Smokey and the Bandit (1977) - Quotes

Disregard for Law and Order

Taglines: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

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Confrontation Between Bandit and Sheriff Justice

Bandit: [through CB radio] Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.

Sheriff Justice: Who there?

Bandit: This is "Bandit" Darville talkin'.

Sheriff Justice: Where are you, you sumbitch?

Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog. I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make em look like they're all runnin in slow motion. I just wanna say that.

Sheriff Justice: [shouting angrily] Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, where are you, you sumbitch?!

Bandit: Well, I'm right down at the bottom of the hill, Sheriff. I'm about six-foot-eight, in a cowboy outfit, got a little pygmy standing right beside me dressed just like me. You can't miss me. 10-4.

Bandit: You know what? Scratch that. I can't lie to you, Sheriff; you're too good a man. Look over your left shoulder.

Sheriff Justice: [looking over his shoulder, taking on a shocked expression upon seeing the Bandit] Oof!

Bandit: We're on our way to Boston to pick up some clam chowder. Bye-bye!

Sheriff Justice: [''Shouting furiously''] I'm not givin up! I'm not givin up!

Junior: [''Running after his father''] Daddy, don't leave me! Who's gonna hold your hat?

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Seeking Escape and Financial Support

Bandit: [to Big Enos] We need two things, we need a way out of here, and we need the money.

Big Enos: Well, here's my Cadillac, that will leave me with an even dozen.

Bandit: Cledus, get the money.

Snowman: Yeah, how about the money?

Little Enos: How about double or nothin?

Snowman: How about FORGETTIN it!

Bandit: Wait wait, hold it! - what was that about double or nothing?

Little Enos: You boys wanna head up to Boston, and pick up some clam chowder for me and my daddy?

Carrie: You're on!

Bandit: [pauses] You're on!

Big Enos: In eighteen hours?

Bandit: [pauses further] You're still on!

Snowman: Whoa, hold it... and I'm divorced!

Big Enos: [''Smugly, as the group drives away''] Twenty to one I'll break the son of a bitch this time!

Little Enos: [''Takes a stack of bills out and starts counting''] Gimme five hundred on the Bandit.

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Determination in the Face of Adversity

Bandit: Cletus?

Snowman: Talk to me, m'boy!

Bandit: Goddamn it, son, we gave it our best shot. I don't like it any more than you do, but... we ain't gonna make it, son. We're gonna hang it up.

Snowman: WHOA! Negatory, negatory, what're you, crazy or something?! We come this far, ain't we?! LOOK, WHEN WE SAY WE GONNA DO A JOB, WE GONNA DO A JOB!

Bandit: It's me they after! They don't even know Cletus Snow exists!

Snowman: [''Hangs up his CB radio and looks at Fred the dog''] Oh, they don't? Well, I tell you what we gonna do! (Laughs) We just gonna introduce em to the boy. So move over a bit, good buddy, cause the Snowman is coming through! Hold on to your ass, Fred.

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A Hat Blown Away Sparks a Reaction

Junior: Daddy, my hat blew off!

Sheriff Justice: I hope your God damn head was in it!

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A Brief and Tumultuous Romance

Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.

Bandit: And?

Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!

Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

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Confrontation Between Buford and Junior

Buford T. Justice: [speaks to Junior] I saw that, you sumbitch! You did that on purpose! You're goin away till you're gray! I got the evidence! Put the evidence in the car.

Junior: But Daddy...

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Jurisdiction Dispute During High-Speed Chase

Sheriff Branford: Did you say that you are a sheriff?

Sheriff Justice: That's a big ten-four! This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice, of Texas!

Sheriff Branford: Texas? You realize of course that you are out of your jurisdiction? I suggest that you let my department handle the situation.

Sheriff Justice: That's very comfortin'. But I'm in high speed pursuit! Don't you hear good?

Sheriff Branford: I hear perfectly. The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

Sheriff Justice: The goddamn Germans got nothin to do with it!

Junior: What'd he say?

Sheriff Justice: [cutting him off] Shut up! One shit at a time!

Junior: All right.

Sheriff Justice: Hey, boy, where's Sheriff Bradford?

Sheriff Branford: I am Sheriff Branford!

Sheriff Justice: [''Turns away, with Junior standing beside him''] Well, for some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio! What the hell is the world comin to?

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Frustration at Failed Road Block Encounter

Sheriff Justice: [to the local Sheriff on the radio] : This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice again. I've lost that Trans Am. Set up a road block.

Junior: Good idea!

Sheriff Justice: What the hell would you know?!

Deputy Sheriff: Did you see that? They went right through our road block!

Sheriff Justice: You sumbitches couldn't close an umbrella!

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Reflecting on Friendship and Rivalry

Junior: Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?

Sheriff Justice: If they'd have cremated the sumbitch, I'd have been kickin that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now!

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Sheriff Justice's Frustration and Command

Sheriff Justice: Nobody... Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker!

Junior: Except for that-

Sheriff Justice: Shut yo ass...

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Questioning the Purpose of Their Actions

Snowman: Hey,Bandit! Me and Fred got a question.

Bandit: What do you and Fred want?

Snowman: How come we doin this?

Bandit: Well, why not?

Snowman: Well, they said it couldn't be done!

Bandit: That's the reason, son!

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Loading Up for a Fun Adventure

Bandit: [Laughs] Hey, want a beer?

Snowman: Well, son! Redneck heaven! How do we load all this stuff though?

Bandit: [Gets into a nearby forklift truck] Hey, I'll load it on with this!

Snowman: You can't drive no forklift!

Bandit: I can drive any forkin thing around.

Snowman: [stands on the forks of the vehicle; Bandit drives forward] Will you get serious? Can you drive this thing? Back it up!

Bandit: [Bandit raises the forks] Oh, shut up!

Snowman: [Bandit reverses then drives the forklift at speed towards the boxes] Whoa, hold it! I said BACK it up, not RAISE it up! Hold it! The beer! Watch the beer!

Bandit: [Laughs] Y'all right?

Snowman: [Yelling from behind the cartons] Very funny, very funny!

Bandit: I thought it was!

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A Chance for Big Bucks

Bandit: In the past, I may have done you wrong. But in the future Cletus, I will never ever do you wrong again. Right?

Snowman: Right.

Bandit: We have a chance. A big chance - to make a run, for some big bucks. Eighty thousand of them.

Snowman: Oh, really? What we gonna do, kidnap the Pope or somethin?

Bandit: [''Laughs''] How'd you guess. . No - we gotta go to Texas and pick up 400 cases of Coors. And bring em back in 28 hours.

Snowman: Whoa. I gotta flash for you. That's called bootleggin and that's against the law.

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A Bold Challenge in a Classic Adventure

Bandit: Just what the hell you want?

Big Enos: For you to get outta this dumbass rodeo, and accept a real challenge!

Bandit: Now, you want me to drive to Texarkana, pick up 400 cases of Coors and come back in 28 hours. No problem.

Little Enos: It ain't never been done before, hot shit.

Bandit: You watch your language, little lady. The problem here, is that Coors beer, you take that east of Texas and that's uh, that's bootlegging.

Little Enos: You know, I think you're just a little bit scared.

Bandit: That's great psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?

Little Enos: Yo mamma is so ugly-

Bandit: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Why do you want that beer so bad?

Little Enos: Cause he's thirsty, dummy!

A Legend and an Out-of-Work Bum

Junior: [Chasing after his father, who is driving after the Bandit] Who's gonna hold your hat?!

Little Enos: [remarking to Big Enos about the Bandit's "legend" status] Well a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy!

Concern for Fred's Well-Being

Cletus "The Snowman" Snow: [On the CB radio, about his dog] I'm gettin worried about Fred here, he's lookin a little thin in the skin!

Sending the Bill to Big Enos Burdette

Cletus "The Snowman" Snow: [Writing out note for beer] Send... bill... to... Big... Enos... Burdette. (Trans-Am drives away) Burdette.. B... B-E-R... B-U-R... B... (Throws notepad aside) Hell, I got to go.

Cletus Snowman's Bold Declaration

Cletus "The Snowman" Snow: [[wikipedia:East Bound and Down|eastbound and down] You got the one Snowman! I'm ]!

Questioning Perception of a Woman's Attire

Cletus "The Snowman" Snow: [Talking over CB radio; ''Laughs wildly''] Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin in your ears? Tell me what that woman's got on! (Pause) Her mind? Ten-four!

Honesty in the Face of Authority

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [Over radio to Sheriff Justice] I can't lie to you, Sheriff. You're too good a man.

A Bold Challenge from the Bandit

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [Carrie is hyperly saying she wants to jump something in the car] Oh, jump me.

Running Blocker for Illegal Booze

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [In the middle of a car chase he explains to Carrie why they are being pursued] Oh, I forgot to tell ya. I'm running blocker for 400 cases of illegal booze!

Pursuing the American Dream for Profit

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [On why he's going to make the run to Texas and back] For the good ol American life. For the money, for the glory, and for the fun. Mostly for the money.

Bandit Comments on Waynette's Hair Accessories

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [to Snowman's wife] I find it hard to look at you Waynette, especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah.

A Humorous Take on Unusual Suit Sizes

Bo "the Bandit" Darville: [to Big and Little Enos] Oh, I love your suits. It must be a bitch finding suits size 68 extra fat and a 12 dwarf.

Confrontation and Acceptance of Boundaries

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: [a truck passes by, blowing its air horn and conveniently obscuring his profanity] Apology accepted. Now, fuck off.

Sheriff's Frustration with Inefficiency

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: [Responding to a policeman who was unable to stop Bandit at a roadblock] You sumbitches couldn't close an umbrella!

Disrespect for the Law Explained

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: [After trying to pass Snowman and being pit maneuvered] What we're dealing with here... is a complete lack of respect for the law.

Sheriff Justice Warns of Incoming Trouble

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: [On the CB radio, hailing the Bandit] You got trouble comin'. My handle is Smokey Bear, and I'm tail-grabbin yo ass right now!

Authority and Insults in Small-Town Life

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: [Junior starts to say something] She insulted my town! She insulted my son! Shaddup! She insulted my authority! And that's nothin but pure and simple old-fashioned communism. Happens every time one of those dancers starts poon-tangin around with those show-folk fags! I can see her now... runnin back up that aisle. No, she was dancin back up the aisle. Her knockers bouncin all over the joint. Her ass was wigglin too!

Sheriff Justice's Warning to the Boys

Sheriff Buford T. Justice: Now, you boys just stay here and watch the car - might be some vandals around, wanna steal somethin'. So you boys just stay here and keep your hands on the car until one of my associates arrive. And don't go home. And don't go to eat. And don't play with yourself. Wouldn't look nice on my highway. You can think about it, but dooon't do it.