14 quotes
A Mother's Request for Help After Loss
Mrs. Dingle
Dr. Bronson, the reason I called is that our son, Johnny... died the other day, and I was wondering if you could take a look at him... Would you like to talk to him? Sure. Johnny?
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Unusual Activity in a Dead Person
Dr. Bronson
Okay. Well, you're dead. Which is unusual, because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person.
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Miscommunication in a Medical Emergency
Dr. Bronson
I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive about of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
Big Chuck
He's not sick, you idiot! He's dead!
Dr. Bronson
Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?
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Unexpected Return Home
Mr. Dingle
You know, son... your mother and I, and the ambulance driver, and the coroner, and the embalmer, were all pretty much convinced that you were dead.
Johnny
I got better.
Mr. Dingle
Huh. Well, welcome home, son.
Johnny
Thanks.
Mr. Dingle
Are you hungry, do you want something to eat? Gee, there's a lot of food left over from the funeral.
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Coping with Unwanted Changes in Adolescence
Johnny
I heard someone my age is supposed to be comfortable with the way their body changes, but given the circumstances, this was too much.
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Desperation and Manipulation Before Prom Night
Eddie
Alright, newsflash. This just in, Johnny: Missy is going to the prom with Buck. You got it?
Johnny
Look, you pretend to kill her. I saved her life, she thinks I'm a hero, ditches Buck and goes to the prom with me. How sweet is that?
Eddie
This is desperate and this is sick. I think you should get some therapy. I do!
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True love endures beyond death
Taglines
A comedy that proves true love never dies.
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Consequences of Disruption in the Classroom
Johnny
Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Cooper. You wouldn't BELIEVE the trouble I had getting here!
Johnny's School Teacher
I would believe it. And I'm not impressed. You get one demerit.
Johnny
But-!
Johnny's School Teacher
Just because you're dead does not mean that you can come waltzing in here whenever you like.
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Johnny's Extreme Devotion to Missy
Taglines
Johnny would give an arm and a leg to date Missy. Well, maybe just an arm.
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Balancing Life After Unexpected Returns
Missy
Johnny, hi! Uh, listen. I think it's really great that you're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym.
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A Dead Boyfriend's Impact on Relationships
Johnny
It's because I'm dead, isn't it? That's why you won't go out with me.
Missy
Don't insult me.
Johnny
You're afraid of what people might say, aren't you? Behind your back, everybody whispering, "There goes Missy and the dead kid"!
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A Child's Disturbing Encounter with the Dead
Little Chuck
Daddy, that dead man tried to eat me.
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Critique of a Sexual Fantasy
Johnny's School Teacher
This is the most pathetic sexual fantasy I've ever seen.
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A Father's Parting Advice on Kindness
Mr. Dingle
Goodbye, son. Be nice to God.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.