Tim Hopper

Dewey: [clicks tongue] Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, drive safe.

Zack's Father: Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?

Summer's Mother: Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?

Lawrence's Father: [holds up a copy of Yes's album "Fragile"] And how is this homework?

Dewey: Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...

Zack's Father: You expect us to believe this garbage?

Tomika: Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?

Tomika's Mother: What project?

Lawrence: Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.

Lawrence's Father: Competing?

Summer: It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.

Summer's Mother: Well, what's the project, Summer?

Summer: It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.

Summer's Mother: Oh.

Summer: You might as well tell them, Mr. Schneebly.

Dewey: [Ned looks at Dewey as the policeman continues talking with Patty; Mullins and another policeman get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first policeman] Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...

Policeman: Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?

Dewey: Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.

Zack's Father: What's going on?

Summer's Mother: What's happening, Officer?

Policeman: Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.

Parents: What?

Policeman: This man is Ned Schneebly.

Patty: Yeah, he's not even a teacher!

Dewey: You called the cops?!

Ned: [points to Patty] She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.

Patty: You're apologizing to him?!

Ned: Sorry.

Mullins: [to Dewey; looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned... Ned, is this true? Who are you?

Dewey: My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.