Tammy (2014) - Quotes

Tammy Banks: [walks into her house; sees Greg and Missi Jenkins having a meal at the dining room table] God. Hey, Greg. I'm home. Think your ringer's off. I've been calling you. That asshole Keith fired me. Can you believe that shit? Like, who would wanna work there? What's going on here?

Greg Banks: Hey, Tammy. Wow, you're home so early.

Missi Jenkins: [to Tammy] I'm sorry you got fired.

Tammy Banks: Shut up, Missi. Why are you in my house making my husband dinner?

Greg Banks: Uh, actually, I made her dinner.

Tammy Banks: [to Missi Jenkins; advances towards Missi] You're gonna get your ass kicked. You hungry?

Greg Banks: Tammy.

Tammy Banks: [Missi slaps Tammy in the tongue, causing Tammy to fall to the floor and drag the third dining room table chair down with her] YOU WANNA EAT MY FIST FOR DIN...? Ow! Shit!

Missi Jenkins: I am so sorry, Tammy. You startled me.

Tammy Banks: [gets up; to Greg; walks into the kitchen and climbs up the silverware drawer to the top of the counter; to Missi; to Greg; to Missi] Keep your dirt fingers out of my mouth. You scratched my tongue. I'm leaving you, Greg. I'm taking the household money and getting out of here. God! Nice, Greg. You have to cheat with the neighbor? You can forget about me feeding your stupid cats, Missi. I'm divorcing you, and I'm using you, bitch.

Missi Jenkins: For what?

Tammy Banks: You... For being an asshole. That's what I'm saying you for.

Keith Morgan: [sternly] Tammy, do you know how I got to where I am?

Tammy Banks: [confused] Sucking dick and kissing ass?

Javier: [knocks on the door] Excuse me, Keith. We need some more ketchup.

Keith Morgan: [reaches for the jar of ketchup] Okay. English, though, Javier. This is America.

Tammy Banks: It was English.

Keith Morgan: That wasn't English.

Javier: [notices blood on Tammy's face] Is that blood?

Tammy Banks: Yeah. A deer hit my car on the way in.

Javier: Maybe you should go see a doctor.

Tammy Banks: Yeah. No kidding.

Keith Morgan: [to Tammy as he is fed up with Tammy's tardiness and laziness and fires her] Okay, thanks, Javier. That's great advice. See you later. Tammy, I'm terminating your employment at Topperjack's.

Tammy Banks: [looks at her badge in shock] You've gotta be shitting me.

Keith Morgan: [to Tammy in a sterner approach] No, I'm terminating your employment. And I need your badge.

Tammy Banks: [looks at her badge again] What ba--? You mean my name tag?!

Keith Morgan: Yes, exactly. I need your badge back.

Tammy Banks: It's not a badge. It's a shitty name tag, and you made me buy it with my own money.

Keith Morgan: That's company policy. I need it back.

Tammy Banks: Well, I need you to stop sweating through your shirts and grossing everybody out.

Keith Morgan: It is hot. And when it's hot, people sweat. It's how it is.

Tammy Banks: Not like that. Not like that.

Keith Morgan: Well, do you know what?!

Tammy Banks: That shit's medical!

Keith Morgan: [furious] I-- LISTEN!! Tammy, you have already been fired. I have already terminated your employment. You are at least 40 seconds fired, so please exit the Topperjack's.

Tammy Banks: [gets up from the chair] Fine. You know what? I'm gonna give you this.

Keith Morgan: Tammy.

Tammy Banks: I got it right here.

Keith Morgan: It's your middle finger.

Tammy Banks: [shows three fingers from her right hand] No. Poom. Read between the lines.

Keith Morgan: I knew that you were gonna do it, Tammy. So it's not as good. I get it, Tammy.

Tammy Banks: [makes a little version of the middle finger] Poom. You get that?

Keith Morgan: What is that?

Tammy Banks: A little version of this.

Keith Morgan: [sarcastically] Hey, don't let a deer hit you on the way out.

Tammy Banks: [frustrated; starts throwing the Topperjack's ketchup packets] You dick. You know what?! Don't let these ketchup packets get stuck in your gross armpits! You'll have to buy new shirts, you dick!

Keith Morgan: [Tammy shakes her hair in the buns] Those are Topperjack's supplies. You are no longer an employee of Topperjack's. Oh.

Tammy Banks: [starts taking the Topperjack's burgers] Yeah, that shit's contaminated now! For overtime due, Keith. Overtime due.

Keith Morgan: Tammy, just get out.

Tammy Banks: Enjoy the special sauce.

Keith Morgan: Do not touch the Tower Deluxe burgers. Those buns are all still good. Just change the hats.

Tammy Banks: [aggressively gets cocky in Keith's face; raises both middle fingers] Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Keith Morgan: I'm calling the police!

Tammy Banks: Uh, just thought you should know, the meat here is real shitty. Real, real, real shitty. That's the truth!

Keith Morgan: That's not true.

Tammy Banks: [to a customer] That's not chicken. I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.

Keith Morgan: It's 110% chicken.

Tammy Banks: Bird doesn't come out of squeezy tubes. My gut here, is mostly dick and beef.

Keith Morgan: She's disgruntled.

Tammy Banks: [fed up with Keith's excuses; throws a Topperjack burger at Keith's arm as payback] You know what.

Keith Morgan: OW! My elbow.

Tammy Banks: [leaves the Topperjack's restaurant] Boom! Later loser!

Tammy Banks: Poom! Later, loser.

Tammy Banks: [walking to her parent's house] Missi Jenkins is a whore! And I kicked her ass! Kicked her stupid ass. Don't call me, Greg, when she dumps you! Because I won't call you back! No fucking way! I'm gonna be too busy fucking models and shit!