Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) - Quotes

Darkening Theaters This December 17

Taglines: Darkening theaters December 17.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Concerned About Unfortunate Events

Taglines: We're very concerned.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Christmas Ruined on December 17

Taglines: Ruining Christmas December 17.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Embracing Life's Unfortunate Events

Taglines: Mishaps. Mayhem. Misadventures. Oh joy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Holiday Movie Lacking Hope and Joy

Taglines: At last a holiday movie without all that pesky hope and joy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Christmas Cheer Takes a Break This Holiday

Taglines: This holiday, Christmas cheer takes a break.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Cautionary Note on Unfortunate Events

Taglines: Don't say we didn't warn you.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Christmas Cheer Takes a Holiday

Taglines: On December 17, Christmas cheer takes a holiday.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Custody Decision by Judge Gallo

Judge Gallo: Custody granted.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Meaning of Home

Klaus Baudelaire: This is not home. Home is where your parents put you to bed at night. They teach you how to ride a bike. Or get choked up on your first day of school. This is not home.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Facing the Loss of Our Parents

Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Understanding Cause and Effect in Life

Klaus Baudelaire: These things don't just happen.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Klaus Baudelaire's Practical Suggestion for Violet

Klaus Baudelaire: Uh, Violet? Now would be a good time to tie up your hair...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Message of Love and Resilience

Violet Baudelaire: [reading aloud] It's the letter - The letter that never came. "Dearest Children; Since we have been abroad we have missed you all so much. Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels. One day, where you're older, you will learn all about the people we've befriended and the dangers we have faced. At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings; but in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that, no matter what happens in this life, you three will take care of each other with kindness, and bravery and selflessness as you always have. And remember one thing my darlings and never forget it: that no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family and you are home. Your loving parents.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Marriage Challenges and Acting Critiques

Violet Baudelaire: [to Count Olaf] Hey, marriage is no picnic. Oh, and by the way, you're a terrible actor.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Endless Possibilities in Adversity

Violet Baudelaire: [repeated phrase] There's always something.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Count Olaf's Claim of Innocence

Count Olaf: [to Violet] I'm the monster? You're the monster! These children tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen. No one ever listens to children! You think you're innocent?! You're accomplices! This certificate says that I have the fortune now! And there's nothing you can do about it! What do you think? Too diabolical? Give me some feedback!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Count Olaf's Greeting to the Baudelaire Orphans

Count Olaf: Hello, hello, hello. I am your beloved Count Olaf.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Baudelaires' Unique Form of Fortunate Adventure

Lemony Snicket: [last lines] Passing the torch is a right of passage that can take many forms. But prehaps the least known and most surprising is the passing of a spyglass. Dear reader, there are people in the world who know no misery and woe. And they take comfort in cheerful films about twittering birds and giggling elves. There are people who know that there's always a mystery to be solved. And they take comfort in researching and writing down any important evidence. But this story is not about such people. This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.

Justice and Consequence in a Troubling Tale

Lemony Snicket: I am thrilled to say that Count Olaf was captured for crimes too numerous to mention. And before serving his life sentence, it was the judge's decree that Olaf be made to suffer every hardship that he forced upon the children. The Baudelaires had triumphed, a word which here means "unmasking a cruel and talentless arsonist, and solving the mystery of the Baudelaire fire." If only justice were as kind. Count Olaf vanished after a jury of his peers overturned his sentence.

The Weight of Unexpected Loss

Lemony Snicket: It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down through the air and there's a sickly moment of dark surprise. The children's grief was not only for their uncle, but for that tender hope that they might have found home again. A hope which, thanks to a villainous actor, was now slowly tumbling away.

The Burden of Unfortunate Truths

Lemony Snicket: [Stephano rings the doorbell] And so, the Baudelaire children went to Peru and together had wonderful adventures with their loving and new guardian. The end. These are the words I desperately wish I could type. Oh, I would give anything to say that the story ends here. But alas, my mission is not to weave happy endings where they do not occur, but to report the actual events in the lives of the unfortunate Baudelaire children. And as much as it pains me, I must confess that their troubles had only just begun. And it did so with two musical notes.

Adjusting the Ribbon Amidst Chaos

Lemony Snicket: [fixes the ribbon] Oh, sorry. My ribbon had just jammed. Lemme just adjust it here. There we are. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. The attack of the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

An Invitation to Leave the Experience

Lemony Snicket: This should be an excellent opportunity to walk out of the theatre, living room, or airplane where this film is being shown. Still not too late to see a film about a happy little elf.

Understanding Loss and Its Impact

Lemony Snicket: If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels. If you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.

Introduction to a Dark Tale

Lemony Snicket: [first lines] I'm sorry to say that, but this is not the movie you'll be watching. The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to see a film about a happy little elf, then I'm sure there is still plenty of seating in theatre #2. However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches, Italian food and secret organizations, then stay, as I retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children's woeful steps. My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sad duty to document this tale.