Risky Business Quotes

Miles What happened?

Joel Last night?

Miles That's right - with Kessler.

Joel She was babysitting down the street...

Miles We know that!

Joel So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...

Miles That could happen.

Joel ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says I think I'm in the mood.

Barry She said that? What did you say?

Joel I didn't have to say anything.

Glenn Whatcha do?

Joel What do you think I did?

Glenn I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.

Miles I disagree. Did you have your bike there?

Joel Yeah.

Miles I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!

Joel Goodson My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Miles No guts, Goodson.

Joel Yeah, you know, when it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.

Miles That should never stop you.

Joel She seemed too big.

Miles It could've worked out!

Joel I figured I would've gotten into trouble somehow.

Miles Sometimes you have to say, "What the fuck!" Make your move!

Joel That's easy for you to say. I mean, you're all set, you're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!

Miles Joel, you wanna know something?

Joel What?

Miles Every now and then, say "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future... So your folks are going out of town.

Joel Tomorrow.

Miles You got the place all to yourself.

Joel Yeah.

Miles What the fuck." If you can't say it, you can't do it.

Joel So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?

Lana That's right.

Joel Or a pimp?

Lana Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

Miles I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Joel Will you do me a favor?

Lana Anything, cookie.

Joel Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.

Lana Joel, go to school. Go learn something.

Taglines There's a time for playing it safe and a time for Risky Business.

Lana I'm really trying to be friends with you. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop laying these little judgments on me while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car.

Joel's Father Haven't I been telling you. Every once in awhile you just got to say, "what the heck" and take some chances.

Joel You are so right.

Joel Goodson It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

Joel Goodson It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

Joel Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.

Lana What's wrong with that?

Joel I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

Joel You're right. You are absolutely right to respond this way. I did not have a doctor's appointment. But I will tell you exactly what happened. "Unexcused." You see, Nurse Bolan lf you write "unexcused," I fail two mid-terms. It'll wreck my whole grade point average! If you'd just stop and listen to me, I'll explain everything. The truth is, my parents are away, and I met this girl. A call girl, actually. She came to my house. Look, you're writing again! This is not "unexcused"! If you will just listen to me, then you'll understand, Nurse Bolan. Why? Why won't you listen to me?

Girl I had a doctor's appointment.

Joel Excuse me. It wasn't the girl, it was my father's car. I put my father's car into Lake Michigan and I had to get it fixed. Just give me a break. Let me put it this way. I have spent the last four years of my life busting my butt in this shithole! I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave until I get just a little compassion from you.

Guido Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here.

Guido Listen to me.

Joel No, no. You listen to ME!

Joel Shit! You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.

Guido A-hole?

Joel I want my stuff back right now.

Guido Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

Taglines Meet the model son who's been good too long.

Joel's Mother Just use your best judgment. We trust you.

Lana This is a beautiful place, Ralph. Is it all yours?

Joel It's my folks', actually.

Lana Do you know what it's worth?

Joel A lot, probably.

Lana Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous!

Joel Look, Lana... uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.

Lana Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks...Joel.

Joel You're kidding.

Lana No, I don't believe that I am.

Joel Can I send it to you?

Lana Can you send it to me, Joel?

Joel Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.

Lana How much do you have?

Joel I have 50 dollars.

Lana 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?

Joel I don't know.

Joel I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.

Lana I'm not good at waiting for people.

Joel I'll be quick.

Lana Give it a try.

Joel Goodson The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.