31 quotes
The Humor of Exclusionary Signs
Guido
Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my Chinese friend and his pet kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Chinese or Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos.
Giosué
We let everyone in our shop, don't we?
Guido
Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. What don't you like?
Giosué
Spiders.
Guido
Good I don't like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we'll get a sign: "No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lighthearted Exchange About Prizes
Guido
The prize is... the prize is...
Eliseo
A tank.
Guido
Yes! Yes, the prize is a tank.
Joshua
I already have one.
Guido
No, a real one.
Joshua
A real tank?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Language Barrier in a Difficult Situation
Bartolomeo
They are looking for someone who speaks German, to translate their instructions.
Guido
(raises his hand)
Bartolomeo
Do you speak German?
Guido
No.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings About Reality and Innocence
Joshua
They turn us into buttons and soap.
Guido
Who told you that?
Joshua
An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap.
Guido
You fell for that? Again? I thought you were a sharp boy – cunning, intelligent. Buttons and soap out of people? That’ll be the day!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the Game's Rules
Guido
Did you play with the other kids?
Joshua
Yes, but they don’t know the rules. They said it isn’t true that the first prize is a tank. They don’t know anything about points.
Guido
Did you fall for that? They’re as sly as foxes. They want to beat you. Are you joking? There’s no tank? Don’t you believe them!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Request for a Key from Above
Guido
Mary! Send down the key! (speaking to the woman in the window)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Game of Survival
Guido
(pretending to translate a German concentration camp guard's instructions to the new prisoners) The game starts now. You have to score one thousand points. If you do that, you take home a tank with a big gun. Each day we will announce the scores from that loudspeaker. The one who has the fewest points will have to wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back. There are three ways to lose points. One, turning into a big crybaby. Two, telling us you want to see your mommy. Three, saying you're hungry and want something to eat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Paradox of Names and Existence
Riddles
If you say my name I'm not there anymore. Who am I?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication During Political Discussion
Guido
What are your political views?
Italian Official
Benito, Adolf! Be good !... Sorry Guido, what did you say?
[''speaking to his two sons'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Silence in Life
Riddles
* (Silence)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Size and Visibility
Riddles
The bigger it is, the less you see it
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Victory in a Game
Joshua
We got a thousand points and we won the game! Daddy and me came in first and now we won the real tank! We won! We won!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Burden of the Unnecessary
Eliseo
Nothing is more ] than the unnecessary.
[[Necessity|necessary]
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City Behavior vs. Country Behavior
Guido
You can do anything you want in the city. If you want to yell, yell. (His friend yells) Guido: Stop it! What are you, crazy? You can’t act like you do in the country. You’ve been acting like a madman. You can’t yell!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Snow White's Mysterious Meal for Guests
Riddles
The dwarves and Snow White sit down for a bite. How fast can you guess what she serves her guests next?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unspoken Desires in a Tender Moment
Guido
I forgot to tell you.
Dora
Go ahead.
Guido
You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.
Dora
Say what?
Guido
That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire to reunite with family on train
Dora
My husband and son are on that train. I want to get on that train. Did you hear me? I want to get on it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Child's Innocence Amidst Tragedy
Guido (to Giosue)
I told you we’re going to have fun.
Joshua
(watching his uncle being sent to the gas chamber) Where is Uncle going?
Guido
Uh... oh, he's playing on a different team. Goodbye, Uncle!
Joshua
Goodbye, Uncle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Time in Life
Riddles
* (Seven Seconds!)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Warm Greeting to the Princess
Guido
Buongiorno, Principessa! LET ME GO WITH YOU (Good Morning, Princess!)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Understanding Obscurity
Riddles
* (Obscurity)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Riddles of Identity and Self-Perception
Riddles
Fat, fat, ugly, ugly, all yellow in reality. If you ask me what I am I answer, Cheap, cheap, cheap. Wailing along I go, Poopoo'. Who am I? Tell me true.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Train Stop for a Family Reunion
Giosué
Look, they stopped the train to let Mom get on.
Guido
Dora...
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The Art of Serving with Dignity
Guido
(learning how to be a waiter) How far do I bow? I suppose I can even go 180 degrees.
Eliseo
Think of a sunflower, they bow to the sun. But if you see some that are bowed too far down, it means they're dead. You're here serving, you're not a servant. Serving is the supreme art. God is the first of servants. God serves men, but he's not a servant to men.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Timing in Life
Dr Lessing
Seven seconds!
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Excitement of Riding a Train Together
Guido
You've never ridden on a train, have you? They're fantastic! Everybody stands up, close together, and there are no seats!
[''being shipped to a concentration camp'']
Giosué
There aren't any seats?
Guido
Seats? On a train? It's obvious you've never ridden one before! No, everybody's packed in, standing up. Look at this line to get on! Hey, we've got tickets, save room for us!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking Answers in Troubling Times
Dr Lessing
Help me, help me. I can’t sleep. What is the answer?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Signal for Important News
Dr Lessing
I have something important to tell you. Wait for my signal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Father's Hopeful Words to His Son
Guido
(carrying his son through the camp) You are such a good boy. You sleep now. Dream sweet dreams. Maybe it’s only a dream! We’re dreaming, Joshua. Tomorrow morning, Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guido's Enthusiasm for a New Home
Guido
What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Morning Greeting to the Princess
Joshua
Good morning, princess!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.