Keith Campbell

Thug #1: [[w:Getting Even with Dad|Getting Even with Dad] This is for ]!

Thug #2: [[w:My Girl (film)|My Girl] And this is for ]!

Thug #1: [[w:My Girl 2|My Girl 2] And this is for ]!

McCluckey: [[w:My Girl 2|My Girl 2] I wasn't even in ]!

Thugs #1 and #2: We don't care!!

Spider-Man: [the thief finally notices him] Ahem. You know, in the future, if you're gonna steal a car, don't dress like a car thief, man.

Car thief: Who are you? Are you a cop?

Spider-Man: [webs the thief's face; webs the car's door shut when the thief tries to open it; after multiple attempts of opening the door, the thief rolls down the window; the thief escapes through the open window] Really? You seriously think I'm a cop? Cop in a skintight red and blue suit, you know, you, you... You got the mind... ...of a true scholar, sir. Good thinking, good thinking. Use the window, get out the window. There ya go, you got it. Whoa.

Spider-Man: [tackles the thief with a Frankensteiner] CROTCH!!!

Car thief: [gets up and pulls a switchblade knife] Just let me go, alright?

Spider-Man: [falling to his knees in mocking terror] Is that a knife? Is that a real knife?

Car thief: Yeah, it's a real knife.

Spider-Man: You found my weakness, it's small knives!

Car thief: Just let me go, okay?

Spider-Man: [webs the thief's hand with the knife to the wall behind him; gets back to normal] Anything but knives! Oh, it's so simple. That was cool, though...

Car thief: What the hell is this?

Spider-Man: Webbing that I developed myself, I dont think you really wanna know the details...

Car thief: [Spider-Man webs his other hand to the wall; Spider-Man makes it seem he is about to sneeze, but webs the thief's crotch] C'mon, let me go!! Knock it off, man, let me go!

Car thief: [Spider-Man keeps throwing webs at him, laughing hysterically; the thief's body is almost completely covered in webbing] C'mon, let me go! Stop it!!! Dude, that isn't funny!

Spider-Man: It is kind of funny!

Car thief: C'mon, heeeeelp!

Spider-Man: [webs the thief's mouth shut; after a moment, he rushes to the thief and checks for the star tattoo on his wrist, only to discover he does not have it, thus is not Uncle Ben's killer; stabs holes under the nostrils in the webbing on the thief's face so he can breathe] Shhhh... This could've got a lot worse. Now hold still...