11 quotes
Unspoken Feelings Amidst Imminent Danger
Dr. Allison Reed
There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
Ira Kane
Well, we're all adults here, and we're all about to die a very horrible death anyway, so?
Reed
I would've rocked your world.
Kane
You already have.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Grading Papers: A Lesson in Standards
Ira Kane
Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end". And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an "A" on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Friends Leads to Tension
Harry Block
Wayne! I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie, tookie" don't work.
Wayne Grey
Right. Sorry. You are so beautiful to me.
[starts singing into the mike]
Ira Kane
Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Block
Uh-uh, stand down. I'm taking this one out myself.
Grey
You are so beautiful to me.
Block
Wayne, would you please stop? You're embarrassing me.
[slightly mutters]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Desperate Plea Against Amputation
Dr. Allison Reed
What do we do?
Dr. Paulson
We might have to amputate.
Nurse Tate
Saw.
Harry Block
Whoa, Doc, don't take my leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
Ira Kane
Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
Nurse Tate
Wait, doctor, look.
Paulson
Ooh. It's headed for his testicles.
[looks in bug inside, crawling]
Block
Take it, take it! Take the leg!!
Reed
Wait, wait, wait!
Block
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Reed
It's going the other way.
Paulson
Alright, give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
Reed
How are you going in?
Paulson
Rectally.
Harry
NOOOO!
[squealing]
Tate
I'll get the lubricant.
Paulson
There's no time for lubricant.
Harry
THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing the First to Snag
Ira Kane
Hey, cool. Snag one.
Harry Block
Snag one?
Kane
Yeah, snag one and put it in the bucket.
Block
I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. You snag it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
End of the World Wishes
Taglines
Have a nice end of the world.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character Introductions in Evolution
Ira Kane
Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry Block
Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
Wayne Grey
Wayne Grey. Did some chemistry in high school.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Alien Threat to Earth's Cheerfulness
Taglines
Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing the Challenge of Alien Encounter
Ira Kane
Let's shampoo us some aliens!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Courtroom Banter and Unexpected Humor
Harry Block
Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, didn't you?
Ira Kane
Were you even in that courtroom?
Block
Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
Kane
Oh, we've been hit!
[upon discovering that their lab's been ransacked]
Block
Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Character's Innuendo on Relationships
Harry Block
All she needs is a good humping. Oh Ira! I-i-i-i-ra...OOOH IRA!
[during the second expedition to the meteorite cavern, to Ira about Dr. Reed; mocks Reed while "demonstrating" sex]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.