13 quotes
Presidential Discontent Leads to Arrest Orders
President
I am not happy!
Minister Nda
Yes, Mr. President! Also, I'm not happy, sir!
President
Good! So get your fat butt over there to those two imbeciles and arrest them! They are going back to prison! This reality rubbish is over! And so are you! Over!!
Minister Nda
Yes, Mr. President!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Therapy as an Alternative to Jail Time
Kelsey
Yesterday, at the wedding reception of the daughter of the newly appointed Minister of tourism, Silas Nda, two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, destroyed the event in a racist brawl. You're being charged with malicious damage to property and disrupting the peace. And Minister Nda here intends...
Minister Silas Nda
To see you both go to jail for a long time!
Kelsey
Unless you both agree to some therapy.
Beast Buthelezi
Yes!
Boetie de Wett
Therapy is good.
Beast
We need therapy!
Boetie
We are real stuff-ups.
Kelsey
So this is what you're going to do. You are going to walk from here to Gauteng together.
Beast
What?!
Boetie
Walk?! That's 600 kilometers!
Minister Nda
It's a penalty for your racist behavior!
Beast
I am not racist!
Boetie
Nor me. I can speak Zulu. He's an idiot.
[subtitled]
Beast
And I find white ladies sexy.
Minister Nda
But the country and the rest of the world believe that you are racist!
Kelsey
So you are going to walk together to prove that you can get along.
Beast
We hate each other!
Boetie
I hate him.
Kelsey
Would you rather stay here in jail?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipation of Unexpected Rewards
Kelsey
Hello, boys. I thought something like this might happen. Do you remember what I said... about the prize? And how you might just get lucky?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Changing the Rules for the Final Race
Kelsey
Okay, everybody, listen up! We're changing the rules. We're only a few hours away from the end and from now on, this is a race. Two million prize, winner takes all!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cost of Fame and Fortune in Media
Boetie
You realize the whole country has been watching us making... monkeys of ourselves!
Beast
You know, what I want to know is how much is Kelsey making out of this? No, let me tell you. A fortune!
Boetie
Of course! And what are we getting? 10 measly grand, maybe.
Beast
You know what? We're gonna have to make them pay to see this through. R1 million each!
Boetie
A million each?
Beast
That's what those guys from Idols get. And they can't even sing!
Boetie
Exactly!
Beast
R1 million in an allowance!
Boetie
As we cross the finish line.
Beast
Or we quit.
Boetie
Yeah!
Beast
Yeah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Highlights of Last Night's Madness Revealed
Kelsey
Yes, everyone is talking about the madness our two heroes got up to last night on Buddies or Broke. So, by popular demand, and I mean demand, here are the highlights.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reality Show Dynamics in South Africa
Kelsey
Well, are our heroes just too far gone to get over their cheap racist selves, or will they kiss and make up? And if anyone comes across Beast or Boetie, please play along. Do not let them know that they are being filmed or that you know who they are. This is South Africa's own heartbeat reality show, Buddies or Broke.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of Visionary Leadership
Kelsey
You are a man of vision, sir.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Journey to Johannesburg: The Climax Approaches
Kelsey
The final leg to Johannesburg, and the finish line. Let the climax begin!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Simplicity of Life with the Right Tools
Kelsey
Life is so easy when you have the tools.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Rules for the Journey Ahead
Kelsey
Okay. The rules. You may not catch a lift on anything. You have to walk. And you must stay away from all the major roads. This is a map of your route. I'm sure you'll find a picturesque. Wallets and cellphones.
[hands Boetie a map]
Beast
Huh?!
Kelsey
Mm-hmm.
Boetie
You want us to do this thing without money?!
[as he and Beast take out their wallets and cellphones]
Kelsey
Relax. This trip is on me. Thank you. Thank you. Here's R200 each.
[takes Beast's wallet and cellphone; takes Boetie's wallet and cellphone; hands Boetie and Beast some money]
Boetie
R200?! 200 bucks won't even fill this tank once! He's obese!
Minister Nda
Uh-uh! He's Beast!
Beast
Yeah, Minister!
Kelsey
You have to cross the finish line together as friends. This is not a race. It's a test.
Minister Nda
Yes, and my job is on the line.
Kelsey
And we have got spies out there to make sure that the two of you do not cheat.
Minister Nda
As Mandela says, "It's a long walk to freedom.
Beast
What is the price?
Kelsey
Hmm...
[considers this very carefully]
Boetie
You.
Kelsey
Well, you never know your luck. So we'll see you in Johannesburg, Gauteng. So good luck. Remember, this isn't a race. Bye! Well, go on.
[walks over to Beast and kisses him on the cheek, then walks over to Boetie and kisses him on the cheek]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kelsey Expresses Excitement for Reality Show
Kelsey
A reality show with these two idiots!! I love it!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reality Show Promises Unity and Success
Kelsey
Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.