... super sweet, super kid and the apple of his parents eye. Now, he's just a 33-year-old, crazy ] who lives for making this town as miserable as he is... especially on the first night of Hanukkah. How'd he end up this way? Let's save that for later... because right now, Davey's about to get himself into some serious trouble.

[''Referring to Christmas/Hanukkah holidays''; [w:gluttony|you can eat like a pig; [w:gift|people give you stuff; [w:Ebenezer Scrooge|the head honcho of holiday humbug...; [w:Jewish-American|Jewish guy...]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Defending a Friend's Integrity Amidst Challenges

Davey Your girlfriend's backyard isn't sugar-free. That baby looks sweet.

[''To Jennifer walking away'']

Whitey ] and angrily throws it on floor] Technical foul! Technical foul! That's a lady, and you will not speak about her that way!

[''furiously Grabs a [[w:French fry|french fry]

Davey Easy.

Whitey She's going through a tough time now. Last spring, her husband of 13 years ups and leaves her... For a woman he met on the computer. She had the courage to move back a month ago to try and raise her boy alone.

Davey So she's available?

Whitey You wish, Mac. You blew your shot with her 20 years ago.

Davey Twenty years? Was that Jennifer Friedman?

Whitey I'm surprised you have enough brain cells left to remember.

Young Davey Hey, Jennifer, you still coming over to watch ] after the game?

[''Flashback to early teens''; [w:Dukes of Hazzard|Dukes of Hazzard]

Young Jennifer ], Davey.

[''Flashes a thumbs-up''; [w:FIPS 10-4|That's a big 10-4]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Questioning the Importance of Winning

Davey Stone You actually give a crap about winning ]?

[''To Whitey''; [w:Embroidered patch|a patch]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Confrontation Over a Snack in Eight Crazy Nights

Benjamin Eat that nutstrap, BI-YATCH!

Jennifer Benjamin!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Teaching Values in Youth Basketball

Whitey Now, I'd like to make this work out. But in order to do so, you're going to have to learn... that youth basketball ain't about you and your lack of respect for others. It's about the kids and teaching them responsibility and teamwork. I've been doing my part for 35 years. Are you ready to join me, big guy? Joke's on you, tough guy. I can't read.

[''Drops fries on tray and arranges them to spell out; "Bite Me"'']

Jennifer Special delivery for Whitey duvall, ].

[[w:List of doughnut varieties|sugar-free doughnuts]

Whitey Every day she does this for me. Jennifer, you're too much. My fraternal twin sister's ] And out of respect for her and her disease, I don't eat sugar products.

[[w:diabetes|a diabetic...]

Jennifer There's a surprise in there you'll like.

Whitey Don't tell me ]. It is bavarian cream-filled! Hubba-bubba! These babies make my taste buds do double daffies, for gosh sakes.

[[w:Boston cream pie#Variations|it's bavarian cream-filled; ''Takes a bite'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

A Hilarious Misunderstanding During a Prank Call

Prank caller Hello? Hi, is Ophelia there?

Eleanor Ophelia who?

Prank caller Ophelia hiney.

Eleanor Oh, feel my hiney?! You hoodlums better bring my wig back! I know it was you! It's a home-invasion robbery! Take whatever you want, but please don't chop my legs off!

[''Hangs up and Davey enters the house'']

Whitey It's okay, Eleanor, it's okay!

Eleanor Whitey, thank God you're here! We're being robbed by a lunatic! Mister, if you're going to kill us, take off your wet shoes. They're soaking the carpet!

Whitey Eleanor, that's Davey Stone, my new partner.

Eleanor The criminal?! Did he force you to bring him here so he could molest you?!

Whitey His home just went up in flames. So I invited him to stay with us for a while.

Eleanor Okay, but I'm making an inventory... of every single item in this house!

Davey Fascinating.

Eleanor Look! He already stole something. He's hiding it in his jacket.

Davey I didn't steal this. It's a card my parents gave me.

Eleanor So why don't you go stay with them?

Davey They died.

Eleanor My bad.

Davey Here's to you guys for letting me crash over.

[''Takes out a flask'']

Eleanor Alcohol in our house? This is never going to work.

Whitey It will. We just need to set some rules so Davey knows how we do things here.

Eleanor I'm scared.

Whitey Look. You gotta understand it's just been me and Eleanor for 67 years... so she gets nervous around strangers.

Davey I wouldn't show that picture to anyone... or they may try to take you two back to the laboratory.

[''Referring to side table photo of Whitey and Eleanor as children'']

Whitey Listen. We got rules in this house... And you better follow them or you'll find yourself out of here.

Davey This might be harder than I thought.

Whitey If you're coming from the street with dirty shoes on your feet that's a technical foul if you switch the radio to some "modern" music show, that's a technical foul. If you don't shut the door after using the frigerator, that's (x2) a technical foul... if you touch the thermostat

[''Starts singing''; ''does air quotes'']

Eleanor you'll get hit with a bat....

Whitey ...'cause that's a technical foul...

Eleanor ...you will feel my wrath...

Whitey If your hair clogs the drain...

Eleanor ...you'll know the meaning of pain...

[''swings around num-chuks'']

Whitey ...'cause that's a technical foul...

Eleanor I'll show you no mercy!

[''Splits a board with head'']

Davey Ho, this is such bullshit!

Whitey In this house, we say "bullspit" or...

Whitey and Eleanor ...it's (x2) a technical foul...

Davey Let me get this straight. You expect me to change my lifestyle in one night... Because you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks?

Whitey You got it, bub. Or you can go rot in the gutter. It's up to you, ].

[[w:Yankee Doodle|Yankee doodle]

Davey I don't want to do that... but let me run a few questions by you so I don't screw up accidentally. If I don't spray ] after moving a bowel?

[[w:Lysol|Lysol]

Davey That's a technical foul if I decide to wash my ass with your ]?

[[w:Monogram|monogrammed towel]

Whitey That's a technical foul...

Eleanor Please, say "hiney.

[''in ordinary voice'']

Davey If I make fun of your crazy feeties or give sugar cookies to ]

[''Points to Eleanor's feet''; ''motions to Eleanor''; [w:Diabetes|Miss Diabetes?]

Whitey That's not only a technical foul... but possibly ]

[''in hushed voice''; [w:homicide|a homicide...]

Davey Can I sleep past three?!

Whitey If you do, you'll get a "T"!

Davey ]

[[w:urination|Take a whiz in those flowers?!]

Whitey I'll say, "hit the showers

Davey ] with Whitey snatching it from him] Use this horn as a bong?!

[''Slides down stair railings with a [[w:trombone|trombone]

Whitey Adios, ]!

[[w:Tommy Chong|Tommy Chong]

Davey ]?!

[[w:Long-distance calling|Make some long-distance calls]

Whitey ], oops!

[[w:Groin attack|You'll get a kick in the balls]

Davey Can I walk around with ]

[[w:Nocturnal penile tumescence|my morning erection?]

Whitey If you want an automatic ejection, cause that's a technical foul...

Eleanor But I'd like to see it anyway... ...just kidding.

[''Waves a hand down with Davey making a face of revulsion''; ''[[w:Eyebrow flash|Flashes eyebrows]

Davey There are certain rules which apply in one's life with your sister, friends or imaginary wife, I can't believe I haven't killed myself here with wigs McGee and the furry elf they took my wig. I remember the look in their eyes, I guess I'll have to deal with your demands but please don't touch me with your alien hands, I got no right to growl the whistle, she's on the prowl...

Eleanor Without my wig, I look like an owl, hoo-hoo!

Whitey Oh, my God. Don't laugh at her. Or it's (x3) a technical foul...

Narrator I guess Davey will have to make the best of this.

Davey I guess I got to make the best of this.

Narrator See. I told you. But that shouldn't be too hard for him. Even loners need company sometimes.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Concern for Wet Shoes on the Carpet

Eleanor Mister, if you're gonna kill us, will you take off your wet shoes? You're soaking the carpet.

[''Thinks Davey is holding their house up'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Courtroom Chaos and Unusual Requests

Judge Stone, what the heck are we going to do with you? In the past twenty years, I’ve sent you to reform school, the drunk tank, the local psychiatric ward. Not one of those places has made you change an ounce for the better. ‘Cause you used to be a good kid, playing ball for the Jewish Community Center, with the best jump shot this town’s ever seen.

Davey Your honor, I still got a pretty good jump shot. Let me show you. I’d hit a three-pointer, except I’d have to drop my pants and pop a thumb up my boo-boo.

[''Opens the flask''; ''Takes a drink of whiskey, and then jumps very quickly, and not very far'']

Judge Stone, you leave me no choice. I’m gonna really have to crack down hard this time.

Whitey Your honor, if it pleases the court, I’d like to interject for a moment.

[''Chiming in, with his fore head seen a little in the seating area'']

Mr. Chang What the hell was that? Did anybody else hear a parakeet, or am I going crazy?

Whitey No, Mr. Chang. It’s me, Whitey Duvall. And a happy first night of ] to you.

[''Shows himself by stepping out into the aisle with his Cain''; [w:Hanukkah|Chanukah]

Mr. Chang I’m not Jewish.

Whitey Neither am I, but that don’t stop me from enjoying a holiday.

Judge Whitey, we went over this two months ago. It’s your last year of reffing the youth league basketball. You’re turning 70 years old and our insurance company says they won’t cover you anymore.

Whitey Ha, ha. No, no, no. My interjection pertains to the case currently under adjudication. You see, I knew this young man years ago when his moral fiber was still intact.

Judge Whitey, what are you getting at?

Whitey Why not sentence him to be a referee-in-training for the youth league basketball? I’ve seen some pretty rowdy kids turn into perfect gentlemen after spending time on my court.

Judge If that happened with Stone, it would be a miracle.

Whitey Well, it is the holidays and those kinda things have been known to happen this time of year.

Judge Whitey, if you want to work with this punk, then God bless you. But Mr. Stone, what Whitey says goes. And if I hear that you break one law, I will send you to the state penitentiary for no less than 10 years.

Davey Huh?

Judge Happy holidays.

[''Pounds his gavel, adjourning the trial'']

Davey Oh, God.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Mr. Chang Defends Whitey Against Meanness

Mr. Chang How could you all be so mean to Whitey? Sound to me like you are all on ]!

[''When recognition ceremony banquet guests recount abusing Whitey''; [w:crack cocaine|crack]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

The Mall as a Brain Cleanse Destination

Davey Why the hell are we at the mall?

Whitey You need to clean your brain out. And to me, the mall is the best place to do that.

Davey What's good about this place?

Whitey What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, ], will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, ]. Thanks for the combination pogo stick clock radio. I mean, ], ]... ], ]... ] for a cat or two, ] for some fake dog doo... ], ], they're simply the best. And don't forget ] at ]. But if you're short of cash like little old me... The window shopping's always free.

Davey Did you prepare that or did you rhyme that many times in a row by accident?

[''After a song'']

Whitey Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it?

Davey Maybe you are ].

[[w:leprechaun|a leprechaun]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Whitey's Unusual Grooming Routine

Whitey Shaving the chest.

[''In bathroom shaving'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eight Crazy Nights

Playful Banter and Audience Reactions

Davey Foul on this kid for eating everything in sight. Jelly jugs, next time you come on my court, you better wear a bra. Okay?

[''To obese kid'']

Whitey He was just kidding, son. You've got very nice boobs.

Audience Jerk! Idiot!

Davey You don't like that?! How about you throw something at me! I dare you!

Man With pleasure!

Whitey They're scratching up my floor! Here comes a seizure! This will pass in a second, kids. Don't be scared.

Kid Is he break dancing?

Davey Okay, that's it. Game over. Nobody wants to see an old man die. Fatty's team loses because I want to see him cry again.

Whitey I want to talk to you in my office.

Eight Crazy Nights

Davey Stone's Courtroom Warning to Jelly-Jugs

Davey Stone Foul on this kid, for eating everything in sight. Jelly-jugs, the next time you come onto my court, you better wear a bra, okay?

[''Referring to obese boy on basketball court'']

Eight Crazy Nights

A Character's Farewell to the Mayor

Davey Stone Good night, mayor! And the answer to your question is ]. They definitely have ]

[[w:Spencer Gifts|Spencer's gifts; [w:Fursuit|furry underwear!]

Eight Crazy Nights

Encouragement to Utilize Available Resources

Whitey Duvall Your horn works, try the lights!

[''When Davey obnoxiously burps in his face'']

Eight Crazy Nights

Whitey's Call for a Technical Foul

Whitey Duvall Technical foul! Technical foul!

Eight Crazy Nights

Frustration with Life Choices and Comparisons

Davey Stone JENNIFER! JENNIFER! What's the matter with the way I live my life?! Huh, Jennifer?! Where are you?! At home, reading your baby boy a bedtime story, while he sucks his thumb and goes pee-pee on his blanket?! AW, HORSESHIT!

Eight Crazy Nights

Holiday Night Conversations and Mischief

Police officer Hope you're not planning on driving tonight, Stone.

[''Davey walks out intoxicated to his vehicle with his keys out'']

Davey No, officer. I'm just going to say good night to my car, then walk home and enjoy the holiday decorations. Listen, sweetheart. I have to leave you here alone tonight... But don't you worry, I'll be back first thing in the morning. Now, behave yourself, and don't stay up too late. Nighty-night. All right, baby. But let's make this quick. Oh, mama! You like it when I hold you like this?! Because I'll do it all night long! So sweet! Yes, so precious! I love you, car!

[''To vehicle''; ''Starts humping vehicle'']

Mr. Chang He dine and dash me! He chew and screw me! He sip and skip me!

[''Bursts out restaurant'']

Police officer What?

Mr. Chang He no pay for his four scorpion bowl!

[''Davey flees'']

Davey Oh, boy.

Police officer Get him!

Man Come back here, you jerk!

Police officer Somebody stop that guy!

Davey I'm the kind of guy who can't stand a holiday so I drink them all away, that's me, I don't decorate no trees and I won't eat no ] but ’ I'll give this old lady's melons a squeeze that's just who I am, well, I'll never spin ], but I'll always ] and ] for laughs, while you're singing your holiday tunes, I'm acting like the town buffoon, ] and ], I hate folks who think ] are cute, to me they're just something to shoot, I hate love, I hate you, I hate me, well, I'm a snowmobile-stealing no tis-the-season-feeling kind of guy, this time of year sucks, so I take my ] and make sure every snowman dies, ] all wrong, and Hanukkah's eight nights too long, I hate love, I hate you, I hate me...

[''Grabs a trashcan lid and slides down stair railings and surfs through alleys and streets''; [w:latke|potato latkes; [w:[Breast fetishism|squeezes a woman at chest level viewed from behind; ''woman turns around to reveal [[w:Watermelons|actual melons; [w:dreidel|a dreidel; [w:Egging|throw an egg; [w:Charley horse|I'll Charley horse your leg; ''to [[w:Carol (music)|carolers; [w:mooning|whipping out my big, white, scary moon; [w:flatulence|blowing a beef your way; [w:Santa Claus's reindeer|reindeer; ''throws snowballs at deer with a couple and son glaring annoyed''; ''goes into a garage and drives a snowmobile out''; [w:Nunchaku|nun-chucks; ''destroys snowmen along a street''; [w:Santa|believing in Santa's; ''Drives snowmobile crashing into [[w:Ice sculpture|ice statue]

Police officer Coming through.

[''Jostling through crowd on a frozen lake'']

Davey I hate love, I hate you, I hate me...

Crowd Davey Stone, you're nothing but a delinquent!

Eight Crazy Nights

A Moment of Self-Reflection

Davey Stone I should ]

[''To Whitey, after his trailer has been destroyed''; [w:s'more|stick you on a twig and ''roast'' you!]

Eight Crazy Nights

Questioning Gender Identity in Retail Setting

Women's undergarment mall outlet staffer Aren't you a boy?

[''To obese boy trying on a bra''; ''Obese boy runs out sobbing'']

Eight Crazy Nights

Confrontation Over Basketball and Consequences

Davey Thumbelina, there's no kids playing. Why'd you tell me to come?

Whitey I thought you could use a refresher course on b-ball rules and regulations.

Davey You're nuts. I'm going to go pound a few.

Whitey First of all, you booze, you lose. And secondly, if you don't turn around... Officer Sherman over there'll know of the infamous peanut brittle incident.

Davey What's with the dunkin munchkin?

[''Referring to Benjamin'']

Whitey His mom had to do a double shift so I'm watching him till she can get here. Now, both of you cop a squat next to me and let's observe.

Eight Crazy Nights

A Humorous Take on Basketball Skills

Davey Stone Your honor, I still got a pretty good jump shot. Let me show you. ], and then jumps very quickly, and not very far, then court spectators all disapprovingly shake their heads] I’d hit a three-pointer, except I’d have to drop my pants and pop a thumb up my boo-boo.

[''Opens a flask in before courtroom judge''; ''He takes a drink of [[w:whiskey|whiskey]

Eight Crazy Nights

Farewell with Humor and Sarcasm

Davey Stone ] with him in it down a hill] Smell ya later, ].

[''To Whitey after toppling the [[w:Portable toilet|port-a-pottie; [w:popsicle|poopsicle]

Eight Crazy Nights

Motivation Beyond Personal Relationships

Davey Stone I didn't do it for you. I did it for the ladies.

[''To the mayor sarcastically thanking him for destroying the ice sculpture''; ''Does air plank lifting gestures''; ''Women walking by respond incredulously'']

Eight Crazy Nights

A Unique Perspective on Happiness

Whitey Duvall This is the happiest seizure of my life.

[''In a seizure at the end of the film'']

Eight Crazy Nights

Restaurant Records and Unusual Talents

Mr. Chang 4 ] in 5 minutes? That's got to be a restaurant record.

[[w:Scorpion bowl|scorpion bowls]

Davey Well, right now, I'm gonna go for another restaurant record, longest burp.

Mr. Chang Congratulations! Now, please excuse me while I go take shower.

[''Sarcastically'']

Eight Crazy Nights Quotes