25 quotes
Airport Surprise: Unexpected Baggage Encounter
Harold Lee
You brought weed on the fucking airplane?!
[Discovers that Kumar has brought weed on the airplane]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kumar's Inquiry About a Blumpkin
Kumar Patel
Dude, whats a blumpkin?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Panic in a Life-or-Death Situation
Harold Lee
Fuck!
Kumar Patel
I don't wanna die!
Harold Lee
Kumar!
Kumar Patel
What?!
Harold Lee
I have the parachute! Come over here!
Kumar Patel
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?!
Harold Lee
Swim!
Kumar Patel
Holy shit! It's fucking working!
Kumar Patel
I love you, dude!
Kumar Patel
Oh, shit!
Harold Lee
Don't worry about him! I have an idea!
Kumar Patel
What?!
Ron Fox
FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!
[While falling to his death]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions to Attraction
Kumar Patel
Dude, this chick is giving me such a boner. Its awesome!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fugitive Reflections in a Convertible
Harold Lee
Oh, yeah! Yeah, it's sweet! Cuz we're fugitives. Driving a yellow convertible with the top down, dressed like assholes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Lead to Chaos on a Flight
Old Lady
T-T-T-TERRORIST!
[Sees Kumar is smoking a homemade bong]
Harold
No, ma'am. He's not a terrorist, he's just an idiot.
Kumar
This is just a bong.
Male Passenger
He said he's got a bomb!
Male Passenger 1
He's gonna blow up the plane!
Kumar
It's not a bomb, it's just a bong.
Businessman
Poison gas!
Marshal
You picked the wrong plane, you terrorist fuck!
[To Kumar]
Harold
Hey! Hey what are you doing!
Marshal
There are three, air marshals on board, three!
Kumar
We are not terrorists sir! That's a bong, not a bomb!
Marshal
Shut up!
Marshal 2
I got this one!
[''Draws Pistol'']
Harold
Ow! I'm in great amount of pain, sir!
Marshal
Everybody relax. Just calm down everything's under control! Tell them to turn the plane around; these two assholes are going back to the US!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Caution in Cheetah Territory
Harold Lee
Watch out for cheetahs! This is cheetah turf!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Memorable Monkey Mischief Incident
Vanessa Fanning
You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and, like, stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kumar's Disturbing Toothbrush Confession
Kumar Patel
You guys wanna know something real fucked up and awesome that I did? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expression of Anger and Frustration
Ron Fox
FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!
[Last words]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reassurance in Difficult Times
Dr. John Beecher
It's okay, guys. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be alright–
[Last words]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introducing the Smokeless Bong
Kumar Patel
Meet the smokeless bong
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Alliances in Global Threats
Ron Fox
North Korea and Al Qaeda working together. This is bigger than I thought.
[Seeing Harold and Kumar in custody]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Harold's Discontent with the Situation
Harold Lee
Jesus, Kumar. I don't like it so much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disturbing Observation About Personal Hygiene
Kumar Patel
His dick smells like shit dude!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Request in a Stressful Situation
Ron Fox
Derek, could I get another water– WHAT THE FUCK?!
[Sees Harold and Kumar getting ready to jump out of the cargo plane]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Drug Funding
Ron Fox
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Zip it, Hello Kitty, okay? I know your operation's funded through drugs.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Controversial Expression in Harold & Kumar Film
Grand Wizard
What in the nigger was that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with Unfortunate Consequences
Harold Lee
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
[Dressed in KKK clothes after coming to a KKK barbeque and was asked to say 1 racist thing you did in the week]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lonely Numbers and the Search for Connection
Kumar Patel
I fear that I will always be / A lonely number like root three / A three is all that's good and right, / Why must my three keep out of sight / Beneath a vicious square root sign, / I wish instead I were a nine / For nine could thwart this evil trick, / with just some quick arithmetic / I know I'll never see the sum, as 1.7321 / Such is my reality, a sad irrationality / When hark! What is this I see, / Another square root of a three / Has quietly come waltzing by, / Together now we multiply / To form a number we prefer, / Rejoicing as an integer / We break free from our mortal bonds / And with a wave of magic wands / Our square root signs become unglued / And love for me has been renewed.
[Reciting the poem 'The Square Root of 3']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Tension in a High-Stakes Situation
Ron Fox
Derek, can I get another water–? WHAT THE FUCK?! Keep your hands up!
[Turns around and sees Harold and Kumar getting ready to jump out of the cargo plane; Stands up and throws down the empty malt ball carton in rage, then pulls out a revolver and points it at Harold and Kumar]
Harold Lee
Please don't shoot!
Kumar Patel
Jesus Christ!
Harold Lee
Please don't shoot!
Kumar Patel
Okay, okay!
Ron Fox
It will be a cold day in hell before I let you hijack this plane.
Ron Fox
Beecher, what are you doing? Huh? Whose side are you on? I thought I told to stay in the cockpit!
[Takes off his headphones and throws them down on the floor]
John Beecher
Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart, you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent, but you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid! WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!! It's okay, guys. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be alright–
[Enraged; To Harold and Kumar]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defiance Against Ignorance and Injustice
Dr. John Beecher
Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart, you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent, but you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid! WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstood Object in Critical Moment
Kumar Patel
Its not a bomb, its a bong
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Odor Described by Kumar
Kumar Patel
Ugh, smells like burnt asshole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Racism and Personal Violation
Kumar Patel
You fucking pissed on me, you racist fuck!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.