Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) - Quotes

Taglines: Leisure Rules

Taglines: One Man's Struggle to Take It Easy

Ferris: [after inspecting the dashboard of the car] Hey, Cameron?

Cameron: Yeah?

Ferris: How many miles did you say this thing had on it when we left?

Cameron: 126 and halfway between three and 4/10. Why? How many miles are on it now?

Ferris: Here's where Cameron goes berserk.

Ferris: [to the home audience; beat] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.

Ferris: Where's your brain!?

Cameron: Why'd you kick me!?

Ferris: Where's your brain!?

Cameron: Why'd you kick me?

Ferris: Where's your brain?

Cameron: I asked you first.

Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?

Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.

Ferris: And I, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.

Cameron: [Ferris makes a mocking face] You hit me. Look, don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney!? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

Ferris: No, no, I did not. I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings

Cameron: Oh, really? Really?

Ferris: No, no, I didn't.

Ferris: What are you doing?

Cameron: See you later, pal. I'm going home.

Ferris: Oh, come on, come on, don't do that.

Cameron: Have a nice life.

Ferris: Oh, Cameron, wait a minute. Come back. I didn't mean to lose my temper. I'm sorry, it was uncalled for.

Cameron: You serious?

Ferris: [Hands him a cup of tea] Yeah. Here you go.

Cameron: Thank you.

Ferris: You did screw up though, right? I mean, not that it was completely your fault.

Cameron: Why?

Ferris: Well, to fix the situation, I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor.

Rooney: [Cameron clears his throat gruffly, imitating Mr. Peterson] Mr. Peterson? Uh, you know, I-I- think I owe you an apology , sir.

Cameron: Well I should say you do!

Rooney: I uh, I-I-I-

Cameron: Well I think you should be sorry for Christ sake! A family member dies, and you insult me! What the hell is that matter with you, anyway!?

Rooney: [Stammering] I-I-I-, uh. I-I- really don't know, sir, I didn't think I was talking to you, I thought I was talking to somebody else. You know that I would never deliberately insult you like that. I-I- can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am.

Cameron: Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Asshole!

Rooney: [To Grace in a loud whisper] Uh, you're absolutely right, sir, you've hit the nail right on the head. Find out where she is!

Cameron: This isn't over yet, buster, do you read me?

Cameron: Call me "sir", Goddamit!

Rooney: Uh, yes, yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Cameron: That's better. You just mind you Ps and Qs, buster, and remember who you're dealing with.

Ferris: [Walks in to the kitchen in a suit and tie doing a James Bond impression] Bueller, Ferris Bueller.

Cameron: [To Ferris in normal voice, covering the phone] Now, I-I'm a little scared because what if he recognizes my voice?

Ferris: Impossible. You're doing great.

Cameron: Yeah?

Cameron: [On the phone disguising his voice again] Rooney?

Cameron: Rooney! Calm down!

Grace: [Imitating Rooney; To Rooney in a loud whisper] Uh, just a moment, uh.. Ed! Ed!

Rooney: [Taking the phone from Grace] Uh, just a little office difficulty, sir.

Cameron: [Ferris smacks him] Rooney, I don't have all day to bark at you so I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I want my daughter out in front of the school in 10 minutes, by herself. I don't want anybody-

Cameron: [To Ferris in normal voice] What?

Ferris: It's too suspicious, he'll think something's up. Cover it.

Cameron: You!

Ferris: Talk!

Cameron: Come on!

Ferris: Talk! Go!

Cameron: [Disguising his voice on the phone again] Rooney! Listen here, pay attention! I changed my mind; I want you out in front of the school with her, I'd like to have a few words with you, by God!

Cameron: [Picks the phone up from the floor; Ferris kicks him as he hangs up the phone] On second thought, we don't have time to talk right now, we'll get together soon and we'll have lunch. Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?

Rooney: [After hearing Sloane's grandmother has passed away] Dead grandmother?

Grace: Yes, that's what Mr. Peterson said. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane, poor little lamb.

Rooney: [Growing skeptical] Who's this girl going out with?

Grace: Oh it's so hard to tell these days. I do see her with Ferris Bueller quite a little bit.

Rooney: Would you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number, please?

Grace: [picks up ringing phone] Sure. Ed Rooney's office.

Ferris: [Over the phone; Hangs up] Hiya, Mr. Rooney, how ya doin? Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I'm not feeling very well today and I was wondering if it might be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I might need. Have a nice day.

Economics Teacher: [takes attendance] Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

Teacher: Thank you, Simone.

Simone: No problem whatsoever.

Teacher: [continues with attendance] Frye? Frye? Frye?

Jeanie Bueller: [discovers that Ferris has been faking being sick and sneaking out of the house by finding a mannequin in his bed] I KNEW IT!!!

Jeanie Bueller: [on the phone after her encounter with Rooney; pause; pause again; hangs up] Look, this is not a phony phone call. There is an intruder, male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird, in my kitchen. My name's Bueller. Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better, but I'm in danger. Okay? I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed! All right?! I need help! Speak any English?! DICK HEAD!

Ferris Bueller: [last line; in post-credits scene; to home audience; after emerging from his bedroom; walks back to his bedroom; shoos audience away] You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.

Ferris Bueller: [after he barely gets back in bed, and his parents leave the room] Yep. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller: Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

Ferris Bueller: If anybody needs a day off it's Cameron. He's got a lotta things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound up this tight and go to college. His roommate'll kill him. Pardon my French, but Cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in 2 weeks, you'd have a diamond.

Ferris Bueller: [[John Lennon; [w:I Am the Walrus|the walrus] It's not that I condone fascism or any ism for that matter. Ism's, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote ]: I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me. A good point there. After all, he was ]. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Ferris Bueller: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean really, what's the point. I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Ferris Bueller: [after his parents have left, thinking he is ill] They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I'd better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.