The School of Rock (2003) - Quotes

Dewey: [half asleep] How'd you guys get in here?

Freddy: Front door was open.

Dewey: Why aren't you guys in school?

Lawrence: We did what you told us. We stuck it to the Man.

Dewey: Forget about everything I told you. Look, I'm a loser, okay? You listen to my advice, you'll end up like me with nothing.

Freddy: [bus horn honks from outside] Come on, man, quit goofing around. This is serious business. We're on a mission. One great rock show can change the world. Look out the window.

Dewey: No way... That is so punk rock...

Eleni: So, his name really wasn't Mr. Schneebly?

Freddy: Nah, it was, like, Dewey somethin'...

Marco: What about the project?

Frankie: Wake up, Marco. There was no project.

Zack: He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.

Summer: I can't believe we weren't getting graded on any of this.

Freddy: What are you so bummed about? We had a three-week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a lot better than school.

Lawrence: It was not a waste of time.

Freddy: Hate to break it to you, bro, but yeah, that's what it was.

Lawrence: You're an idiot.

Freddy: Hey, shut up!

Lawrence: No, you shut up!

Freddy: Hey, you wanna go?!

Tomika: [stands up in Lawrence's defense] Hey, if you touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat, got it?!

Tomika: Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and hard not to play the show!

Freddy: Okay, so what are we supposed to do?

Alicia: I say we get out of here and play the damn show.

Dewey: [clicks tongue] Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, drive safe.

Zack's Father: Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?

Summer's Mother: Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?

Lawrence's Father: [holds up a copy of Yes's album "Fragile"] And how is this homework?

Dewey: Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...

Zack's Father: You expect us to believe this garbage?

Tomika: Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?

Tomika's Mother: What project?

Lawrence: Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.

Lawrence's Father: Competing?

Summer: It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.

Summer's Mother: Well, what's the project, Summer?

Summer: It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.

Summer's Mother: Oh.

Summer: You might as well tell them, Mr. Schneebly.

Dewey: [Ned looks at Dewey as the policeman continues talking with Patty; Mullins and another policeman get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first policeman] Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...

Policeman: Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?

Dewey: Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.

Zack's Father: What's going on?

Summer's Mother: What's happening, Officer?

Policeman: Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.

Parents: What?

Policeman: This man is Ned Schneebly.

Patty: Yeah, he's not even a teacher!

Dewey: You called the cops?!

Ned: [points to Patty] She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.

Patty: You're apologizing to him?!

Ned: Sorry.

Mullins: [to Dewey; looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned... Ned, is this true? Who are you?

Dewey: My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.

Dewey: Okay, I don't think I can go in there.

Mullins: What's wrong?

Dewey: Roz... I'm not a teacher.

Mullins: Oh, Ned, a substitute is a teacher.

Dewey: No, no, I'm not a teacher. I'm a fraud.

Mullins: No! You're not! You're a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you! Now, just get in there, and tell those parents what you've been teaching their kids.

Mullins: [about the teachers] They hate me.

Dewey: No, they don't.

Mullins: [mouths "a bitch"] Yes, they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principal of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong, it's my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nuclear bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be...!

Dewey: No, you're not.

Mullins: Yes, I am. I am a big one!

Dewey: I totally screwed up. I told the kids that if they practiced, they'd get into the Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator: What'd you tell them that for?

Dewey: I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them.

Dewey: They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator: What do they all have?

Dewey: It’s a... rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis".

Coordinator: What's that? I've never heard of it.

Dewey: You're lucky. Because it's hell.

Tomika: Mr. S, I don't think I can sing.

Dewey: What're you talkin about? C'mere.

Dewey: Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?

Tomika: I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.

Dewey: No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?

Dewey: Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?

Tomika: They're gonna laugh at me.

Dewey: What? Why would they laugh at you?

Tomika: I dunno. Cause I'm fat?

Dewey: Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?

Tomika: Who?

Dewey: Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.

Tomika: Why aren't you on a diet?

Dewey: Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show them what we got, what do you say?

Dewey: If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man. That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?

Freddy: Shut the hell up, Schneebly!

Dewey: That's it, Freddy. That's it! Who can top him?

Alicia: Get outta here, stupid ass.

Dewey: Yes, Alicia.

Summer: You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.

Dewey: Summer, that is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.

Summer: Thank you.

Lawrence: You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.

Dewey: All right. All right! Now is everyone nice and pissed off?

Class: Yeah!

Dewey: Good! Time to write a rock song! Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world?

Dewey: Billy?

Billy: You.

Dewey: Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.

Billy: You're tacky and I hate you.

Dewey: Okay, you see me after class.

Freddy: Um, are we going to be goofing off like this every day?

Dewey: Uh, we're not goofing off, we're creating musical fusion.

Freddy: Well, are we going to be creating musical fusion every day?

Dewey: Yeah, get used to it.

Dewey: Look, the first thing you do when you start a rock band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Marta: Christina Aguilera.

Dewey: Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Leonard: Puff Daddy.

Dewey: Wrong. Billy?

Billy: Liza Minnelli?

Dewey: What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin.

Dewey: Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motörhead?! OH, WHAT DO THEY TEACH IN THIS PLACE?!

Gabe: We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TAAS or the Wilson-Binet?

Dewey: I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.

Gabe: Gabe.

Dewey: Gabe. I believe... that the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.

Bob: [realizes what Dewey just said are some of the lyrics to the song "The Greatest Love of All"] Isn't that a song?

Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.

Bob: No? Are you sure?

Dewey: Mmm-mmm.

Michelle: Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

Dewey: All right, hit me.

Eleni: The Bumblebees?

Dewey: No, it's too sissy.

Eleni: The Koala Bears?

Dewey: No! What are you talking about? It's too sissy!

Dewey: Hey, Miss Mullins.

Michelle: How about, Pig Rectum?

Mullins: Michelle!

Dewey: It's a science project.

Dewey: Morning, Summer.

Summer: Groupie?

Dewey: What's the matter?

Summer: You want me to be a groupie?

Dewey: Well, groupie is an important job.

Summer: I researched groupies on the Internet. They're sluts, they sleep with the band!

Dewey: No, that's not true! They're like cheerleaders.

Summer: I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother's a room parent, and she's not gonna be happy when she hears about this.

Dewey: Okay, I didn't want to say this to you in front of the other kids cause I didn't want to make them jealous, but I made a special position just for you. And it's the most important job of all: band manager.

Summer: Band manager?

Dewey: Oh, yeah.

Summer: What's that?

Dewey: Well, I'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you to make sure everyone is doing their job. Summer, you're in charge of everything.

Summer: Okay.

Dewey: I pledge allegiance...

Class: I pledge allegiance...

Dewey: ...to the band...

Class: ...to the band...

Dewey: ...of Mr. Schneebly...

Class: ...of Mr. Schneebly...

Dewey: ...and will not fight him...

Class: ...and will not fight him...

Dewey: ...for creative control...

Class: ...for creative control...

Dewey: ...and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.

Dewey: LET'S GET ROCKIN'!!!!

Dewey: Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.

Lawrence: A science project?

Dewey: No. It's called... "Rock Band".

Marta: Is this a school project?

Dewey: [points to his head; points to his jaw; points to his forehead] Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head , and your mind , and your brain too .

Summer: Will other schools be competing?

Dewey: You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.

Billy: What's the prize?

Dewey: A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?

Dewey: Oh, you wanna learn something?

Summer: Yes, I do.

Dewey: [most of the students nod; really getting angry] You want me to teach you something? Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. But in the end you're just gonna lose, BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by The Man.

Frankie: Who?

Dewey: [class shakes their heads] The Man. Oh, you don't know The Man? He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's The Man. And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no.! The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!!!!

Michelle: Are you going to teach us anything? Or are we just going to sit here?

Dewey: [mumbles] Just do whatever you want.

Summer: I want to learn from my teacher.

Dewey: [loudly] Besides that! Freddy, what do you like to do?

Freddy: [drawing flames on the name tag on his desk] I dunno... burn stuff?

Dewey: [to the class on his first day] Okay, Teach. Teach. Teach. Alright, look, here’s the deal. I’ve got a hangover. Who knows what that means?

Frankie: Doesn't that mean you’re drunk?

Dewey: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.

Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.

Dewey: Wrong.

Freddy: You wouldn't come to work unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!

Dewey: Mmm-hmm. What's your name?

Freddy: Freddy Jones.

Dewey: Mmm, Freddy Jones, shut up!

Mullins: Mr. Schneebly... This is considered the best elementary school in the state and we maintain that reputation by adhering to a strict code of conduct, faculty included.

Dewey: You know what? You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hardass. If a kid gets outta line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.

Mullins: No. No, we don't use corporal punishment here.

Dewey: Okay, so just... verbal abuse?

Mullins: If you have problems with any students, send them to me. I will do the disciplining.

Dewey: [pause] Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar.

Dewey: [hangs up] Hello?!

Dewey: Yeah?

Mullins: Is this Mr. Schneebly?

Dewey: No, he's not here.

Mullins: Oh, could you take a message for me?

Dewey: Um... Yeah.

Mullins: Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?

Dewey: Um... How long is the gig?

Mullins: Excuse me?

Dewey: Uh, how long is the job?

Mullins: My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.

Dewey: Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin here?

Mullins: We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?

Dewey: Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin in right about... Ned, phone!

Dewey: Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.

Dewey: Hey! What's up? Is that a new song? Who's this guy?

Theo: Dewey, we're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.

Dewey: Good, because I need the money. Now, listen. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music.

Theo: I agree. You're fired.

Dewey: Your lyrics, now, don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame. But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so...

Theo: Dewey, did you hear what I said? We voted. You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

Spider: What's up, dawg?

Neil: I was gonna tell you last night, Dewey, but you passed out, man.

Dewey: Okay, you're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me? Well, this is my band. I brought us together.

Neil: Theo wanted you out. There's nothing I could do.

Theo: Shut up, man. You voted him out, too. I didn't tell you what to do. Dewey, listen to me. You're a good guitar player, but it's the 20-minute solos, it's the stage dives. We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment.

Dewey: [raises three fingers] Read between the lines, Theo. Read between the lines!

Neil: Dewey, man, I hope this doesn't come between us. Like, I care about you, man.

Dewey: You guys, you know what? You're nuts. You're all nuts. You've been focused so hard on making it, you forgot about one thing. It's called the music. And I don't even care. You know what? So what? I don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts. I'm gonna form my own band and we're gonna start a revolution, okay? And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass. I feel sorry for you guys.

Dewey Finn: [during end credits; to Zack, with his face contorted, after he performs a "face-melter" on his guitar; laughs] Dude, is my face okay? I think you melted it off!

Dewey Finn: [angrily] I heard you in music class. You guys can really play. Why didn't anyone tell me?!

Dewey Finn: Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you. So let's just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you.

Dewey Finn: The School of Rock. And we shall teach rock ‘n’ roll to the world.

Dewey Finn: [[George Bernard Shaw; [Annie Hall] (variation of ] quote and earlier quoted verbatim in ]) Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

Dewey Finn: We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return. Have a good music class.

Dewey Finn: Okay, Miss Dumbum ain't your teacher today, I am. And I have a headache, and the runs.

Dewey Finn: [watching the clock, waiting for the end of the day] Yes! We did it! Gimme some of that, yeah, that's it. I will see you cats on the flip-flop later!

Dewey Finn: Dude, I service society by rocking. I’m out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rocking ain’t no walk in the supermarket, lady.