21 quotes
Chaos Amidst Culinary Catastrophe
Adam
Oh, no! The Gods are getting restless and hungry! The village people forgot to make a sacrifice! Now they must become snacks! Behold my raft! It's working! Alright!
[holds out a fork; hits the balloon with the fork and bake beans with chili flows out of the volcano to the counter]
Mitch
Oh, no! We're burning up! Nothing can save us from the vortex of chili! Ha ha!
Adam
I'll save the baby! I'll save the baby!
Mitch
I'm gonna eat the woman's leg. Lava-licious.
[Mitch eats the woman hot dog]
Adam
Lava-licious.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles of a Challenging Situation
Gordon
Hey, Patty! Hang in there! You're doing great!
Patty
No. No, Gordon. Great would be if I were in La Costa. I'm doing the opposite of great. I'm doing sucky.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Wackiest Scientist's Latest Experiment
Taglines
The world's wackiest scientist has done it again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Szalinski Family's Voicemail Message
Wayne
HI, you have reached the Szalinskis'. Please leave a message or fax or a binary file after the beep.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unspoken Expectations in Relationships
Jenny
What are you doing?
Ricky King
Kissing you.
Jenny
Well, you didn't ever ask.
Ricky King
Ask what?
Jenny
Ask if I want to kiss you.
Ricky King
What are you talking about?
Jenny
You just assumed that i wanted you to kiss me. I don't even know you. And even I did know you, and we talked and you got to know me, and you asked me if I wanted to kiss, I might have been into it. But the way you did it was just wrong.
Ricky King
Well, lots of girls like that.
Jenny
Well, I'm not one of them. I don't happen to think that way. And as far as you and I are concerned, the party is over.
Patty
You tell him, Jenny. Access denied!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict in a Challenging Situation
Wayne
Diane, are you going to stay mad at me the whole time or are you going to try and make the best of this bad situation?
Diane
I'm going to stay mad at you the whole time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exercise and Furniture: A Humorous Exchange
Wayne
Honey, at least you're getting some exercise.
Diane
Yeah. Now that I have a wicker chair, I don't need to go to the gym anymore.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gordon's Relief at a Slow Song
Gordon
Thank god. A slow song.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Fabric Softener Usage
Wayne
Honey, I don't think we're using enough fabric softener.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wicker Chair Replaces Gym for Diane
Wayne
Honey, at least you're getting some ].
[[exercise]
Diane
Yeah. Now that I have a wicker chair, I don't need to go to the gym anymore.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vacation Plans and Family Decisions
Wayne
Guess what? Change of plans. Gordon and I got invited to see the shuttle-launch tonight. So if that's okay, we're going to take off.
Diane
No, Wayne. It is not okay. I am going on vacation. I must've told you this 15 times. Don't you remember?
[''picks up the phone'']
Wayne
Sure, I remembered. Then I forgot.
Diane
Well, listen to me now, Wayne, and listen good. I am going on this vacation and nothing and NO ONE CAN STOP ME!
Wayne
You do need a vacation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guests Arrive and Depart at Szalinski Residence
Wayne
The Szalinskis check in?
Gordon
And they do check out!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Guests at a Party
Gordon
Oh, great. Teenage boys. There are now teenage boys at this party.
Wayne
Hey! My Stereo!
Gordon
Hey, my daughter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Greetings Among Friends
Wayne
Hey, Marcia. Hey, Trowser.
[greeting a woman with a dog on her table, wearing a machine; greeting the dog]
Marcia
Say hi', Trowser.
Trowser
Hello. Hello.
[barks and the machine translates the barking]
Gordon
Hello"?
Trowser
Feed me. Feed me.
[barks and the machine translates him again]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity Leads to Chaos Among Friends
Jenny
Jill, you're making a mess!
Jill
Well, this stuff is pretty good. What's in it?
Wayne
The Szalinski brothers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hard Work Compared to Motherhood
Diane
I haven't worked this hard since I gave birth to Adam!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lesson in Proper Party Etiquette
Gordon
I want you out. O-U-T! Yes. Oh, yes. Run. Quickly run, or I will swoop you down and teach you all a lesson in proper party etiquette! I will bring plaques to your tiny teeth. So brush, I tell you! Brush!
[''All the kids who came to the party left the house'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nostalgic Music for Healing Moments
Patty
For the trip, I brought along a special friend to aid in the healing process. Dr. brother love himself. Mr. Neil Diamond!
[Holds a cassette tape]
Diane
Get out of here! You brought the "Hot Nights" cassette?
Patty
I did!
Diane
God!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Summer Camp Experiences
Adam
Hey Mom. Did Nick ever complain about Camp Isoceles?
Diane
He sure did. He hated it. He didn't like the fact that it lasted only six weeks instead of eight.
Adam
What a brain-box. Mom, what if I didn't want to go to a camp named after a triangle?
[''under his breath''; ''To Diane'']
Diane
Amy didn't go to ] camp. She went to ] camp. Would you rather do that?
[[science; ''Adam brighten''; [Shakespeare; ''Adam's smile fades'']
Adam
No.
[''Adam turns away to pack his lunch bag'']
Diane
Where did all these bugs come from? Oh! A Daddy longlegs!
[''Diane whacks an insect on the stove with the newspaper and looks up at the wall''; ''giggling''; ''Diane was about to whack it'']
Adam
No, Mom, don't kill it! Daddy longlegs are good. They eat other bugs.
Diane
Hey, that would be your aunt Patty. Hey, he's gone. You live, for now. Tell your friends.
[''turning around, hearing the car honking''; ''Adam leaves the kitchen and Diane turns back to the wall''; ''looking around the wall''; ''Diane throws the newspaper on the stove''; ''Diane leaves the kitchen'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Unshrinking Dilemma
Diane
If those kids don't unshrink us, they will be in so much trouble!
Gordon
Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it, ]?
[[Thumbelina]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Saved by Onion Dip
Wayne
Gordon, we're alive. We've been saved by...Onion dip.
Gordon
My god. We owe our lives to an appetizer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.