12 quotes
The Value of Humor in Service
Sandy Bates
Shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?
Martian
Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not ]; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.
[[Superman]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nostalgia Triggered by Scent in Conversation
Dorrie
That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden ] rush.
[[Marcel Proust|Proustian]
Sandy Bates
Yeah? That's cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's-it's reduced. I got a vat of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intellectuals and Perceptions in Stardust Memories
UFO Follower
What have you got against intellectuals?
Sandy Bates
Intellectuals? Nothing, why?
UFO Follower
Mr. Bates, I've seen all your films. You really feel threatened by them.
Sandy Bates
Threatened? You're kidding me. I've always said they're like the mafia. They only kill their own.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Philosophy Exam Reflection and Unexpected Success
Sandy Bates
I took one course in existential philosophy at, uh, at New York University, and on, uh, on the final... they gave me ten questions, and, uh, I couldn't answer a single one of em. You know? I left em all blank... I got a hundred.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Faith and Opposition in Belief Systems
Sandy Bates
To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Limits of Control in Life and Art
Sandy Bates
You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fandom and Autographs in Stardust Memories
Fan
My mother buys meat in the same butcher shop your mother does.
Sandy Bates
Oh, great.
Fan
Can I have your autograph?
Sandy Bates
Oh, jeez.
Fan
Could you just write: "To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sandy Bates Defends His Artistic Identity
Question Askers-Screening
Some people have claimed that your films are narcissistic.
Sandy Bates
Yes, many people have said that about me over the years, but I don't think it's true. If I were to say which Greek God I take after, I would definitely not say Narcissus.
Question Askers-Screening
Who would you say?
Sandy Bates
Zeus.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Portrayal of God in Stardust Memories
Vivian Orkin
In this film, he played the part of God.
Ghost of Sandy Bates
This was not easy, folks, because, uh, you know, I-I-I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and I don't have a good voice for God.
Vivian Orkin
And he received an Academy Award for his convincing portrayal of God... although they had to use another actor's voice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Request for an Autograph
Female fan
Will you autograph my left breast?
[to Bates]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Classic Music and Its Origins
Sandy Bates
I don't know much about classic music. For years I thought the ] were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg tried on their wedding night.
[[w:Goldberg Variations|Goldberg Variations]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussing a Controversial Film Idea
Fan
Can I talk to you about an idea for a film I have?
Sandy Bates
This is not the place.
Fan
Do you have a moment, please? It's a comedy based on that whole Guyana mass suicide.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.