Elf Quotes

Santa Listen, some people, they just lose sight of what's important in life. That doesn't mean they can't find their way again, huh? Maybe all they need is just a little Christmas spirit.

Buddy Well, uh, I... I'm good at that.

Santa I know you are.

Papa Elf And I'll... I'll always, uh, I'll always be here for you. Now, uh... Go... uh, get.

Buddy Bye, guys.

Arctic Puffin Bye, buddy. Take care.

Ending credits lyrics Though your nose get a little chilling Buddy... We'll frolic and play buddy... buddy... the Eskimo way, walking in a winter wonderland, in the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say, are you married, we'll say no, man. But you can do the job when you in town, brother. Later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire to face unafraid the plans That we made (walking in a winter wonderland x2) I really can't stay. But, baby, it's cold outside, I've got to go way, but, baby, it's cold outside. This evening has been been hoping that you'd drop in, so very nice. I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice. My mother will start to worry beautiful, what's your hurry? And father will be pacing the floor. Listen to that fireplace roar, so, really, I'd better scurry. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Well, maybe just a half a drink more. Put some records on while I pour. The neighbors might think. Baby, it's bad out there. Say, what's in this drink? No cabs to be had out there. I wish I knew how your eyes are like starlight now. To break the spell. I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell. I ought to say no, no, no, sir. Mind if I move in closer? At least I'm gonna say that I tried. What's the sense of hurting my pride? I really can't stay, baby, don't hold out. Ah, but it's cold outside. I simply must go, but, baby, it's cold outside. The answer is no, but, baby, it's cold outside. This welcome has been, I'm lucky that you dropped in, so nice and warm. Look out the window at that storm, my sister will be suspicious. Gosh, your lips look delicious, my brother will be there at the door. Waves upon tropical shore, my maiden aunt's mind is vicious. Oh, your lips look delicious. Well, maybe just a cigarette more, never such a pleasure before. I've got to get home, but, baby, you'll freeze out there. Say, lend me your comb, it's up to your knees out there. You've really been grand. I thrill when you touch my hand, but don't you see. How can you do this thing to me? There's bound to be talk tomorrow. Think of my lifelong sorrow. At least there will be plenty implied. If you caught ] and died. I really can't stay. Get rid of that hold out. Ah, but it's cold outside

Buddy Hey! What's your name? My name's Buddy. Oh...! Does someone need a hug? Aah, aah! That's not cool! I just wanted a hug!

Jovie Are you enjoying the view?

Buddy You are very good at decorating that tree.

Jovie Why are you messing with me? Did Krumpet put you up to this?

Buddy I'm not messing with you. It's just nice to meet another human who shares my affinity for, elf culture.

Jovie I'm just trying to get through the holidays.

Buddy Get through? Christmas is the greatest day in the whole wide world!

Jovie Please stop talking to me.

Buddy Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.

Jovie No way.

Buddy The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Jovie Thanks, but I don't sing.

Buddy Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.

Jovie I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.

Buddy If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.

Jovie Actually, there's a BIG difference.

Buddy No... no... no, there isn't. Wait... I'm singing I'm in a store and I'm singing I'm in a store and I'm singing!

Gimbel's Manager HEY! There's no singin in the North Pole!

Buddy Yes, there is!

Gimbel's Manager No, there's not.

Buddy We sing all the time!

Gimbel's Manager No, there's not!

Buddy Especially when we make toys! See?

Physician Okay. What have we got here?

Walter Buddy, don't eat those.

Physician We got to really hurry up, Walter, because I'm double-booked for the rest of the afternoon.

Buddy Am I sick?

Walter Yeah, but that's not why we're here. We're here to do a test, come on.

Buddy What kind of test?

Walter It's just a test to find out if you're my son or not.

Buddy Why am I sitting on paper?

Physician Because it's sanitary for the other patients. Now, would you sit still so I can do the finger prick?

Buddy Finger prick! Oh...! It's cold.

Physician Yeah, just please sit still, please?

Buddy Okay, can I listen to your necklace?

Physician No, you can't.

Walter Will you just sit still...?

Buddy Why is there a skeleton over there?

Physician I don't know. Walter, could you please...?

Buddy If I squint, it looks like ].

Physician Could you please have him sit still?

Buddy Does he have a name?

Walter No, he hasn't got a name. I'm sorry, Ben. I am sorry.

Physician I have a lot of sick patients waiting.

Walter Would you please hold still? Please.

Buddy He got mad at me.

Walter Yes, he did. He did. The sooner you sit still, the sooner we can get this mess over with.

Buddy Okay. Then can we eat sugar plums?

Walter You betcha. We'll eat sugar plums, make ], and we'll even ].

Buddy Well, painting eggs, that's Easter. Ow!

Ming Ming Hey, Foom Foom... I hate to do this to you, but you think you could help me pick up the slack on those ]

Foom Foom No problem. I appreciate it.

Ming Ming Buddy is killing me. I already got Lum Lum and Choo Choo pullin doubles.

Foom Foom That was quick thinking yesterday with that “special talents” thing.

Ming Ming I feel bad for the guy. I just hope he doesn't get wise.

Foom Foom Well, if he hasn't figured out he's a human by now, I don't think he ever will.

Buddy I think they're too small.

Ming Ming You're just... special.

Pom Pom You don't look so good, Buddy. Are you okay?

Buddy I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water.

Pom Pom Aah! Buddy...

Gimbel's Manager Psst! Hey, come... come here!

Buddy Me?

Gimbel's Manager Yes! What are you doing down here?! You're not supposed to be down here! You can shop on your break, you don't... come on, get upstairs!

Buddy Okay, I didn't know!

Gimbel's Manager Well You should know!

Buddy Are you mad at me?

Gimbel's Manager No.

Buddy Are you sure?

Gimbel's Manager Yes, I'm sure! Just do your job!

Buddy Okay, fair enough.

Buddy Wow! What's this?

Gimbel's Manager This is the North Pole.

Buddy No, it's not.

Gimbel's Manager Yes, it is.

Buddy No, it's not.

Gimbel's Manager Yes, it is.

Buddy No, it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager Yes, it is.

Buddy No, it's not! Where's the snow?

Gimbel's Manager Why are you smiling like that?

Buddy I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite.

Gimbel's Manager Make work your favorite, okay?

Buddy Okay.

Gimbel's Manager Work is your new favorite.

Buddy Fine.

Gimbel's Manager It's time for an announcement. Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10 am, Santa's comin to town!

Buddy SANTA! OH, MY GOD! Santa, here? I KNOW HIM!

Gimbel's Manager He'll be here to take pictures with all of the children. 10 am tomorrow.

Buddy 10 am tomorrow!

Gimbel's Manager Santa's comin to town.

Papa Elf Buddy, are you okay?

Buddy I'm sorry, Papa. I just need some alone time.

Papa Elf Buddy, I... I think we... we have to talk. Buddy, uh, I think there's something I... I probably should tell you. You probably should have found out a long... A long time ago.

Teacher elf Before we learn how to build the latest in ], let's recite the "Code of the Elves," shall we? Number one; "Treat every day like Christmas." Number two; "There's room for everyone on the nice list." Number three; "The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.

Client So, you really think we should ship em?

Walter No, I think we should take a $30,000 bath so some kid can understand what happened? To a puppy and a frigging pigeon? Ship em. Yeah.

Secretary Deb Mr. Hobbs? It's me on the intercom.

Walter Go ahead.

Secretary Deb Yeah, I think some one sent you a Christmas-gram.

Buddy Dad!

Walter All right, uh, let's get it Over with.

Buddy I walked all day and night to find you.

Walter Uh, you look like you came from the North Pole.

Buddy That's exactly where I came from. Santa must've called you!

Walter Oh, yeah, sure, he, uh... Just got off the cell phone with me.

Buddy You did?!

Walter So, go on. Go on with what? Well, are... are you gonna sing a song or something, or can I just go back to work?

Buddy A song? Uh... yeah. Anything for you, Dad, uh... I... I'm, I'm here with my dad and we never met and he wants me to sing him a song and, um, I was adopted but you didn't know I was born. So, I'm here now, I found you, Daddy and, guess what? I love you, I love you I love you!

Walter Wow, that was weird. You know, usually you guys just uh, you know, Put my name into jingle bells or something.

Buddy It's me, your son. Susan Wells had me, and... And she didn't tell you, and, and, and, but now I'm here... It's me buddy. Susan Wells.

Walter Uh, you said Susan Wells?

Buddy Yes.

Walter Who sent this Christmas-gram?

Buddy What's a Christmas-gram? I want one.

Walter I think we should call security.

Secretary Deb Good idea.

Buddy I like to whisper, too. It's okay, Walter's my father.

Security Officer Well, your dad's busy right now.

Buddy Okay, I'll come back later.

Security Officer Yeah, you know, you're not gonna come back for a while, okay? You're gonna go back to Santa Land.

Buddy Okay.

Security Officer Yeah, why don't you go back to ]?

Buddy ] in New York and notices sign saying "WORLD"S BEST CUP OF COFFEE" and then bursts into the shop] You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to meet you!

Buddy My dad works there?

Papa Elf ].

Papa Elf I then proceeded to tell Buddy of how his father had fallen in love when he was very young with a beautiful girl named Susan Wells, and how Buddy was born and put up for adoption by his mother, and how she had later passed away. I... I told him his father had never even known that Buddy was born, and most importantly, I told him where his father was... uh, in a magical land called New York City.

Jovie ] of hyper decorating the store, he hears Jovie ] in the staff room shower, walks in and sits on the sink shelf and sings along] I really can't stay, I've got to go way, this evening has been, so very nice, my mother will start to worry, and father will be pacing the floor, So, really, I'd better scurry, well, may be just a half a drink more, the neighbors might think baby, it's bad out there, say, what's in this drink? No cabs to be had out there I wish I knew how to break the spell, I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell, I ought to say no, no, no, sir, mind if I move in closer? At least I'm gonna say that I tried, what's the sense of hurting? my pride? I really can't stay, ah, but it's cold outside baby, it's cold outside! Get out! Don't look at me! Get out!

Walter Hey, uh... I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay? I, uh, I got a bunch of stuff to go over.

Emily Are you sure?

Walter I'm... I'm just way behind on a bunch of stuff.

Emily Okay.

Michael Can I eat in my room?

Emily No.

Michael Why not? Dad's eating in his room. I got a bunch of homework to go over, and I'm way behind on a bunch of stuff.

Emily You're eating here.

Department samplist administer Passion fruit spray?

Buddy Fruit spray? Sure.

Department samplist ạdmịṇịster Sorry.

Jovie Hey, you.

Buddy Me?

Jovie Come here. I wanna talk to you.

Buddy What do you wanna talk to me about?

Jovie How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?

Buddy I heard you singing.

Jovie You sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?

Buddy I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?

Jovie They shut my water off. What were you doing here so early?

Buddy Building this.

Jovie You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.

Buddy Really?

Gimbel's Manager Hey, guys. Have you seen the place? It's pretty good. It's a little "too good". Corporate must have sent in a professional. I don't know why somebody's gunning for my job. But look, let's remain a team, okay? Cause if I go, we all go. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." Okay? Six inch ribbon curls, honey.

Jovie But that's impossible.

Gimbel's Manager SIX... inches!

Buddy By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.

Buddy Sorry I can't ride with you the rest of the way up, but this is where my dad works.

Elevator rider Well, have a good day.

Buddy Oh, I forgot to give you a hug.

Secretary Deb Oh, I don't know, Connie, I've never declawed kittens before. How many? Eight? I don't know if I'm gonna have time. Well, all right, just bring em by the camper this week, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not gonna charge you. Just bring em by, and I'll see what I can do. Bye.

Buddy Excuse me. I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs. I'm Buddy the Elf.

Secretary Deb You look hilarious. Who sent you?

Buddy Papa Elf.

Secretary Deb Papa Elf?!

Buddy Mm-hmm. From the North Pole.

Secretary Deb From the North Pole?!

Buddy Yes.

Arctic Puffin Hey, buddy, wanna pick some ]?

Buddy Not now, Arctic Puffin.

Leon Hello, Buddy.

Buddy Oh... hi, Leon.

Leon Why the long face, partner?

Leon Course you're not. You're 6'3" and had a beard since you were 15.

Buddy Papa says my real father lives in a magical place far away. I don't know what to do.

Leon At least you have a daddy. I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold.

Buddy Thing is, I've never even left the ].

Leon Buddy, I've been around the world many times when I was a young cumulonimbus cloud. It's a wonderful place, filled with wondrous creatures... Except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.

Buddy Oh, I know that.

Leon All I'm saying is this might be the golden opportunity to find out who you really are.

Walter A reprint? You know how much that's gonna cost?

Client Two whole pages are missing. The story doesn't make any sense.

Walter What, you think some kid's gonna notice two pages? I mean, they... all they do is look at pictures.

Papa Elf As much as, uh, Buddy was accepted by his family and friends, there were a few drawbacks to being, uh, a human in, uh an elf's world.

Buddy Hey, Ming Ming. Um... I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota.

Ming Ming It's all right, Buddy. Just how many Etch-a-Sketches did you get finished? Come on, Buddy. How many?

Buddy I made, uh... 85.

Ming Ming Eighty-five? That puts you... 915 off the pace.

Female elf Ooh... that's bad.

Buddy Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy maker in the world. I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

Ming Ming No, Buddy, you're not a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. We all just have different talents, that's all.

Buddy Seems like everyone else have the same talents except for me.

Ming Ming You... you have, you have lots of talents, uh... special talents in fact, like um, uh...

Buddy Special talents?

Female elf in blue You changed the batteries in the smoke detector.

Male elf in yellow You sure did... triple-As. And in six months, you'll have to check em again... Won't he?

Male elf in red And you're the only baritone in the elf choir. You bring us down whole octave.

Male elf in orange In a good way.

Ming Ming See, Buddy? You're not a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. You're just... special.

Papa Elf And so, Buddy was sent where the... the special elves work.

Papa Elf Well, I think it's time you start your tinker training.

Buddy Santa's sleigh.

Papa Elf You're gonna help me make it fly.

Buddy I thought the magical reindeer made The sleighs fly.

Papa Elf And where do the reindeer get their magic from?

Buddy ]. Everybody knows that.

Papa Elf Well, silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus.

Buddy What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?

Papa Elf Well, there's a rumor floating around that, uh, that the parents do it.

Buddy That's... that's ridiculous. I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night. What about Santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat them, too?

Papa Elf Yeah, I, uh, I... I know, uh, and every year less and less people believe in Santa Claus. I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands.

Buddy Oh.

Papa Elf I mean, just see how low the, uh Claus meter is.

Buddy That's shocking.

Papa Elf That's why I came up with this little beauty in ].

Buddy Wh- what is it?

Papa Elf It's a Kringle 3000... A 500-reindeer power jet turbine engine. Without it, the sleigh couldn't get more than, uh, a few feet off the ground. Well, it looks like we got a short in the thermo coupler. You wanna give me a hand with that? You want me to help?

Buddy Dad! I knew that you'd come, I love you for coming. Officer Tom, this is my Dad. This is Walter... he came. He bailed me out. They gave me one phone call. And I said," I know who I'm gonna call... Walter Hobbs. And sure enough, you showed up. You did, they said you weren't gonna show up. They told me so many times...

Walter Shh. Just who the heck are you, and what is your problem?

Buddy I'm Buddy. I'm your son.

Walter Wait, um... Tell me, tell me, tell me, uh... Where did you get this picture?

Buddy Papa Elf gave it to me.

Walter Listen... is this some kind a game? What do you want, some money?

Buddy No! I just wanted to meet you, And I thought you might wanna meet me.

Walter Who wouldn't wanna meet you?

Buddy I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, eat cookie dough, go ice skating, and... and maybe even hold hands.

Walter Uh-huh. Come with me.

Buddy Okay.

Nun You're taking the books back?

Walter See, I... I see what you're trying to do here. You're trying to make me feel bad, when, in actuality, you're the one that missed the payments.

Nun But the children love the books.

Walter I know that, uh... you know, I'm the one that ran the focus groups, but I like hearing that.

Santa So, I hear you're going on a little journey to the big city.

Buddy Yup. Ahh. I'm kind a nervous. Leon says New York is pretty different.

Santa Oh, don't pay attention to Leon. He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet. I've been to New York thousands of times.

Buddy Really?

Santa Mm-hmm.

Buddy What's it like?

Santa Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, Leave it there. It's not free candy.

Buddy Oh.

Santa Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original, but the real one's on the ]. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that They're letting you look at presents before Christmas.

Buddy Can't wait to see my dad... we're gonna go ice skating and... and eat sugar plums.

Santa Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You know, Buddy... your father... well... he's on the Naughty List.

Buddy NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Mr. Narwhal Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad.

Buddy Thanks, Mr. Narwhal. Bye.

Papa Elf Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here. About the, uh, the story. Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things You... you didn't know about elves. Another... another interesting, uh, elf-ism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night, while, you know, while the old... the old cobbler sleeps.

Shoe elf Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog.

Papa Elf ] scene] You can bake cookies in a tree.

Elf Hey!

Papa Elf As you can imagine, it's, uh, ]

Baker elf I wanna make shoes!

Papa Elf But the third job... uh, some call it, uh, "The show," or... or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to, and that is to build toys in ].

Supervisor Elf Only two weeks left till Christmas!

Papa Elf It's a job only an elf can do. Our... our nimble fingers, natural cheer, and active minds are perfect for toy-building. They... they tried using ] and ], But the gnomes drank too much... and the trolls weren't toilet trained. No human being has ever set... set foot in Santa's workshop. Uh, that is until about 30 years ago, and, as you may have guessed, that's where our story begins.

Buddy Oh... my finger has a heartbeat.

Girl It won't hurt so much after a while. What's your name?

Buddy Buddy.

Girl I'm Carolyn.

Buddy Hi. What do you want for Christmas?

Girl A Suzy-talks-a-lot.

Buddy I'll put in a good word with the big man.

Girl Thanks. Your costume is pretty.

Buddy Oh, it's not a costume. I'm an elf. Well, technically, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.

Girl Oh, I'm a human raised by humans.

Buddy Hmm. Cool.

Buddy Santa.

Gimbel's Santa Hey! Ho, ho, ho!

Buddy Santa! It's me, Buddy! It's me!

Gimbel's Santa Hey, Buddy. How you doing?

Buddy Santa, it's me! Who the heck are you?

Gimbel's Santa What are you talking about? I'm Santa Claus.

Buddy No, you're not.

Gimbel's Santa Uh... Why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Buddy Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?

Gimbel's Santa Um... Well, "Happy Birthday", of course! Ho, ho, ho! So, uh, how old are you, son?

Paul Four.

Gimbel's Santa You're a big boy. What's your name?

Paul Paul.

Gimbel's Santa And, uh, what can I get you for Christmas?

Buddy Paul, don't tell him what you want. He's a liar.

Gimbel's Santa Let the kid talk.

Buddy You disgust me. How can you live with yourself?

Gimbel's Santa Just cool it, zippy!

Buddy You sit on a throne of lies.

Gimbel's Santa Look, I'm not kidding.

Buddy You're a fake.

Gimbel's Santa I'm a fake?

Buddy Yes.

Gimbel's Santa How'd you like to be dead?! Huh?

Paul Fake.

Gimbel's Santa No, he's kidding.

Buddy You stink.

Gimbel's Santa I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right?

Buddy You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.

Gimbel's Santa Okay.

Buddy HE'S AN IMPOSTER! HE'S NOT SANTA!

Buddy He's a fake! He's a fake! I saw!

Gimbel's Santa Come here! Come here!

Buddy He's a fake!

Gimbel's Santa Where are you goin now? Where are you goin now?

Buddy He's not Santa Claus! He's not Santa!

Rap lyrics ]-esque ] on a table in the mailroom with the whole staff pounding on the table in sync to song beats and fist pumping in unison when Buddy raises his arms]