26 quotes
Appreciating the Beauty of Simplicity in Writing
Dusty Lee Dinkelman
I mean, listen, I know it might sound a little corny, maybe even a little femme, but I find something so resplendent in the simplicity of ] writing, you know what I mean? Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll.
[[Nicholas Sparks; Looks at Chris's completely feminine Christmas sweater]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confidence in Competition
Chris
I can't compete with this guy!
Clark
You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love in Just Friends
Taglines
He loves her. She loves him not.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Essence of Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Samantha James
Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time, timmmmmmeee! Time.
[singing and playing guitar]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Reveals Hidden Betrayals Among Friends
Mike
The jig is up! Run!
Samantha
You son of a bitch!
Chris
Samantha! You're here! Shit!
Samantha
There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
Old Woman
Me?
Samantha
Not you, wrinkles. Her!
[Points at Jamie]
Jamie
Who are you?
Samantha
I'm Samantha James, bitch!
Jamie
Don't shove me!
Samantha
You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!
Jamie
Get off!
Mike
Cat fight!
[In an excited, high pitched voice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Leads to Awkward Date Moment
Clark
How'd the big date go?
Chris
It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up shaking her entire body!
Clark
So you gave her a body shake?
Chris
Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?
Clark
It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Love and Breakups
Chris
So, how's the love life?
Jamie
Lame. Marty and I broke up a year ago.
Chris
Another jerk, huh?
Jamie
Another jerk, huh?
Chris
I'm just saying... you dated a lot of jerks in high school.
Jamie
So what about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Environmental Awareness and Vehicles
Chris Mom
Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Dusty
Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris Mom
I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris
I love the environment.
Chris Mom
But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Chris
Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
[pause]
Dusty
Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
Dusty
And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Friendship and Romantic Tension
Chris
This is it. You're finally going to have sex with Jamie Palamino. Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body. Why are you smiling like a fricken idiot? Go on. Make a move. MAKE A MOVE!
[thinking]
Jamie
What's on your mind?
Chris
Bush. President Bush. The first family, really.
[awkwardly]
Chris
Dude! You're killing me! This is the girl of your dreams! Ravish her! What if she doesn't want to be ravished? What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other. Friends watch New Years Rockin Eve. I wonder who's hosting this year.
[thinking]
Jamie
Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.
Chris
Yeah. Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. This is it. Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's going to be.
[thinking while cuddling up behind Jamie]
Jamie
Chris?
Chris
Oh God. Oh, God. What are you doing? Where are you going?
[thinking as he slowly rolls over off of her]
Jamie
Is everything alright?
Chris
Oh, everything's fine. Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything?
Jamie
No, I'm fine.
Chris
Ah. You're not going to make a move are you? Good night, Jamie.
[thinking; to Jamie]
Jamie
Good night, Chris.
Chris
You don't deserve a penis!
[thinking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Weight Loss and Unusual Comparisons
Mr. Palamino
How did you lose all that weight? Like that retard from Subway?
Clark
Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?
[about Chris and Jamie]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Conversations About Ham
Mike
Yeah I slapped the ham to it about an hour ago.
Chris Mom
What ham did you slap, honey? Not the one I just bought.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship Struggles Through the Ages
Taglines
Moments like this have been ruining friendships for centuries.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confessions of Love and Friendship
Chris
Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm scared to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. You know that's a lie too.
[pause]
Jamie Palamino
Why are you back here?
Chris
Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.
Chris
Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!
[leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moment of Realization and Surprise
Samantha James
Wait a minute, am I being ]? Oh my god! ], you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?
[[w:Punk'D|Punk'D; [w:Ashton Kutcher|Ashton]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Greatest Musical Manager Team Concept
Samantha James
You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since ] and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, cause it's illegal. I looked it up.
[to Chris; [w:Jessica Simpson|Jessica Simpson]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unresolved Tension Between Friends Over the Years
Jamie
Why do you keep messing with my head?
Chris
I messed with your head for three days. You've been torturing me for twenty years!
Jamie
Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!
Chris
After being the biggest tease for so long, trust me, I am so over myself.
Jamie
Oh, so I'm the tease? I practically throw myself at you the other night and you did nothing!
Chris
And now you know how it feels.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship Can Have Different Levels of Intimacy
Taglines
Some friends are just friends. Others you get to see naked.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Avoiding Lunch Plans for Romantic Interests
Chris
What about Sheila? You making any headway?
Ray
We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.
Chris
Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.
Ray
Why?
Chris
That's like the express lane to the friend zone.
Ray
What the hell's the friend zone?
Chris
See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
Ray
I don't want to be a lamp.
Chris
Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example...
[points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]
Ray
You mean that couple?
Chris
No, I mean the guy that wishes they were a couple.
Ray
What is your point?
Chris
My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. Cause friends don't kiss.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unwanted Words for a Guy
Taglines
Two Words A Guy Never Wants To Hear
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions to Bold Statements
Samantha
I wanna lick your SKIN off.
Chris
I’d prefer you didn’t.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Revealing Insecurities About Love and Identity
Chris Brander
So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Compliment Sparks a Conversation
Jamie
We need to talk about what you wrote. Is that really how you feel?
Chris
I don't know. Maybe. Why?
Jamie
Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.
Chris
It was?
Jamie
Yes. I love you Chris - - like a brother!
[goes to kiss him. Chris goes for her lips and she moves to his cheek]
Chris
Hmm?
Jamie
We're friends right?
Chris
For sure!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Shared Affection for a Poster
Samantha
Do you really have my poster on your wall?
Mike
Yeah.
Samantha
Do you ever...
Mike
All the time!
Samantha
How many times a day?
Mike
Eight.
Samantha
Eight? Ooh that's hot!
Mike
You're hot.
Samantha
I know! I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Mother and Son
Chris Mom
Joyce? Joyce?
[Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone]
Chris
Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris Mom
Chris? What are you doing over at Joyce's?
Chris
No Mom, I'm in the living room ten feet away from you, and I'm on the phone.
Chris Mom
Oh. Well, while I have you on the phone, dear, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between chicken chow mein or pot-roast.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Siblings and Acceptance in Just Friends
Mike Brander
Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Harsh Reminder of Insecurities
Mike Brander
You’ll always be fat to me, Chris!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.