She's the Man (2006) - Quotes

Boys: OOOOHHHH! OWWWW!

Viola: [as Sebastian] Huh? Oh. Right. OWWW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! IT BURNS!

Duke: [Snickers] Ok. Um do you like... cheese?

Sebastian: [In a girl voice; Poses and smiles] Why yes, I do. My favorite's Gouda.

Viola: I didn't think you'd show up. It really means a lot to me that you're here. Say something.

Groundskeeper: I gotta turn the sprinklers on.

Principal Gold: Okay, if you want to roughhouse, please take it at least 500 yards...

Coach Dinklage: [Shouting, as he walks quickly over to where the Illyria and Cornwall players are fighting''; ''Grabs a Cornwall player and an Illyria player] Break it up. Break it up! Okay, tough guys. You want to box, then get out of my stadium. Or otherwise, get on with the game. All right?

Principal Gold: [Through his megaphone] Come on now, Armadillos of Illyria...

Coach Dinklage: That goes for the rest of ya. Now get on and play some real football! Like a bunch of girls!

Principal Gold: [Through his megaphone, trying unsuccessfully to mimic Dinklage's charismatic voice] Yeah! Let's play some real football like a bunch of girls!

Principal Gold: [Shouting through his megaphone directly into Malcom's ear] MALCOLM! CAN YOU SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE CURRENT SITUATION?

Malcolm: [Also embarrassed] No more than has already been shed, sir.

Malcolm: I am convinced he's hiding something.

Principal Gold: Oh, nonsense, Malcolm. He may be a little lost and confused, but deep down he's an all-American, red-blooded male, just like yourself.

Viola: [Walking by, dressed as Sebastian, while on the phone] Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller. And to make it harder for them to run away.

Principal Gold: Malcolm, have you ever tried to run away in high heels?

Malcolm: No, sir, I...

Principal Gold: Not that easy. Not that easy...

Viola: (Singing) I get to take a shower. I get to take a shower.

Malcolm: [startled gasp then realizes he forgot to introduce himself] Malcolm Festes, Dorm Director. Shower shoes are to be worn in the bathroom at all times except when in the actual shower! ...Did you not read your "Dorm Life" pamphlet? It was in your cubby.

Viola: Sup dog?

Duke: [''Sarcastically''] Yeah, what's kickin', homie?

Viola: Later.

Duke: [holding up Viola's chest bandage] Hey, you forgot, ew... This, coolio.

Viola: Word, G-man.

Duke: Dude, why do you have tampons in your boot?

Viola: [as Sebastian] Uh, I get really bad nose bleeds?

Andrew: So you stick them up your nose?

Viola: [guys shake heads] Yeah! You mean you've never done that? Oh my god, Beckham does it all the time!

Duke: No.

Viola: Look, I'll show you. You take that off.. and whatever that is.. and you just stick it right in. It absorbs right up!

Viola: [as Sebastian] Eunice!

Viola: [clears throat] Uh, Eunice! Why didn't you wake me up?

Eunice: [As 'Sebastian' hurriedly leaves] You looked so serene. I made breakfast, darling!

Duke: [Using one of Viola's tampons after getting into a fight with Justin at the carnival] Oh, yeah, I uh, borrowed one of your... yeah... and you're right, they really do work.

Viola: [as Sebastian; Clears throat] Oh my God, you're hurt! I mean, suck it up. Be a man and rub some dirt on it.

Duke: All right, I'll rub some dirt on it...

Olivia: What's this? Poems?

Viola: Lyrics. They're his... my, my old stuff.

Olivia: [reading; Continues reading] Wake up I've been waiting for you".

Olivia: Those are really good. So honest.

Viola: I know. I keep telling him... me... myself... my... myself.

Malcolm: I write songs too, Olivia.

Olivia: Really? Wonderful.

Malcolm: [sings] Check it out. I see you through your window, while I'm standing on a tree outside.

Viola: [as Sebastian] What does your heart tell you?

Duke: What?

Viola: I mean... which one would you rather see NAKED?

Coach Dinklage: [about to assign teams for practice, one having their shirts on, the other off] OK, shirts and skins!

Viola: Pardon me, sir. I have to be a shirt.

Coach Dinklage: What?!

Viola: I'm allergic to the sun.

Coach Dinklage: You're allergic to the sun.

Viola: Very, very, very deathly, deathly allergic.

Coach Dinklage: [Marks his clipboard] Well, we like to accommodate, here at Illyria, so I'll follow you around with a parasol. Alright, nancy-boy? You're a shirt.

Andrew: Freshman dorms are that-a-way twiglet.

Toby: Yeah, seriously how old are you?

Viola: [as Sebastian] I skipped a couple grades. Shh! I'm brilliant.

Viola: I just can't do this.

Paul: [Pause] Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong but you know what I mean.

Daphne: [After hearing about Viola breaking up with Justin] But why? He's so handsome, and rugged, and chiseled, and great.

Viola: Then why don't you date him, Mom?

Daphne: [Pauses to fantasize, then giggles] Oh, no... I couldn't.

Olivia: [as Viola takes her place at the kissing booth] Beware. The old guy chewing gum... it's not gum.

Olivia: [When Malcolm, telling her his tarantula is loose, says she should not feed it] Yes, because my first instinct would be to feed the turantula.

Monique: [in response to Andrew's flirting] Ew, what are you, hitting on me? Let me put a stop to that little brain fart right now. Girls with asses like mine do not talk to boys with faces like yours.

Paul: [pause] Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong, but you know what I mean.

Justin: [after he blocks a goal] That's right. Didn't score on me last half, won't score on this half! I'm a ninja. Ninja Goalie.

Toby: Okay, how come when I wanted to ask Eunice out everyone made fun of me, but then Sebastian likes her and suddenly she's cool? Screw you guys. I hate high school.

Coach Dinklage: [tears up the manual containing the "no girls allowed" policy, before returning it to the referee] What manual? Listen, pal. Here at Illyria, we don't discriminate based on gender!

Principal Gold: I think I played soccer once, or was it chess?

Principal Gold: [When asked where the Sebastian is] Well, he must be half way to China by now, he showed us his willis & doodleberries.

Principal Gold: [Handing 'Sebastian' his food at lunch; The next student steps up and begins to ask for something] Have a great apple and sandwich! No.

Principal Gold: [Seeing Olivia and 'Sebastian' meeting outside his office; Pretending to respond to someone in his office; Goes back inside his office] What is...? Oh... Getting to know the opposite sex are we? Male female dynamics, all that. Sexual tension... it's all part of the high school experience... Continue, continue, please. But keep it cleaned up. Abstinence is key, abstinence is the best way to not... is to not. Uh- Hm?

Duke: Dude, come on, you're a guy, what would you do if the hottest girl in school came and asked you on a date?

Duke: [to Viola (as Sebastian)] Why, why do you always talk about girls in such graphic terms?

Duke: [Quoting Coach] Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

As Sebastian: [To Monique, breaking up with her] You're hot Monique, smokin hot. But there are plenty of hot girls out there. And the truth is you have nothing else to offer! And when my eyes are closed, I see you for what you truly are, which is UUUG-LAY!

As Sebastian: I'd tap that.

As Sebastian: You know how it is. New school, new babe pool.

As Sebastian: [to Duke; pause] What does you heart tell you? I mean... which one would you rather see NAKED!?

As Sebastian: So, uh, you play the beautiful game... bros... brothers... brethren?