King Ralph (1991) - Quotes

The Last Heir of the Royal Family

Taglines: A great tragedy has befallen the royal family leaving only one heir to the throne...

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Laughter Fades as Ralph Embraces Royalty

Taglines: When Ralph becomes royalty, laughter resigns!

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A Royal Comedy of Grand Scale

Taglines: A comedy of majestic proportions

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Velour Industry on Standby

Sir Cedric: We'll put the velour industry on full standby.

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The Challenge of Offering Advice Boldly

Sir Cedric: It is far easier to whisper advice from behind the scenes rather than risk its merit at the point of attack.

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Accusations of Corruption in Royal Circles

Lord Percival: [''after Ralph accuses him of undermining him''] This is an OUTRAGE! A VILE piece of slander! I demand to know the source of these allegations!

Ralph: We haved the signed confession of a royal page, Gordon Halliwell, who worked Lord Graves.

Lord Percival: I know no such man!

Ralph: And several cheques made out to the photographers who took the pictures, signed by Lord Graves. Whose fingerprints were also on the photographs.

Lord Percival: So! I saw them at the ball!

Ralph: And Scotland Yard found the negatives at his house this morning.

King Ralph: By the Treason Act of 1702 forbidding interference in the proper succession of a monarch. Enacted by...

Ralph: William III!

Various Members of Parliament: [''staggered throughout Parliament as Lord Graves is escorted out by Scotland Yard''] SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

Dysentery: That's right! String him up! Wanker!

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Royal Travel Destinations Discussed in Conversation

Princess Anna: Mummy, Daddy and I have been to all the places the royals go. Cairo, Singapore, Gstaad, Aspen, Paris and of course Ascot.

King Ralph: Ascot? Where is that?

Princess Anna: England.

Sir Cedric: How's it going, Your Majesty?

Ralph: Great. We've got nothing in common and she's got a voice like a tuba. If she had her way, we'd have sex on a bed of nails on national television. But at least the party stinks.

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Socializing and Hunting: A Royal Conversation

Hale: [''Ralph has referred to Princess Anna as a "fox"''] I'm glad you find her so. Best wishes in your fox hunting.

King Gustav: Fox hunting? You like fox hunting, yes.

Ralph: Well, I don't get out much lately. But I used to go out almost every evening. One club or another.

King Gustav: Really? That often? You must have collected several tails.

Ralph: [''shocked''] Well, I admit I slept with a few. But I'm not like that anymore. Now a days, you can't be too careful. You don't know who they've been with.

King Gustav: No, I suppose not.

Ralph: Yeah? Once I got a steady girl, that put an end to it.

King Gustav: She did not like fox hunting?

Ralph: Of course not! Anna's not into it, is she?

King Gustav: Oh, yes! She loves it! Most royals do.

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Dating Restrictions for Kings Discussed

King Ralph: Aw man, if he gets more than a 7 we're screwed.

King Ralph: Listen, I've been meaning to ask you, do they tell you who you could date over there?

King Mulamboa: Of course not. I am the King.

King Ralph: Damn, I knew I was getting hosed over here.

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The Importance of Image in Car Marketing

King Mulamboa: My people are inventive. We seek to manufacture the world's first African car. If we are to market it in the United States should we not be concerned about gas mileage?

King Ralph: Gas mileage is fine, but keep in mind - the first question every car buyer asks themselves is Will this car get me laid?

King Ralph: And that my friend, is game.

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Cultural Misunderstanding in Royal Greetings

Sir Cedric: Your Majesty, may I present the Sovereign King Mulamboa of Zambei.

King Ralph: [''seeing that the king is black, using a Eubonics dialect''] Hey, homes! What's happening? Give me quintet, brother!

King Mulamboa: I do not comprehend, Your Majesty!

King Ralph: [''uncomfortable silence''] Uh... welcome, Your Majesty. On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom... Uh, do you want to go get a beer?

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Confusion Over Traditional English Dishes

Sir Cedric: These are a few of our traditional English dishes, some of which you will be served tonight. Here we have roast beef and yorkshire pudding, bangers and mash, and the ever-popular Spotted Dick.

Ralph: Spotted Dick??

Ralph: Dick of WHAT???

Sir Cedric: These are the bangers. Sausages.

Sir Cedric: Spotted Dick is the dessert.

Ralph: Can I just have some ice cream?