Jungle 2 Jungle (1997) - Quotes

Michael: [Looking out window] You know, it's got to be 15 years since I really stopped to looked at that statue.

Richard: [on phone] Yes. Uh-huh. 11:00. We'll be there. Okay. What? Oh. Hung up. I found us a buyer.

Homeless Man: [Mimi hands him a dead pigeon] Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Huh?

Mimi: Eat.

Homeless Man: Hmm.

Mimi: [walks up to front of store selling pots and pans alongside a girl and points to cookware] Much night fun.

Girl's mother: [grabs her daughter] Honey, come on.

Girl: Mom!

Bystander: [points to distance] Right there.

Mimi: [points to distance] That way?

Bystander: Right-- Right there.

Mimi: Thanks.

Michael's Voice on Answering Machine: [machine beeps] Hi, we're not here right now. Leave a message. We'll call you right back.

Michael: Charlie. Pick up. It's me. You're probably in the bathroom, making yourself look beautiful. Um, I don't want you feelin trapped by Mimi. Try to open up to him. Just don't leave him alone with the cat. I'll see you soon. I love you. Bye.

Charlotte: [spots Matika crawling on a wall next to the door and screams; screams and fights off Matika from under door with toothbrush] Michael, don't hang up! Don't hang up! There's a spider! This can't be happening! This is a penthouse apartment!

Mimi: [searching for Matika; lifts up Charlotte's bedspread; Charlotte notices and screams in alarm] Matika? Nice pushibushi.

Charlotte: [gets up with bedspread wrapped around her and runs out room] That is the last pushibushi you're gonna see around here, you little savage!

French woman: [Mimi shoots a pigeon out of the French woman's hand, and the woman screams and cries] My little darlings. Ah. Ooh. Are your little bellies empty? Oh. Bonjour. Ah. Bonjour. We are all so happy today, n'est-ce pas?

Michael: [to Mimi; brings Mimi inside; holds up cereal box; [w:Cap'n Crunch|Cap'n Crunch] What's goin on up here? Did you-- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Go! Go! Mimi, you can't do this! You do not kill birds around here for breakfast! If you're hungry, ask me. I bought some stuff for you. This is what kids love. ].

Mimi: What is?

Michael: [reading the ingredients on side of cereal box; in Charlotte's bedroom; [w:Bloomingdale's|Bloomingdale's] This is cereal! It's just corn, brown sugar, yellow #5 and zinc oxide? They've added a sunblock to it. You pour this on this, and that's your breakfast. Enjoy yourself. Charlie. Come on. Wake up, sweetheart. Wake up. Charlie. ] burned down.

Charlotte: [wakes up with a snort] What?

Michael: Mimi's having breakfast out in the kitchen. I will be home before lunch. Bye.

Charlotte: Wait. I can't watch him. Women's Wear is coming to the loft.

Michael: You don't need to baby-sit him. He'll be fine. Now go back to sleep.

Charlotte: Mmm.

Michael: [Mimi has poured the cereal and milk on the counter] Mimi, I gotta get goin here. No. No! This isn't-- No. No, it's not your fault. I didn't mention that you usually put this in a bowl.

Mimi: When we go to Statue of Liberty?

Michael: Uh, tomorrow.

Mimi: Tomorrow?

Michael: I know I told you we were going today, but I can't today. I-I-- The Baboon's makin some very big trades today.

Mimi: Me go trade with Baboon.

Michael: Baboon go alone. I'd like to be around you, but, but I'm obligated to go.

Mimi: What means "obligated"?

Michael: Obligated. It means... when you do something that you don't really wanna do.

Mimi: Okay. Baboon obligated.

Michael: And will you promise Baboon one thing? You won't shoot any more animals? And don't eat the cat. I'll bring food home.

Michael: [He then falls asleep leaning forward and Mimi lays a blanket over his back] Ow!

Fiona: Oh, my God! Oh, Charlie, this is fabulous!

Michael: Mimi, get down.

Charlotte: [referring to sketches] When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed. I said to myself, "Fiona, this, this is the future of fashion.

Michael: Oh, no. Remember what I told ya? Forks go on the left side. This side. Small fork on the outside. Take your Knife, put it over next to the spoon. The blade-- Blade in. Perfect. Yeah. Might wanna work on that one too.

Mimi: In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.

Michael: In New York, New York, we eat with forks.

Mimi: [snorts] When are we gonna eat? I'm famished.

Charlotte: A little champagne? Gino, why don't you show her the bridesmaids sketches?

Fiona: [sniffs] Show me, show me, show me, show me. Oh, I'm loving this. Ah!

Charlotte: What is taking so long with the food?

Michael: I'll give them a call.

Fiona: [[w:Preservative|preservatives] I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy or nightshade vegetables, and, of course, I don't touch ].

Michael: [under his breath; Charlotte kicks him] Obviously. Mmh!

Mimi: [to Fiona] Cat fat.

Fiona: Mm-hmm.

Mimi: We eat cat.

Fiona: [doorbell rings] Excuse me?

Patricia: That must be the food.

Fiona: Oh! Finally.

Patricia: Gino, Louis.

Gino: Coming.

Patricia: [slowly picks up the Coco] We are not going to eat the cat.

Mimi: Cat's job, feed people.

Michael: No, not here. Here, cat's job is to sleep and lick crotch.

Fiona: [they arrive in kitchen and Mimi is squatting on table eating cat food; gasps in shock] Oh, Charlie, it smells so good! I can't stand it! Of course, this is much too much for me. Did they forget my tiramisu? Oh, God!

Mimi: This much tasty. Your female makes good food, Baboon.

Louis: [faints again] Ohh!

Gino: [to Louis] Oh, Louis, you are such a cliché.

Charlotte: You had no right to change the rules.

Michael: What rules?

Charlotte: When we talked about having children, we agreed that you would be my child and that I would be your child, and now I find out that you've had a child all along.

Michael: Wait a second. Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?

Charlotte: Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.

Michael: Hello! You're a woman. Of course you'd know. You're there when you have it. Look, there's no magical bond between a father and son that spans the continents. The only reason I know I have a child is because you insisted I go down to the Amazon to finalize the divorce.

Charlotte: Oh, so, now you're saying that you having a child is my fault? I don't think so, Michael.

Michael: Mimi's just visiting. I wanna show him a good time. After that, he goes back home, and we can go back to being the way we were. Entirely wrapped up in ourselves.

Charlotte: Promise?

Mimi: Statue of Liberty, Baboon. Statue not far, Baboon.

Michael: Mimi, you stand right there.

Mimi: We go now?

Michael: We'll go tomorrow, okay? Whoa. Ahhh.

Mimi: People down there so far from us.

Michael: I'd like to keep em that way, okay? I'm gonna die up here.

Mimi: Nothing bad happened, Baboon.

Michael: I just hate heights. Whoa. Oh.

Mimi: [Moving Michael to wall] Pinare secret: Don't look down.

Michael: [brings Mini back inside and the crowd applauds] Just for the record, it's not that big a secret.

Mimi: Yeah!

Michael: [angrily] Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again! When I tell you to do something, I mean it! Do you understand me?!

Mimi: Mimi Siku sorry.

Michael: [hugs Mimi] Come on. Come on. Come on. Mm, sorry. I was just worried about you out there. I really was. All right? Well, um, we should go.

Mimi: Baboon scared?

Michael: Yes, Baboon scared. Baboon not know he could be so scared. Baboon's pants a little damp.

Richard: [on phone; laughing; to Michael; to Bob Motgomery; Bob Motgomery guffaws and hangs up on Richard as Mimi walks on the exterier ledge of window] Oh, that's very good. Very-- Bob Montgomery. That's wonderful. Listen. So, Bob, I'm standing with Michael Cromwell, and, you know, considering our long history together, you're the first person we wanna make this offer to. Are you ready? 5,100 tons of coffee beans. We're dead. Okay?

Mimi: [knocks on window] Baboon!

Louis: [sees Mimi] Ah!

Mimi: Baboon!

Louis: [[w:King Kong (1933 film)|a Fay Wray; he faints] He's doing ]!

Richard: Michael! Mumu!

Michael: Mimi! Come back inside!

Mimi: Statue of Liberty, Baboon.

Michael: You do as I tell you.

Ian: Get this!

Mimi: Come look!

Michael: No, no, no! Come back here! Mimi, Get back in here.

Karen: Cool.

Ian: [to Charlotte] Life happens around you!

Michael: Move. Get outta my way. Come on. Mimi! Watch out, watch out, watch out. Mimi! Mimi!

Ian: Get the wide-angle lens!

Michael: [starts walking out of window] Get out of the way, please! Mimi! Wait, wait, wait!

Michael: [training him to use toilet] No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. Before you pee, you lift the seat. After you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.

Charlotte: [with cigarette] Look at me. I'm smoking.

Ian: The rainforest is a very hot issue. Being associated with this, uh, jungle bloke, it can only help you.

Charlotte: Where's the rain forest?

Ian: Brian, find out where the rainforest is.

Brian: Right.

Charlotte: [sees Mimi Siku and gasps] Oh!

Michael: Mimi Siku, this is Charlotte, and, uh, Charlotte, this is Mimi Siku.

Charlotte: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mimi Siki.

Michael: Mimi Siku.

Charlotte: Mimi Siku.

Mimi: This your female, Baboon?

Michael: This is my female.

Charlotte: [[w:Elle (magazine)|Elle magazine; to Michael; to Mimi] And as his female, I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight with Fiona Gluckman. She's the fashion editor of ]. Very major. She wants to see the sketches for my wedding trousseau. And if you're available, I'd love for you to join us. Is there anything special you like to eat?

Mimi: Lizard guts.

Charlotte: Lizard guts?

Michael: Yes, but very lean.

Charlotte: [spots Mimi attempting to urinate in potted plant; shocked gasp] Great earrings. Honey!

Michael: [runs over to Mimi; to Charlotte; to Mimi] Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. Do you remember what we talked about, using the toilet on the airplane? Let's continue to do that. I will find the men's room for him, and we will see you tonight. Come on, Mimi.

Charlotte: Will he be wearing the loin cloth to dinner?

Michael: I'll get him some clothes.

Michael: Are you upset?

Charlotte: You brought back a child. Everyone else I know comes back from South America with a bag of coffee.

Michael: Well, I have ten million bags of coffee.

Charlotte: I thought I'd bring back something with a little less caffeine. I have a show to prepare and a wedding to plan.

Michael: [gestures to cameraman to come closer to him and then gut-punches him] That's months away. Honey? He's only gonna be here for a short while.

Cameraman: [in pain] UHH!

Michael: [Mimi appears in the floor] Mimi.

Mimi: Baboon.

Michael: [Mimi and Richard appear] What have you done with Mr. Kempster?

Richard: Excuse me! Michael! Do you know who Matika is?

Karen: Daddy!

Richard: Karen. Look at you, you look... beautiful.

Mimi: [lovestruck] Angel on table.

Richard: So, Mimi, how old are you?

Mimi: The roots of the Yomano tree have broken ground three times in my life.

Richard: So, I guess that would make you around--

Mimi: 13.

Richard: 13. 13. You know, I have a daughter around that age. Karen.

Mimi: Will I meet daughter?

Richard: [Mimi is mingling with clam basket] Yeah, yeah. She's just up at Charlotte's now. She's trying on her dress for the wedding. What are you doing?

Mimi: Feed Matika.

Richard: [Mimi turns clam basket showing Richard Matika and Richard slams his face against window screaming in alarm] What's Matika?

Charlotte: Michael, you're back!

Ian: [to camera crew] Where's Brian? Brian, let's go. Come on. Come, come, come.

Charlotte: [she and Michael kiss] Mmm. I missed you. You never called me.

Ian: We're here, but we're not "here," okay? Try to think of us as, uh, furniture.

Charlotte: Just act natural. So, did you miss me, darling?

Michael: I missed you very much.

Charlotte: My pieces in the show were such a hit that Ian-- Michael Cromwell, this is Ian Finch-Chumley.

Michael: Good to meet you, Ian.

Ian: Hi, Michael.

Charlotte: [[w:FashionTV|the Fashion Channel] He's doing a profile on me for ]. He'll be following me from now through the spring collection, and he'll be covering the wedding as well. Isn't that fabulous?

Michael: [confused] There's a-- There's a Fashion Channel?

Ian: [scoffs] Yeah.

Charlotte: [uses finger to turn Michael's head] Forget the camera. Just talk to me. They're furniture. Now, honey, did you get everything settled?

Michael: Yeah.

Charlotte: Yes! Oh!

Charlotte: So... what did you bring me?

Cameraman: Ow!

Michael: And I say we should just wait it out.

Richard: [Mimi uses blowdart to kill a fly] You're insane. Langston is right. We have to find a buyer for the coffee, cut our losses and get out now. Wow! Nice shot.

Michael: [hands back dart to Mimi] Put this away. Would you give me a few moments with Charlotte before you bring Mimi up, okay?

Richard: All right.

Langston: [sticks head out of office] Cromwell!

Michael: [hands Mimi a magazine; puts up arms like a bodybuilder] Okay. Take a look at that. Baboon must go fight the chief.

Langston: [speaking to Michael and Richard] Look at this! Cromwell, look at this. Coffee is at 88, and it's dropping like a brick! By tomorrow morning, it could be 85 or lower.

Richard: We'll just wait it out. Something'll happen. The market will turn around.

Langston: But what if it doesn't?

Michael: You remember what happened in 91?

Richard: You can't always depend on a natural disaster.

Michael: [[w:List of conflicts in South America|We can hope for an assassination] It doesn't have to be a natural disaster. ].

Richard: Oh, would you take it seriously for one minute?

Michael: Just a minute, I'm trying to lighten this guy up.

Langston: [Mimi Siku puts Matika on floor; Michael put newspaper on Matika] Stop it. Stop it! Now, come on. Behave yourselves here! Now something better happen fast, or I'm gonna throw your butts out the window! What the hell do you hotshots think about when you make these deals? You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell, that you were investing the company's money. When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you. But when you screw up like this, you're both on the hook for any loss we take.

Michael: That would be over a million dollars.

Langston: [Michael has realized Mimi's pet tarantula Matika is heading to Langston; Matika starts crawling up Langston's leg] Now, that's not my problem. And by the way, Cromwell, when somebody is playing with millions of dollars of my money, I generally like them in the country. This country!

Michael: Stop-- Stop yelling, please.

Langston: [oblivious to Matika] This is still my office! I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want! When I made you shareholders in this company, it was to share profits, not losses!

Michael: [stands up; shouting; sees Matika crawling towards him; pointing to window; [w:Mickey Rourke|Mickey Rourke] Not losses is right! We're not here to share losses! We're here to share profits! Profits! Profits! Huh? Look up! It's an alien circle with ]'s picture in it. Look, look, look, look, look! Up, up! Look! Look up! Look up!

Richard: He just found out that he has a son.

Michael: Look, look, look, look, look!

Mimi: Stop shouting, Baboon. Matika kill chief.

Michael: [receptionist looks at Michael looking confused; Mimi does so; walks back in office; [w:Spicy Fifty|chili del fuego] Catch the damn spider, will you, please? Thank you. I-I-- I said I was gonna go fight the chief, not kill the chief. Around here, only... postal employees kill chief. Do you understand? Boy, whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the ].

Mimi: This your village, Baboon?

Michael: Yep. This is my village.

Mimi: [later] It's big. Where are all the animals?

Michael: Up in their offices, where they work.

Richard: Michael! Michael!

Michael: [introducing Mimi to the [[w:Moving walkway|moving walkway] ] for the first time] All right, we gotta get movin here pretty-- Get on there. It's just-- It's a moving sidewalk.

Richard: [''Walking alongside Michael and Mimi''] Michael! Hey, Mike! Michael, how ya doin'?

Michael: Richard, what are you doing here?

Richard: I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?

Michael: For what?

Richard: For holding on to the beans.

Michael: What beans?

Richard: The coffee beans.

Michael: You didn't sell them?

Richard: No.

Michael: I told you to sell them at 97½!

Richard: [stops in place and reels back with both hands on his head] Oh, God, I'm dead! I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?!

Michael: Richard-- Excuse me. Richard. Why didn't ya sell?

Richard: Cause you didn't confirm, that's why!

Michael: What?!

Richard: You did not confirm.

Michael: What's coffee doin now?

Richard: [Michaels cringes in anger and stomps foot] It's under 90 cents and gone limit down.

Michael: I asked you-- I told you to sell it at 97½, and you can't do it cause I didn't say "confirm"?! You're an idiot!

Richard: [to Mimi] Look, for 15 years, Michael, you say "sell," I say "confirm!" Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm. You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell! Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?

Michael: His name is Mimi Siku. He's my son.

Richard: What do you mean, "son"? You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.

Michael: Well, apparently, I did. He's Patricia's son. He's Patricia and my son.

Flight attendant: [Michael wakes up] Excuse me, Mr. Cromwell, but the young man you're with is urinating on the exit door.

Michael: Thank you.

Mimi: [Sits down next to him] Me happy to be with you, Baboon.

Pinare children: [Running past Michael''] Baboon! Baboon!

Patricia: [to Michael, referring to turtle hanging from belt] Nice turtle.

Pinare children: Baboon! Baboon!

Patricia: The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey. "Baboon" is your Pinare name.

Michael: Baboon? That's the best they could come up with?

Patricia: At first, they wanted to go with "Man Who Must Be Smarter Than He Looks.

Michael: If we get to pick our own names, I'd like to pick this: "Man Who's Extremely Well-Endowed.

Patricia: [points to man surrounded by women, and the man thanks Patricia in Pinare] Sorry. It's already taken.

Michael: What's he sayin to them?

Patricia: The chief is telling the forest that Mimi's no longer a child.

Michael: Are they finished?

Patricia: Almost. But to become a tribal leader someday, Mimi has to perform a special task that the chief will give to him. He says he's very proud of Mimi Siku, and, as his father, you should be too.

Michael: [the [[w:Witch doctor|Witch doctor] Well, I am very proud of him, considering the fact that I just found out a couple days ago I had a son, and I'm standing about four feet from a witch doctor. ] speaks to Michael in Pinare and Michael hisses at him; chief talks about Mimi's task, and the villagers cheer in agreement]

Patricia: The chief has given Mimi the task of bringing fire back from the Statue of Liberty.

Michael: [chuckles] Guy doesn't kid around, does he?

Mimi: You promised to take me to New York when I become a man, Baboon.

Michael: And when you're a man, I will.

Patricia: In this tribe, he is a man, and he wants to go now?

Michael: No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Tomorrow, we fly to Caracas, we sign the divorce papers, then I get in a big, steel bird and fly back to New York City.

Mimi: Yakuza.

Patricia: Did you promise to take him or not?

Michael: Maybe. Mimi Siku, I have to be back on the exchange floor. I'm gettin married. I cannot take you tomorrow.

Patricia: Here, if you make a promise, you keep it. "Tomorrow," "Can't," "Maybe." These words don't mean anything to Mimi. He doesn't understand them.

Michael: [[w:Pirates of the Caribbean|Pirates of the Caribbean] It's not my fault he doesn't understand. You're his mom, you brought him down here to live with the ]. Maybe you should have taught him better English.

Patricia: This is the most important day in your son's life, and he wanted you here to share it with him. And now, you're going to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe by not keeping the first promise you ever made to him?

Mimi: Baboon, I-- I want to go.

Michael: Mimi Siku, I am-- I'm very sorry.

Mimi: [Mimi turns and walks away past tribe] You made wakatepe with me.

Mimi: Lizard guts.

Michael: You know, actually, the snake filled me right up.

Mimi: [plopping lizard guts into Michael's hand] No-no-no-no. I make it for you. Tastes good.

Michael: Oh.

Mimi: Now you here, you stay with me all the time?

Michael: I'd like to, Mimi Siku, but I can't.

Mimi: Why?

Michael: I have a whole another life where I live.

Mimi: Another son?

Michael: No. You're the only son I have.

Mimi: I'll teach you to hunt. Tomorrow I've got to go to my village.

Michael: I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?

Mimi: [holds up necklace; [w:Statue of Liberty|Woman who hold fire up sky's butt] Thi-- This in your village, yes? ]?

Michael: [laughs boisterously and chuckles in amusement] I've never-- I've never had her described quite like that. Yes, she's in my village. We call her the Statue of Liberty.

Mimi: When I'm a man, will you take me to Statue of Liberty?

Michael: Sure. Why not? Yeah. When you're a man, I'll take you to the Statue of Liberty.

Mimi: [Holds out hand] Wakatepe?

Michael: [Reciprocates gesture] Wakatepe.

Mimi: [lays in the sand] Sleep time.

Mimi: If you scream, Matika attack. If you're calm, Matika nice. But Kukuve always mean.

Michael: [Mimi points to alligator behind him; turns head to see Kukuve snarling while swimming to him; alarmed; runs away] Who's Kukuve? Huh? AAH! This place is a nightmare!

Michael: [Snake rears up; Mimi shoots snake with sleeping dart from blowgun] Is it much further? These shoes cost me $500. Whoa. Hey! Hey-hey-hey! Good shot!

Mimi: [Mimi holds up snake to Michael] Buradu.

Michael: Okay.

Mimi: Scared of snake?

Michael: [Mimi drops snake into Michale's hands; disgusted; to Mimi] No, scared of snake bite. Ugh. Eww. This buradu is dead, right?

Mimi: Sleeping. We kill it before we eat it.

Michael: No, no, no, no. I do not eat snake.

Mimi: [points to a monkey] Baboon! Baboon!

Michael: [imitates monkey chittering] Huh? No, no, no, no. Monkey. Monkey.

Mimi: [puts hand in river; flicks water toward Michael] Toona. Toona.

Michael: [splashed with flicked water; puts his hand in the river; holds up hand to reveal piranha on his right finger; pulls the piranha off, throws it and holds bleeding finger; puts finger in his mouth; spits out blood in disgust] Oh! Parasite. No, uh, Mimi, um-- Water? Wa-- Piranha. Cut, infection, death! Oh.

Mimi: [pointing to [[w:toucan|toucan] ] in flight] Hoko!

Michael: [[w:Yoko Ono|Hoko Ono] Hoko; bird. Bird who can't sing: ].

Mimi: No, no, no, no, no. Hoko is toucan. Bird is pomoko.

Michael: You speak English?

Mimi: Paliku taught me.

Michael: [chuckles] So... ...you understood everything I said last night.

Patricia: [she picks off a beetle crawling on Michael while asleep; Michael wakes up, yells in shock, and falls out hammock] Michael. You all right?

Michael: [covers his face from the blinding sunlight; [w:Photosphere|The Surface of the Sun] Yes. You should put air bags in these things. What do you call this place again? ]?!

Patricia: Mimi said that you talked to him last night.

Michael: [takes off dirty shirt] I told him that I was his father, and, uh, he said something in Indian, and then he gave a girl a pot.

Patricia: Giving a pot here is like giving flowers. It's a love gift. He's very popular with the girls.

Michael: Maybe he is mine after all.

Patricia: He is yours. Why don't you try again? He's going out on the river. Go with him.

Michael: Maybe I can teach him about commodities. Based on what I learned in the bachelor hut last night, he could make a killing in gas futures.

Patricia: Go.

Michael: Is it the local fruit?

Michael: [man farts in his face; disgusted; ''Spots Mimi Siku walking''] Talk about your wind instruments. Oh! Oh, ease up on the fruit, for God's sakes. Mitsubishi!

Mimi Siku: [''Points to chest''] Mimi Siku.

Michael: [''Mimi Siku speaks Pinare''; Mimi Siku strokes cheek in a gesture; Mimi Siku then walks over to a Pinare girl giving her a pot] Hi, uh, Mimi Siku. I'm Michael Cromwell. Patricia-- Oh, um, Paliku tells me that, um... that I-I'm-- I'm your father. That's a nice pot you have. Do you understand any English? Well, Patricia, or Paliku, wanted me to say something paternal to you. And I gotta admit that this isn't easy for me. I don't have any regrets. Well, I have regrets. But then again, ♪ Too few to mention. ♪ Ha!

Michael: Come on, come on, come on.

Patricia: [''Holds a plate of a dark paste to Michael''] Hungry?

Michael: [takes plate and reacts in extreme disgust] I am starving. Ohhh.

Patricia: [[w:yellow-eared bat|yellow-eared bat] It's ], a Pinare specialty. It's made from the bladder.

Michael: [digusted; [w:Kaopectate|Kaopectate] Oh, bat bladder. Holy ], I don't think so.

Patricia: [gives bat bladder to villager and briefly speaks Pinare] You might prefer the kara toka.

Michael: Yeah, right.

Patricia: Chicken.

Michael: [to Pinare kid throwing rocks] I would prefer that. Thanks. Ready. Okay, okay. Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Patricia: Michael, I have to talk to you.

Michael: Patricia, let's not, okay?

Patricia: There's something that you don't know.

Michael: Yeah, like why you left me.

Patricia: Because of the fifth phone line.

Michael: What is that supposed to mean?

Patricia: One morning some guy showed up at our apartment to install a fifth phone line. He asked if I was the receptionist. And I realized that I had lost you somehow. So, I packed my things, and I left you alone. I figured you'd be happier that way.

Michael: You thought this would make me happy?

Patricia: How long before you noticed I was gone?

Michael: Why didn't you talk to me?

Patricia: Talk to you? I spent six months telling you I was unhappy.

Michael: It was a crazy time for me. I just started working at L.T.G. I had a straddled position in sugar.

Patricia: [sighs] Michael.

Michael: The price went up, it skyrocketed...

Patricia: Michael!

Michael: ...I'm shorted--

Patricia: Michael!

Michael: What?!

Patricia: It's very hard for me to tell you this, so please listen.

Michael: Well, what choice do I have? I'm stuck here with you and the Village People... till you celebrate Banana-fana-fo-fana.

Attractive woman on computer: Hello, you.

Villagers: Ooh.

Michael: [walks to computer and hums] Excuse me. The real world calls.

Attractive woman on computer: [Michael types on his laptop] Hello, you.

Patricia: What I'm trying to say is that...

Michael: Look, I was right. I was right!

Patricia: ...I wasn't exactly alone when I left you.

Michael: [puts hand in ear to block her voice] 97¼?

Patricia: Michael. Michael.

Michael: I'm with ya. Coffee has gone crazy.

Patricia: I didn't know it at the time, but I was...

Michael: 97¼, 97, 97. Am I greedy? I'm feeling pretty greedy.

Patricia: ...pregnant with your son.

Michael: [Patricia walks away; to Pinare Man] I'm gonna wait till 97½. Cause it's gonna happen. Waitin'. Papa is waitin'. Come to Papa, come to Papa. 97½, 97½. Sold for a tidy $300,000 profit. God, it's good to be good! What'd she say?

Pinare Man: Hello, you.

Michael: [walking after her; "Confirm transmission!" appears on laptop screen] Patricia-- All right, Patricia. What did I do?

Patricia: I just told you that you had a son, and you didn't even hear me.

Michael: What are you talking about? What son?

Patricia: [points to Mimi Siku] Your son. The boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son.

Michael: [pointing to Mimi Siku] That is my son?

Patricia: I must have started a thousand letters to tell you, but every one of them started with, "I know you never wanted children.

Michael: This is nuts. This is nuts. This is unbelievable.

Patricia: I was confused--

Michael: You know what you just said to me?! This is unforgivable!

Patricia: I'm not asking you to forgive me, but he didn't do anything, so don't blame him.

Michael: That's my son?

Patricia: [nods her head] His name is Mimi Siku.

Michael: His name is what?

Patricia: Mimi Siku.

Michael: Mimi Siku.

Patricia: Roughly translated, it means... "Cat Piss.

Michael: He picked the name "Cat Piss"?

Patricia: He was six years old at the time. It's a territorial thing.

Michael: You sure he's mine?

Patricia: Positive. He's got your nose, and he thinks he's never wrong.

Villagers: Hello, you.

Michael: [laptop shuts down due to low battery power; holds up power cord] No, no, no! Get away! No-no-no, don't touch that! Don't touch that! No, don't touch that! Huh? Ohhh. You wouldn't happen to have a place where I could stick that, would you?

Pinare man: Hello, you.

Skiff Pilot: Nah, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Michael: [feels something biting his handkechief; he pulls out the handkerchief to discover [[w:piranha|piranhas] Oh? And why not? Oh! ] chomping on fingers and handkerchief and starts stomping on the piranha]

Skiff Pilot: [they arrive at the Pinare indigenous village] Lipo Lipo. So nice they named it twice.

Michael: [[w:Gilligan's Island|''Gilligan's Island''; ''Boat is beached and Michael gets out''] Oh, my God. She left me for ]! Great. I'll be right back.

Skiff piloter: Not long. I have an appointment.

Michael: [''To children''; [w:Secondary sex characteristic#Humans|full-figured] You have an appointment? Well, if it's the cable guy, you got plenty of time. Okay. Hi, um.. I'm.. I'm Michael Cromwell. I'm looking for Patricia Cromwell. You know Patricia Cromwell? She's a doctor. No, a woman. Like me, but, but... ].

Lipo Lipo children: Paliku. Paliku.

Michael: Pali who?

Lipo Lipo children: Paliku.

Michael: Paliku? Where is she?

Lipo Lipo children: Paliku. Paliku! Paliku!

Michael: [the Lipo Lipo children bring him to Patricia; Michael enters hut] Yes, I heard you. Okay, okay. Patricia.

Pontspie: Mmm.

Michael: You look different.

Patricia: [appears] Michael. You made it.

Michael: Um, yes, I did.

Patricia: [speaks Pinare to a man leaving checkup; to Michael] You look good.

Michael: So do you.

Patricia: How've you been?

Michael: [[w:Canaima|Canaima] Better. Much better. Weren't you supposed to meet me in ] last night?

Patricia: Botako's having her first litter.

Michael: [To a heavy-set mature adult Pinare woman] Congratulations.

Patricia: [Referring to Pinare woman; Gestures to Michael and speaks Pinare to Pontspie] Not her. This is Pontspie. Pontspie,

Pontspie: Mmm.

Patricia: [Refers to [[w:pig|pig] ] giving birth] This is Botako.

Michael: [Patricia speaks to Pontspie in Pinare] As much as I hate to spoil this joyous event, I took an airplane from New York City! I have a boat waiting! You remember the divorce? Patricia? Patricia!

Patricia: Paliku. My Pinare name is Paliku. We pick our own names here.

Michael: Do you remember 12, 13 years ago, maybe, when out of the blue, we weren't even married a year, and you walked out on me?

Patricia: And now you want a divorce, and you think I'm gonna hit you up for money.

Michael: We both want a divorce, and aren't you?

Patricia: I don't want any money.

Michael: Great. We can get to Caracas now. That way we can sign divorce papers. I can be back in New York by Friday afternoon.

Patricia: Tomorrow is the Fanenteyou celebration. I have to be here.

Michael: [uneasily] Ohh.

Patricia: [to Pontspie; happily, holds up piglet] It's a male!

Pontspie: Ay!

Michael: [[w:circumcision|circumcision] As much as I'd like to stick around for the ], I've got a canoe waiting, and my boatman has an appointment!

Patricia: Your boatman is gone.

Michael: [shocked] What?! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Tell him to stop!

Skiff piloter: [taking off; [w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|Hasta la vista(, baby)!] ]

Michael: [''Notices the villagers are going through his luggage and scattering them; grabs [[w:Hair clipper#Electric clippers|electric clippers; [w:Braun (company)|Braun( shaver)!; turns shaver off] Hey-hey-hey! Stop! You can't leave me here! What you're doing is very unprofessional! Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come back here! Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna need all these clothes back, right where they came from, all right? Aw, this is a ] Wh-- What about my boat?

Patricia: He'll be back. Couple of days.

Michael: Wh-- What am I supposed to do now?

Patricia: The chief says you can spend the night with the bachelors.

Michael: I'm not staying with the bachelors.

Patricia: [''Pontspie uses piglet front leg to wave to Michael''] Or Pontspie offered her hut.

Pontspie: Mm-mmm.

Michael: Bring on the bachelors!

Langston: If Cromwell should bother to call, put him through to my office immediately! Has anybody seen that idiot Kempster around here?! Kempster!

Richard: [hiding under desk] Michael, you have got to get back here tomorrow. Langston is going insane. Where are you?

Michael: [[w:Nightmare on Elm Street|Nightmare on Bodega Street] I'm staying in the middle of ].

Richard: If you don't get here, do I sell the coffee or do I hold it?

Michael: No, no, no, no. Do not sell the coffee till I give you the go-ahead. Call me on the uplink as soon as London opens, all right?

Richard: All right. Okay.

Langston: Kempster!

Michael: [exiting plane] This thing might be quicker if you used both engines!

Abe: [holds up sign] Señor Kromwell? Ah. Señor Kromwell?

Michael: [takes sign out of Abe's hand and turns it around] That'd be me, Michael Cromwell, with a "C.

Abe: Señor Cromwell with a "C." I am Abe Botero with a "B," your attorney-at-law. I am outrageously pleased to meet with you.

Michael: [Abe hugs Michael] Okay. Abe, Abe, let me go.

Abe: [lets go of Michael] My car is right over here. Do you have any more luggage?

Michael: I travel kinda light, Abe. So, what's the deal? Where is Patricia?

Abe: [[w:Canaima|Canaima] Uh, we received this letter from your wife today. Señora Cromwell says that she could not come to ], but she wants to get you to Lipo Lipo.

Michael: Wait a second. What are you talking about? I travel 3,000 miles to get here, and she doesn't show up? What's that about?

Abe: [laughs] Abe has a saying: He who knows what a woman wants knows everything. But not even God knows that.

Michael: Okay. If that's the way she wants to play it, she's not gonna get a dime.

Trader 1: 10½!

Trader 2: 9.25!

Trader 3: 25! I'll take it!

Michael: How's July? July's how?

Trader 4: July's at 95¼.

Michael: 94½ bid. Hey, bonehead, moron!

Trader 4: Moron"?! "Moron," this. At 95! At 95!

Richard: [gets off the floor] Keep your pencil to yourself!

Michael: 94¾ bid, for 300.

Trader 4: Sold, 300!

Michael: Buy 300, yes!

Richard: [to Trader 4; to another trader; following Michael] 300?! 300, you idiot?! Get out of my way! 300 lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?

Michael: No, Richard, I call that an opportunity.

Richard: 300 lots, in this market, is not an opportunity, it's a death wish.

Michael: Oh, ye of little faith.

Richard: No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.

Michael: Hi, Maddy. What've you got?

Maddy: [[w:American Airlines|American Airlines; [w:Caracas|Caracas] ] Flight 109 leaving J.F.K., 1:00 p.m., arriving ] at 6:22 p.m.

Michael: All right, all right.

Richard: Aw, come on. You're not still leaving, are you? I mean, after what you did in there?

Michael: I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days. In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.

Maddy: Toiletries, shirts, socks...

Richard: I don't believe this. You're gonna leave me with 5,100 tons of coffee?

Michael: Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long is because you're the best analyst on the Street.

Richard: You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.

Michael: Yeah? And what happens?

Richard: I'm hospitalized, and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.

Maddy: [Michael gets in taxi] Laptop. Uplink. You'll overnight in Caracas, then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.

Michael: [to Richard] Thanks. See ya in two days!

Richard: [annoyed] Unbelievable.