Caught in a Web of Pursuers
Tagline:
The CIA is trailing them. The KGB is tracking them. The phone company is tracing them. The police are chasing them. The cowboys are herding them. And the Indians are hunting them. Are they gonna fall for all of that?
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Struggling Actresses Propose an Unlikely Solution
Lauren:
I know! We'll call the President.Sandy: Oh, I'm sure that's a call he's gonna take. Hi, we're two struggling actresses, we're saving the world! Get real!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Language Barrier at the Check-in Counter
Lauren (Impersonating a non-English speaking woman): Excuz please. I vas hoping you ver to help me. How do I to say?Airline Check-in Agent:
You say it quickly, I'm off in three minutes!
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Unexpected News in a Tense Moment
Sandy:
You'd better tell her the name, she's kinda cranky.Lauren: Yeah....I got my period!
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Unexpected Humor in Serious Situations
Lauren:
Oh my god, he's just a child.Sandy: At least rape's out!
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Tension and Uncertainty in a Dangerous Situation
Lauren:
You are really determined to get us killed. Sandy: Oh, get over yourself, he's not gonna kill us.Lauren: Oh, how can you be so sure?Sandy: Cause we're gonna be raped and murdered in this building!
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Cultural Observation Amidst a Long Drive
Lauren:
Where are we? We've been driving for hours, and I haven't seen a single white person on the street".Sandy: There's one.....oops, they got him!Lauren: That's not funny.
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Unexpected Evening Dynamics
Sandy:
Oh my, that kind of evening?Lauren: Well, not the kind you're used to. No money changed hands!
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A Call for Calm Communication
Lauren Ames:
(Noticing that Sandy is about to make another phone call): NO! Stop! Do not screech at another person!
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Defending the Integrity of Theatre Community
Lauren Ames:
(After tying up famed theater teacher/Russian spy Stanislaw Korzenowski): How dare you defraud the legitimate theatre community of New York City!
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Ballet Training and Unexpected Consequences
Lauren Ames: [[jété]
(Lauren makes a leap with a grand ] from the last one of the Four Fingers clifftops with Michael following, only to slip and plunge onto the rocks far below): Nine years of ballet, asshole!
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Questioning Attention from Men
Lauren Ames:
(While trying to ignore a bunch of wolf-whistling Mexican men): Now why do they do that? Has there ever been one woman in the history of the world, who actually said yes fellas, please, take me, now!
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Frustration at a Payphone Malfunction
Sandy Brazinsky:
(Screaming at a payphone that swallowed her change)"GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIN QUARTER!
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Urgent Kidney Transport Needed to Kansas City
Sandy Brazinsky:
She's gotta get on this plane! There's a kidney in Kansas City that's not getting any fresher!
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Morgue Reference in Outrageous Fortune
Sandy Brazinsky:
This guy in the morgue.....whoever he is.....he's got a.....does the phrase needle dick, the bug fucker mean anything to you?
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Defending Michael's Character in Locker Room Culture
Sandy Brazinsky:
Michael was not a guy, other guys would've made fun of in a locker room, OK!
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Justifying a lie for financial reasons
Sandy Brazinsky:
(After lying about being in hospital to avoid paying her phone bill) Well, what was I supposed to do? Have them unhook the life support machine, so I could pay my bills?
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A Bet on Personal Experiences
Sandy Brazinsky:
You know what I'll bet? I'll bet you haven't been laid in about a year!
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