How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) - Quotes

J.D.: [on why Schatze stopped their wedding] There was a last minute decision in your favor.

Tom: Did you tell her about me?

J.D.: No. So far as she knows you're still hustling a gas pump.

Tom: Are you kidding?

J.D.: Well let's go ask her.

Tom: Wait a minute JD! Do you think I ought to tell her?

J.D.: Are you nuts? She clearly prefers gas pump jockeys to millionaires. What do you want to do? Disillusion the poor girl?

Loco: I'll say this for him: we haven't ordered anything yet under five dollars a portion!

Pola: If there's anything left over don't forget to tell the waiter you want to take it home for the dog.

Schatze: I was nuts about him. Know what he did to me? First he gave me a phony name. Second, he was already married. Third, the minute the preacher said amen, he never did another tap of work. Then he stole my TV set and gave it to a car hop. When I asked him about that, he hit me with a chicken.

Pola: A live chicken?

Schatze: No, a baked chicken; stuffed.

Schatze: Next thing you got to remember is the gentlemen you meet on the cold cuts may not be as attractive as the one you meet in the mink department at Bergdorf's.

Loco: But he was cute, don't you think?

Schatze: Sure he was. But then I never met one of those gas pump jockey that wasn't.

Loco: Is that what he is?

Schatze: You bet your life he is. I know those guys. I married one once.

Pola: I want to marry Rockefeller.

Schatze: Which one?

Pola: I don't care.

Loco: I wouldn't mind marrying a Vanderbilt?

Pola: Or Mr. Cadillac.

Schatze: No such person. I checked.

Loco: Is there a Mr. Texaco?

Schatze: You wanna catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap. All right so we set a bear trap. Now all we gotta do, is one of us has got to catch a bear.

Loco: You mean marry him?

Schatze: If you don't marry him, you haven't caught him, he's caught you.

Loco: You don't think he's a little old?

Schatze: Wealthy men are never old.

Schatze: I can't shack up with a dame I've never met before and she's crazy too!

Pola: You don't have to. She'll come up and you'll see if you like her. If you don't...

Schatze: Is she any help to this?

Pola: [over the phone to Loco] Let's see. Hey Loc, how much money you got?

Loco: I got a quarter.

Pola: Great. Pick up lunch on your way over.

Loco: OK, how many.

Pola: Three.

Loco: OK, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Schatze: Well that's a big contribution to a million dollar proposition. One whole quarter!

Pola: Maybe, but she's awfully clever with a quarter.

Loco Dempsey: All my life ever since I was a little girl I've always had the same dream. To marry a zillionaire.

Loco Dempsey: Once you get one foot on the ground, you're really quite a jerk, aren't you?

Schatze Page: The first rule is, gentlemen callers have got to wear a necktie!

Schatze Page: [to Tom Brookman] Just as soon as I finish this, I never want to see you again.

Schatze Page: Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

Schatze Page: We'd better put a check on that one. Nobody's mother lives in Atlantic City on Saturday.

Schatze Page: [Referring to older men marrying young women; [Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt; [Winston Churchill|Churchill; [Humphrey Bogart|old fella; [The African Queen] Look at ], look at ], look at that ], what's his name in ].

Pola Debevoise: Men aren't attentive to girls who wear glasses.

Pola Debevoise: [Being presented by the shop assistant to Tom Brookman] You know, of course, that diamonds are a girl's best friends. This is our proof of it.