Shrek (2001) - Quotes

Voice Cast: [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings] ] — Captain of the Guards

Voice Cast: [[w:Peter Dennis|Peter Dennis] ]Clive Pearse — Ogre Hunters

Voice Cast: [[w:Vincent Cassel|Vincent Cassel] ] — Monsieur Robin Hood

Voice Cast: [[w:Mike Myers|Mike Myers; [w:Shrek (character)|Shrek] ] — ], Blind Mouse #2

Taglines: The Prince isn't charming. The Princess isn't sleeping. The sidekick isn't helping. The ogre is the hero. Fairy tales will never be the same again.

Taglines: The greatest fairy tale never told.

Gingerbread Man: [Off-screen] No!

Lord Farquaad: [his first words; puts him down; Farquaad laughs, then signals for the table to lower] That's enough! He's ready to talk. Run, run, run, as you fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!

Gingerbread Man: You're a monster.

Lord Farquaad: I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?!

Gingerbread Man: [spits at Farquaad] Eat me!

Lord Farquaad: [grunts] I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--

Gingerbread Man: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Lord Farquaad: All right, then, who's hiding them?!

Gingerbread Man: Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?

Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.

Lord Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who-who lives on Drury Lane?

Gingerbread Man: Well, she's married to the muffin man.

Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?!

Gingerbread Man: THE MUFFIN MAN!

Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.

Captain of the Guard: [his last words] My lord! We found it.

Lord Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

Shrek: I thought I told you to stay outside.

Donkey: I am outside.

Mouse #1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?

Mouse #2: Well, it's not home, but it'll do just fine.

Mouse #3: What a lovely bed!

Shrek: Gotcha!

Mouse #3: I've found some cheese!

Donkey: [eyes the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you?

Shrek: I like my privacy.

Donkey: [silence ensues] You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... ...Can I stay with you?

Shrek: Uh, what?

Donkey: Can I stay with you... please?

Shrek: Of course!

Donkey: Really?

Shrek: No.

Donkey: [slight pause; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please, please!

Shrek: Okay! Okay. But one night only.

Donkey: Ah, thank you!

Shrek: Ah! What are you... No, no, no!

Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin waffles!

Shrek: Ohh!

Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?

Shrek: Outside!

Donkey: [sniffs; sighs] Oh, ah, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night.

Donkey: [singing] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. Sit by myself, outside. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me.

Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY...are you following me?

Donkey: [singing] I'll tell you why. Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends!

Shrek: Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends.

Donkey: Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.

Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?

Donkey: [looks Shrek up and down] Uh... Really tall?

Shrek: No! I'm an ogre! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?

Donkey: [shakes his head happily] Nope.

Shrek: [surprised] Really?

Donkey: Really, really.

Guard #1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!

Dwarfs: He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we.

Guard #2: Move it along. Come on! Get up!

Captain of the Guard: [his first words] Next!

Guard #2: Give me that! Your flying days are over.

Captain of the Guard: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

Man: Get up! Come on!

Villager: Twenty pieces.

Guard: Sit down there! Keep quiet!

Little Bear: [sadly] This cage is too small.

Donkey: Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

Old Lady: Oh, shut up.

Donkey: Oh!

Captain of the Guard: Next!

Captain of the Guard: What have you got?

Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!

Captain of the Guard: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!

Captain of the Guard: Next! What've you got?

Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.

Captain of the Guard: [looks up from his ledger] Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.

Captain of the Guard: Well?

Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...

Captain of the Guard: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

Old Lady: [moves Donkey's lips] No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw.

Captain of the Guard: [annoyed] Get her outta my sight.

Old Lady: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

Donkey: Hey, I can fly!

Peter Pan: He can fly!

Little Pigs: He can fly!

Captain of the Guard: He can talk!

Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.

Captain of the Guard: Seize him! After him! He's getting away!

Villager: I think it's in there?

Villager Chris: All right, LET'S GET IT!

Villager James: Whoa, Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?

Villager Mike: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread!

Shrek: [exposes himself] Yes. Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!

Villagers: No!

Shrek: They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Villager James: [waves his torch in front of Shrek; Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously] Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! Right.

Shrek: [whispers; the villagers do so; laughs; looks down at a sign; sighs] This is the part where you run away. And stay out! Wanted. Fairy tale creatures.

Shrek: [first lines; narrates his storybook; laughs; toilet flushes] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of...

Steve Harwell: [singing] Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of an "L" on her forehead...| Well, the years start comin and they don't stop comin / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin stars break the mold...| It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder / You're bundled up now, wait til you get older / But the meteor men beg to differ / Judging by the hole in the satellite picture / The ice we skate is gettin pretty thin / The water's gettin warm, so you might as well swim / My world's on fire, how bout yours? / That's the way I like it, and I'll never get bored...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / All that glitters is gold / Only shootin stars break the mold.

Villagers: Go! Go!

Voice: Go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go for the moon.

Steve Harwell: [singing; song fades] Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shooting stars...| Somebody once asked, "Could I spare some change for gas? / I need to get myself away from this place" / I said, "Yep, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself / And we could all use a little change"...| Well, the years start comin and they don't stop comin / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go! / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin stars break the mold...| Only shootin stars break the mold / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / This is how we do it...

Peter Pan: He can fly!

Big Bad Wolf: What?

Thelonious: Three! Pick number three, my lord!

Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!

Monsieur Hood: Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?

Lord Maximus Farquaad: [his last words; Shrek whistles for Dragon.] ...I'll have you locked back in that tower, FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING! I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE--!

Lord Maximus Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!

Lord Maximus Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?

Lord Maximus Farquaad: Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!".

Lord Maximus Farquaad: [his first words] That's enough! He's ready to talk.

Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

Princess Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you! Y'know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

Princess Fiona: Hey, wait! What are you doing?

Donkey: [atop the dragon after she swallows Farquaad] All right, nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm a donkey on the edge!

Donkey: [gets cornered by Dragon; Dragon roars] Oh, what large teeth you have! I-I-I-I...

Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...?

Shrek: Okay, uh, ogres are like onions.

Shrek: Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here til Thursday. Try the veal!

Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

Shrek: All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

Shrek: [echoes] What are you doing in my swamp?!

Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks.

Shrek: [whispers] This is the part where you run away.