30 quotes
Job Interview Mix-Up
Pam
(Interviewing Brennan) Well, Brennan you certainly have had a lot of jobs.
Brennan
I'm a bit of a spark plug...and, Human Resources Lady, I think...
Pam
You know, actually, it's Pam.
Brennan
I'm sorry. Well, Pan...
Pam
No, my name is PAM.
Brennan
Are you saying Pam? or Pan?
Pam
I'm saying Pam. Yeah, I'm sorry, who is this gentlemen behind you? (Dale pokes his head out from behind Brennan)
Dale
Hello, Ms. Lady! I'm Dale, I'm Brennan's stepbrother, and I think I may be able to help with the Pan-Pam dilemma.
Brennan
Yeah, that'd be great.
Dale
Pan.
Pam
Pam.
Brennan
Pand...There's a D on the end.
Dale
With an M.
Pam
There's no D. it's Pam.
Dale
It's like "Comb" except P-A-N-M. N-N. There's two N's.
Brennan
Two M's. That was the confusion.
Pam
I think we've had enough...
Brennan
Shush up for one second. Shut your mouth. Wait. Shut your mouth.
Pam
I'm sorry what did you say?
Brennan
You're just coming off stupid.
Pam
Oh. I'm coming off stupid? You're wearing tuxedos to a job that requires you to clean bathrooms! Please leave this office. We're done with this interview.
Brennan
Do we get any kind of souvenir?
Pam
Get out of my office!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Change in the Absence of Parents
Brennan
Hey. Are you awake?
Dale
Yeah. I can't believe we actually have to move out of this house.
Brennan
I know, I feel bad.
Dale
Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren't here.
Brennan
Yeah, but can we keep doing it though? It helps me pretend that they are.
Dale
You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.
Brennan
Yeah.
Dale
But I can't imagine how you feel...after my dad looked right at you and said; "It's all your fault that they broke up.
Brennan
That's funny, because my mom said; "If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here, everything would be perfect.
Dale
You take that back.
[Switches the lamp on]
Brennan
No way. It's your fault.
Dale
You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land, you refuse to get a job, and you don't even know what it's like to work for something.
[He and Brennan get up from their beds]
Brennan
You don't take responsibility for your actions, and that's why this is all your fault!
Dale
Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public! Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy. You know it's true. Just avoid everything. What are you doing?!
[Brennan angrily walks out of the room; Later, he hears drumming sounds]
Brennan
Dale broke up Mom and Dad...
[singing]
Dale
MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Friendship and Karate Plans
Brennan
Did we just become best friends?
Dale
Yep!
Brennan
Do you wanna do Karate in the garage?
Dale
Yep!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Ketchup and Fancy Sauce
Robert
That's enough ketchup... Come on, Dale. (Pounds the table)
Dale
I like it!
Robert
That's enough.
Nancy
(As Brennan takes a small bowl of sauce from the table) Dale, I don't know if you...you might wanna try this. I make a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...
Brennan
(Begins pouring the sauce on his meal) For me.
Nancy
...That Brennan really likes with his chicken nuggets.
Brennan
It's my fancy sauce.
Nancy
Well, when Brennan finishes I'll give you some of this, and its...its just ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together, so..
Brennan
Its so good.
Dale
I want some fancy sauce.
Brennan
I'm not done using it.
Robert
Looks good.
Dale
Can I have some fancy sauce?
Nancy
Of course, of course.
Brennan
I'm using it right now
Nancy
So, let's let him try some. You wanna try some, Dale?
Dale
Yeah, I really would like some.
Brennan
Just one last spoonful. (Stops pouring the fancy sauce)
Nancy
Hey, I think you've got enough there, Brennan. So here you go. It's ketchup and mayonnaise.
Dale
Thanks. (Sniffs the sauce) Ugh! I don't like it. It smells weird.
Nancy
Okay.
Robert
I'll try some.
Nancy
You want some?
Robert
Sure, absolutely.
Nancy
Okay. You don't mind do you Brennan?
Brennan
No. (Brennan stops Robert from taking the sauce with his hand)
Nancy
Brennan..
Brennan
I'm not comfortable...
Robert
It's okay. It's probably not good on fish, anyway.
Dale
But my dad's king of the castle, so if he want fancy sauce, he should...
Robert
No, it's all right, Dale...
Brennan
Well, if he wants fancy sauce, he can make his own batch.
Nancy
(To Brennan) So you know what? Today while you were driving around, Dale was telling me that he's really into Kung Fu, and I was telling him that you're really into Kung Fu as well.
Brennan
I have a green belt...read it and weep.
Dale
I don't believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness. But one time, I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.
Robert
That's not true Dale, don't be ridiculous. (Dale looks down)
Nancy
So, Dale what have you been working on recently?
Dale
Well...I manage a baseball team.
Nancy
Little League?
Dale
Fantasy League.
Dale
Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.
Robert
Why don't you stop being so... confrontational, Dale?
Dale
I'm not the one staring at me!
Robert
So, Brennan, what about you? I know you used to work at PetSmart.
Brennan
That's right Mr. Doback.
Robert
Call me Robert.
Brennan
That's right, Robin.
Robert
Robert.
Brennan
(Under his breath) ....Robin.
Nancy
Actually, Brennan is a really talented person. He's a very gifted singer.
Brennan
I'm really really good.
Dale
How good?
Brennan
I've been called, "the song bird, of my generation"...THAT good.
Nancy
The only thing is, Brennan's very... particular about who he sings in front of so... I'm his mom, for example, and I've only heard him sing... twice.
Dale
That's funny that you say that, because I can sing too. In fact, I'll sing right now. (Singing) If you wanna get down on these hairy balls...
Robert
HEY!
Dale
Why don't you jump right in? It's a crotch party right up in here!
Robert
Stop it!
Dale
Why don't you suck on this big john?
Robert
Stop it, Dale! Stop it, stop it!
Brennan
(Sarcastically) That's cute. I remember when I had my first beer.
Dale
(Sarcastically laughs) That's so funny the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Drumming with Unconventional Techniques
Brennan Huff
(Banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) ]'s playing ] for real!
[[w: John Bonham|John Bonham; [w:Moby_Dick_(song)|Moby Dick]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misunderstanding Leads to Chaos
Dale
What are you doing?
[Is inside of the hole]
Brennan
I'm burying you!
[As he's shoveling dirt on Dale]
Dale
But I'm alive! Brennan, I'm alive!
[Sobbing]
Brennan
You're waking the neighbors! Shut up!!
[Continues burying him]
Dale
No!
Brennan
Now I'm gonna play your drum set!
Dale
Help me!
Brennan
Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Unconventional Job Interviews
Sporting goods manager
I'm looking to hire guys I don't mind hanging out with for 12 hours a day. You guys seem like cool guys. Got hair similar to mine, you wear tuxedo's to the interview, that's funny, it's ironic, I get that. Underplaying tho whole formality of it. I think that's funny as hell. So...lets do this, you know? You guys are in, you're hired. Unless you're the weirdest guys ever and I don't see it.
Brennan
Great.
Sporting goods manager
...Was that a fart?
Dale
I don't know.
Sporting Goods manager
I can taste it. On my tongue.
Dale
Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.
Sporting Goods manager
Is that onion? Onion and...onion and ketchup. It stinks. This is a small room...
Brennan
Shit.
Sporting Goods manager
Okay, now the tuxedos seem kinda fucked up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Childhood Dreams and Adult Responsibilities
Robert
Listen to me. Listen to me, Dale. Look, when I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And then one day my dad said, "Bobby, you're 17. It's time to throw childish things aside." And I said, "Okay, Pop." But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job." But you know, I thought to myself, "I'll go to medical school, I'll practice for a little while, and then I'll come back to it.
[About his dream to be a dinosaur]
Dale
Dad...
Brennan
How is that a skill?
Robert
But I forgot how to do it.
Dale
You're human. You could never be a dinosaur.
Brennan
Yeah.
Robert
Hey, I lost it.
Dale
Dad, what's the point?
Brennan
Yeah.
Robert
The point is don't lose your dinosaur. Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Exchange About Boats and Food
Brennan
The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria. I'll do you in the bottom while you're drinking sangria!
Dale
Nachos and Lemonheads...
Both
...on my dad's boat!
Dale
You won't go down, cause my dick can float!
Brennan
We sail around the world, and go port to port. Every time I "cum" I produce a quart.
Nancy
That is offensive, Brennan, Dale.
Brennan
] without the crabs, we're almost out of gas...
[[w:Deadliest Catch|Deadliest Catch]
Both
Call the Arabs!
Background voice
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes, I gotta have me my boats and hoes...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sweaty Confessions on the Couch
Dale
Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan
I was watching Cops.
Dale
Not supposed to have your feet on the couch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Brennan and Dale
Brennan
So I guess it's really over.
Dale
I'd say you trying to bury me alive pretty much did it.
Brennan
You know what I just realized? You've been the one that's been dragging me down. Now I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna get a job and an apartment; and then I'm gonna get Mom and Dr. Doback back together. I'm gonna be the hero, and you can suck on it!
Dale
My life was perfect before you came here. Me and my dad had a perfect setup, and you wrecked it!
Brennan
Hey... We're no longer brothers.
[Dale turns around]
Dale
We never were. We were stepbrothers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation During Shark Week Decision
Dale
Dad, what are you doing? It's Shark Week!
Robert
Okay, here's the deal. Number one, you will fix the fucking dry wall, NOW! Number two, you have one month to find jobs or you're on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday, and you will GO!
Dale
Dad, why are you talking to me like this? I'm your son.
Robert
I'm not buying that crap anymore.
Nancy
Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled “rape” at the top of your lungs.
Brennan
Mom I honestly thought I was going to be raped, for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and a one point he said “let’s get it on”.
Dale
That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!
Brennan
Look I didn’t touch your drum set.
Dale
I witnessed with my eyes, your testicles touching my drums set.
Robert
All right that’s it! That’s it. You two guys leave me no choice. No television for a week.
[takes the remote from them]
Dale and Brennan
WHAT!?
Nancy
We are so serious.
Brennan
You’re fucking high!
Nancy
Goes in Robert’s wall safe..
Dale
No!
Brennan
This house is a fucking prison!
Dale
On ‘Planet Bullshit’!
Brennan
In the galaxy of ‘This Sucks Camel Dicks’!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange on Pain Relief
Brennan
Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Derek
What?
Brennan
If you lick my butthole.
Dale
SNAP!! (He and Brennan do a high-five)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acknowledging a Difficult Relationship Dynamic
Dale
You're right about your brother. Total dick.
[Pops up from the tree house's entrance; climbs inside]
Brennan
Told you.
[Is reading a pornographic magazine]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Announcement at Holiday Gathering
Derek
So I just drove off, I started going on my way to Chad Michael Murray’s Christmas party. I think that was the year. And just driving…
Nancy
I have to interrupt you. Robert, while the children are in the living room, I think this would be a good time to make our announcement.
Dale
What’s going on?
Robert
It's over. I'm gonna be moving in with my friend, Jack Handle, and Nancy found a townhouse in the city.
Brennan
What is this? What’s happening?
Nancy
What Robert is trying to say is that we are getting a divorce.
Brennan
Don't do this.
Dale
No. No!
Derek
I gotta say, I could've called this one. Yeah.
Dale
No.
Derek
Yeah.
Brennan
Is it our fault?
Dale
Is it because we were bad?
Nancy
No, that’s the main thing that Robert and I talked about is that we did not want you two to blame yourselves.
Dale
What can we do to fix it?
Alice
Dale, honey, are you okay?
Derek
Why are you calling him "honey"?
Nancy
I cannot stress this enough. It is not your fault.
Dale
Whose fault is it? Oh, I wanna fucking know!
Robert
Let's cut the shit, it is-it is directly your fault.
Nancy
Robert--
Robert
You destroyed my boat, you beat me up in your sleep, and worst of all, you made Nancy and I resent each other. It is absolutely 150% your fault!
[to Dale and Brennan, holding his neck in pain]
Derek
Of course it's their fault. They're the two biggest dickheads in the world, and they're living in your house.
Nancy
Shut up, Derek.
[Annoyed]
Derek
I'm sorry, but--
Nancy
Please don't cry like that. Please don't, Brennan.
Dale
Mommy!
Alice
DALE!!!
Nancy
I told you that they would feel completely to blame.
Robert
Let's grow up.
Dale
I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up.
Nancy
Don't throw up.
Dale
All the nice dinner that I had. I'm gonna throw it up.
Robert
You're not gonna throw up, Dale. You're not gonna throw up.
Alice
He's gonna throw up.
Derek
Come on.
Robert
My God, he threw up. Oh, this is ugly.
Derek
Hey, guys. Guys.
[gets his camera ready so he can take their picture]
Dale
This is not nice!
Derek
Alright, dipshits. Right here.
Dale
Stop it, Derek.
Derek
1, 2, 3...
Dale
I don't want my picture taken right now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Unexpected Life Changes
Brennan Huff
(In regards to Robert and Nancy, who are retiring, selling their residence and having him and Dale live on their own as adults) Hold on; We're not going on the boat... Derek's selling the house... We have to go therapy? (Robert nods in response) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Brennan's Unconventional Neighborhood Introduction
Brennan Huff
(Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some home buyers) Hey, fuckers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig. If you guys need any fertilizer, I've got a lot of it; Close to 80 tons. (to Derek, after the home buyers leave) Hey, Derek! Sprechen Sie Dick?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bunk Beds and Sweaty Conversations
Dale
Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?
Brennan
Yes.
Nancy
Why are you guys so sweaty?
Dale
Alright, we've already figured out how to do this, the best match-up perfectly...
Brennan
And here's the thing. It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Dale
Please say yes.
Robert
You don't need permission from us to build bunk beds. You're adults, you can do what you want.
Dale
So...?
Robert
I'm not making myself clear... I don't give a fuck. Now, you both have several interviews tomorrow. I would think you'd be focused on that and not building bunk beds.
Dale
So...?
Brennan
We can..? No?
Nancy
Yes.
Brennan
Thanks. You guys are not gonna regret it.
Dale
This is the funnest night ever!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Unpleasant Tasks
Gardocki
Does butt buddy have a name?
Brennan
If you're referring to me as butt buddy, yes, I do have a name. It's Brennan Huff.
Redheaded Kid
If you don't come over here and lick that white dog shit, I'm gonna plow you into your nose with my fist.
Brennan
I'm not licking any white dog shit.
Dale
I'll lick the dog shit if you leave us alone.
Brennan
Dale, you're not licking dog shit, okay?
Dale
Huh?
Brennan
They're kids.
Dale
But it's just dog shit.
Brennan
It's ridiculous!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acceptance of Imperfection in Holiday Spirit
Brennan Huff
(On Christmas Day, regarding his Chewbacca mask) It's okay that mine's not movie quality.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Reactions to Embarrassing Situations
Dale
Is my dad mad about the stuff that happened?
[Regarding the job interviews that occurred]
Nancy
Robert was very upset, yes. He knows that you interviewed as a team. And he heard about the fart.
Brennan
Oh, he did?
Nancy
Yeah. You just couldn't hold it, or...?
Dale
No. I thought it was gonna be silent.
Brennan
It was not silent...
Brennan
It got louder...
Dale
It made a sound. It was embarrassing...
Brennan
It got louder.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection During a Performance
Brennan Huff
(After singing for Dale, upon his request) I felt like I was hovering over my own body, watching myself sing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sleep-Talking Threat from Brennan Huff
Brennan Huff
(Sleep-talking) I'll kill you, ].
[[w: Leonard Nimoy|Leonard Nimoy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Acceptance in Family Dynamics
Nancy
Somebody's awfully quiet back there..
Brennan
I'm not gonna call him "Dad".
Nancy
Brennan, you're 39 years old. I would not expect you to call him "Dad".
Brennan
Well, I'm not going to. Ever. Even if there's a fire! Robert better not get in my face... cause I'll drop that motherfucker.
Nancy
Jesus, Brennan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Journey Towards Friendship and Adventure
Brennan
Listen, I know we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me, against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale
I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that's what you mean.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressing Frustration Through Drumming
Brennan Huff
(Playing with Dale's drumset, as he yells in one of the drums) FUCK YOU, DALE! FUCK YOU!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dispute Over Drum Set Ownership
Dale
(To Brennan, believing he touched his drum set) Hey, man. Did you touch my drum set?
Brennan
Nope.
Dale
It's just weird cause...it seems like someone definitely touched my drum set.
Brennan
Yeah, that is weird, cause I didn't touch em'.
Dale
Hey! Did you touch my drum set?!
[Throws Brennan's feet off the couch; Becoming angry]
Brennan
Hey, knock it off!
Dale
I know you touched my drum STICK. Cause the left one has a chip in it!
Brennan
Are you fucking crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.
Dale
Fuck you, Brennan! I know you touched my drum set, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it!
Brennan
You get outta my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!
Dale
You swear on your mom's life you didn't touch it then?!
Brennan
I don't have to swear to shit!
Dale
That's cause you fucking touched my drum set, cause I KNOW, Cops doesn't start till 4:00!
Dale
Where you going?
Brennan
I'm going upstairs. Cause I'm gonna put my nutsack on your drum set! Okay!?
[He walks upstairs]
Dale
Don't you do that! I am WARNING you right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, IN THE NECK, WITH A KNIFE!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Consequences of Uninformed Experimentation
Brennan Huff
(At Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put ] on a bee... And it died.
[[w: liquid paper|Liquid Paper]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mixed Reactions to a Disastrous Presentation
Brennan
So... Big question is, aside from the damage to the boat, which we will fix, what'd you guys think of the presentation?
Nancy
Brennan, I think that what you did to Robert's boat was horrid. Having said that, I think that both of you boys showed a lot of enthusiasm and inventiveness.
[measured tone]
Brennan
Yes, thank you.
Robert
You gotta be kidding me. They destroyed our dream and you're calling it inventive.
[to Nancy]
Nancy
No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
Robert
Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Come on, you did. It's gonna be four years, at least, before we can sail anywhere. And you could care less, admit it.
Nancy
I will not admit that, because it is not true.
[offended]
Robert
Oh, yeah.
Nancy
But, you know, I do think that you could show a little bit more attentiveness to your son and your stepson who obviously need you.
Brennan
It's true, Dr. Doback. You've been very cold and unsupportive of our dreams.
Robert
You wrecked my fucking boat, you GOON!
[to Brennan]
Nancy
Don't speak to my son like that!
Robert
Your son's costing me $80,000.
Dale
Look, we could bicker about this all night, but what's done is done, Dad. Are you guys gonna invest or not?
Robert
That's it! That's it!
Dale
Dad, the wheel!
Dale
Dad, I can't believe you're being so stingy!
Nancy
Robert, come back down!
Brennan
It's a simple business decision!
Robert
You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES! Yeah!
Brennan
Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Nancy
Brennan.
[shocked]
Brennan
Two things! You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000!
Nancy
Oh, stop it.
Brennan
Or we're gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass!
Nancy
Brennan!
Brennan
You can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces SHIT!!!
Robert
Alright, here we go.
[barges downstairs]
Nancy
Oh, my lord. Calm down.
Robert
Somebody should've done this a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.
Dale
Dad, what are you doing?
Nancy
Robert.
Robert
You have to learn there are consequences for your actions.
[to Brennan]
Nancy
Wait! Oh, no!
Dale
Dad!
Nancy
Robert! Oh!
Dale
Dad, this is not the answer.
Robert
You're next, mister. You understand me?
Dale
Yes, sir.
Robert
Certain behaviors...
[gives Brennan a spanking]
Brennan
Let go of me. Ow!
Robert
...will not be tolerated!
Brennan
My ass is on fire!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating the Value of Medical Education
Brennan
Where did he go to medical school?
Nancy
He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins, is that good enough for you?
Brennan
No, it’s not.
Nancy
Well, Brennan, those are very prestigious schools.
Brennan
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy
You don't know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan
It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that shit up every day.
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