Recess: School's Out (2001) - Quotes

Gretchen: [trying to get all the kids' attention] People, people! Just quiet down for a moment!

Vince: Oh, man, nobody's listening.

Spinelli: They'll listen to me, once I introduce them to my good friend Madame Fist!

Vince: Come on, Spinelli. That's your answer for everything.

Spinelli: Well, I don't see you coming up with any great ideas, sports boy.

Mikey: Listen to the two of you. You're not helping things at all!

Gus: [yelling; Spinelli, Vince, and Mikey all look at him] QUIET!!!!! What we need is a leader. A kid with the right training. A kid who knows strategy and field tactics. A kid who commands respect.

Vince: Yeah, but where we gonna find a kid like that?

Gus: Leave that to me.

Gretchen: [whistles and all the kids finally get her attention] Please! We have to get organized.

Digger Sam: Ah, what's the use?

Ashley A.: Yeah. If what you say is true, all the fun of being a kid is, like, totally ruined anyway.

Upside-Down Girl: It's like the whole world's been turned right-side up!

Gretchen: Not necessarily. All we have to do is work together and come up with a plan.

Francis (Hustler Kid): Detweiler's the one who always comes up with the plans.

Digger Sam: Yeah, let's face it, we're doomed!

Spinelli: That's what you think! Kids of the playground, meet your new commanding officer.

Captain Brad: [he and all the other kids laugh] Griswald? He couldn't lead a glee club!

Gus: [marches over to him as he stops laughing; sharply; Brad immediately stands at attention] You find that funny, Bradley? Well, I'm not here to make jokes. I'm here to make history! So if you wanna laugh, take it somewhere else! But if you wanna save the world, then suck in your gut and stand at attention! Now who's with me?

T.J.: Help! Help! Somebody get us out of here!

Prickly: Calm down, Detweiler. I've got the--

T.J.: Calm down?! We're locked in a giant birdcage while a madman is out there trying to destroy summer vacation, and you want me to calm down?!

Prickly: I understand, but I--

T.J.: How can you understand?! You're just a grownup! What do YOU know about summer vacation?!

Prickly: [stands and puts his hands akimbo; pause] I'll let you in on a little secret, Detweiler. Every adult you've ever known was a kid at some time in his life. You think we don't remember summer vacation? Riding bikes down by the creek, catching polliwogs in a jar, camping out under the stars? Well, you're wrong! Some days, I sit there in my office, looking out at you kids on the playground and I think, "They don't know how good they've got it. In a few years, they're all going to be grown-ups like me, and all those good times will be memories for them too". So go ahead. Put a whoopie-cushion in my chair. Cover my carpet with fake vomit. Make fun of my "big, saggy butt". But don't you ever say I don't care about summer vacation, because those memories are the last part of childhood I've got left.

T.J.: [surprised and moved] Principal Prickly... I had no idea...

Prickly: [holds up keys] Yeah? Well, now you do. So let's stop messing around.

T.J.: Hey! How did you get those keys?

Prickly: [unlocking the cage door] Swiped them off Phillium's desk when he wasn't looking. Now come on - we've got a summer vacation to save!

Ms. Finster: [at the police station] I'm telling you, a troop of ninja warriors is using Third Street School as a secret jujitsu training ground!

Cop #2: [writes down on his notepad while the other officer behind him, tries to hold in his laughter; The two cops laugh] Ninja warriors. Elementary school. Jujitsu training ground? Hey, lady, aren't you forgetting the magic laser beam?

Ms. Finster: I'm SERIOUS!

Cop #1: [[Jackie Chan] So are we. Hey, I got an idea: why don't you go home, get some rest and we'll make a personal call to ]?

Cop #2: [The cops laugh again] Yeah, he's the perfect man for a job like this.

Ms. Finster: I'm telling ya, SOMETHING IS GOING ON IN THAT SCHOOL!

Benedict: [looking at T.J.'s walkie-talkie] A confiscated walkie-talkie. Why do you do these things to me, Pete? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me?

Prickly: I don't hate you, Phil. I just think you're insane!

Benedict: [laughs dryly; looking out Principal Prickly's office window; angrily] Insane". Well, there you go again, Pete. Insulting me, hurting my feelings, just like thirty years ago. Only this time, Petey, I'm ready. You see, all those years, no matter how big I got, no matter how successful, I always thought about you. HOW YOU EMBARRASSED ME! HOW YOU HUMILIATED ME! How you destroyed my relationship with Muriel Finster, THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER LOVED!

T.J.: [aside, to Prickly] That part still grosses me out, sir.

Prickly: Shh!

Benedict: But this time, Pete, I'm gonna humiliate you. This time, I'm gonna prove to the world that you were wrong and I was right!

Prickly: About what?

Benedict: About recess! About freedom! About test scores! I found a way to prove my theory. I'm gonna get rid of the biggest recess of em all! I am gonna get rid of summer vacation!

T.J.: [enraged] You FIEND!

Benedict: Fiend". You try to help people, that's the thanks you've had.

Prickly: It'll never work, Phil.

Benedict: [presses a red button on a remote and a holographic globe and moon rise up from the floor; presses the red button; presses the red button again; presses the red button, and the globe diagram grows icicles; T.J. and Prickly gasp in horror; grins evilly] Well, actually, Pete, that's where you're wrong. You see, all I have to do is modify the moon's orbit ever so slightly... ...and tide levels on the Eastern Seaboard rise eight feet. Move the moon over here... ...and the currents that warm California suddenly become ice-cold. Summer, as we know it, will become a thing of the past. And without summer... no summer vacation.

T.J.: [angrily] You'll never get away with this, Benedict!

Benedict: Oh ja? Well, who's gonna stop me?

T.J.: [picks up the phone to call for help] Dang! The line's dead. Hey, Principal Prickly, what did you do with the walkie-talkie you confiscated from me last week?

Prickly: Top drawer, on the right. Just look what Phil's done to my office. I had it all nice and clean for the summer.

T.J.: [opens up the right top drawer of the desk and digs through; sees something shocking on the wall; horrified] Packs of gum, yo-yos, my old baseball… Hey, I've been looking for this. Ah, here it is, my walkie-talkie. Now all I gotta do is contact the guys and-- Oh, no.

Prickly: [looks up at the wall; shocked] What is it, Detweiler? I told em that guy was a nut.

T.J.: [through walkie-talkie] Hello? Hello, is anybody there?

Vince: It's T.J.! T.J., buddy, you okay?

T.J.: [on walkie-talkie] Yeah, I'm fine, and so is Principal Prickly.

Vince: [through walkie-talkie] Principal Prickly? But, how--

T.J.: Look, I don't have time to explain, but I think we've figured out what Benedict is up to. He's trying… to get rid of summer vacation!

Mikey: [devastated] NO!!!!!

T.J.: [Kojak/Bald Guy swipes the walkie-talkie out of his hands; chuckles nervously] Guys, guys, don't freak out on me. I got a plan. All we gotta do is… Why, Mr. Bald Guy, what a surprise.

Spinelli: T.J.! T.J.!

Gretchen: It's dead!

Mikey: They must've got him!

Gus: What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!

Vince: [determined] There's only one thing we can do… We gotta get help.

Becky: [through speaker box] Bow-wow! Good morning. Welcome to Floppy Burger. May I take your order, please?

Vince: Becky, this is Vince.

Becky: Vince? What are you doing here?

Spinelli: It's not just Vince. It's me, Gretchen, and everybody. We got a problem!

Becky: Yeah, well, I got a problem too… It's called six dweeby 10-year-olds who won't leave me alone, even when I'm at work. I am a professional! So whatever your little problem is, forget it!

Gretchen: But it's about T.J.

Gus: He's in trouble and he needs your help!

Becky: Well, isn't that nice? After stealing my diary, threatening to put it on the Internet, and making me drive across the state three times, he needs my help?! Give me one good reason why I should help him. Just one!

Mikey: [serious] Cause he's your little brother and he needs you.

Becky: Please pull forward to the second drive-thru window.

Gretchen: There must be something in here that'll explain what that Dr. Benedict is doing.

Spinelli: [erases the entry in a datebook; giggling] Well, I'll tell you one thing he's not doing-- he's not having lunch tomorrow at 12:22 with his little girlfriend.

Mikey: Spinelli, that's the man's personal date book.

Spinelli: Well, it's mine now, and I guess Miss Luna Pergum is gonna be waiting at the restaurant all by herself.

Gretchen: [hearing that name before] Who did you say?

Spinelli: The girl whose name is in here-- Luna Pergum. Must be some Italian chick.

Gretchen: [snatches the book out of her hands] Lunae Perigeum, of course!

Vince: What are you talking about, Gretchen?

Gretchen: Don't you understand? Lunae Perigeum is no lady. It's an event. Look. Once a month, the moon reaches the point where it's closest to the Earth-- lunar perigee, which in this case happens to be 12:22 tomorrow afternoon.

Gus: Hey, maybe that's when that doctor guy is gonna shoot his laser beam at the moon and blow it up.

Gretchen: Close, Gus, but I have another theory. See, when I was up at Space Camp, I observed some strange abnormalities in the moon's position. I couldn't figure out what was causing it, but now it all makes sense! Dr. Benedict's device is not a laser beam at all. It's a tractor beam!

Mikey: You mean he's gonna plow the moon's surface? Whatever will he plant?

Spinelli: Not a tractor, you goombah. A tractor beam. Like from a science fiction movie.

Gretchen: Precisely. But see, theoretically, if the powerful tractor beam will shot at the moon exactly at lunar perigee, it could move the moon into another orbit.

Vince: Move the moon? But why would anybody want to do that?

Gretchen: [gazes up at the moon in the night sky] Who knows, Vince? Who knows?

Benedict: [threateningly vowing, in flashback] You took my chick. You took my job. Well, enjoy it while you can, Petey boy, cause you're gonna pay! Somehow, someway, you're gonna pay.

Prickly: I never saw Phillium again. He quit teaching, went into politics. Eventually became Secretary of Education - until the President fired him for trying to get rid of recess again. Only this time it was nationwide.

T.J.: So that guy's some weirdo ex-teacher who wants to get rid of recess?

Prickly: [nodding] Mm-hmm.

T.J.: Okay. Now it's personal.

Benedict: [smirking] Hello, Pete. Remember me?

Prickly: [frowning] Well, well, if it isn't Phillium Benedict. I should have known you'd be the one behind this.

T.J.: Principal Prickly, you know this guy?

Benedict: Ah, Pete and I are old pals. Only the last time we saw each other, he was the one ruining my life. Hey, by the way, Pete, you like the suit? It's Italian, raw silk - nice, huh?

Prickly: Yeah, you always were more concerned about appearances than people, Phil.

Benedict: Oh, Pete, come on, there's no need to be rude! Not after I instructed my men to take such special care of you.

Prickly: Special care"?! That's what you call gagging me, tying me up and taking away my pants?!

Benedict: [ruffles T.J.'s head] Had to, Pete. Otherwise you might run off and betray me, like you did the last time! But, hey, you know, look at the bright side. At least you've got company now.

Prickly: Let the boy go, Phil. He can't do anything to you.

Benedict: [signs] Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children.

T.J.: [surprised, to Prickly] You?

Prickly: [shrugging] Well, uh...

Benedict: But unfortunately, I can't let anybody go right now. You see, this experimental, um... night school that I'm running is kind of a secret. I'm trying to show that my... adult students can be trained to be capable and productive members of society.

T.J.: Oh yeah?! Well, if you're just running a "night school", then what's that giant laser gun doing in the auditorium?!

Benedict: [contemptuously; turns back to Prickly] What a rude and badly dressed little boy you are. You know, you should teach your pupils a little respect for their superiors, Pete. But that would mean that you'd have to know how to teach them anything at all, wouldn't it?

Cop #1: So you're saying you just escaped from a troop of ninja warriors?

Vince: That's right!

Cop #2: And they got a giant laser gun in the school's auditorium?

Gretchen: Precisely!

Cop #1: Which is aimed at the moon?

Mikey: Thank heavens you understand!

Kojak/Bald Guy: Well, well, well, if it ain't the little snoop!

T.J.: [Kojak/Bald Guy plays the tape recorder; voice on tape; chuckles nervously] What?! I ain't no snoop! 9:32 A.M. Ugly bald guy still guarding the school. Oops.

Kojak/Bald Guy: Let's go, snoop. You're in big trouble now.

T.J.: [being dragged; gets thrown into a storage closet and sees Principal Prickly in a chair, with his hands tied behind his back and his mouth taped up; takes the tape off Prickly's mouth] Ow! Ow! Hey, watch the jacket, it's cotton! Principal Prickly! You're alive!

Principal Prickly: Ow! Would you be careful?!

T.J.: [notices him in his golf underwear] Boy, am I glad to see you, sir? You won't believe what these guys are doing in the auditorium. They got this big laser gun and-- Whoa, who took your pants?

Gus: Ninjas! Why did they have to be ninjas?!

Vince: We gotta get out of here!

Mikey: [has the sudden feeling he's about to burp] Uh-oh.

T.J.: What is it?

Mikey: I got that feeling, T.J.!

Spinelli: Hold it in, big guy. Hold it in!

Mikey: [covers his mouth and belches so loud, it echoes throughout the auditorium] I can't!

Fenwick: [hearing that] What was that?

Benedict: [the air vent above fails, dumping the gang to the floor; Benedict and his men stare at them] Someone had better say, "Excuse me." Fenwick, who let children into the school?

Fenwick: Uh, not me, sir.

Benedict: WELL, GET THEM!

T.J.: RUN!

Benedict: Dr. Rosenthal, why did the beam suddenly, uh, what's the technical word for it, um, stop?!

Rosenthal: [nervously] W-Well, err, as I believe you were told before--

Benedict: [scoffs and approaches him threateningly] Told before"? Do you think I care what I was told before?

Rosenthal: Please, sir, I-I'll do better next time--

Benedict: Next time"! Isn't that cute? Rosenthal, let me ask you something. Say you were a teacher, or even better, say, the principal of a school, and you had to deal with a delinquent student, a naughty child who didn't know his place, who kept telling you over and over that he'd do better "next time" - but he never did. What would you do?

Rosenthal: [in terror] Oh, no... n-not detention! Not detention!

Benedict: [to his guards] Take him away!

Rosenthal: [as the guards drag him out] No, please, I can fix it! DON'T DO THIS TO MEEEE...!

Benedict: [yelling at one of his scientists offscreen] That photon channeler is a piece of equipment! Like a carburettor in your car, for crying out loud! You're supposed to be a brilliant thinker! Do you know what brilliant thinkers are supposed to do? THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO THINK!

Spinelli: Whoa, what is all this stuff?

Gretchen: Well, against the far wall is what looks to be a plutonium turbine. Closer ahead, you'll absorb a global electrode. To your right is the laser device we saw earlier, and of course, that glowing orb-- an electron pulse generator. Clearly, the nerve center of the entire system.

T.J.: [quietly] Shh! The bad guys are talking.

Lazenby: But, Dr. Benedict, please--

Benedict: No, let me make this clear to you, Lazenby. We have a thing called a "window of opportunity". If we miss the window of opportunity, then the project fails! And if the project fails, then I get very, very ANGRY!

Fenwick: But they may have a point, sir. It seems the logistical problems are a bit more complicated than Dr. Steinheimer thought!

Steinheimer: Yes, it would be a lot easier if we could move the laser to a more appropriate location.

Benedict: This operation will be executed as planned, from right here! Have I made myself clear?!

Lazenby: But sir--

Benedict: NO BUTS! It started at Third Street, it is going to END at Third Street!

Vince: [seeing that they've hidden in their old classroom] Hey, this is our old room.

Gus: I hope somebody's feeding the gerbil.

T.J.: [hearing voices talking] Shh. I hear something.

Benedict: [echoing] We're losing patience, people. I want this system working now. DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOW!

Lazenby: [echoing] We're doing out best, sir. We've just run into a few technical difficulties.

Gretchen: [points up to a vent] It's coming from up there.

Gretchen: [examining the pants with a magnifying glass] Double-knit polyester. These are Prickly's all right.

Spinelli: But why would the bald guy wanna pretend to be Principal Prickly?

Vince: And where's the real Principal Prickly anyway?

Gretchen: [digs into in the pants' pocket, feeling something inside; pulls out a note that reads…] Wait a minute. There's something in here. "Help me?

Mikey: It sounds like a desperate cry for help!

Vince: Then Principal Prickly must still be in the school.

Gus: Being held captive!

T.J.: [determined; he and his friends gear up with weapons and gadgets] You know what that means, don't you guys? We gotta go in there and save him. Bikes?

Vince: Check.

T.J.: Walkie-talkie?

Gus: Check.

T.J.: Rope with pointy thing?

Mikey: [holding the rope with a grappling hook] Check.

T.J.: Good. Then let's go.

Spinelli: I still say this is nuts. I mean, breaking out of the school I understand, but breaking in?

T.J.: [takes out tape recorder; looks both ways, then runs to the school, looking through the window, suddenly hears voices and quickly climbs into the dumpster to hide, and ends up finding a pair of orange golf pants; takes out tape recorder] 10:41 A.M. Gang back at camp. I'm going in alone. Hey. 10:43 A.M. I found what appear to be... Principal Prickly's golf pants?

Vince: [watching the school through night-vision digital camera] Infrared night vision, 200-to-1 zoom. I gotta hand it to you, Gretch. You can see the whole school with this thing.

Gretchen: You can make lots of handy devices out of the spare parts in a family's garage. Why, I once fashioned a particle accelerator out of a broken hair dryer and a four-slice toaster oven.

Spinelli: [reading Becky's diary; laughs along with Gus] Tonight, the magical moment arrived. We met behind the drive-thru menu and kissed passionately as the sound of the deep fat fryer faded into the night." Man, I wish I had an older sister.

Mikey: Laugh if you will. I think it's beautiful.

T.J.: [showing up; holds up his backpack with roast beef and mashed potatoes in plastic bags] Sorry I'm late, guys. But I had to wait till my mom and dad fell asleep before I could sneak out with the goodies.

Mikey: [gasps; scarfs down some roast beef] Roast beef and mashed potatoes! My favorite!

T.J.: [takes out a large tub of Rocky Road ice cream] I also managed to swipe this.

Mikey: [gasps again] Rocky Road! My other favorite!

Spinelli: Hey, give me some of that!

Gretchen: Excuse me, but, aren't we supposed to eat dinner before dessert?

Spinelli: Good one, Gretch!

Vince: Man, you were right, T.J. This is the life.

Spinelli: Hanging out with your friends, eating ice cream, spying on bad guys.

Gus: It's the ultimate kid experience.

Gretchen: Too bad these days are numbered.

Vince: Yeah, this probably the last summer we'll get to do stuff like this.

T.J.: Kinda whomps, huh?

Spinelli: Hey, remember that summer after 2nd grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?

Gretchen: Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilsons backyard?

Vince: And Spinelli spelled hers wrong.

Spinelli: [notices Gus sobbing] Hey, I was seven, and S's are tricky. What's your problem? This is the first summer you've lived here.

Gus: [hugs his arms around Gretchen as she comforts him] I know. And I'll never have any of those memories.

Mikey: Know what I'll never forget? That song T.J.'s sister taught us the first summer after Kindergarten.

T.J.: [remembers] Oh, yeah. Back when she was nice.

Cadet: [saluting and holding out a phone] Call for you, sir.

Captain Brad: Gimme that! Captain Brad here.

T.J.: Bradley, this is Colonel O'Malley.

Captain Brad: Colonel O'Malley?

T.J.: Your commanding officer!

Captain Brad: Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!

T.J.: I hear you've got a soldier there named Griswald. Good man, one of the best.

Captain Brad: [in disbelief] He is?

T.J.: You heard me! He's officer material! I've had eyes on him for years. Now pay close attention, Bradley. I've got Griswald on special assignment tonight. So when he gets back to camp, just act like nothing's happened.

Captain Brad: Yes, sir!

T.J.: And you'd better start making his bed and spit-shining his shoes as well. That's all for now. Carry on. Okay, Spinelli, you're next.

Vince: Okay, Teej, you were right. Something weird is going on in the school. And Prickly must be in on it.

Gus: I say we go to the police.

T.J.: I already went to the police. I went to everyone. Nobody'll listen.

Gretchen: What we need is proof.

Vince: Proof? How are we gonna get proof?

T.J.: I got a plan. A stakeout.

Vince: A stakeout?

T.J.: Yeah. We can stay up in my treehouse and watch the school every night until something happens.

Spinelli: Like one of them TV cop shows.

T.J.: Sure. And the next time those laser guys make a move, we'll catch em red-handed.

Gretchen: We can take pictures with my night-vision digital cam.

Gus: Then we call in the feds and, bang, we got em.

Vince: Only one problem-- what about camp?

Gus: Oh, yeah. If my dad finds out I've gone AWOL, he'll throw me in the brig till September.

T.J.: Not to worry. All I gotta do is get Becky to drive you guys back to camp in the morning, and then at night, we'll pick you up again. You'll be campers by day, spies by night.

Gus: But what if the camp counselors notice we're not there?

T.J.: Leave that to me.

T.J.: Thanks a lot, sis.

Becky: [grumpily; drives off] You owe me gas money.

Spinelli: Okay, Teej, what's this big secret plot of yours?

T.J.: Follow me.

Gretchen: T.J.? Vince? What are you guys doing here?

T.J.: You're not gonna believe this, but…

Gretchen: [shocked] Dematerialized"?!

T.J.: Just like out of Star Trek.

Gretchen: Fascinating.

Vince: T.J., what are you doing here?

T.J.: You've got to come back to town. It's an emergency.

Vince: What? I can't just leave.

T.J.: Look, something weird is going on at the school. Principal Prickly got dematerialized!

Vince: Dematerialized"? T.J., you're crazy.

T.J.: [holding up Principal Prickly's burnt golf shoes] Am I?

Becky: Mt. Van Buren? That's 20 miles away. I'm not taking you there.

T.J.: [takes out her diary; reading] Dear Diary, I dreamed of Jimmy again. He was rocking me so gently, just like he rocks the grease off a basket of hot and steamy onion rings.

Vince: Whoa! Let me look at that.

Becky: [moans in annoyance] Jerks.

T.J.: [runs back to his house after Principal Prickly got dematerialized; takes out his tape recorder; runs up to Becky's room for help] 11:57 A.M. Principal Prickly dematerialized in horrifying field of electricity. The cops won't listen. Mom and Dad won't listen. I gotta get the guys together. It's the only way!

Becky: [on the phone] Like, I am so through with him, Melissa. He asked me if I spoke French and then winked at me.

T.J.: Becky, you gotta help me! I need a ride up to Chesterville, pronto!

Becky: Are you kidding? I'm not doing anything for you, you little dork.

T.J.: [takes her sister's diary out of his jacket pocket; clears throat and reads] Oh, how I dream of the mustache fuzz on Jimmy's sweaty lips, glistening as he cooks in the light of a dozen hamburger heat lamps.

Becky: Hey, that's my diary! Give me that!

T.J.: Ah-ah-ah! I've got copies. Now either you give me a ride, or this baby hits the Internet.

T.J.: Thanks for driving me, Becky. You're the sweetest big sister a kid could ask.

Becky: And you are the annoying pet monkey I wish I never got!

T.J.: Hey, I try to keep things interesting. Oh, next rest stop, pull in. I gotta take care of business.

T.J.: [walks out of the police station] Laugh at me, will ya?! I'm gonna be a taxpayer someday!

T.J.: [running back to his house, after discovering what is going on in the school; accidentally runs into the sliding glass door] MOM! MOM!

Mrs. Detweiler: T.J.! Are you all right?

T.J.: Mom! There's guys at the school! They're doing some kind of evil experiment!

Mrs. Detweiler: Oh, dear. That bonk on the head must have rattled your little brain.

T.J.: But, Mom--

Mrs. Detweiler: [feeling his head] You're feverish! You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the petroleum jelly.

T.J.: [He runs to the garage, where his father is fixing the car.] Uh... Dad, Dad! Dad!

Mr. Detweiler: What is it, boy?

T.J.: Those evil bad guys have got a laser beam, and they're lifting the safe--

Mr. Detweiler: [rolls out from under the car] T.J., did you run into the sliding glass door again?

T.J.: [frustrated; runs off] No, but-- Yeah, but-- GAAAH!

Mr. Detweiler: Come back! Your mom's gonna want to take your temperature!

T.J.: Hey, Dad, what do they use the school for during the summer?

Mr. Detweiler: The school? They lock it up, it's empty. Why?

T.J.: Well, today when I was riding by the school, and I saw some green lights glowing in the window, then this big scary-looking bald guy chased me away.

Mr. Detweiler: Green lights glowing in the window you say? and A big scary-looking bald guy?

T.J.: Well, this really scary looking guy and--

Mrs. Detweiler: Oh, I'm sure he was just cleaning up.

T.J.: I don't know. I think something weird's going on in there. Something really weird.

Mrs. Detweiler: [sighs; to her husband] Mrs. LaSalle was right. We should've sent him to some kind of camp.

T.J.: [takes out his tape recorder to take notes; looks through binoculars and sees some vehicles approaching; speaks into tape recorder; looks through binoculars, seeing a green light coming through the cafeteria windows; speaks into tape recorder] 9:32 A.M. Ugly bald guy still guarding the school. 9:32-and-a-half A.M. Grownups wrong. School's not empty. 9:32 and three quarters. Green glow in window again. I'm going in for a closer look.

Vince: Man, T.J., that prank was sweet.

Spinelli: Yeah, you should've seen the look on Finster's face. I thought she was gonna blow a gasket.

Mikey: Those limesicles were tasty.

T.J.: A tasty beginning to a tasty summer. Twelve weeks of nothing but riding bikes, hanging out at the lake and T.P.-ing the West Side Golf Course. Summer vacation, the ultimate recess.

Vince: Yeah, I can't wait to get to baseball camp.

T.J.: [stops walking; having to have heard that] Baseball camp? What are you talking about?

Spinelli: Actually, T.J., I'm gonna be out of town too. See, the Big Time Wrestling Federation has this training camp, and I gotta learn some new moves if I'm ever gonna turn pro.

T.J.: But, Spinelli.

Gus: It's Military Camp for me. My dad says I need to learn to be a leader.

Gretchen: I shall be attending the Mt. Van Buren Space Camp. Don't wanna let those science geeks get ahead of me.

T.J.: You mean, you're all going to camp?

Mikey: Not me.

T.J.: [relieved, or so he thought] Thank goodness.

Mikey: The Young Voices Training Program doesn't like the word "camp." They provide opportunities for aspiring singers to train their voices in a rigorous yet supportive setting.

T.J.: But summer's gonna be ruined. What am I gonna do? Play baseball by myself? Watch reruns? Read?!

Vince: Sorry, man, but we gotta think about our future.

Spinelli: Yeah, we can't waste the whole summer just fooling around like kids.

T.J.: But we are kids!

Gretchen: Actually, as of the completion of fourth grade, we are technically considered pre-young adults.

Mikey: And next year we won't even be pre.

T.J.: [sighs; understanding his friends are right] But… All right, let's make the most of the time we've got left. When do you all leave?

Vince: First thing in the morning.

T.J.: Oh, man.

Gretchen: Well, there's my bus. Better get going.

Miss Finster: My ice cream! Stop it! Stop it, I say! You little monsters are in trouble now! Just wait till Principal Prickly hears about this!

Principal Prickly: [over speaker] Attention, students, this is Principal Prickly talking.

Miss Finster: [impressed but surprised] Well, that was fast.

Principal Prickly: Some of you may have noticed ice cream on the playground. I want you to know that I will not stand for this. This ice cream should be eaten immediately.

Miss Finster: [shocked] Huh?

Principal Prickly: In addition, I want you to all ignore Miss Finster, no matter what she says, about ice cream or anything else!

Miss Finster: [stunned] This can't be happening.

Principal Prickly: Furthermore, I want to inform you all that I have a fat, saggy butt, which I like to scratch every hour on the hour.

T.J.: [pauses as a magnificent shadow looms over him; it is Principal Prickly, scowling at him; nervously] Also, I want to apologize to all of you, for being such a mean principal, taking away hall passes, giving guys recess detention, refusing to accept sick notes, just because it doesn't look like a guy's mom's signature, making kids stand at the wall for 10 whole minutes, with no break. Man, I feel ashamed of myself for all the terrible, rotten things I've done. And next year, I promise to-- Why, Principal Prickly, sir, what a surprise.

King Bob: [takes off his helmet; places helmet on Freddie's head; stamps the letter "F" on the helmet; to King Freddie II] I, King Bob, as my last official act before entering middle school, hereby anoint this boy here King Freddie II. May you boss around all of the kids with fairness.

Jerome: The King has graduated! Long live the King!

Captain Brad: [shouting at the Safety Rangers] Elbow up! Eyes forward! You call that kazoo playing?!

Ashley B.: Ah, ceremony.

Ashley Q.: I'm, like, moved, Ashley A.

Ashley A.: Say what you want about their personal lives, Ashley Q. The royals have such style.