31 quotes
A Poem of Loneliness and Longing
Poetry
Harriet! Harry-it Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciation for Nightlife and Dancing
Charlie Mackenzie
I like the night life. I like to boogey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Celebration
Stuart Mackenzie
Let's get pissed!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comment on a child's head size
Stuart Mackenzie
Look at the size of that boy's head. I’m not kidding. It's like an orange on a toothpick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Silence
Stuart Mackenzie
May, shut it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Invitation to a Shared Experience
Charlie Mackenzie
Come Nadia, let us ] like ] of the ].
[[dance; [children; [night]
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Scottish Martial Arts Humor
Charlie Mackenzie
You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.
[''pronounces it "fuck you"'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Paranoia in Relationships Explored
Tony Giardino
Every time you meet a nice girl you can get close to, you always break up with them for paranoid reasons.
Charlie Mackenzie
That's not true. I broke up with those girls for very good reasons.
Tony Giardino
Oh really?
Charlie Mackenzie
Yes.
Tony Giardino
Oh really? What about Jill?
Charlie Mackenzie
She was in the mafia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preference for Humor or Physical Attributes
Charlie Mackenzie
Most people say a sense of humor, but I'm gonna have to go with breast size.
[''after being asked by Harriet what he looks for in a woman'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Subjectivity of Brutality in Perspectives
Charlie Mackenzie
How many people have you brutally murdered?
Harriet Michaels
Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.
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Request to Change Music Before Soccer Game
Stuart Mackenzie
May, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The soccer game is about to begin!
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A Piper's Misfortune and Its Aftermath
Stuart Mackenzie
We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. S all right, he's just pissed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Facts in Tabloid Journalism
May Mackenzie
Charlie, hand me the paper.
Charlie Mackenzie
Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.
May Mackenzie
This newspaper contains facts. Look at this. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Comparison of Pam's Scent
Tony Giardino
What about Pam?
Charlie Mackenzie
She smelled like soup.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Disagreement Between Friends
Charlie Mackenzie
So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?
Tony Giardino
What do ya mean?
Charlie Mackenzie
I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
Tony Giardino
What are ya talking about, I look hip!
Charlie Mackenzie
No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.
Tony Giardino
I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love's Whimsical Confusion
Poetry
Woman... woe-man... whoah, man!She was a thief,you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... They make me horny, Saturday morny Girls of cartoo-ins Won't leave me in ruins I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Request for Paper and Action
Stuart Mackenzie
Heid! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can, hauling that gargantuan cranium about!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Secret Society of the Pentavirate
Stuart Mackenzie
Well it's a well-known fact, sonny-Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually in a secret country mansion in Colorado known as The Meadows. (So who's in this Pentavirate?) The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds...and Colonel Sanders before he went tits up! Ooh I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face! Ohh you're gonna buy my chicken! Ooh! (Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart arse!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Breakfast Offer Amidst a Busy Morning
Rose Michaels
Let me make you some breakfast.
Charlie Mackenzie
Oh gee, you know, I-I'd love to but, you know, I'm really running late.
Rose Michaels
What would you say to silver dollar pancakes, fresh squeezed orange juice, bacon, and Kona coffee?
Charlie Mackenzie
Well, that sounds great.
Rose Michaels
Sorry, I didn't have those other things.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections Among Friends
Rose Michaels
You know Harriet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Demands in a Quirky Moment
Stuart Mackenzie
Head! Pants! Now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Scottish Cuisine Humor in a Character's Perspective
Charlie Mackenzie
I believe most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comment on an Unfair Situation
Stuart Mackenzie
Ooh, that was off-sides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Romantic Relationships
Charlie Mackenzie
I think I'm dating Ms. X...
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A Playful Invitation to Affection
Stuart Mackenzie
If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon baby let me know! Haggis solo!
[singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with bagpipes]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Charlie Mackenzie's Affection for Apple Jacks
Charlie Mackenzie
I care for Apple Jacks a great deal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Threat to Encourage Affection
Stuart Mackenzie
Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.
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A Disdain for Scottish Cuisine
Harriet Michaels
Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie Mackenzie
No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mistaken Order at the Coffee Shop
Charlie Mackenzie
Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino. Hello?!
[''is served a huge cup of coffee'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Secret Society of Wealthy Influencers
Stuart Mackenzie
Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino
So who's in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie
The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!
Charlie Mackenzie
Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
Stuart Mackenzie
Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartarse!
Charlie Mackenzie
Interesting.... Coo-coo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Comparison of Head Shapes
Stuart Mackenzie
No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.