5 quotes
Friendship and Unexpected Loyalty
Jack
Oh, that's it. Dammit! I saw her first! And look what happens! The same thing that happened with Gabriella. I saw her first. And Wanda Tushman, in the third grade. I saw her first! And that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be the guy. I saw that thing first too. You know why I'm not just strangling you right now?
Bones
Cause you can't cook a snake?
Jack
No. Because no matter how long we've been friends... I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives... let alone kill a snake, but you did.
Bones
Hey, man, thanks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
First Sergeant's Clock Metaphor for Leadership
1st Sgt. Brandon Williams
I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. It is my intention to run this company like a clock. If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. First Sgt. Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. Do you understand me?
Soldiers
Yes, First Sergeant!
PFC Bones Conway
What did he say?
Pvt Jack Kaufman
I don't know. Something about his clock being broken.
1Sgt Williams
Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
[confronts Conway]
PFC Conway
Yes, Sergeant! I mean, no, Sergeant.
1Sgt Williams
Don't you know I'm your first sergeant?
PFC Conway
Actually, I wish you were my first sergeant but I already had a couple ones already.
1Sgt Williams
DROP, AND GIVE ME PUSH-UPS!!! You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as First Sergeant, is that clear?
[incensed]
PFC Conway
Yes, First Sergeant!
1Sgt Williams
Count off!
[Conway starts push-ups]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Safety of the Free World in His Hands
Taglines
Sleep tight, America! The safety of the free world rests in his hands!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Call About Migrating Geese
Bones Conway
Jack! Get the phone.
Jack Kaufmann
Who is it?
Bones
It's a freak calling about wild geese migrating.
Christine Jones
Bones!
[as Jack dials; pulls him near-naked out for everybody to see]
Bones
Wha- No, don't. Christine, don't. Look.
Christine
Which way?
Bones
Who cares?
Christine
North or south?
Bones
South.
Christine
Yes! Yes, yes!
Bones
What?
Christine
You guys, don't you remember? About the code? So that if we got called up for active duty then we would know it was for real.
[sees Bones and Jack nonplussed]
Bones
It's gotta be a mistake.
Christine
It's gotta be Chad.
Fred Ostroff
Hello, Mama? It's Frederick. Uh, you sittin down?
Christine
Chad is the African country, the one that Libya's about to invade.
Jack
Uh, turn off the music.
[attendees groan]
Fred
Do you remember when you told me that every Black man should visit the motherland?
Christine
Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
Bones
Mmm, is your brother a pool man?
Christine Jones
No. It's because Chad is in a desert. And water purification is the Reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war. And there's a desert war, and we're going!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Volunteering for Kitchen Duty in the Army
Col Washington
As you were! Son, I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes.
[mess hall soldiers resume eating. faces Sgt Stern]
SSgt. Stern
Yes sir!
Washington
Can we count on you?
Stern
Yes sir!
Washington
Carry on.
[leaves]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.