So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) - Quotes

Unexpected Connections Among Friends

Rose Michaels: You know Harriet.

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Breakfast Offer Amidst a Busy Morning

Rose Michaels: Let me make you some breakfast.

Charlie Mackenzie: Oh gee, you know, I-I'd love to but, you know, I'm really running late.

Rose Michaels: What would you say to silver dollar pancakes, fresh squeezed orange juice, bacon, and Kona coffee?

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, that sounds great.

Rose Michaels: Sorry, I didn't have those other things.

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A Unique Comparison of Pam's Scent

Tony Giardino: What about Pam?

Charlie Mackenzie: She smelled like soup.

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Paranoia in Relationships Explored

Tony Giardino: Every time you meet a nice girl you can get close to, you always break up with them for paranoid reasons.

Charlie Mackenzie: That's not true. I broke up with those girls for very good reasons.

Tony Giardino: Oh really?

Charlie Mackenzie: Yes.

Tony Giardino: Oh really? What about Jill?

Charlie Mackenzie: She was in the mafia.

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Fashion Disagreement Between Friends

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?

Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?

Charlie Mackenzie: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.

Tony Giardino: What are ya talking about, I look hip!

Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.

Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

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Debate on Facts in Tabloid Journalism

May Mackenzie: Charlie, hand me the paper.

Charlie Mackenzie: Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.

May Mackenzie: This newspaper contains facts. Look at this. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact!

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Subjectivity of Brutality in Perspectives

Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?

Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.

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The Secret Society of Wealthy Influencers

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.

Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?

Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!

Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?

Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartarse!

Charlie Mackenzie: Interesting.... Coo-coo.

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A Disdain for Scottish Cuisine

Harriet Michaels: Do you actually like haggis?

Charlie Mackenzie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

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Love's Whimsical Confusion

Poetry: Woman... woe-man... whoah, man!She was a thief,you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... They make me horny, Saturday morny Girls of cartoo-ins Won't leave me in ruins I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

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A Poem of Loneliness and Longing

Poetry: Harriet! Harry-it Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.

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Charlie Mackenzie's Affection for Apple Jacks

Charlie Mackenzie: I care for Apple Jacks a great deal.

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Uncertainty in Romantic Relationships

Charlie Mackenzie: I think I'm dating Ms. X...

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Appreciation for Nightlife and Dancing

Charlie Mackenzie: I like the night life. I like to boogey.

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Preference for Humor or Physical Attributes

Charlie Mackenzie: [''after being asked by Harriet what he looks for in a woman''] Most people say a sense of humor, but I'm gonna have to go with breast size.

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Invitation to a Shared Experience

Charlie Mackenzie: [[dance; [children; [night] Come Nadia, let us ] like ] of the ].

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Scottish Martial Arts Humor

Charlie Mackenzie: [''pronounces it "fuck you"''] You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.

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Scottish Cuisine Humor in a Character's Perspective

Charlie Mackenzie: I believe most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

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Mistaken Order at the Coffee Shop

Charlie Mackenzie: [''is served a huge cup of coffee''] Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino. Hello?!

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The Secret Society of the Pentavirate

Stuart Mackenzie: Well it's a well-known fact, sonny-Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually in a secret country mansion in Colorado known as The Meadows. (So who's in this Pentavirate?) The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds...and Colonel Sanders before he went tits up! Ooh I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face! Ohh you're gonna buy my chicken! Ooh! (Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart arse!