18 quotes
Inquiry About Ferris Bueller's Absence
Economics Teacher
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
[takes attendance]
Simone
Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Teacher
Thank you, Simone.
Simone
No problem whatsoever.
Teacher
Frye? Frye? Frye?
[continues with attendance]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Belief in Self Over Ideologies
Ferris Bueller
It's not that I condone fascism or any ism for that matter. Ism's, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote ]: I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me. A good point there. After all, he was ]. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
[[John Lennon; [w:I Am the Walrus|the walrus]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life Moves
Ferris
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Cameron's Need for Relaxation and Growth
Ferris Bueller
If anybody needs a day off it's Cameron. He's got a lotta things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound up this tight and go to college. His roommate'll kill him. Pardon my French, but Cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in 2 weeks, you'd have a diamond.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Temptation of Freedom and Adventure
Ferris
If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.
[to the home audience; beat]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Journey to Embrace Relaxation
Taglines
One Man's Struggle to Take It Easy
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Over Ferris Bueller's Absence
Rooney
Dead grandmother?
[After hearing Sloane's grandmother has passed away]
Grace
Yes, that's what Mr. Peterson said. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane, poor little lamb.
Rooney
Who's this girl going out with?
[Growing skeptical]
Grace
Oh it's so hard to tell these days. I do see her with Ferris Bueller quite a little bit.
Rooney
Would you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number, please?
Grace
Sure. Ed Rooney's office.
[picks up ringing phone]
Ferris
Hiya, Mr. Rooney, how ya doin? Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I'm not feeling very well today and I was wondering if it might be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I might need. Have a nice day.
[Over the phone; Hangs up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Taking Time to Reflect
Ferris Bueller
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean really, what's the point. I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace the Joy of Leisure Time
Taglines
Leisure Rules
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Appreciating Life's Moments
Ferris Bueller
Yep. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
[after he barely gets back in bed, and his parents leave the room]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Calculating Mileage During a Joyride
Ferris
Hey, Cameron?
[after inspecting the dashboard of the car]
Cameron
Yeah?
Ferris
How many miles did you say this thing had on it when we left?
Cameron
126 and halfway between three and 4/10. Why? How many miles are on it now?
Ferris
Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Friends
Ferris
Where's your brain!?
Cameron
Why'd you kick me!?
Ferris
Where's your brain!?
Cameron
Why'd you kick me?
Ferris
Where's your brain?
Cameron
I asked you first.
Ferris
How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron
I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris
And I, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron
You hit me. Look, don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney!? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.
[Ferris makes a mocking face]
Ferris
No, no, I did not. I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings
Cameron
Oh, really? Really?
Ferris
No, no, I didn't.
Ferris
What are you doing?
Cameron
See you later, pal. I'm going home.
Ferris
Oh, come on, come on, don't do that.
Cameron
Have a nice life.
Ferris
Oh, Cameron, wait a minute. Come back. I didn't mean to lose my temper. I'm sorry, it was uncalled for.
Cameron
You serious?
Ferris
Yeah. Here you go.
[Hands him a cup of tea]
Cameron
Thank you.
Ferris
You did screw up though, right? I mean, not that it was completely your fault.
Cameron
Why?
Ferris
Well, to fix the situation, I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call to Leave and Move On
Ferris Bueller
You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.
[last line; in post-credits scene; to home audience; after emerging from his bedroom; walks back to his bedroom; shoos audience away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mastering the Art of Faking Illness
Ferris Bueller
They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I'd better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
[after his parents have left, thinking he is ill]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Plea for Help and Protection
Jeanie Bueller
Look, this is not a phony phone call. There is an intruder, male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird, in my kitchen. My name's Bueller. Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better, but I'm in danger. Okay? I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed! All right?! I need help! Speak any English?! DICK HEAD!
[on the phone after her encounter with Rooney; pause; pause again; hangs up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apologies and Tensions in a Difficult Moment
Rooney
Mr. Peterson? Uh, you know, I-I- think I owe you an apology , sir.
[Cameron clears his throat gruffly, imitating Mr. Peterson]
Cameron
Well I should say you do!
Rooney
I uh, I-I-I-
Cameron
Well I think you should be sorry for Christ sake! A family member dies, and you insult me! What the hell is that matter with you, anyway!?
Rooney
I-I-I-, uh. I-I- really don't know, sir, I didn't think I was talking to you, I thought I was talking to somebody else. You know that I would never deliberately insult you like that. I-I- can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am.
[Stammering]
Cameron
Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Asshole!
Rooney
Uh, you're absolutely right, sir, you've hit the nail right on the head. Find out where she is!
[To Grace in a loud whisper]
Cameron
This isn't over yet, buster, do you read me?
Cameron
Call me "sir", Goddamit!
Rooney
Uh, yes, yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Cameron
That's better. You just mind you Ps and Qs, buster, and remember who you're dealing with.
Ferris
Bueller, Ferris Bueller.
[Walks in to the kitchen in a suit and tie doing a James Bond impression]
Cameron
Now, I-I'm a little scared because what if he recognizes my voice?
[To Ferris in normal voice, covering the phone]
Ferris
Impossible. You're doing great.
Cameron
Yeah?
Cameron
Rooney?
[On the phone disguising his voice again]
Cameron
Rooney! Calm down!
Grace
Uh, just a moment, uh.. Ed! Ed!
[Imitating Rooney; To Rooney in a loud whisper]
Rooney
Uh, just a little office difficulty, sir.
[Taking the phone from Grace]
Cameron
Rooney, I don't have all day to bark at you so I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I want my daughter out in front of the school in 10 minutes, by herself. I don't want anybody-
[Ferris smacks him]
Cameron
What?
[To Ferris in normal voice]
Ferris
It's too suspicious, he'll think something's up. Cover it.
Cameron
You!
Ferris
Talk!
Cameron
Come on!
Ferris
Talk! Go!
Cameron
Rooney! Listen here, pay attention! I changed my mind; I want you out in front of the school with her, I'd like to have a few words with you, by God!
[Disguising his voice on the phone again]
Cameron
On second thought, we don't have time to talk right now, we'll get together soon and we'll have lunch. Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?
[Picks the phone up from the floor; Ferris kicks him as he hangs up the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love and Respect in Relationships
Ferris Bueller
Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Realization of Truth in Jeanie's Words
Jeanie Bueller
I KNEW IT!!!
[discovers that Ferris has been faking being sick and sneaking out of the house by finding a mannequin in his bed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.