Roald Dahl's Matilda the Musical (2022) - Quotes

Jennifer Honey: It’s over. This is my school now. Run.

Agatha Truchbull: (YELLS, SHOUTS AND SCREAMS AT ONCE)

Jennifer Honey: This isn't teaching. This is cruelty!

Agatha Trunchbull: Cruelty? Well, yes. Of course.

Lavender Brown: [slips her pet newt Isaac in the water pitcher] Go on, boy.

Agatha Trunchbull: You did say it was going to be fun.

Jennifer Honey: But this isn't fun!

Agatha Trunchbull: [pours the water from the pitcher in the cup; takes a slurp out of the cup; sees Isaac in the cup she drank from; screams in horror at the discovery of Isaac's presence in the water cup] Miss Honey, you are pathetic. You are weak. You are wet. You are, in fact... ...a snivelling, little... ...newt.

Matilda Wormwood: Do you want to hear about my first day at school?

Mrs. Wormwood: Yuck. I'd rather eat vegetables.

Mr. Wormwood: It's official, I'm a genius! My losing streak is over. This fella comes into the lot. Huge he was. Great big bear of a man. And this bear of a man wants a luxury car.

Mrs. Wormwood: Oh, lovely. But do bears drive?

Mr. Wormwood: No. He's not a real bear.

Matilda Wormwood: Do you have a luxury car?

Mr. Wormwood: I've got two, boy.

Matilda Wormwood: I'm a girl.

Mr. Wormwood: One with a smashed-in front, and one with a smashed-in back. All I gotta do is cut them in half, glue them together and Bob's your chipmunk. Daddy's back.

Matilda Wormwood: [Mrs. Wormwood gasps] But isn't that illegal? And sort of, well, wrong?

Mr. Wormwood: [snatches the library book out of Matilda's hand] What'd he say? Wrong? Wrong? Give me that. The Grapes of...Idiot! How can grapes be angry? Hey? What utter junk!

Matilda Wormwood: It's not about grapes.

Mrs. Wormwood: Back-yakking! The little madam!

Matilda Wormwood: I'm not back-yakking!

Mr. Wormwood: Don't you back-yak me! I'll rip this book up in front of you.

Matilda Wormwood: No, it's a library book!

Mrs. Wormwood: Go on, do it. Go on.

Mr. Wormwood: [tears the pages of the library book] There! There! Now get to bed, you little bookworm.

Agatha Trunchbull: [draws out the handheld speaker part of her microphone; Matilda and the children stare at Amanda, who looks frightened by the Trunchbull's presence] Amanda Thripp.

Amanda Thripp: [stammers nervously] Y-Y-Yes, Miss Trunchbull?

Agatha Trunchbull: What have I said about pigtails? I hate pigtails.

Amanda Thripp: But my mummy loves them. She thinks they make me look pretty!

Agatha Trunchbull: [pulls Amanda's pigtails and spins Amanda in a circle before launching Amanda above the fence like a hammer throw] Well, your mother is a TWIT!

Mr. Wormwood: [turns to Matilda] I can't believe that! Talking to me like that. How dare they! I'm getting fined because of you!

Matilda Wormwood: It's not my fault! You forgot to send me to school.

Mr. Wormwood: Yeah, well you're going to school now, and you're gonna meet The Trunchbull.

Matilda Wormwood: The Trunchbull?

Mr. Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull. Headmistress of Crunchem Hall.

Agatha Trunchbull: [last words] Let me down! Let me down! LET ME DOWN!

Agatha Trunchbull: [panicking and screaming as Lavender's pet newt, Isaac, wriggles down her back] Oh, God, the newt! It's in my... IT'S IN MY KNICKERS!!! IT'S IN MY KNICKEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Agatha Trunchbull: This school... is full of rebels.

Agatha Trunchbull: Go and see if that child is still alive.

Matilda Wormwood: Escapologist, escapologist

Matilda Wormwood: [seeing the Trunchbull stretching Eric's ears] Leave him alone, you stupid horrible bully!