27 quotes
Recognition of a Best-Selling Author
Edgar Frog
I know who you are. You're Gwen Lieber, best-selling author of the Eternity Kiss series. First of which is about to be made into a major motion picture, coming soon to a theatre near you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disappointment in Perceived Salvation
Peter
I'm disappointed in you, Edgar. This is no way to treat your savior.
Edgar
Savior?! You got a funny way of looking at things, kid.
Peter
I saved you from a life of loneliness. You didn't want to end up like Robert Neville, did you?
Edgar
Robert who?
Peter
You really should read more books, Edgar. The ones without pictures and word balloons. Robert Neville, the protagonist in ]. Last man on Earth in a world full of vampires. Is that really what you want to become?
[[w:I Am Legend (novel)|I Am Legend]
Edgar
I'm not thirsty! You'll have to kill me first, just like you killed Gwen!
Peter
I will, if necessary!! But that would be a shame, especially since I owe you a debt for killing X.
Edgar
Why didn't you just kill him yourself when you had the chance?
Peter
A father can't murder his own children. That would be in bad taste. Even an impertinent little wimp like DJ X. I told him, "You can't turn all the cattle into cowboys. You'll wind up with too many cowboys." But he didn't listen. And now, thanks to his damned raves, there are going to be far too many vampires roaming the Earth. That's where you come in.
Edgar
Keep the population down to a manageable size. Plenty of blood to drink. Everybody's happy.
Peter
Precisely. Which is why I want you to keep on doing what you're already so very good at. Hunting and killing vampires.
Peter
Crudely worded, but yes, that's the general idea.
Edgar
And what makes you think that I won't just kill you myself?
Peter
Nothing. Except that you have no real reason. Think about it, Edgar. Your brother's already one of us. Everyone you care about is either dead or playing for my team. What do you say?
Edgar
I say... why don't you go screw yourself?!
Peter
Alan, kill your brother! You'll feel better.
Edgar
Alan, no! Don't do this! You're my brother. You're a Frog brother! Don't... make me... hurt you! I told you not to make me hurt you!
Peter
Last chance, Edgar!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preference for Traditional Killing Methods
DJ X
Very creative, Frog. But when it comes to killing, I prefer more traditional methods... like impalement.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Deal with Consequences and Aging Fears
Gwen Lieber
I've brought you Edgar Frog, just like you asked. Now it is your turn. Remember your promise to me. I just don't want to grow old. Sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice and Caution in Vampire Hunting
Alan Frog
Edgar, since I know I'll never be able to talk you out of what you're about to do, I can't let you go up against a potential head vampire without giving you this. One of the first books on vampire hunting ever written. It'll hopefully keep you safe. Watch your back. Alan. P.S. If you're still alive on Tuesday, be sure to call Mom. It's her birthday.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unusual Observations in Santa Carla
Alan
Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet?
Sam
No. It's a pretty cool place... if you're a Martian.
Edgar
Or a vampire.
Sam
Are you guys sniffing on newsprint of something?
Edgar
You think you really know what's happening around here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know a lot, buddy.
Alan
Yeah. You think we just work in a comic book store for our folks, huh?
Sam
Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
Edgar
This is just our cover. We are dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters in a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipation for a Long-Awaited Battle
Kirk O'Dale
Is this it? I've been waiting 300 years for a good fight!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Frog Brothers Confront a New Threat
Alan Frog
Hello, Edgar. What brings you all the way down here?
Edgar Frog
Now I have to have an excuse to visit my own brother?
Alan
At one in the morning, yeah.
Edgar
I figured you'd be up. I've recently learned there's a nightcrawler who's created a new designer drug that he's handing out to kids at raves. The only problem is it's not a drug; it's vampire blood. He's breeding an undead army. And the only thing that stands between him and the annihilation of the entire human race, potentially, would be us. The Frog Brothers.
Alan
We haven't been the Frog Brothers for a long time.
Edgar
I just... I can't do it without you.
Alan
What about Sam?
Edgar
Sam's gone. He turned, and, uh, I had to do what I had to do.
Alan
I guess that cancels out Michael and Star.
Edgar
Yeah. I'm pretty much persona non grata with the entire Emerson family at this point.
Alan
Laddie?
Edgar
He's moved on. He's got a wife, kids. He's got a real life now.
Alan
Yeah, well, so do I!
Edgar
You call this a life?!!
Alan
This from a guy who lives in a trailer!
Edgar
Okay, so I've got nothing. But at least I know what side I'm on!! Alan, if this is the head vampire, then maybe we can kill him.
Alan
If we kill him, and then we just gotta find the one that's above him and then on and on like that forever!
Edgar
They are telling me that this is the Alpha. The O.G. of all bloodsuckers, the head vampire.
Alan
It's a pyramid scheme, Edgar. Always has been.
Edgar
What if this is it, though? What if this really is the head vampire?
Alan
Get this, and get it good, Edgar. As far as I'm concerned... ...there's no such thing as vampires.
[his face transforms from human to half-vampire and his eyes turn yellow]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Allure of DJ X's Parties
Johnny Trash
Hola, Trashynistas. I'm sitting here with the one, the only DJ X. I'm sorry for those of you who have a shoddy connection. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it when I tell you the man's absolutely scrumptious.
DJ X
They'll just have to come and see me in person.
Johnny
Yeah, well, they'll just have to get in line. Ha, ha. So, DJ X, why do you think the detached and the, you know, the disconnected youth of today have latched on so fervently to your parties?
DJ X
Because I create a place where all the lost souls of the world can come together. A place where they can do what they want, whenever they wanna do it.
Johnny
Yeah, you heard it straight from the man himself, all you lost boys and girls. This is gonna be the biggest rave of the century. And we'll let you know where it's gonna be an hour before this event, so stay tuned to this website for the deets. That was a great interview, X. Thank you so much.
DJ X
No, no. Thank you for getting the word out. I wanna have as many people at this event as possible.
Johnny
It's my pleasure. And I mean that. So anyhow, what do you guys have to drink in this jalopy?
DJ X
Not much. Just... ...you!!
[his teeth suddenly transform into fangs; bites Johnny Trash on the neck as he mauls him to death]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Benefits of Impalement Discussed
Edgar
You're right! Impalement is good!
Alan
Especially when you pierce the heart!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Ignoring Warnings in Leadership
Peter
A father can't murder his own children. That would be in bad taste. Even an impertinent little wimp like DJ X. I told him, "You can't turn all the cattle into cowboys. You'll wind up with too many cowboys." But he didn't listen. And now, thanks to his damned raves, there are going to be far too many vampires roaming the Earth. That's where you come in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Making Up for Lost Time
Zoe
Hey. I thought you went to the beach with your brother.
Edgar
I did, actually, but, uh, he wanted to stay out there longer. He stays out much longer, he's gonna turn into a human piece of beef jerky.
Zoe
I guess he's making up for lost time.
Edgar
Yeah.
Zoe
Oh, guess what? I sold your copy of Destroy All Vampires #125 for 500 bucks.
Edgar
Yeah?
Zoe
Yeah.
Edgar
That's great. That should keep the bank off my butt for a while. Now, Zoe, there's something I need to ask you. How did you know vampires are real?
Zoe
Just a hunch. What are you reading?
Edgar
Oh, I'm actually scanning the book into my Kindle. I decided, you know... I might as well educate myself about all the possibilities of the dark underworld. For example, did you know that lycanthrope or... female werewolves, she-wolves, actually can change anytime they want to? They don't have to do it under a full moon. That's a myth. They can turn anytime they want to. They have complete control. They can do it in the middle of the day.
Zoe
Now, that's an interesting theory.
[turns away from Edgar; her eyes begin to glow]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Party's Over, Time to Move On
Edgar Frog
All right, everybody, listen up! The party's officially over! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Allure of Vampirism Examined
Edgar Frog
My problem is you glorify vampirism. You make being a vampire look... sexy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Readiness for a Sacrifice
DJ X
Are you ready for a sacrifice?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Concerns About a New Ally
Edgar
Lars von Goetz?! You hired Lars von Goetz?!!
Gwen
I thought you'd be happy.
Edgar
Happy?! First, you expect me to kill a head vampire. Then you expect me to babysit some reality show reject?!
Gwen
You're not going to have to babysit him. Haven't you seen his show? The man's wrestled a grizzly bear, a lion and an alligator. He's amazing.
Edgar
That was staged. All reality shows are staged, okay? Lars von Goetz, whatever his name is, he's a fraud. Vampires are, like, ten times much more stronger than grizzly bears.
Gwen
Well, I think he can take care of himself.
Edgar
We'll see about that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vampire Hunting Readiness Check
Edgar
You okay?
Alan
Yeah.
Edgar
Fang check. Death to all vampires?
[search their own mouths for any fangs, only to find none]
Alan
Maximum body count.
Edgar
We are awesome monster bashers.
Alan
The meanest!
Edgar
The baddest! That's enough of that. Let's go pick up Gwen's body and get outta here.
[he and Alan growl together, then hug each other]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Race Against Time for Survival
Edgar
Claus! I need you to get Zoe to safety!
Zoe
Edgar!! I'm not leaving without you!
Edgar
If we don't kill Peter right now, there's gonna be over a thousand emo-goth vampires out there! I need you to warn the world... especially in case I don't survive.
Zoe
That's not an option. I'll be waiting.
[long pause]
Edgar
Just go. Come on!
[to Alan]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Element of Erotic Mythology in Vampires
Gwen Lieber
Well... there's always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of a Vampire Killer
Gwen Lieber
You sure don't look like a cold-blooded, meaner-than-hell, bad-for-nothing vampire killer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Power and Legacy of the Alpha
Peter
Thanks to you. If X had been able to drink my blood during the Blood Moon, my power would've passed to him... and that would've been a shame. I've been the Alpha for a long, long time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Discussion on Rare Comics and Frozen Yogurt
Edgar
Listen, buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar, it went out of business last Summer.
Sam Emerson
Actually I'm looking for a copy of Batman issue #14.
Edgar
That's a very serious book, man.
Alan
Only five in existence.
Sam
Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for the Party's Attire
Gwen Lieber
Edgar! I hope you brought your bathing suit. I thought we should blend in with the other partygoers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Surprises Await in the Story
Gwen Lieber
Oh, I bet you did not see that coming.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for the Rave Mission
Edgar Frog
All right, everybody. According to the blueprints, there's an entrance to the slaughterhouse through a series of underground tunnels which will lead us directly to where the rave is. Now remember, everyone, there will be a lot of civilians around. Toadies, not familiars. Just innocent partygoers who are all there because they think they're gonna have... fun. Because of this, you will be armed with weapons that are non-lethal to anything with a heartbeat. This is a sawed-off, pump action, Soak and Destroy water gun. Patent pending. Turns holy water into holy slaughter. Zoe, you take it. Claus, this is a high-powered UV torch. Tie it around your waist. You'll thank me later.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Author's Fame and Critique in Dialogue
Gwen Lieber
So aren't you the least bit curious on how I know so much about vampires?
Edgar
Not really. I know who you are. You're Gwen Lieber, bestselling author of the Eternity Kiss series. First of which is about to be made into a major motion picture, coming soon to a theater near you.
Gwen
Oh, you've heard of me. I'm flattered.
Edgar
Well, don't be. Because your books suck.
Gwen
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Edgar
It doesn't really matter what I think. You've got millions of emo-goth sheep all over the world who eat up every last word of it, and keep coming back for more. I'm sure you've made quite a nice living off your supernatural bodice-rippers.
Gwen
I'll have you know, I have gotten glowing reviews from every major periodical.
Edgar
Bought and paid for, I'm sure. Just like me.
Gwen
What the hell is your problem, Frog?!
Edgar
My problem?! My problem is you glorify vampirism. You make being a vampire look... sexy.
Gwen
Well... there has always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.
Edgar
There's nothing sexy about being a member of the undead.
Gwen
Well, perhaps I have made a serious mistake in coming to you.
Edgar
If you came to me expecting me to ask for your autograph, then yes, you did. But if you came to me expecting me to destroy a squadron of vampires, that, I can do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disappointment in a Savior's Treatment
Peter
I'm disappointed in you, Edgar. This is no way to treat your savior.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.