Spy Hard (1996) - Quotes

Urgent Message About Satellite Transmission Intercepted

Coleman: We must inform the director! (Presses a button on the desk telephone)

Director: (Through telephone) This is the Director. What is it, Coleman and Bishop?

Bishop: Ah, sir we intercepted a very distrubing satellite transmission from our listening post on the rock of Gibraltar.

Director: Well, what is it?

Bishop: It's this really big rock sticking out of the water on the south coast of Spain.

Director: (With the distorted telephone-like voice) What is the transmission? (Gets up)

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Channel Switching Confusion in Spy Hard

Coleman: You gotta put it on channel three! (Director presses channel three button)

Bishop: No, four! (Director presses a button)

Bishop: [[relevant] Switch it to VHS. (Director presses the ] button)

Coleman: Aaaaaand, take it off of cable.

Bishop: Put it on the monitor.

Announcer: And now for a special message from Rancor Industries!

General Rancor: She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? Yes, it is I, good old General Rancor. I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly! You did everything except eat me, and I'm still alive. All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. That's no biggie, no big thing. Now I got plenty of arms!! Big arms!! Pretty arms!! I got arms up the wazoo! Now let me show you something. Your pretty little agent is now part of the nose cone on top of my missile. This missile will be launched in 36 hours and nothing will stop me!! Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip that controls my satellite, and dag-gone, I want it back! Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, and all the Dicks you've got won't stop me now!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Misunderstandings Among Thugs and McCluckey

Thug #1: [[w:Getting Even with Dad|Getting Even with Dad] This is for ]!

Thug #2: [[w:My Girl (film)|My Girl] And this is for ]!

Thug #1: [[w:My Girl 2|My Girl 2] And this is for ]!

McCluckey: [[w:My Girl 2|My Girl 2] I wasn't even in ]!

Thugs #1 and #2: We don't care!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Reflections on Love and Its Complexity

Veronique: Oh, Dick, it's so nice to know that everything is going to be all right. You have the chip. My father's safe. You love me, Dick.

Dick: Love? Let me tell you about love, Veronique. Love is a dewdrop on a rose petal. Love is a drop of rain pure and shimmering and trembling. So moist, so wet. And those tiny little drops of love come together, gathering up grown buds, and fallen flowers, and dirt, and dung, and deer droppings, flowing faster and faster, outward to the sea, onward and onward and...

Dick: Good night. We'll talk more in the morning.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Conflicted Feelings About Love and Family

Veronique: Oh, Dick, you came for me. Tell me, what... what's been happening?

Dick: Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, getting in touch with my inner child. And after careful consideration, well... I have decided that I love you.

Veronique: But what about my father?

Dick: Well, I like him. I just have to get to know him better.

Veronique: No, is he OK? Have you got the chip?

Dick: Oh, no, he's fine. And I've got the chip.

Veronique: Oh, I love you, too.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Advice on Using a Silencer

General Rancor: [''giving orders to kill a mime''] And when you shoot him, use the silencer.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

General Rancor's Threatening Warning to Steele

General Rancor: That Steele's gonna be sorry his mama ever met his papa. We gonna heat up the fire! Boys!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

General Rancor's Confident Threat

General Rancor: She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? Yes, it is I, good old General Rancor. I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly! You did everything except eat me, and I'm still alive. All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. That's no biggie, no big thing. Now there are plenty of arms!! Big arms!! Pretty aaaarrrms!! I got arms up the wazoo! Now let me show you something. Your pretty little agent is now part of the nose cone on top of my missile. This missile will be launched in 36 hours and nothing will stop me!! Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip that controls my satellite, and dag-gone, I want it back! Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, and all the Dicks you've got won't stop me now!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Urgent Call to Action

Veronique Ukrinsky: Dick, come on. We have to go! NOW!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Character's Reaction to Unexpected Events

Veronique Ukrinsky: Dick, this is crazy.

Warning of Hidden Danger

Veronique Ukrinsky: Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor.

A Daughter's Quest to Save Her Father

Veronique Ukrinsky: This is a picture of my father. If we get separated, find him. Save him.

Introduction of Agent 3.14 Veronique Ukrinsky

Veronique Ukrinsky: Here's to your remarkable powers of observation, Mr. Steele. I am agent 3.14. Veronique Ukrinsky. My father is the professor.

Character Introduction in Spy Hard

Veronique Ukrinsky: Let me guess: You are Dick Steele. Agent WD-40 and with the Secret Service. You are 52. You like big screen TVs and you wish to stop General Rancor.

A Witty Remark on Uncertainty

Dick Steele: [''To the armless Rancor''] I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed.

Defining Crazy in Unconventional Terms

Dick Steele: Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what crazy is: Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, saying: "I'm a hamster. I'm a hamster." That's crazy.

Character Introduction and Personal Interests

Dick Steele: I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail order business. I travel with the American Gladiators. I'm 55. I like small appliances, and I do tax accounting on the side.