Housesitter Quotes

Gwen Duncle Oh, grow feathers and go shit in a tree.

Taglines She came. She saw. She moved in.

Gwen Duncle I really didn't intend for it to get this elaborate, it's just that everyone around here keeps treating me like I'm somebody... except you.

Newton Davis Wow! You're a genius. You're like the ] of bullshit.

Marty Of marriage?

Newton It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.

Marty That's marriage.

Newton Tell me why for God's sake did you come here?

Gwen I just wanted to see what it would be like to live in that picture.

Newton Davis Half the things we tell ourselves are fiction.

Gwen I don't want your damn money.

Newton No, just my damn house.

Gwen Duncle I don't want your money. I will take the furniture, though.

Taglines She's turning his house into a home...hers!

Newton Davis What do you say, Gwen? "Gwen" do you get off... and "gwhere" can we "gwo"?

Becky Do you know why I said no to you that day? It's because you scared me, building this house, putting a big ribbon around it... I didn't want to marry a dreamer. I'm not that brave. But when I see you through Gwen's eyes you look very different to me.

Newton How?

Becky Well, I could see how a dreamer, with somebody who believes in him, could do great things.

Newton So, what do you think, can you show this to Moseby?

Marty Ah... you'd better do it.

Newton Why? He likes you.

Marty Davis, if I take that in there and Moseby starts carrying on about how brilliant it is... I'm going to take the credit.

Newton What?

Marty Mmm hmm.

Newton You're my friend, where are your ethics?

Marty My ethics are that I know this about myself, so I'm not going to take this in there and screw you over.

Newton Davis Don't you remember the time I... I... I had myself delivered to you in a box for your birthday? And... and the guy I paid to deliver the box screwed up and delivered me to the wrong apartment? And... and how the... the lady who opened the box... uh... freaked out and started screaming? And I ran out of there just as you poked your head into the hall. And... and the next thing I know, this one's bashing me for having an affair with her neighbor, and this one's bashing me for being some kind of gift-wrapped pervert? And... and all I had to protect myself was... was a dozen roses. And... and... and you never even read the note.

Bus Driver What did the note say?

Newton Davis I... I'll tell you what it said... it said... marry me, Gwen, I'm lost without you.

Moseby What kind of work are you in, Bernie?

Ralph I'm retired.

Moseby Oh? From what?

Ralph From all the big hairy bullcrap.

Newton I love you, Gwen.

Gwen Actually, it's Jessica.

Marty What are you, insane? Why didn't you just kick him in the balls and tell him he has ugly children?

Gwen I think this marriage is worth saving.

Newton WHAT MARRIAGE?