31 quotes
The Importance of Marshmallows in Fun
Baby
You gotta have the marshmallows, that's what makes it fun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disturbing Childhood Reflection on Dolls
Baby
These are all my dolls. I used to like to chop their heads off and their arms and stick em up on the wall.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Between Law and Clownish Humor
Lt. George Wydell
Have you seen this girl in the past 24 hours?
[holds a photo of Denise]
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, cute kid. Ain't my type though. You know, I like em with a little more meat on em. Ha ha. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
Deputy Steve Naish
Come on clownie, just answer the damn questions. We ain't interested in your love life.
Lt. George Wydell
Cut the crap Spaulding and get with the facts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Spelling Out Her Name in Excitement
Baby
Give me a "B", give me an "A", give me a "B" give me a "Y", What's that spell? What's that spell? WHAT'S THAT SPELL?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Controversial Film You Must Experience
Taglines
The movie some never wanted you to see.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Morning Greetings in a Disturbing Setting
Jerry Goldsmith
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Morality in Extreme Situations
Baby
Whatever you need to do, you do it. There is no wrong. If someone needs to be killed, you kill em. That's the way.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defiance in a Chaotic World
Captain Spaulding
But MOST of all... fuck YOU!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Otis Reflects on Bill's Value
Otis
Bill... He's a good guy, Ohhh hoo... He's been great help to me. A real blessin'... I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better specimen. You don't know what kinda dry spell I've had here. Total Block, Total Block! But Bill... He's OK.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Escalates Between Two Characters
Mary Knowles
Get off him!
[sees Baby on Bill's lap]
Mary Knowles
I said get the fuck off him you stupid fucking whore! Fucking slut!
[Baby doesn't budge]
Baby
Oh, you shouldn't of done that!
[Baby gets pushed to the ground]
Mary Knowles
Oh, really? Are you gonna do something about it?
Baby
I'll do something, motherfucker. I'll fucking cut your tits off and shove em down your throat!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Authority in a Disturbing Exchange
Otis
I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy.
Mother
Who's your daddy?
Otis
I'm the one who beats you when you're bad.
Baby
Who's your daddy?
Mother
Who's your daddy?
Otis
Come on, sweetie. Give the old man some sugar.
[walking to Denise, while wearing her father's skin]
Denise Willis
Daddy, Daddy.
Otis
And I'm the one who loves ya when you're fucking dead!
[taking off his robe]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Threat in Dark Dialogue
Otis
Shut your mouth!
Otis
I said, shut your fucking mouth!
Otis
Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever. Now, I'm gonna remove your gap... But! If you make so much as a fuckin peep! I'm going to cut you like a pig and make you eat your own fucking intestines... you got me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tensions Rise Among Unlikely Characters
Captain Spaulding
Mary fucking Moses! Ya all get the fuck outa here.
Killer Karl
Cool it Clowney. Keep your paws where I can see them.
Richard Wick
Yeah, d-don't move or I'll b-blast a hole the size of a k-Kansas City watermelon through your ugly-ass b-bozo face.
Captain Spaulding
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Killer Karl
Go grab that other asshole out of the shitter and drag his ass back in here.
Richard Wick
Right.
Captain Spaulding
You miserable motherfucker, I ought to leap over this counter and bash your fucking balls in.
Killer Karl
All right, Tippy, hand over the cash box and I might leave your brains inside your skull.
Captain Spaulding
Well, I'll tell you what, Ski King, why don't you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in ya ass.
Killer Karl
I don't like chicken. And, I hate clowns. Put that shit down. PUT IT DOWN! fine That is it! I'm gonna count to ten and you're gonna hand over all the cash, or I'm gonna splater your grease paint mug all over from here to the state line! One.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo mama.
Killer Karl
Two.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo sister.
Richard Wick
What are we gonna do?
Stucky
Hey, I know you. You work down at the hardware store. right? Richard Wick right?
Richard Wick
Shut your trap.
Killer Karl
Quiet down both of you! Three.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo grandma.
Stucky
Hey I remember now all the guys make fun out of you. They call you Little Dick Wick.
Richard Wick
Shut up!
Stucky
Little Dick Wick played with his prick, don't his smell just make you sick?
Richard Wick
Stop singing I hate that song.
Killer Karl
Put your Fucking mask back on. fuck it!
Captain Spaulding
Most of all fuck you! Goddamn motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperate Plea for Help and Recognition
Captain Spaulding
Sweet baby Jesus, girl. What the hell happened to you?
Denise Willis
I got away.
[mumbling]
Captain Spaulding
You... hey, I recognize you. Oh, there's a whole bunch of people been looking for your ass, girl.
Denise Willis
I gotta get to a doctor.
Captain Spaulding
All right, all right. Just sit back and relax. I'll get you to a doctor.
Captain Spaulding
That's it. I'll get you there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Warning About Innocence and Reality
Otis
Better you leave here with your head still full of kitty cats and puppy dogs.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tasty Suggestion from Baby
Baby
Ain't the only thing tasty in this house.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Clown Suit Ruined by Blood Stains
Captain Spaulding
Goddamn, motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.
[after shooting Killer Karl]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Ignorance in Dark Humor
Otis
Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. Meanwhile, you're too stupid to realize you got a demon stickin out your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moley,
Otis
Got me a live one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Point of No Return
Taglines
There's no turning back!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Desperation in Dark Reality
Otis
Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever. Now, I'm gonna remove your gap... But! If you make so much as a fuckin peep! I'm going to cut you like a pig and make you eat your own fucking intestines... you got me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Country Folk Humor
Captain Spaulding
I know what your problem is.
Bill Hudley
What's that?
Captain Spaulding
Ya'll think us folk from the country's real funny-like, dontcha?
Bill Hudley
Jerry...
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, well saddle up the mule, ma. Slide me some grits, I's got to get me some edu-cation, uh hu hu hu.
Bill Hudley
Jerry...
Captain Spaulding
You asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Chaos and Adventure
Baby
We like to get fucked up, and do fucked up shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Inquiry from a Character
Baby
Hey, Poopy-pants. What's new?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disdain for Dysfunctional Families
Grandpa Hugo
I hate fucked up families.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Time and Memory in a Haunted Place
Bill
How long have you been running this place?
Captain Spaulding
How long is a piece of string? Too God damn long, that's how long.
Bill
No, really.
Captain Spaulding
Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar.
Bill
The Duke?
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that.
Bill
You mean John Wayne?
Captain Spaulding
Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? (rolls up his sleeve to reveal a John Wayne tattoo) A great American.
Bill
Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction.
Captain Spaulding
I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for?
Bill
You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country.
Captain Spaulding
I don't drive cross country.
Bill
But if you did.
Captain Spaulding
I don't.
Bill
But suppose for a second you did.
Captain Spaulding
Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tale of a Cabbage Garden
Baby
There once was a woman who lived with her daughter in a cabbage garden; along came a rabbit and ate up all the cabbages; the woman said, "Go into the garden and drive out the rabbit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exclamation of Awe for Dr. Satan
Jerry Goldsmith
That was so badass! Dr. Satan! Ahhh! Dr. Satan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Futility of the Hunt
Otis
Huntin humans ain't nothin but nothin'. They all run like scared little rabbits. Run, rabbit, run. Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run rabbit. Run, rabbit, run! RUN, RABBIT, RUN!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Shocking Tale of Carnage
Taglines
The most shocking tale of carnage ever seen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Reality of the Bogeyman
Otis
It's all true. The bogeyman is real and you found him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Grandpa Hugo's Sarcastic Question to Jimmy Olsen
Grandpa Hugo
What are you, Jimmy Olsen, cub reporter for the Daily Asshole?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.