12 quotes
Confusion Over a Broken Relationship
Ted
You broke up with "B.J. Betty"?
Jimmy
So to speak. And would you lay off her? She's alright!
Ted
I'll say she's alright. That girl wanted to be treated right! You should have treated her right!
Jimmy
I did! I treated her right! I treated her right, that's what's driving me so crazy. I mean first she would tell me to call because she had something else she needed to do. Then she wouldn't even take my calls! I mean, can you figure that? What the hell happened?
Ted
Let me put this into the old computer.
Jimmy
No, Ted, I'm serious about this.
Ted
Hey, the computer didn't lie.
[Imitates using a computer, pauses, then smiles]
Jimmy
What?
Ted
It says... it says you're dead.
Jimmy
What? Dead?
Ted
Lousy, you know. A moron.
[limps his wrist]
Jimmy
Oh! Don't hold back on me, Doc, give it to me straight!
Ted
I did not say it; the computer did!
Jimmy
Yeah, well there is no computer!
Ted
Aha! And there's no Betty, either.
Jimmy
And I'm dead?
Ted
Like I said, the computer don't lie.
Jimmy
Man, I'm beat...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jason's Unlucky Day: Friday, April 13
Taglines
Friday April 13 is Jason's Unlucky Day
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Insanity and Departure
Morgan
You better get that thing in the icebox! I must be nuts! I must...! Good night, Axel.
Axel
Hey, hey. Where do you think you're going?
[Nurse Morgan starts to leave]
Morgan
I'll tell you where I think I'm going! I think I'm going crazy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Humor in a Dark Moment
Jimmy
He thinks that's funny. He thinks that's a funny thing he's doing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jason Encounters His Ultimate Adversary
Taglines
Jason Meets His Match (Deluxe Edition DVD)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating Jason's Survival and Impact
Rob Dier
My sister, Sandra, was just a really great kid. She and Jeffrey Dunsberry were very close.
Trish Jarvis
But the man that killed your sister and her boyfriend is dead.
Rob
No, he's alive. Look. Jason as a child, right? Artist's conception of Jason as described by a would-be victim, right? And then the murders.
Trish
But he's dead.
Rob
Jason's body disappeared from the morgue.
Trish
It was stolen.
Rob
It was not stolen! Two people at the hospital are missing! A coincidence? I'm telling you, he's alive.
Trish
Oh, my God! Tommy's at the house!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Love and Rejection
Jimmy
Ted, I think... I think when we get to town, I should call Betty.
Ted
Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dumb thing to do. Look, first rule of love: never get rejected by the same girl twice, I mean that's useless. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.
Jimmy
I don't know anyone new.
Ted
Well, love is a great way to meet them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Experience the Ultimate Terror and Horror
Taglines
Three Times Before You Have Felt The Terror, Known The Madness, Lived The Horror. But This Is The One You've Been Screaming For.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Super Bowl of Self-Abuse Comment
Morgan
Axel, you are the Super Bowl of self-abuse!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Promise of Thrills and Chills
Taglines
This is the one you'll be dying for...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identification of the Murderer Confirmed
TV Announcer
...still awaiting identification of the body. The perpetrator's body.
Jamison
But to answer your question, yes, the man responsible for the murders in Wessex County this past week is at this moment in the Wessex County Medical Center morgue.
[on TV news]
Morgan
Yayyy!!!!
TV Announer
...Thank you Officer Davidson. Let's welcome...
Axel
Hey, that's you they're talking about on TV, pal.
[to Jason's body]
Morgan
I don't believe you, Axel!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jason Returns in a Thrilling Finale
Taglines
Jason's Back, and this is the one you've been screaming for.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.