Johnny Dangerously (1984) - Quotes

The Chaos of Organized Crime

Taglines: Organized crime has never been so disorganized!

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Meeting Between Johnny and the Priest

Warden: Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.

Priest: Are you ready my son?

Johnny: I'm ready if you are, Father.

Priest: Dominus nabiscum, Nabisco. Esperitu sanctum. Dey gas da bus.

Prisoner: So long, Johnny.

Johnny: You bet.

Priest: Me gas da bus. You gas da bus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.

Prisoner: Be brave, huh, Johnny?

Priest: When's the next bus?

Johnny: Always, Nails.

Priest: Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too loudy. Adeste fidelis.

Prisoner: Good luck, Johnny.

Priest: Semper fidelis. Hi fidelis.

Johnny: Why didn't I take shop?

Priest: Post meridian. Ante-meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little meridians.

Prisoner: Bye bye, Johnny.

Johnny: Bye, Rock.

Priest: The Magna Carta. Master charga.

Prisoner: Spit in his eye, Johnny.

Johnny: You bet, Rabbi.

Priest: Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.

Warden: Do you have any last words, Johnny?

Warden: Well said!

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Urgent Message About Johnny's Brother's Danger

Lil: Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?

Polly: Got it.

Polly: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater, pass it on.

Prisoner: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.

Prisoner: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.

Prisoner: Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater, pass it on.

Prisoner: There's a message an the grapevine, Johnny.

Johnny: Yeah? What is it?

Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playin Stompin at the Savoy in Vermont tonight.

Johnny: Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight!

Prisoner: I didn't say that.

Johnny: No, but I know this grapevine.

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A Humorous Exchange on Death Row

Warden: Johnny it's an honor to have you on Death Row.

Johnny: Ah don't be silly. The pleasure is all mine.

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Johnny Dangerously's Shift to Legitimacy

Johnny: All right, here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.

Gang Member: Le-what?

Johnny: Legit.

Gang Member: Le-why?

Danny: I'll tell you le-why. Le-cause Johnny Dangerously... is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the DA, Tommy Kelly.

Gang Member: Johnny, is this true? Because if it is, I don't know how to react.

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A Unique Job Proposal Among Friends

Danny: Hiya doll. Whats your name?

Old Cleaning Lady: Mary Margret Catherine Denine.

Danny: How would you like to make some money?

Mary: One at a time or both of you together.

Danny: How much would it cost for you to go clean room 708 and forget you ever saw us?

Mary: Seventeen thousand dollars.

Danny: Alright seventeen grand it is.

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Prohibition and Familial Expectations in Conflict

Tommy Kelly: Mom, it's prohibition!

Ma Kelly: Oh, shut up! Stop acting like some fag choir boy!

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Trick Question About Train Travel

Tommy Kelly: I just have one last question for you. If a train left New York at 300 miles per hour, and accelerated speed 15 miles per hour, and traveled a distance of 683 miles, tell me sir: what time would that train reach Chicago?!

Roman Moronie: That's a fargin trick question!

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Creative Cooking with Beer and Noodles

Johnny: Whatcha cookin here, Ma?

Ma Kelly: Beer.

Johnny: With noodles! Great idea!

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Navigating New Places and New Beginnings

Lil: So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago.

Johnny: Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York.

Lil: You're kidding... Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.

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Taking a Break from Crime Responsibilities

D.A. Burr: Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?

Tommy Kelly: But what about crime?

D.A. Burr: Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back!

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A Question of Identity in Conversation

Johnny: Say kid, what do they call you?

Lil: Impressive.

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Parking Conflict in a Handicapped Zone

Dutch: You can't park here. This is a handicapped zone.

Danny Vermin: I am handicapped. I'm psychotic.

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Complex Relationships and Unconventional Affections

Ma Kelly: You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin with ya.

Lil: Awww, what's that Mom Kelley?

Ma Kelly: I go both ways.

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Special Magnum with Disturbing Capabilities

Dutch: It's the .88 Magnum. They made it for him special.

Danny Vermin: It shoots through schools.

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Accusations and Insults in Crime Discussion

Tommy Kelly: ...that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for the Mother's Day Massacre, the Christmas Day Slaughter, the Lincoln's Birthday Mutilations, and the Groundhog's Day Beheadings!

Polly: You missed, fuckface!

Vengeful Threats from Roman Moroni

Roman Moroni: You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches!

Defending Rights Against Corruption and Injustice

Roman Moroni: I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy cork-soakers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves.

Parental Influence on Criminal Behavior

Ma Kelly: With a father like "Killer" Kelly, it's a wonder neither of you turned out to be a piece o shit criminal.

Ma Kelly's Decision on Smoking

Ma Kelly: Bless the saints, it's an ashtray! I've been thinking of taking up smoking. This clinches it!

Frustration with the Lower East Side

Ma Kelly: The Lower East Side. This really sucks.

Desire and Humor in Ma Kelly's Words

Ma Kelly: I know what you can't say. You wanna get laid. You wanna hump your brains out. Vavoom, vavoom, vavoom!

A Criminal's Favorite Activities

Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.

The Distrustful View of Women

Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.

Father's Influence and Childhood Trauma

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once... Once.

A Warning from Danny Vermin

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't shoot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once... Once.

Self-Reflection on Personal Reputation

Danny Vermin: I've fulfilled a lot of people's predictions about me. I've become a real scumbag.

Anti-Smoking Advice from Johnny Dangerously

Johnny Dangerously: And you know for you kids out there who are thinkin about smokin', don't start. And if you started, stop. Smokin don't make you look tough kids. It makes you look stupid. If you gotta put something in your mouth, make it a stick of chewing gum. Sure, thats what Johnny does. Smoking is the worst thing you can do to your body.

Exploring New Areas of Crime

Johnny Dangerously: Diversification. Yes, sir. We're constantly exploring new and exciting areas of crime. And I tell ya somethin'. We better, because there a couple Japanese gangs out there that are going to do it faster and cheaper.