Good Burger (1997) - Quotes

Dex: [about Monique] How can I not like her? She smart, fun, beautiful, and cuddly.

Roxanne: You are so hot.

Ed: Oh, well, I often sweat at work.

Dex: [Ed gives him a yo-yo] What is this?

Ed: It's a yo-yo. I bought it with the 13 dollars you gave me. It lights up and flickers and everything, just like the one your dad gave you.

Dex: Why'd you get this for me?

Ed: Cause we're buds!

Ed: [about Kurt] I think he likes me.

Dex: Ed! That diphthong doesn't like you, he just wants to use you!

Ed: Well, that's not natural.

Kurt: I want you to come work for me at Mondo Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.

Ed: Who's Kurt?

Kurt: I'm Kurt!

Ed: I'm Ed.

Kurt: I'm aware!

Ed: You said you were Kurt.

Kurt: Can I give you a lift, Ed?

Ed: Gee, I don't know dude. I weigh about 150.

Dex: You know...I don't even remember what my dad looks like.

Ed: I don't remember what my dad looks like, either, but at least I get to see him every day.

Kurt: [upon seeing Good Burger becoming a huge success] Unbelievable. Two days ago, we had Good Burger CRUSHED! Now look at them.

Troy: [eating a Good Burger] I think it's the sauce, boss.

Kurt: [walks over to Troy, and headbutts him; to Griffin] DUH! I know that! You think Kurt's stupid?

Deedee: Ed! There must be 50 customers out there! It's unbelievable! What do you put in that sauce?

Ed: [Dex, freaking out, tackles him to the ground] Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup- Um, look, Dex, I like you as a friend and all, but it might...

Dex: No! Listen to me carefully.

Ed: Okay.

Dex: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.

Ed: Oh. Well, first you start off with a little lemon juice...

Dex: Stop it! Stop talking!

Ed: Oh.

Dex: Never tell anyone the ingredients of your sauce.

Ed: Why?

Dex: You want to save Good Burger, don't you?

Ed: Oh, yeah. Good Burger's my life.

Dex: Well, then, you got to keep your sauce recipe a secret. All right?

Ed: Okay.

Dex: All right.

Ed: Um, Dex?

Dex: Hmm?

Ed: You're squishing my pancreas.

Dex: [gets up] Sorry.

Ed: [also gets up] Thanks.

Dex: If we put this sauce on all the Good Burgers, then everyone will want to eat here! We'll knock Mondo Burger right off the map!

Ed: WHEE! That's great!

Mr. Baily: [excited] Ed, get in that kitchen and start making sauce!

Ed: [stands up; runs to the kitchen] Yippy skippy! It shall be done!

Mr. Baily: [as the employees continue clamoring with laughter] Gimme another French fry! Good Burger's back in business!

Mr. Wheat: [arrives at Good Burger] Ah, Mr. Reed. Hard at work as usual.

Dex: I'm having my lunch.

Mr. Wheat: [gives him the receipt] Well, I just got my car from the body shop and I've got to admit: It is new. Here's the receipt.

Dex: [eyes widen] 2500 dollars? No! The estimate was only for 1900.

Mr. Wheat: [chuckles; leaves] Well, that, my young brother, is why they call it an estimate. Close to, kind of, could be. And I'll meet you in about 2 and a half monthy to get me my money. Now you have a good day at work. I'm going to have lunch at Mondo Burger. Home of the big booty burger.

Ed: [sits with Dex during lunch] Mind if I sit here?

Dex: [still angry] Yes, I do mind.

Ed: Thanks.

Dex: Wh-Wh-What are you doing?

Ed: Eating my lunch.

Dex: I told you not to sit here. I don't like you. Can you get that through your head?

Ed: [pokes his head with his fries] I can try. Nope.

Dex: I'm gonna have to spell this out to you. I don't wanna sit by you. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna smell you. I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't even wanna use words with the letter "U"!

Ed: [with 2 grapes up his nose] Look! I'm Grape Nose Boy! Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

Dex: Stop that.

Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

Dex: Would you stop?

Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

Dexter: [then laughs] That ain't funny!

Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...Made ya laugh!

Dex: So...Oh, I give up.

Dex: Stuff. Ha, ha, ha.

Ed: [rolling on his skates] Hey, Dex. Want to hang out tonight?

Dex: [before he realizes that Ed is the one who was a roller-blading and delivery blades right in front of Dex which caused his accident, when Ed accidentally pushed Otis over, and breaks his pelvis; angrily points at Ed] I don't know, but - Hey Ed, you better be careful. You!

Ed: [turns around and looked at Dexter] Me?

Dex: Now I know where I saw you before. You're the roller-blading nut that caused my accident!

Ed: Uh...no?

Dex: You're the reason why I owe 1,900 bucks! You're the reason my mom found out I was driving without a license! And you cost me a fortune! You wrecked my summer, man. You ruined my life.

Ed: So, you don't want to hang out tonight?

Dex: No. I don't want to hang out with you...ever.

Otis: [to Dexter] Do you think you can get me to a hospital? I think I broke my butt.

Dex: [to Otis; to Ed] Come on, Otis. Get out of the way.

Dex: So, Monique. What are you going to do tonight after you lock up?

Monique: I thought I'd go home.

Dex: Home? Why?

Monique: Well...that's where my stuff is.

Kurt: [laughs along with his friends] Hey check it, boys. Right back there. It's the reject.

Dex: [sarcastically] Hey check it, Ed. It's the Mondo idiot.

Ed: Oh, well, nice to meet you Mondo Idiot. I'm Ed.

Dex: That was a stop sign!

Ed: Uh...no?

Dex: [whines] Aw, man!

Dex: Hello. My name is Dexter. I'm your new co-worker.

Monique: [smiling] Monique.

Dex: Well, that's a nice outfit you got on there, Monique. And those stripes really bring out the color in your eyes.

Monique: [sarcastically] Yes. You can imagine how embarrassed I was when I came to work and saw everyone wearing the same thing.

Dex: [laughs uneasily] Okay. I guess I'll see you later then.

Monique: [walks off] I guess you will.

Ed: [after Dexter gets the job at Good Burger] Cool! I'll teach him everything I know!

Mr. Baily: [groans] Oh, help me.

Otis: I should've died years ago.

Dex: Tough break.

Ed: Hey, Mr. Baily! This guy needs a job. Can he have one?

Mr. Baily: No!

Dex: See ya.

Ed: Wait, wait, wait! C'mon, Mr. Baily, he really needs one. He can do fries.

Mr. Baily: Otis does fries.

Ed: Yeah, but look at him. How much longer could he possibly live?

Dex: Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere?

Ed: Ever been to Australia?

Dex: No.

Ed: Me neither.

Dex: I've could've sworn I've seen you someplace before.

Ed: Hey, I know! Maybe I'm someone famous! You know, like a baseball player or a pretty nurse!

Dex: What? Man, what in the world are you talking about?

Ed: Okay, okay. I give up. Who am I?

Dex: Man, I don't know who you are. Or where I know you from. Or why you think you're an attractive nurse, but I am sure I don't wanna know you any longer. Now, please go away, I've had a very bad day.

Ed: What's wrong? Were you bitten by a sheep?

Dex: [confused] What?

Ed: Did you lose your trousers?

Dex: [looks downcast] Look, you're an unusually bad guesser, so I'll tell you. I need to come up with 1,900 dollars to fix some stranger's car, another 800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me.

Ed: Boy, you must really suck.

Dex: See right about now I'd slap you in your head, but I'm not sure if your brain would understand the concept of pain.

Ed: [oblivious] Hey! Wanna see my belly button?

Customer: [motioning to Ed] Excuse me! Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it!

Ed: That's what I gave you.

Customer: No, you gave me a bun. Just a bun. Look, there's no meat in here.

Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.

Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!

Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said nothing. Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?

Fizz: Uh, something?

Ed: [raises arm in the air] I win!

Customer: All right, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!

Ed: The manager already knows my name.

Customer: [storms out] Oh, I'll see you in Hell.

Ed: Okay, see ya there!

Kurt: [addressing employees] People, I'm fully stoked about being in charge of every single one of you. Within 2 years, Mondo Burger's going to be the biggest burger chain on this planet. Oh, yeah. First we got to beat out our big competition across the street, Good Burger. From now on, your life is Mondo Burger. You can forget about your friends, you can forget about your family...because Kurt is now both your mother and your father.

Dex: [whispering to a female co-worker] Kurt must look awfully strange naked.

Kurt: Who said that? Who talked while Kurt was talking?

Griffin: [points to Dexter] It was him! He uttered something.

Kurt: [moves closer to the stunned Dexter] Why, I should've known.

Dex: Uh, I'm sorry I uttered.

Kurt: You think you're funny, don't you, bro? You know what? At Mondo Burger, there are no comedians. You mess with Kurt and you go into the grinder.

Dex: Okay, now this grinder of yours, is it a real grinder or is it some kind of a metaphor?

Kurt: That's it, you're gone! Adios, TKO, historical!

Dex: Wait, wait, wait. I won't be funny no more.

Kurt: Security!

Dex: Wait! You ain't gotta bring the man down here! Kurt, come on, please! I need this job!

Kurt: Take out the trash!

Dex: [offended; the guards grab him] Trash?" Okay, now lookee here-

Kurt: Get this loser out of my face!

Dex: Loser"?! Oh, now you're about to push me a little too far!

Kurt: You want a piece of me?

Dex: Yeah! Extra crispy please!

Kurt: [blows whistle] Shut up! Just be quiet!

Dex: Well, It'd be a lot more quiet if you stopped blowing the whistle.

Ed: But I don't do deliveries, sir.

Mr. Baily: Well, you're doing them for now. I fired O'Malley.

Ed: Why?

Mr. Baily: Because the boy showed up for work without his pants!

Jake: Nice car. This yours?

Dex: No. It's my mom's, and she's away on business in New York.

Jake: And she lets you drive this while she's out of town?

Dex: [speeds off] Nope.

Mr. Wheat: What's your hurry, my brother?

Dex: Uh, my hurry is it's now officially summer vacation, and yet I'm still looking at you.

Mr. Wheat: You're an amazing student. I mean, you sit there and get your test done first, and you were concentrating so hard I thought you were asleep.

Dex: Next time, make it more challenging.

Mr. Wheat: That's what I want to talk to you about. Challenges, potential, using your mind. Cause I'm worried about you.

Dex: I'm worried about you, too. Have you seen yourself lately? The fro, the boots, and this jacket...You have a nice summer, Shaft!

Mr. Baily: [about Mondo Burger] They're competition. Big competition.

Monique: Yep. They could put us out of business.

Mr. Baily: [looks at Ed] All right! Now, come on! Good Burger has been here for over 40 years! People love us! Most of us. And no one's putting Good Burger out of business!

Ed: Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?

Construction Worker: Well, it's about time. Can I get two Good Burgers?

Ed: Sorry, dude. I have to go get them. Customers aren't allowed in the back.

Construction Worker: [irritated] Just give me two Good Burgers!

Ed: Dude, I can't just give you two Good Burgers, you have to pay for em!

Construction Worker: [leaves] Forget it! Forget it! I've had it up to here with Good Burger! I can't wait for Mondo Burger to open.

Fizz: Nobody's ever abbreviated my name before. I love that!

Otis: [after eating French fries with Ed's sauce on it] It makes me glad I'm not dead.

Attendant: [after Ed has released a deranged man from his straight jacket] Goodness gracious! He's killing Sydney!

Kurt Bozwell: [repeated line] You mess with Kurt, and you go into the grinder.

Ed: [repeated line, always sung] I'm a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. We're all dudes, hey!

Ed: [first, repeated, and last line] Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?