Short Circuit Quotes

Number 5 Colt 45, semi-automatic. Clay dough.

Ben Unable. Malfunction".

Howard How can it refuse to turn itself off?

Skroeder Maybe it's pissed off.

Crosby It's a machine, Skroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

Ben and Crosby It just runs programs.

Howard It usually runs programs.

Howard Hey! Who told you you could take Number 1?!

Crosby Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number 5, this is the best weapon we could have.

Howard Great. Great! So, instead of $11,000,000 on the loose, we're gonna have 22.

Ben And plus, we are needing gas money.

Newton Crosby There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing ], and they're trying to decide how much to give to ]. So the priest says, "We'll draw a circle on the ground, we'll throw the ] way up in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we give to charity." The minister says, "No. We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No, no, no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever ] wants, he keeps!

Number 5 Number 5... is alive!

Taglines Life is not a malfunction.

Number 5 Beautiful! Lightbulb!

Stephanie No; sunrise!

Number 5 Beautiful! No, sunrise!

Stephanie No: beautiful sunrise!

Number 5 Beautiful! Sunrise! Beautiful animal! Mammal! Canine! Dog! Mutt!

Stephanie Beasley!

Number 5 Beasley!

Number 5 Squash, dead. Disassemble, dead. Disassemble...! DEAD!! No disassemble!

Crosby Where are you from, anyway?

Ben Bakersfield, originally.

Crosby No, I mean your ancestors.

Ben Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

Stephanie We have to get you home.

Number 5 This, home! Stephanie, home!

Newton Crosby Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marital aid.

Taglines Something wonderful has happened...No. 5 is alive.

Stephanie Speck Oh, my God! I knew they'd pick me. I just knew it!

Number 5 Newton Crosby, Ph.D.!

Ben Jabituya Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind!

Howard I got a phone call from that loony in the lunch wagon. She wants to see you. Only you.

Crosby She does?

Ben Oh, her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby!

Crosby Will you grow up?!

Number 5 Hey, Laser Lips! your mama was a Snow Blower!

Number 5 Input! More!

Number 5 Malfunction! Need input!

Number 5 Attractive. Nice software!

Number 5 Jerk of the world, turkey, idiot, pain in the ass!

Number 5 Disassemble! Frankie, ya broke the unwritten ]. Ya ratted on your friends. You do that, Frankie, your enemies don't respect ya. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie. Pretty good, huh?

Howard Oh, my God. It's not coming back. We've gotta destroy it.

Crosby No. Howard, you're overreacting. You can't.

Ben Look, let us at least try to catch it first.

Crosby Yeah. We'll panic later. Okay?

Howard What if you don't catch it? What if it goes out and melts down a busload of nuns?! How would you like to write the headline on that one?!

Ben Nun Soup"?

Crosby BEN!