Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) - Quotes

Harold Lee: Fuck!

Kumar Patel: I don't wanna die!

Harold Lee: Kumar!

Kumar Patel: What?!

Harold Lee: I have the parachute! Come over here!

Kumar Patel: How the fuck am I supposed to do that?!

Harold Lee: Swim!

Kumar Patel: Holy shit! It's fucking working!

Kumar Patel: I love you, dude!

Kumar Patel: Oh, shit!

Harold Lee: Don't worry about him! I have an idea!

Kumar Patel: What?!

Ron Fox: [While falling to his death] FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!

Ron Fox: [Turns around and sees Harold and Kumar getting ready to jump out of the cargo plane; Stands up and throws down the empty malt ball carton in rage, then pulls out a revolver and points it at Harold and Kumar] Derek, can I get another water–? WHAT THE FUCK?! Keep your hands up!

Harold Lee: Please don't shoot!

Kumar Patel: Jesus Christ!

Harold Lee: Please don't shoot!

Kumar Patel: Okay, okay!

Ron Fox: It will be a cold day in hell before I let you hijack this plane.

Ron Fox: [Takes off his headphones and throws them down on the floor] Beecher, what are you doing? Huh? Whose side are you on? I thought I told to stay in the cockpit!

John Beecher: [Enraged; To Harold and Kumar] Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart, you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent, but you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid! WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!! It's okay, guys. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be alright–

Old Lady: [Sees Kumar is smoking a homemade bong] T-T-T-TERRORIST!

Harold: No, ma'am. He's not a terrorist, he's just an idiot.

Kumar: This is just a bong.

Male Passenger: He said he's got a bomb!

Male Passenger 1: He's gonna blow up the plane!

Kumar: It's not a bomb, it's just a bong.

Businessman: Poison gas!

Marshal: [To Kumar] You picked the wrong plane, you terrorist fuck!

Harold: Hey! Hey what are you doing!

Marshal: There are three, air marshals on board, three!

Kumar: We are not terrorists sir! That's a bong, not a bomb!

Marshal: Shut up!

Marshal 2: [''Draws Pistol''] I got this one!

Harold: Ow! I'm in great amount of pain, sir!

Marshal: Everybody relax. Just calm down everything's under control! Tell them to turn the plane around; these two assholes are going back to the US!

Grand Wizard: What in the nigger was that?

Dr. John Beecher: [Last words] It's okay, guys. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be alright–

Dr. John Beecher: Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart, you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent, but you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid! WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!

Ron Fox: [Last words] FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!

Ron Fox: [Sees Harold and Kumar getting ready to jump out of the cargo plane] Derek, could I get another water– WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ron Fox: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Zip it, Hello Kitty, okay? I know your operation's funded through drugs.

Ron Fox: [Seeing Harold and Kumar in custody] North Korea and Al Qaeda working together. This is bigger than I thought.

Vanessa Fanning: You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and, like, stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?

Kumar Patel: You guys wanna know something real fucked up and awesome that I did? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!

Kumar Patel: His dick smells like shit dude!

Kumar Patel: Dude, this chick is giving me such a boner. Its awesome!

Kumar Patel: You fucking pissed on me, you racist fuck!

Kumar Patel: Its not a bomb, its a bong

Kumar Patel: Ugh, smells like burnt asshole.

Kumar Patel: Meet the smokeless bong

Kumar Patel: Dude, whats a blumpkin?

Kumar Patel: [Reciting the poem 'The Square Root of 3'] I fear that I will always be / A lonely number like root three / A three is all that's good and right, / Why must my three keep out of sight / Beneath a vicious square root sign, / I wish instead I were a nine / For nine could thwart this evil trick, / with just some quick arithmetic / I know I'll never see the sum, as 1.7321 / Such is my reality, a sad irrationality / When hark! What is this I see, / Another square root of a three / Has quietly come waltzing by, / Together now we multiply / To form a number we prefer, / Rejoicing as an integer / We break free from our mortal bonds / And with a wave of magic wands / Our square root signs become unglued / And love for me has been renewed.

Harold Lee: Jesus, Kumar. I don't like it so much.

Harold Lee: [Dressed in KKK clothes after coming to a KKK barbeque and was asked to say 1 racist thing you did in the week] I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.

Harold Lee: Oh, yeah! Yeah, it's sweet! Cuz we're fugitives. Driving a yellow convertible with the top down, dressed like assholes!

Harold Lee: Watch out for cheetahs! This is cheetah turf!

Harold Lee: [Discovers that Kumar has brought weed on the airplane] You brought weed on the fucking airplane?!