Monsters University (2013) - Quotes

Sulley: This is better than I ever imagined!

Sulley: [suddenly throws himself at the window; falls off the bus] WAZOWSKI! WHOA!

Mike: [screams; the bus stops, and he rushes off] Stop the bus! Are you crazy?!

Sulley: Mike, I don't know a single scarer who can do what you do. I know everyone sees us together, they think I'm the one running the show, but the truth is I've been riding your coattails since day one! You made the deal with Hardscrabble. You took a hopeless team and made them champions. All I did was catch a pig!

Mike: Technically, I caught the pig.

Sulley: Exactly, and you think you're just okay?! You pulled off the biggest scare this school has ever seen!

Mike: That wasn't me.

Sully: [[Finding Nemo|first day of school] That was you! You think I could have done that without you? I didn't even bring a pencil on the ]! Mike, you're not scary, not even a little, but you are fearless! And if Hardscrabble can't see that, then she can just–

Dean Hardscrabble: [perched on a stone pedestal] I can just what? Careful, Mr. Sullivan. I was just warming up to you.

Sulley: Sorry.

Dean Hardscrabble: [hands Mike a newspaper, which tells how they were both expelled; smiling slightly; unfurls her wings and takes off, leaving the newspaper in Mike's hands] Well, gentlemen. It seems you made the front page again. The two of you did something together that no one has ever done before, you surprised me. Perhaps I should keep an eye for more surprises like you in my program, but as far as the two of you are concerned, there is nothing I can do for you now. Except perhaps wish you luck. And, Mr. Wazowski, keep surprising people.

Mike: [to Sulley; turns the newspaper over and points to a Monsters Inc. mail room ad] You know, there is still one way we can work at a Scare company... They're always hiring in the mail room.

Don: Expelled?

Mike: Yeah, we really messed up.

Squishy: So you're leaving?

Sulley: Yeah, buddy. We have to go.

Art: Harsh, man.

Mike: [The rest of them smile shyly at each other] I'm sorry, guys. You'd be in the Scaring program right now if it wasn't for us.

Sulley: What?

Don: Well, it is the goshdarnedest thing-

Terry: Hardscrabble's letting us into the Scare program!

Mike: What?

Terry: She was impressed with our performance in the Games.

Terri: She invited us to join next semester!

Sulley: [chuckling] Congratulations, guys!

Don: And that's not the only piece of good news - Sherri and I are engaged!

Sulley: Oh. Who's Sherri?

Squishy: [sighing] She's my mom.

Sherri: [squeals; Don takes her in his arms and the two start kissing] Well, if it isn't my two favorite fellas!

Squishy: [sighing] So uncomfortable...

Don: Aww, come on, Scott. I don't want you thinking of me as your new dad - after all, we're fraternity brothers first!

Squishy: [sighing] This is awkward...

Don: Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother - hold on - we're brothers who share the same mom-slash-wife - that's worse...

Mike: No!

Don: They're still in there!

Dean Hardscrabble: [points at the door] Until the authorities arrive, this door stays off.

Squishy: [as the guards keeps him away] NO! You can't do that! No!

Dean Hardscrabble: [enraged; unfurls her wings] ENOUGH!! I WANT THIS ROOM CLEARED, NOW!!!

Sulley: We gotta get out of here!

Mike: Let them come!

Sulley: What?

Mike: If we scare them, I mean really scare them, we could generate enough scream to power the door from this side!

Sulley: What are you taking about?

Mike: I have read every book about scaring ever written. This could work!

Sulley: They’re adults. I can’t do this.

Mike: Yes, you can! Just follow my lead!

Sulley: [Mike notices him from behind, after failing to scare children; they sit together besides a lake; Mike ignores him, still sullen] Mike. Come on, buddy. Let's get you out of here. This is all my fault. I'm sorry.

Mike: [softly, sadly; Sulley looks guilty; angrily splashes his reflection] You were right, they weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone, and I thought if I wanted it enough, I could show everybody that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not.

Sulley: [sympathetically] Look, Mike, I know how you feel--

Mike: Don't do that! Please, don't do that! You do NOT know how I feel!

Sulley: Mike, calm down--

Mike: Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good. You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!

Sulley: Mike--

Mike: You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a SULLIVAN!

Sulley: [angrily bursts out; sighs] Yeah, I'm a Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan who flunked every test. The one who got kicked out of the program, the one who was so afraid to let everyone down that I cheated... and I lied! Mike, I'll never know how you feel but you're not the only failure here. I act scary, Mike. But most of the time... I'm terrified.

Mike: How come you never told me that before?

Sulley: Because we weren't friends before.

Dean Hardscrabble: You did what?!

Sulley: My team had nothing to do with it. It was all me! I cheated.

Dean Hardscrabble: I expect you off campus by tomorrow.

Sulley: [looking down in shame] Yes, ma'am.

Dean Hardscrabble: [suddenly, an alarm goes off from inside the building] You're a disgrace to this university and your family name. What's going on?

MU Security: Someone broke into the door lab!

Dean: [unfurls her wings and takes off] What?!

Sulley: [realizing that Mike is in there] Oh, no.

Mike: [opens the door] It's been tampered with.

Sulley: [sounding nervous] Uh, I don't think you should be messing with that.

Mike: [notices that the lever is broken and that his settings are messed up] Why are my settings different?

Sulley: [desperate] Mike, we should leave.

Mike: [stands up; softly] Did you do this?

Sulley: Mike...

Mike: [louder and sounding more serious] Did you do this?

Sulley: [nervously; sighs, giving in] I- Uh- Yes, I did. But you don't understand.

Mike: [hurts] Why? Why did you do this?

Sulley: [sighs again] You know, just in case.

Mike: [skeptically; pauses; angrily] In case of what? You don't think I'm scary.

Sulley: [pleading] Mike...

Mike: You said you believed in me but you're just like Hardscrabble. You're just like everyone else!

Sulley: Look, you'll get better and better...

Mike: I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!

Sulley: I just wanted to help.

Mike: No, you just wanted to help yourself.

Sulley: [angrily] Well, what was I supposed to do?! Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?!

Johnny: [after Randy loses to Sulley] Hearts?!

Chet: [sarcastically] Way to go, Boggs!

Randy: [looks at Sulley menacingly] That's the last time I lose to you, Sullivan!

Sulley: Hey, don't worry about Hardscrabble. Don't worry about anyone else. Just go out there, and show em what Mike Wazowski can do.

Mike: [smiles] Thanks.

Sulley: [throws a book out the window] Okay. You've memorized every textbook, every scare theory, and that is great.

Mike: Hey!

Sulley: But now, it's time to forget all that. Just reach deep down and let the scary out!

Mike: Huh? Just feel it.

Sulley: Exactly! Go wild! Then gone crazy!

Mike: I don't know, I've kinda got my own technique.

Sulley: [Mike gives a small roar; Mike gives another roar; Mike gives another roar; another roar] Give it a try. Good, but bigger! Nope, you're thinking again. From the gut! Let the scaredy wild animal waking up out! Come on, dig deep!

Mike: ROARRR!!!!

Sherri Squibbles: [from off-screen] Boys, it's a school night!

Mike: So, how was that?

Sulley: Dean Hardscrabble, if we get back into the Scaring Program, I hope there's no hard feelings.

Dean Hardscrabble: Tomorrow, each of you must prove that you are undeniably scary, and I know, for a fact that one of you is not.

Sulley: No, he works harder than anyone.

Dean Hardscrabble: Do you think he's scary?

Sulley: He's the heart and soul of the team!

Dean Hardscrabble: Do you think he's scary?

Mike: Zombie Snarl!

Sulley: [raises his hands over his head and bares his teeth and tongue while dropping his jaw] HRUNCH!

Mike: Angry Poodle!

Sulley: [drops to all fours, ruffles up his fur and clenches his teeth] GRRR!

Mike: Jazz Clown!

Sulley: [leaps upright and makes [[w: Jazz hands|jazz hands] ] with a gaping, open-mouthed grin] HYAAH!

Mike: My Aunt Phyllis!

Sulley: [hunches his shoulders and arms and squints his eyes] AAAWWWW!

Mike: In the this morning!

Sulley: [lets his arms and head slump down and closes his eyes] UUUUHHH!

Mike: That's what I'm talking about!

Squishy: Mom, go!

Sherri: Seatbelts!

Squishy: Okay, go!

Sherri: Does anyone want gum?

Squishy: [terrified] JUST DRIVE!

Mike: Hey, what do you think you're doing?!

Johnny: Raising a little money for charity.

Mike: Yeah, well, stop it!

Johnny: You want us to stop raising money for charity? That's not cool.

Chet: [shouting to the public] This guy hates charity!

Mike: I want you to stop making us look like fools!

Johnny: [points to a Monsters Inc. mail room ad in a newspaper] Hey, you're making yourself look like fools. Let's be honest, boys. You're never gonna be real scarers, cause real scarers look like us. But, hey, if you really want to work for a scaring company, they're always hiring in the mailroom.

Mike: [the Oozma Kappa members walk out] Guys, hold on! Hey, hey, hey, wait a second. Don't listen to him. We just need to keep trying!

Sulley: [angrily; walks off] No, you need to stop trying! You can train monsters like this all you want, but you can't change who they are.

Mike: Don't worry. Nobody reads the school paper.

Art: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they read the quad.

Mike: Guys, what are you doing?!

Terry: They said don't let her catch you!

Terri: They didn't say how!

Don: Oh, my gosh, that's terrible.

Terry: We're experts in the ancient craft of close-up magic.

Terri: [the cards vanish] It's all about Misdirection.

Art: I have an extra toe not with me, of course.

Claire: Let's hear it for the frats and sororities competing in this year's games, Jaws Theta Chi!

Brock: Python Nu Kappa!

Claire: Slugma Slugma Kappa!

Brock: Roar Omega Roar!

Claire: Eta Hiss Hiss!

Brock: And finally… Oozma Kappa!

Sherri: Yay! Woo, hoo!

Squishy: Hi, Mom!

Sherri: [takes a picture with her camera] Smile!

Mike Wazowski: Ah...!

Brock: Let's begin the first competition! The Toxicity Challenge!

Claire: [pointing to some human toys] Human children are toxic! And everything they touch is toxic.

Brock: [as Claire uses a metal claw, reaching into a crate and pulling out an urchin] We don't have any human toys, but thanks to MU biology department, we found a close second - the Stinging Glow Urchin! Trust me when I say you are not gonna want to touch this bad boy.

Art: I wanna touch it.

Claire: And you certainly don't want to touch any of its friends.

Art: Yeah, I wanna touch em.

Brock: This here is the starting line. The light at the end of the tunnel is the finish line.

Claire: And whoever comes in last is eliminated from the games.

Squishy: Mike?

Mike: [startled] Ah, what is it?

Squishy: Does that mean if we lose, we’re out?

Mike: Don’t worry, Smoothie...

Squishy: Squishy.

Mike: [points to himself] Squishy, we're not gonna lose, because we have everything, we need to win right here.

Squishy: [smiling] Heart.

Mike: No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.

Sulley: [pushes him out of the way] Alright, alright, that's very cute but move, move, move. I'm gonna win this.

Mike: It's an obstacle course, what are you gonna do? Roar at it?

Sulley: I can get through faster than you, little guy.

Art: Of all the sewers in this school, this one has always been my favorite.

Terry: Art, you've been here before?

Art: I have a life outside the house, you know!

Mike: [mumbling while asleep] I know. You're a princess, and I'm just a stable boy.

Sulley: [to himself; shocked; to Mike] MOM?! What are you doing?

Mike: Your grubby paw was in my bed!

Sulley: [stammering] Were you kissing my hand?

Mike: [laughs] No. And what about you with all your shedding?

Sulley: I don't shed.

Mike: [punches the bottom of Sulley’s mattress, causing a cascade of blue hair to fall off] Really?

Sulley: Uh...

Mike: Excuse me.

Sulley: I just wanna get my stuff.

Mike: Would you...just...

Sulley: Hey, come on!

Mike: ...let me get my stuff!

Squishy: [takes a picture of Mike and Sulley] First morning in the house!

Art: That's going in the album!

Don: Guys, we've got a letter!

Squishy: A letter?

Art: We never get mail!

Mike: Guys? Anybody home?

Mike: Hello? Fellas?

Don: Do you pledge your souls to the Oozma Kappa brotherhood?

Mike: [Terri and Terry hit him with a paddle] Ow!

Terry: Do you swear to keep secret...

Terri: All that you learn here?

Art: No matter how horrifying?

Sulley: [Squishy hits Sulley with paddle] Hey!

Squishy: [holding up the book] Will you take the scared oath of the...

Don: For crying out loud!

Mrs. Squibbles: Sweetie, turn the lights on while you're down here. You're going to ruin your eyes.

Squishy: Mom, we're doing an initiation!

Mrs. Squibbles: [turns the lights back off] Ooh, scary. Well, carry on. Just pretend I'm not here.

Squishy: [Mrs. Squibbles starts the washing machine; the washing machine starts kicking on louder; removes the hood] This is my mom's house. Do you promise to look out for your brothers... No matter what the peril... Will you defend Oozma Kappa? No matter how dangerous? No matter how insurmountable the odds may be? From evils both great and small?! In the face of unending pain and... Oh! Forget it! You're in!

Don: Look. We know we're no one's first choice for a fraternity. So, it means a lot to have you here with us.

Squishy: Can't wait to start scaring with you, brothers?

Squishy: Time for a celebration! Grab the couch cushions, gentlemen, cause we're building a fort! Mom, can we stay up late tonight?

Don: And here's what you've been waiting for, fellas, this is your very own bedroom.

Sulley: Ah, great! We're sharing this room?

Don: We'll let you guys get settled. Anything you need, you just give a big holler-rooney.

Sulley: [quickly shuts the door in Don's face and glares at Mike] Okay, thanks, buddy. Are you kidding me?

Mike: Look, they don't need to be good. I'm gonna carry the whole team.

Sulley: Really? And who's gonna carry you?

Mike: Hey, you wanna go back to can design? You know where the door is.

Sulley: Great.

Sulley: This is a fraternity house?

Don: [opens the door and waves to the duo] Hey there, team-mateys! Come on aboard! As the president of Oozma Kappa, it is my honor to welcome you to your new home.

Squishy: We call this room... "Party Central.

Terry: Technically we haven't actually had a party here yet.

Terri: [presses a button on a remote, and the ceiling opens up, making a disco ball fall onto the floor and shatter] But when we do... we'll be ready!

Don: Woo! The hot cocoa train is coming through. Woah. Next stop: you!

Mike: I would like to start us off first by...

Sulley: So you guys are scaring majors?

Don Carlton: [chuckling] We were. None of us lasted very long. I guess we just weren't what old Hardscrabble was looking for. Don Carlton, mature student. 30 years in a textile industry, and then ol dandy Don got downsized. Figured I could throw myself a pity party or go back to school and learn the computers.

Terry: Hello! I'm Terry with a Y'.

Terri: And I'm Terri with an I'. I'm a dance major!

Terry: And I'm not.

Terri: [starts to dance while his brother rolls his eyes] Five, six, seven, eight... seven, eight, turn! And tu... Why didn't you turn?

Terry: Because we never agreed to do this.

Terri: You said this was gonna be cool.

Terry: No one said this was gonna be cool.

Terri: Now I'm embarrassed.

Terry: Now you're embarrassed?

Terri: Yes, because it's in front of people!

Terry: You should wake up embarrassed.

Art: [rolls down the stairs in a high-pitched, slightly nasally, and erratic voice; changes his mood] Hey, hey! I'm Art! New Age Philosophy Major. Excited to live with you, and laugh with you... And cry with you. I thought you'd like to keep a dream journal!

Squishy: [Sulley suddenly screams once seeing him] Guess that leaves me. My name's Scott Squibbles. My friends call me Squishy. I'm undeclared, unattached and...unwelcomed pretty much everywhere but here.

Mike: Well now that we've all been introduced. As captain of our team...

Sulley: [cuts him off again] So basically you guys have no scaring experience?

Squishy: [laughing] Not a lot, but now we've got you!

Don: You're about the scariest fellow I've ever seen. Even with them pink polka dots.

Sulley: Aww, thanks.

Mike: Well, actually, I think I bring the whole package.

Squishy: [grabs one of Sulley's hands] Your hands are as big as my face!

Terri: [referring to Sulley] He's like a mountain...with fur!

Sulley: Oh, come on. I don't even work out.

Art: [sniffs] Yeah, me neither. I don't wanna get too big.

Mike: I'm so sorry.

Sulley: It was an accident.

Dean Hardscrabble: What, this? My one souvenir from a lifetime of scaring? Accidents happen, don't they? The important thing is no one got hurt.

Mike: You’re taking this remarkably well.

Dean Hardscrabble: [to Mike] Now, let's continue the exams. Mr. Wazowski, I’m a 5-year-old girl on a farm in Kansas afraid of lightning. Which scare do you use?

Mike: [confused] Shouldn't I go up on the...?

Dean Hardscrabble: Which scare do you use?

Mike: That is a shadow approach with a crackle holler.

Dean Hardscrabble: [Mike inhales deeply] Demonstrate. Stop! Thank you.

Mike: I didn't get to–

Dean Hardscrabble: [to Sulley; Sulley roars loudly] I've seen enough. I am a 7-year-old boy– I wasn't finished.

Sulley: I don't need to know any of that stuff to scare.

Dean Hardscrabble: That "stuff" would've informed you that this particular child is afraid of snakes, so a roar wouldn't make him scream. It would make him cry, alerting his parents, exposing the monster world, destroying life as we know it, and of course, we can't have that, so I'm afraid I cannot recommend that you continue in the scaring program. Good day.

Sulley: Wait, what? But I'm a Sullivan.

Dean Hardscrabble: [ROR leaves the class; Sulley looks at Mike angrily and storms out of the class] Well, I'm sure your family will be very disappointed. And, Mr. Wazowski, what you lack is something that cannot be taught. You're not scary. You will not be continuing in the scaring program.

Mike: Please, let me try out the simulator. I'll surprise you!

Dean Hardscrabble: Surprise me? I doubt that very much.

Professor Knight: Ogre Slump.

Mike: [lets his arms and jaw slump down and half-closes his eye] UUUUHHH!

Professor Knight: Zombie Snarl.

Mike: [raises his hands over his head and bares his teeth and tongue while dropping his jaw] RRRARRGH!

Professor Knight: Dominant Silverback Gorilla.

Mike: [arches his back and toes and pumps his fists to the ground while jutting out his chin] MM-PM-PM!

Professor Knight: That is some remarkable improvement, Michael.

Sulley: [shrugs off a menacing grimace] GRRARHR.

Professor Knight: One frightening face does not a scarer make, Mr. Sullivan.

Mike: Hey, did you see me ride the pig? That took guts.

Chet: Slow down, squirt. This party is for scare students only.

Johnny: Oh, I'm sorry, killer, but you might wanna hang out with someone little more of your speed. They look fun!

Don: Oh, hey there! Wanna join Oozma Kappa?

Squishy: We have cake!

Johnny: [leaves with ROR and Sulley] Go crazy.

Mike: [stunned] Is that a joke?

Johnny: [sighs, annoyed] Sulley, talk to your friend.

Sulley: [to Johnny; to Mike] Well, he’s not really my friend, but sure. You heard him, this is a party for scare students.

Mike: I am a scare student.

Sulley: I mean, for scare students who actually, you know, have a chance.

Chet: Ah, snap!

Mike: [narrowing his eye] My chances are just as good as yours.

Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.

Mike: Just wait, hotshot. I’m gonna scare circles around you this year.

Johnny: [walks up to Sulley and shakes hands with him] I'll take it from here, gentlemen. Johnny Worthington. President of Roar Omega Roar. What's your name, big guy?

Sulley: Jimmy Sullivan. Friends call me Sulley.

Mike: Watch this! Ahh!

Sulley: Archie!

Mike: Daagh! Hey, what are you?

Sulley: Shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh!

Mike: Wait, you're shushing me? Hey, hey, you can't...

Sulley: Fear Tech dummies. Sorry about that, buddy.

Mike: What are you doing in my room?!

Sulley: [realizes he's in Mike and Randall's room; imitates a pig] Your room? This is my... This is not my room. Archie! Come here, boy!

Mike: Archie?

Sulley: Archie the Scare Pig. He's Fear Tech's mascot.

Mike: Why's it here?

Sulley: [chuckles] I stole it. I'm gonna give it to the RORs.

Mike: The what?

Sulley: Roar Omega Roar, the top fraternity on campus, they only accept the highly elite? OK, I'll lift the bed, you grab the pig.

Mike: What? No!

Sulley: One, two, three!

Mike: Wargh! Get him!

Sulley: Careful, he's a bitter.

Mike: YAAAAAAAH...!

Sulley: Whoa, oof! I got it. Uh-oh. Whoa-oh! Catch him!

Sulley: Heh-heh-heh-heh! That was awesome. What am I doing? James P. Sullivan.

Mike: Mike Wazowski.

Randall "Randy" Boggs: [cheerfully] Hey there! I'm your roomie! Name's Randy Boggs, Scaring major.

Mike: [laughs] Mike Wazowski, Scaring major.

Randall: [a monster student bumps into him, making him yelp and turn completely invisible except for his glasses] I can tell we're gonna be best chums, Mike. Take whatever bed you want, I wanted you to have first dibs.

Mike: [gasps in surprise] You just disappeared.

Boggs: [turns visible again] Sorry. If I do that in scaring class, I'll be a joke.

Mike: No, it's totally great, you gotta use it.

Randall: Really?

Mike: [heads into his room] Yeah, but lose the glasses. They give it away.

Claire: MU's Greek Council! We sponsor the annual Scare Games.

Mike: [snatches a paper from the booth] The scare what now?

Brock: [pounds his fist against the table] The Scare Games! A super intense scaring competition!

Claire: They're crazy dangerous, so anything could happen.

Brock: A bunch of guys went to the hospital last year!

Claire: You could totally die.

Brock: [pounds his fist again] And it's worth it! You get a chance to prove that you are the best!

Mike: [staring at the flier; whispering] Cool.

Mother: See? I told you, he's fine.

Father: [closes the door] Well, I thought I heard something.

Frank McCay: Well, hey there, kids! Are you guys on a tour with your school?

Monster Kids: Yeah!

Mrs. Karen Graves: Yes, we're here to learn about scream energy and what it takes to be a Scarer.

Frank: Well, hey, you're in luck. Because I just happen to be a Scarer. I learned everything I know from my school, Monsters University. It's the best-scaring school there is.

Hank "The Tank" Knapp: [knocks off Frank's MU hat] You wish! Fear Tech's the best!

Frank: [whispers to Young Mike and brandishes his hat] Okay, you guys watch us and tell me which school's the best. All right? MU is.