30 quotes
Reunion Amidst Confusion and Distraction
Charlotte
Michael, you're back!
Ian
Where's Brian? Brian, let's go. Come on. Come, come, come.
[to camera crew]
Charlotte
Mmm. I missed you. You never called me.
[she and Michael kiss]
Ian
We're here, but we're not "here," okay? Try to think of us as, uh, furniture.
Charlotte
Just act natural. So, did you miss me, darling?
Michael
I missed you very much.
Charlotte
My pieces in the show were such a hit that Ian-- Michael Cromwell, this is Ian Finch-Chumley.
Michael
Good to meet you, Ian.
Ian
Hi, Michael.
Charlotte
He's doing a profile on me for ]. He'll be following me from now through the spring collection, and he'll be covering the wedding as well. Isn't that fabulous?
[[w:FashionTV|the Fashion Channel]
Michael
There's a-- There's a Fashion Channel?
[confused]
Ian
Yeah.
[scoffs]
Charlotte
Forget the camera. Just talk to me. They're furniture. Now, honey, did you get everything settled?
[uses finger to turn Michael's head]
Michael
Yeah.
Charlotte
Yes! Oh!
Charlotte
So... what did you bring me?
Cameraman
Ow!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Differences in Bathroom Etiquette
Michael
No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. Before you pee, you lift the seat. After you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.
[training him to use toilet]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Clash Over Pushibushi in Jungle 2 Jungle
Mimi
Matika? Nice pushibushi.
[searching for Matika; lifts up Charlotte's bedspread; Charlotte notices and screams in alarm]
Charlotte
That is the last pushibushi you're gonna see around here, you little savage!
[gets up with bedspread wrapped around her and runs out room]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Father and Son's Awkward Reunion
Michael
Talk about your wind instruments. Oh! Oh, ease up on the fruit, for God's sakes. Mitsubishi!
[man farts in his face; disgusted; ''Spots Mimi Siku walking'']
Mimi Siku
Mimi Siku.
[''Points to chest'']
Michael
Hi, uh, Mimi Siku. I'm Michael Cromwell. Patricia-- Oh, um, Paliku tells me that, um... that I-I'm-- I'm your father. That's a nice pot you have. Do you understand any English? Well, Patricia, or Paliku, wanted me to say something paternal to you. And I gotta admit that this isn't easy for me. I don't have any regrets. Well, I have regrets. But then again, ♪ Too few to mention. ♪ Ha!
[''Mimi Siku speaks Pinare''; Mimi Siku strokes cheek in a gesture; Mimi Siku then walks over to a Pinare girl giving her a pot]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections and Business Talks in the Jungle
Michael
You know, it's got to be 15 years since I really stopped to looked at that statue.
[Looking out window]
Richard
Yes. Uh-huh. 11:00. We'll be there. Okay. What? Oh. Hung up. I found us a buyer.
[on phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Market Fluctuations and Strategic Decisions
Langston
Cromwell!
[sticks head out of office]
Michael
Okay. Take a look at that. Baboon must go fight the chief.
[hands Mimi a magazine; puts up arms like a bodybuilder]
Langston
Look at this! Cromwell, look at this. Coffee is at 88, and it's dropping like a brick! By tomorrow morning, it could be 85 or lower.
[speaking to Michael and Richard]
Richard
We'll just wait it out. Something'll happen. The market will turn around.
Langston
But what if it doesn't?
Michael
You remember what happened in 91?
Richard
You can't always depend on a natural disaster.
Michael
It doesn't have to be a natural disaster. ].
[[w:List of conflicts in South America|We can hope for an assassination]
Richard
Oh, would you take it seriously for one minute?
Michael
Just a minute, I'm trying to lighten this guy up.
Langston
Stop it. Stop it! Now, come on. Behave yourselves here! Now something better happen fast, or I'm gonna throw your butts out the window! What the hell do you hotshots think about when you make these deals? You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell, that you were investing the company's money. When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you. But when you screw up like this, you're both on the hook for any loss we take.
[Mimi Siku puts Matika on floor; Michael put newspaper on Matika]
Michael
That would be over a million dollars.
Langston
Now, that's not my problem. And by the way, Cromwell, when somebody is playing with millions of dollars of my money, I generally like them in the country. This country!
[Michael has realized Mimi's pet tarantula Matika is heading to Langston; Matika starts crawling up Langston's leg]
Michael
Stop-- Stop yelling, please.
Langston
This is still my office! I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want! When I made you shareholders in this company, it was to share profits, not losses!
[oblivious to Matika]
Michael
Not losses is right! We're not here to share losses! We're here to share profits! Profits! Profits! Huh? Look up! It's an alien circle with ]'s picture in it. Look, look, look, look, look! Up, up! Look! Look up! Look up!
[stands up; shouting; sees Matika crawling towards him; pointing to window; [w:Mickey Rourke|Mickey Rourke]
Richard
He just found out that he has a son.
Michael
Look, look, look, look, look!
Mimi
Stop shouting, Baboon. Matika kill chief.
Michael
Catch the damn spider, will you, please? Thank you. I-I-- I said I was gonna go fight the chief, not kill the chief. Around here, only... postal employees kill chief. Do you understand? Boy, whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the ].
[receptionist looks at Michael looking confused; Mimi does so; walks back in office; [w:Spicy Fifty|chili del fuego]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Cuisine and Unexpected Ingredients
Michael
Come on, come on, come on.
Patricia
Hungry?
[''Holds a plate of a dark paste to Michael'']
Michael
I am starving. Ohhh.
[takes plate and reacts in extreme disgust]
Patricia
It's ], a Pinare specialty. It's made from the bladder.
[[w:yellow-eared bat|yellow-eared bat]
Michael
Oh, bat bladder. Holy ], I don't think so.
[digusted; [w:Kaopectate|Kaopectate]
Patricia
You might prefer the kara toka.
[gives bat bladder to villager and briefly speaks Pinare]
Michael
Yeah, right.
Patricia
Chicken.
Michael
I would prefer that. Thanks. Ready. Okay, okay. Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[to Pinare kid throwing rocks]
Patricia
Michael, I have to talk to you.
Michael
Patricia, let's not, okay?
Patricia
There's something that you don't know.
Michael
Yeah, like why you left me.
Patricia
Because of the fifth phone line.
Michael
What is that supposed to mean?
Patricia
One morning some guy showed up at our apartment to install a fifth phone line. He asked if I was the receptionist. And I realized that I had lost you somehow. So, I packed my things, and I left you alone. I figured you'd be happier that way.
Michael
You thought this would make me happy?
Patricia
How long before you noticed I was gone?
Michael
Why didn't you talk to me?
Patricia
Talk to you? I spent six months telling you I was unhappy.
Michael
It was a crazy time for me. I just started working at L.T.G. I had a straddled position in sugar.
Patricia
Michael.
[sighs]
Michael
The price went up, it skyrocketed...
Patricia
Michael!
Michael
...I'm shorted--
Patricia
Michael!
Michael
What?!
Patricia
It's very hard for me to tell you this, so please listen.
Michael
Well, what choice do I have? I'm stuck here with you and the Village People... till you celebrate Banana-fana-fo-fana.
Attractive woman on computer
Hello, you.
Villagers
Ooh.
Michael
Excuse me. The real world calls.
[walks to computer and hums]
Attractive woman on computer
Hello, you.
[Michael types on his laptop]
Patricia
What I'm trying to say is that...
Michael
Look, I was right. I was right!
Patricia
...I wasn't exactly alone when I left you.
Michael
97¼?
[puts hand in ear to block her voice]
Patricia
Michael. Michael.
Michael
I'm with ya. Coffee has gone crazy.
Patricia
I didn't know it at the time, but I was...
Michael
97¼, 97, 97. Am I greedy? I'm feeling pretty greedy.
Patricia
...pregnant with your son.
Michael
I'm gonna wait till 97½. Cause it's gonna happen. Waitin'. Papa is waitin'. Come to Papa, come to Papa. 97½, 97½. Sold for a tidy $300,000 profit. God, it's good to be good! What'd she say?
[Patricia walks away; to Pinare Man]
Pinare Man
Hello, you.
Michael
Patricia-- All right, Patricia. What did I do?
[walking after her; "Confirm transmission!" appears on laptop screen]
Patricia
I just told you that you had a son, and you didn't even hear me.
Michael
What are you talking about? What son?
Patricia
Your son. The boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son.
[points to Mimi Siku]
Michael
That is my son?
[pointing to Mimi Siku]
Patricia
I must have started a thousand letters to tell you, but every one of them started with, "I know you never wanted children.
Michael
This is nuts. This is nuts. This is unbelievable.
Patricia
I was confused--
Michael
You know what you just said to me?! This is unforgivable!
Patricia
I'm not asking you to forgive me, but he didn't do anything, so don't blame him.
Michael
That's my son?
Patricia
His name is Mimi Siku.
[nods her head]
Michael
His name is what?
Patricia
Mimi Siku.
Michael
Mimi Siku.
Patricia
Roughly translated, it means... "Cat Piss.
Michael
He picked the name "Cat Piss"?
Patricia
He was six years old at the time. It's a territorial thing.
Michael
You sure he's mine?
Patricia
Positive. He's got your nose, and he thinks he's never wrong.
Villagers
Hello, you.
Michael
No, no, no! Get away! No-no-no, don't touch that! Don't touch that! No, don't touch that! Huh? Ohhh. You wouldn't happen to have a place where I could stick that, would you?
[laptop shuts down due to low battery power; holds up power cord]
Pinare man
Hello, you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions in a Jungle Encounter
Skiff Pilot
Nah, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Michael
Oh? And why not? Oh! ] chomping on fingers and handkerchief and starts stomping on the piranha]
[feels something biting his handkechief; he pulls out the handkerchief to discover [[w:piranha|piranhas]
Skiff Pilot
Lipo Lipo. So nice they named it twice.
[they arrive at the Pinare indigenous village]
Michael
Oh, my God. She left me for ]! Great. I'll be right back.
[[w:Gilligan's Island|''Gilligan's Island''; ''Boat is beached and Michael gets out'']
Skiff piloter
Not long. I have an appointment.
Michael
You have an appointment? Well, if it's the cable guy, you got plenty of time. Okay. Hi, um.. I'm.. I'm Michael Cromwell. I'm looking for Patricia Cromwell. You know Patricia Cromwell? She's a doctor. No, a woman. Like me, but, but... ].
[''To children''; [w:Secondary sex characteristic#Humans|full-figured]
Lipo Lipo children
Paliku. Paliku.
Michael
Pali who?
Lipo Lipo children
Paliku.
Michael
Paliku? Where is she?
Lipo Lipo children
Paliku. Paliku! Paliku!
Michael
Yes, I heard you. Okay, okay. Patricia.
[the Lipo Lipo children bring him to Patricia; Michael enters hut]
Pontspie
Mmm.
Michael
You look different.
Patricia
Michael. You made it.
[appears]
Michael
Um, yes, I did.
Patricia
You look good.
[speaks Pinare to a man leaving checkup; to Michael]
Michael
So do you.
Patricia
How've you been?
Michael
Better. Much better. Weren't you supposed to meet me in ] last night?
[[w:Canaima|Canaima]
Patricia
Botako's having her first litter.
Michael
Congratulations.
[To a heavy-set mature adult Pinare woman]
Patricia
Not her. This is Pontspie. Pontspie,
[Referring to Pinare woman; Gestures to Michael and speaks Pinare to Pontspie]
Pontspie
Mmm.
Patricia
] giving birth] This is Botako.
[Refers to [[w:pig|pig]
Michael
As much as I hate to spoil this joyous event, I took an airplane from New York City! I have a boat waiting! You remember the divorce? Patricia? Patricia!
[Patricia speaks to Pontspie in Pinare]
Patricia
Paliku. My Pinare name is Paliku. We pick our own names here.
Michael
Do you remember 12, 13 years ago, maybe, when out of the blue, we weren't even married a year, and you walked out on me?
Patricia
And now you want a divorce, and you think I'm gonna hit you up for money.
Michael
We both want a divorce, and aren't you?
Patricia
I don't want any money.
Michael
Great. We can get to Caracas now. That way we can sign divorce papers. I can be back in New York by Friday afternoon.
Patricia
Tomorrow is the Fanenteyou celebration. I have to be here.
Michael
Ohh.
[uneasily]
Patricia
It's a male!
[to Pontspie; happily, holds up piglet]
Pontspie
Ay!
Michael
As much as I'd like to stick around for the ], I've got a canoe waiting, and my boatman has an appointment!
[[w:circumcision|circumcision]
Patricia
Your boatman is gone.
Michael
What?! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Tell him to stop!
[shocked]
Skiff piloter
]
[taking off; [w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|Hasta la vista(, baby)!]
Michael
Hey-hey-hey! Stop! You can't leave me here! What you're doing is very unprofessional! Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come back here! Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna need all these clothes back, right where they came from, all right? Aw, this is a ] Wh-- What about my boat?
[''Notices the villagers are going through his luggage and scattering them; grabs [[w:Hair clipper#Electric clippers|electric clippers; [w:Braun (company)|Braun( shaver)!; turns shaver off]
Patricia
He'll be back. Couple of days.
Michael
Wh-- What am I supposed to do now?
Patricia
The chief says you can spend the night with the bachelors.
Michael
I'm not staying with the bachelors.
Patricia
Or Pontspie offered her hut.
[''Pontspie uses piglet front leg to wave to Michael'']
Pontspie
Mm-mmm.
Michael
Bring on the bachelors!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Culinary Adventures in the Jungle
Mimi
Lizard guts.
Michael
You know, actually, the snake filled me right up.
Mimi
No-no-no-no. I make it for you. Tastes good.
[plopping lizard guts into Michael's hand]
Michael
Oh.
Mimi
Now you here, you stay with me all the time?
Michael
I'd like to, Mimi Siku, but I can't.
Mimi
Why?
Michael
I have a whole another life where I live.
Mimi
Another son?
Michael
No. You're the only son I have.
Mimi
I'll teach you to hunt. Tomorrow I've got to go to my village.
Michael
I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?
Mimi
Thi-- This in your village, yes? ]?
[holds up necklace; [w:Statue of Liberty|Woman who hold fire up sky's butt]
Michael
I've never-- I've never had her described quite like that. Yes, she's in my village. We call her the Statue of Liberty.
[laughs boisterously and chuckles in amusement]
Mimi
When I'm a man, will you take me to Statue of Liberty?
Michael
Sure. Why not? Yeah. When you're a man, I'll take you to the Statue of Liberty.
Mimi
Wakatepe?
[Holds out hand]
Michael
Wakatepe.
[Reciprocates gesture]
Mimi
Sleep time.
[lays in the sand]
Mimi
If you scream, Matika attack. If you're calm, Matika nice. But Kukuve always mean.
Michael
Who's Kukuve? Huh? AAH! This place is a nightmare!
[Mimi points to alligator behind him; turns head to see Kukuve snarling while swimming to him; alarmed; runs away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion and Dining Etiquette in Conversation
Fiona
Oh, my God! Oh, Charlie, this is fabulous!
Michael
Mimi, get down.
Charlotte
When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed. I said to myself, "Fiona, this, this is the future of fashion.
[referring to sketches]
Michael
Oh, no. Remember what I told ya? Forks go on the left side. This side. Small fork on the outside. Take your Knife, put it over next to the spoon. The blade-- Blade in. Perfect. Yeah. Might wanna work on that one too.
Mimi
In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.
Michael
In New York, New York, we eat with forks.
Mimi
When are we gonna eat? I'm famished.
[snorts]
Charlotte
A little champagne? Gino, why don't you show her the bridesmaids sketches?
Fiona
Show me, show me, show me, show me. Oh, I'm loving this. Ah!
[sniffs]
Charlotte
What is taking so long with the food?
Michael
I'll give them a call.
Fiona
I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy or nightshade vegetables, and, of course, I don't touch ].
[[w:Preservative|preservatives]
Michael
Obviously. Mmh!
[under his breath; Charlotte kicks him]
Mimi
Cat fat.
[to Fiona]
Fiona
Mm-hmm.
Mimi
We eat cat.
Fiona
Excuse me?
[doorbell rings]
Patricia
That must be the food.
Fiona
Oh! Finally.
Patricia
Gino, Louis.
Gino
Coming.
Patricia
We are not going to eat the cat.
[slowly picks up the Coco]
Mimi
Cat's job, feed people.
Michael
No, not here. Here, cat's job is to sleep and lick crotch.
Fiona
Oh, Charlie, it smells so good! I can't stand it! Of course, this is much too much for me. Did they forget my tiramisu? Oh, God!
[they arrive in kitchen and Mimi is squatting on table eating cat food; gasps in shock]
Mimi
This much tasty. Your female makes good food, Baboon.
Louis
Ohh!
[faints again]
Gino
Oh, Louis, you are such a cliché.
[to Louis]
Charlotte
You had no right to change the rules.
Michael
What rules?
Charlotte
When we talked about having children, we agreed that you would be my child and that I would be your child, and now I find out that you've had a child all along.
Michael
Wait a second. Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?
Charlotte
Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.
Michael
Hello! You're a woman. Of course you'd know. You're there when you have it. Look, there's no magical bond between a father and son that spans the continents. The only reason I know I have a child is because you insisted I go down to the Amazon to finalize the divorce.
Charlotte
Oh, so, now you're saying that you having a child is my fault? I don't think so, Michael.
Michael
Mimi's just visiting. I wanna show him a good time. After that, he goes back home, and we can go back to being the way we were. Entirely wrapped up in ourselves.
Charlotte
Promise?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fatherhood and Cultural Misunderstandings
Patricia
Michael. You all right?
[she picks off a beetle crawling on Michael while asleep; Michael wakes up, yells in shock, and falls out hammock]
Michael
Yes. You should put air bags in these things. What do you call this place again? ]?!
[covers his face from the blinding sunlight; [w:Photosphere|The Surface of the Sun]
Patricia
Mimi said that you talked to him last night.
Michael
I told him that I was his father, and, uh, he said something in Indian, and then he gave a girl a pot.
[takes off dirty shirt]
Patricia
Giving a pot here is like giving flowers. It's a love gift. He's very popular with the girls.
Michael
Maybe he is mine after all.
Patricia
He is yours. Why don't you try again? He's going out on the river. Go with him.
Michael
Maybe I can teach him about commodities. Based on what I learned in the bachelor hut last night, he could make a killing in gas futures.
Patricia
Go.
Michael
Is it the local fruit?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Returns from South America
Michael
Are you upset?
Charlotte
You brought back a child. Everyone else I know comes back from South America with a bag of coffee.
Michael
Well, I have ten million bags of coffee.
Charlotte
I thought I'd bring back something with a little less caffeine. I have a show to prepare and a wedding to plan.
Michael
That's months away. Honey? He's only gonna be here for a short while.
[gestures to cameraman to come closer to him and then gut-punches him]
Cameraman
UHH!
[in pain]
Michael
Mimi.
[Mimi appears in the floor]
Mimi
Baboon.
Michael
What have you done with Mr. Kempster?
[Mimi and Richard appear]
Richard
Excuse me! Michael! Do you know who Matika is?
Karen
Daddy!
Richard
Karen. Look at you, you look... beautiful.
Mimi
Angel on table.
[lovestruck]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Chaos and Urgency in Communication
Langston
If Cromwell should bother to call, put him through to my office immediately! Has anybody seen that idiot Kempster around here?! Kempster!
Richard
Michael, you have got to get back here tomorrow. Langston is going insane. Where are you?
[hiding under desk]
Michael
I'm staying in the middle of ].
[[w:Nightmare on Elm Street|Nightmare on Bodega Street]
Richard
If you don't get here, do I sell the coffee or do I hold it?
Michael
No, no, no, no. Do not sell the coffee till I give you the go-ahead. Call me on the uplink as soon as London opens, all right?
Richard
All right. Okay.
Langston
Kempster!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on the Rainforest's Importance
Charlotte
Look at me. I'm smoking.
[with cigarette]
Ian
The rainforest is a very hot issue. Being associated with this, uh, jungle bloke, it can only help you.
Charlotte
Where's the rain forest?
Ian
Brian, find out where the rainforest is.
Brian
Right.
Charlotte
Oh!
[sees Mimi Siku and gasps]
Michael
Mimi Siku, this is Charlotte, and, uh, Charlotte, this is Mimi Siku.
Charlotte
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mimi Siki.
Michael
Mimi Siku.
Charlotte
Mimi Siku.
Mimi
This your female, Baboon?
Michael
This is my female.
Charlotte
And as his female, I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight with Fiona Gluckman. She's the fashion editor of ]. Very major. She wants to see the sketches for my wedding trousseau. And if you're available, I'd love for you to join us. Is there anything special you like to eat?
[[w:Elle (magazine)|Elle magazine; to Michael; to Mimi]
Mimi
Lizard guts.
Charlotte
Lizard guts?
Michael
Yes, but very lean.
Charlotte
Great earrings. Honey!
[spots Mimi attempting to urinate in potted plant; shocked gasp]
Michael
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. Do you remember what we talked about, using the toilet on the airplane? Let's continue to do that. I will find the men's room for him, and we will see you tonight. Come on, Mimi.
[runs over to Mimi; to Charlotte; to Mimi]
Charlotte
Will he be wearing the loin cloth to dinner?
Michael
I'll get him some clothes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating Prices in the Jungle
Trader 1
10½!
Trader 2
9.25!
Trader 3
25! I'll take it!
Michael
How's July? July's how?
Trader 4
July's at 95¼.
Michael
94½ bid. Hey, bonehead, moron!
Trader 4
Moron"?! "Moron," this. At 95! At 95!
Richard
Keep your pencil to yourself!
[gets off the floor]
Michael
94¾ bid, for 300.
Trader 4
Sold, 300!
Michael
Buy 300, yes!
Richard
300?! 300, you idiot?! Get out of my way! 300 lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?
[to Trader 4; to another trader; following Michael]
Michael
No, Richard, I call that an opportunity.
Richard
300 lots, in this market, is not an opportunity, it's a death wish.
Michael
Oh, ye of little faith.
Richard
No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.
Michael
Hi, Maddy. What've you got?
Maddy
] Flight 109 leaving J.F.K., 1:00 p.m., arriving ] at 6:22 p.m.
[[w:American Airlines|American Airlines; [w:Caracas|Caracas]
Michael
All right, all right.
Richard
Aw, come on. You're not still leaving, are you? I mean, after what you did in there?
Michael
I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days. In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.
Maddy
Toiletries, shirts, socks...
Richard
I don't believe this. You're gonna leave me with 5,100 tons of coffee?
Michael
Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long is because you're the best analyst on the Street.
Richard
You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.
Michael
Yeah? And what happens?
Richard
I'm hospitalized, and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.
Maddy
Laptop. Uplink. You'll overnight in Caracas, then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.
[Michael gets in taxi]
Michael
Thanks. See ya in two days!
[to Richard]
Richard
Unbelievable.
[annoyed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Meeting Between Michael and His Attorney Abe
Michael
This thing might be quicker if you used both engines!
[exiting plane]
Abe
Señor Kromwell? Ah. Señor Kromwell?
[holds up sign]
Michael
That'd be me, Michael Cromwell, with a "C.
[takes sign out of Abe's hand and turns it around]
Abe
Señor Cromwell with a "C." I am Abe Botero with a "B," your attorney-at-law. I am outrageously pleased to meet with you.
Michael
Okay. Abe, Abe, let me go.
[Abe hugs Michael]
Abe
My car is right over here. Do you have any more luggage?
[lets go of Michael]
Michael
I travel kinda light, Abe. So, what's the deal? Where is Patricia?
Abe
Uh, we received this letter from your wife today. Señora Cromwell says that she could not come to ], but she wants to get you to Lipo Lipo.
[[w:Canaima|Canaima]
Michael
Wait a second. What are you talking about? I travel 3,000 miles to get here, and she doesn't show up? What's that about?
Abe
Abe has a saying: He who knows what a woman wants knows everything. But not even God knows that.
[laughs]
Michael
Okay. If that's the way she wants to play it, she's not gonna get a dime.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning a Visit to the Statue of Liberty
Mimi
Statue of Liberty, Baboon. Statue not far, Baboon.
Michael
Mimi, you stand right there.
Mimi
We go now?
Michael
We'll go tomorrow, okay? Whoa. Ahhh.
Mimi
People down there so far from us.
Michael
I'd like to keep em that way, okay? I'm gonna die up here.
Mimi
Nothing bad happened, Baboon.
Michael
I just hate heights. Whoa. Oh.
Mimi
Pinare secret: Don't look down.
[Moving Michael to wall]
Michael
Just for the record, it's not that big a secret.
[brings Mini back inside and the crowd applauds]
Mimi
Yeah!
Michael
Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again! When I tell you to do something, I mean it! Do you understand me?!
[angrily]
Mimi
Mimi Siku sorry.
Michael
Come on. Come on. Come on. Mm, sorry. I was just worried about you out there. I really was. All right? Well, um, we should go.
[hugs Mimi]
Mimi
Baboon scared?
Michael
Yes, Baboon scared. Baboon not know he could be so scared. Baboon's pants a little damp.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Situations on a Flight
Flight attendant
Excuse me, Mr. Cromwell, but the young man you're with is urinating on the exit door.
[Michael wakes up]
Michael
Thank you.
Mimi
Me happy to be with you, Baboon.
[Sits down next to him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for Help in the Jungle
Homeless Man
Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Huh?
[Mimi hands him a dead pigeon]
Mimi
Eat.
Homeless Man
Hmm.
Mimi
Much night fun.
[walks up to front of store selling pots and pans alongside a girl and points to cookware]
Girl's mother
Honey, come on.
[grabs her daughter]
Girl
Mom!
Bystander
Right there.
[points to distance]
Mimi
That way?
[points to distance]
Bystander
Right-- Right there.
Mimi
Thanks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Names and Animal Associations Explored
Pinare children
Baboon! Baboon!
[Running past Michael'']
Patricia
Nice turtle.
[to Michael, referring to turtle hanging from belt]
Pinare children
Baboon! Baboon!
Patricia
The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey. "Baboon" is your Pinare name.
Michael
Baboon? That's the best they could come up with?
Patricia
At first, they wanted to go with "Man Who Must Be Smarter Than He Looks.
Michael
If we get to pick our own names, I'd like to pick this: "Man Who's Extremely Well-Endowed.
Patricia
Sorry. It's already taken.
[points to man surrounded by women, and the man thanks Patricia in Pinare]
Michael
What's he sayin to them?
Patricia
The chief is telling the forest that Mimi's no longer a child.
Michael
Are they finished?
Patricia
Almost. But to become a tribal leader someday, Mimi has to perform a special task that the chief will give to him. He says he's very proud of Mimi Siku, and, as his father, you should be too.
Michael
Well, I am very proud of him, considering the fact that I just found out a couple days ago I had a son, and I'm standing about four feet from a witch doctor. ] speaks to Michael in Pinare and Michael hisses at him; chief talks about Mimi's task, and the villagers cheer in agreement]
[the [[w:Witch doctor|Witch doctor]
Patricia
The chief has given Mimi the task of bringing fire back from the Statue of Liberty.
Michael
Guy doesn't kid around, does he?
[chuckles]
Mimi
You promised to take me to New York when I become a man, Baboon.
Michael
And when you're a man, I will.
Patricia
In this tribe, he is a man, and he wants to go now?
Michael
No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Tomorrow, we fly to Caracas, we sign the divorce papers, then I get in a big, steel bird and fly back to New York City.
Mimi
Yakuza.
Patricia
Did you promise to take him or not?
Michael
Maybe. Mimi Siku, I have to be back on the exchange floor. I'm gettin married. I cannot take you tomorrow.
Patricia
Here, if you make a promise, you keep it. "Tomorrow," "Can't," "Maybe." These words don't mean anything to Mimi. He doesn't understand them.
Michael
It's not my fault he doesn't understand. You're his mom, you brought him down here to live with the ]. Maybe you should have taught him better English.
[[w:Pirates of the Caribbean|Pirates of the Caribbean]
Patricia
This is the most important day in your son's life, and he wanted you here to share it with him. And now, you're going to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe by not keeping the first promise you ever made to him?
Mimi
Baboon, I-- I want to go.
Michael
Mimi Siku, I am-- I'm very sorry.
Mimi
You made wakatepe with me.
[Mimi turns and walks away past tribe]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Offer Amidst Chaos
Richard
Oh, that's very good. Very-- Bob Montgomery. That's wonderful. Listen. So, Bob, I'm standing with Michael Cromwell, and, you know, considering our long history together, you're the first person we wanna make this offer to. Are you ready? 5,100 tons of coffee beans. We're dead. Okay?
[on phone; laughing; to Michael; to Bob Motgomery; Bob Motgomery guffaws and hangs up on Richard as Mimi walks on the exterier ledge of window]
Mimi
Baboon!
[knocks on window]
Louis
Ah!
[sees Mimi]
Mimi
Baboon!
Louis
He's doing ]!
[[w:King Kong (1933 film)|a Fay Wray; he faints]
Richard
Michael! Mumu!
Michael
Mimi! Come back inside!
Mimi
Statue of Liberty, Baboon.
Michael
You do as I tell you.
Ian
Get this!
Mimi
Come look!
Michael
No, no, no! Come back here! Mimi, Get back in here.
Karen
Cool.
Ian
Life happens around you!
[to Charlotte]
Michael
Move. Get outta my way. Come on. Mimi! Watch out, watch out, watch out. Mimi! Mimi!
Ian
Get the wide-angle lens!
Michael
Get out of the way, please! Mimi! Wait, wait, wait!
[starts walking out of window]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Breakfast in the Jungle: A New Experience
French woman
My little darlings. Ah. Ooh. Are your little bellies empty? Oh. Bonjour. Ah. Bonjour. We are all so happy today, n'est-ce pas?
[Mimi shoots a pigeon out of the French woman's hand, and the woman screams and cries]
Michael
What's goin on up here? Did you-- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Go! Go! Mimi, you can't do this! You do not kill birds around here for breakfast! If you're hungry, ask me. I bought some stuff for you. This is what kids love. ].
[to Mimi; brings Mimi inside; holds up cereal box; [w:Cap'n Crunch|Cap'n Crunch]
Mimi
What is?
Michael
This is cereal! It's just corn, brown sugar, yellow #5 and zinc oxide? They've added a sunblock to it. You pour this on this, and that's your breakfast. Enjoy yourself. Charlie. Come on. Wake up, sweetheart. Wake up. Charlie. ] burned down.
[reading the ingredients on side of cereal box; in Charlotte's bedroom; [w:Bloomingdale's|Bloomingdale's]
Charlotte
What?
[wakes up with a snort]
Michael
Mimi's having breakfast out in the kitchen. I will be home before lunch. Bye.
Charlotte
Wait. I can't watch him. Women's Wear is coming to the loft.
Michael
You don't need to baby-sit him. He'll be fine. Now go back to sleep.
Charlotte
Mmm.
Michael
Mimi, I gotta get goin here. No. No! This isn't-- No. No, it's not your fault. I didn't mention that you usually put this in a bowl.
[Mimi has poured the cereal and milk on the counter]
Mimi
When we go to Statue of Liberty?
Michael
Uh, tomorrow.
Mimi
Tomorrow?
Michael
I know I told you we were going today, but I can't today. I-I-- The Baboon's makin some very big trades today.
Mimi
Me go trade with Baboon.
Michael
Baboon go alone. I'd like to be around you, but, but I'm obligated to go.
Mimi
What means "obligated"?
Michael
Obligated. It means... when you do something that you don't really wanna do.
Mimi
Okay. Baboon obligated.
Michael
And will you promise Baboon one thing? You won't shoot any more animals? And don't eat the cat. I'll bring food home.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Animals at Work in the Village
Mimi
This your village, Baboon?
Michael
Yep. This is my village.
Mimi
It's big. Where are all the animals?
[later]
Michael
Up in their offices, where they work.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflicting Strategies in a Coffee Deal
Michael
And I say we should just wait it out.
Richard
You're insane. Langston is right. We have to find a buyer for the coffee, cut our losses and get out now. Wow! Nice shot.
[Mimi uses blowdart to kill a fly]
Michael
Put this away. Would you give me a few moments with Charlotte before you bring Mimi up, okay?
[hands back dart to Mimi]
Richard
All right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Challenges in the Jungle Adventure
Michael
Is it much further? These shoes cost me $500. Whoa. Hey! Hey-hey-hey! Good shot!
[Snake rears up; Mimi shoots snake with sleeping dart from blowgun]
Mimi
Buradu.
[Mimi holds up snake to Michael]
Michael
Okay.
Mimi
Scared of snake?
Michael
No, scared of snake bite. Ugh. Eww. This buradu is dead, right?
[Mimi drops snake into Michale's hands; disgusted; to Mimi]
Mimi
Sleeping. We kill it before we eat it.
Michael
No, no, no, no. I do not eat snake.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Panic in a Penthouse Apartment
Michael's Voice on Answering Machine
Hi, we're not here right now. Leave a message. We'll call you right back.
[machine beeps]
Michael
Charlie. Pick up. It's me. You're probably in the bathroom, making yourself look beautiful. Um, I don't want you feelin trapped by Mimi. Try to open up to him. Just don't leave him alone with the cat. I'll see you soon. I love you. Bye.
Charlotte
Michael, don't hang up! Don't hang up! There's a spider! This can't be happening! This is a penthouse apartment!
[spots Matika crawling on a wall next to the door and screams; screams and fights off Matika from under door with toothbrush]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter on a Moving Sidewalk
Richard
Michael! Michael!
Michael
] for the first time] All right, we gotta get movin here pretty-- Get on there. It's just-- It's a moving sidewalk.
[introducing Mimi to the [[w:Moving walkway|moving walkway]
Richard
Michael! Hey, Mike! Michael, how ya doin'?
[''Walking alongside Michael and Mimi'']
Michael
Richard, what are you doing here?
Richard
I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?
Michael
For what?
Richard
For holding on to the beans.
Michael
What beans?
Richard
The coffee beans.
Michael
You didn't sell them?
Richard
No.
Michael
I told you to sell them at 97½!
Richard
Oh, God, I'm dead! I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?!
[stops in place and reels back with both hands on his head]
Michael
Richard-- Excuse me. Richard. Why didn't ya sell?
Richard
Cause you didn't confirm, that's why!
Michael
What?!
Richard
You did not confirm.
Michael
What's coffee doin now?
Richard
It's under 90 cents and gone limit down.
[Michaels cringes in anger and stomps foot]
Michael
I asked you-- I told you to sell it at 97½, and you can't do it cause I didn't say "confirm"?! You're an idiot!
Richard
Look, for 15 years, Michael, you say "sell," I say "confirm!" Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm. You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell! Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?
[to Mimi]
Michael
His name is Mimi Siku. He's my son.
Richard
What do you mean, "son"? You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.
Michael
Well, apparently, I did. He's Patricia's son. He's Patricia and my son.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reaction in the Jungle
Michael
Ow!
[He then falls asleep leaning forward and Mimi lays a blanket over his back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in Animal Identification
Mimi
Baboon! Baboon!
[points to a monkey]
Michael
Huh? No, no, no, no. Monkey. Monkey.
[imitates monkey chittering]
Mimi
Toona. Toona.
[puts hand in river; flicks water toward Michael]
Michael
Oh! Parasite. No, uh, Mimi, um-- Water? Wa-- Piranha. Cut, infection, death! Oh.
[splashed with flicked water; puts his hand in the river; holds up hand to reveal piranha on his right finger; pulls the piranha off, throws it and holds bleeding finger; puts finger in his mouth; spits out blood in disgust]
Mimi
] in flight] Hoko!
[pointing to [[w:toucan|toucan]
Michael
Hoko; bird. Bird who can't sing: ].
[[w:Yoko Ono|Hoko Ono]
Mimi
No, no, no, no, no. Hoko is toucan. Bird is pomoko.
Michael
You speak English?
Mimi
Paliku taught me.
Michael
So... ...you understood everything I said last night.
[chuckles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mimi's Unique Way of Sharing Her Age
Richard
So, Mimi, how old are you?
Mimi
The roots of the Yomano tree have broken ground three times in my life.
Richard
So, I guess that would make you around--
Mimi
13.
Richard
13. 13. You know, I have a daughter around that age. Karen.
Mimi
Will I meet daughter?
Richard
Yeah, yeah. She's just up at Charlotte's now. She's trying on her dress for the wedding. What are you doing?
[Mimi is mingling with clam basket]
Mimi
Feed Matika.
Richard
What's Matika?
[Mimi turns clam basket showing Richard Matika and Richard slams his face against window screaming in alarm]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.