My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) - Quotes

Maria Portokalos: [arguing with Gus about Toula attending college] What is wrong with Toula going to school downtown?

Toula: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the household!

Maria: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Toula: Dad, I've been going through our inventory and, um, I've noticed that we've been doing a lot of unnecessary ordering. Um, so, I've been thinking that maybe we should update our system, like, get a computer. I don't know if you remember, but I got all A's in computers. But there's a lot of new stuff to learn now, so, um, if you want, I could go to college and, um, take a few courses.

Gus: [starts crying] Why? Why you want to leave me?

Toula: [upset by her father's overreaction] I'm not leaving you! Don't you want me to do something with my life?

Gus: Yes! Get married! Make babies! You look so...old!

Mike: Hi?

Toula: [coming back to reality] Hi. Sorry. My brain...switched off, you know. You ever have one of those days? Going along and then...rrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrr. Here I am, standing here, your own private Greek statue.

Mike: Could I, uh, get some more coffee?

Toula: [pours Ian a cup and then walks off] Sure.

Toula: [narrating] If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Aunt Voula: Taki, you couldn't wait for me?

Taki: [whispers] Sorry, sorry.

Aunt Voula: Sorry, sorry. Don't sorry me. Ugh. Look at this, a rash. Somebody gave me the mati.

Gus: [sprays Windex on her rash] Put some Windex on.

Aunt Voula: Ohh Gus, please, please!

Gus: Voula, this works! Last night, my toe was as big as my face.

Aunt Voula: [very disgusted] So why you not wait for me?

Taki: Cause, he wants to talk.

Aunt Voula: Toula, have you seen Nikki?

Nico: What's up, dear?

Aunt Voula: No, my Nikki. She was supposed to come over and curl my hairs.

Maria: Nick, did you check the meat before you signed for it?

Nico: Yeah, I checked it.

Maria: It better be fresh!

Toula: [narrating] A couple more years went by, and Dad brought his mother over from Greece to live with us. Because we weren't weird enough.

Yiayia: [spoken in Greek] Listen up, ugly Turk. You're not kidnapping me!

Gus: Mama, please! The Greeks and the Turks friends now!

Toula: [narrating] We told my grandma the war was over, but she still slept with a knife under her pillow.

Gus: Now, gimme a word, any word, and I show (sow) you how the root of that word is Greek.

Young Athena: [under her breath; embarrassed] Oh, not this again.

Gus: Okay? How about arachnophobia? Arachna, that comes from the Greek word for spider, and phobia is a phobia, is mean fear. So, fear of spider, there you go.

Schoolgirl: Okay, Mr. Portokalos. How about the word kimono?

Young Athena: [whispers] Good one.

Gus: Kimono, kimono, kimono. Ha! Of course! Kimono is come from the Greek word himona, is mean winter. So, what do you wear in the wintertime to stay warm? A robe. You see: robe, kimono. There you go!

Gus: [to Toula] You better get married soon. You're starting to look... old!

Toula: [narrating] My dad has been saying that to me since I was fifteen. Because nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone until the day we die.

Greek School Teacher: Ο Νίκος έχει ένα κατσίκι. (Nikos has one goat.)

Nick: [serious] I've never seen my sister this happy, Ian. If you hurt her, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident.

Maria: [to Toula] I gave you life so that you could live it.

Maria: [after Athena offers to buy her some new pantyhose] No queen size, they make me look fat.

Maria: [to young Nick] Niko! Don't play with your food! When I was your age, we didn't have food!

Gus Portokalos: [To Maria and Toula] It is mistake to educate women but, nobody listen to me cause now we have a boyfriend in the house! Is he nice Greek boy? Oh no no Greek! No Greek xeno! Xeno with the long hair on top of his head!

Gus Portokalos: [at the wedding reception] Hello. Welcome to the Portokalos family and welcome the-the Miller family. I-I was thinking last night, um, the night before my-my daughter was gonna marry, uh, I-an Miller, that, um, you know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo", which is mean apple, there you go. As many of you know, our name Portokalos is come from the Greek word "portokali", which means orange. So, okay, here tonight we have, uh, apple and orange... we all different, but, in the end, we all fruit.

Gus Portokalos: [to Ian's parents] Welcome to my home. Over here is my brother, Ted, and his wife, Melissa, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. Over here, my brother Tommy, his wife Angie, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. And here, my brother George, his wife Freda, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. Taki, Sophie, Kari, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, uh, Nikki, and I am Gus.

Gus Portokalos: Toula, there's two kinds of people: Greeks and everybody else who wish they were Greeks.

Toula: [seeing herself in her wedding gown for the first time] I'm a snow beast!

Toula: Ma, you gonna make me swallow my tongue!

Toula: [narrating] Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.

Toula: [narrating; [w:Windex|Windex] My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non-Greeks about being Greek and that any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy could be cured with ].

Toula: [narrating] In Greek school, where I learned valuable lessons such as: "If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine, how soon will they marry?

Toula: [narrating] When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate. And I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.

Aunt Voula: [After Nick accidentally hears his name called] No, my Nikki. She was supposed to come over and curl my hair.

Aunt Voula: [To Gus and Maria] Woe to me, business is bad.

Aunt Voula: [Telling Ian's Family] Look, this is what we do. The parents, they give a gift.

Aunt Voula: [Watching Ian dance at the reception] Oh, Taki... he looks Greek.

Aunt Voula: Toula. Toula! You're engaged! You're engaged-We never think this would happen for you-Never! Never. Taki, didn't we say that..?

Aunt Voula: [to Ian's parents; Ian's parents are horrified. Voula grabs a drink and toasts.] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal column. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin. Opa!!

Aunt Voula: [upon learning Ian is a vegetarian; The entire room stops, in shock. We hear plates break and there are gasps.] What do you mean, he don't eat no meat? ...That's okay, that's okay. I make lamb.

Aunt Voula: Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say.

Aunt Voula: [after her daughter Nikki behaves rudely] Skase! Be a lady!