4 quotes
Cultural Misunderstandings at the Dinner Table
Keith Morgan
Tammy, do you know how I got to where I am?
[sternly]
Tammy Banks
Sucking dick and kissing ass?
[confused]
Javier
Excuse me, Keith. We need some more ketchup.
[knocks on the door]
Keith Morgan
Okay. English, though, Javier. This is America.
[reaches for the jar of ketchup]
Tammy Banks
It was English.
Keith Morgan
That wasn't English.
Javier
Is that blood?
[notices blood on Tammy's face]
Tammy Banks
Yeah. A deer hit my car on the way in.
Javier
Maybe you should go see a doctor.
Tammy Banks
Yeah. No kidding.
Keith Morgan
Okay, thanks, Javier. That's great advice. See you later. Tammy, I'm terminating your employment at Topperjack's.
[to Tammy as he is fed up with Tammy's tardiness and laziness and fires her]
Tammy Banks
You've gotta be shitting me.
[looks at her badge in shock]
Keith Morgan
No, I'm terminating your employment. And I need your badge.
[to Tammy in a sterner approach]
Tammy Banks
What ba--? You mean my name tag?!
[looks at her badge again]
Keith Morgan
Yes, exactly. I need your badge back.
Tammy Banks
It's not a badge. It's a shitty name tag, and you made me buy it with my own money.
Keith Morgan
That's company policy. I need it back.
Tammy Banks
Well, I need you to stop sweating through your shirts and grossing everybody out.
Keith Morgan
It is hot. And when it's hot, people sweat. It's how it is.
Tammy Banks
Not like that. Not like that.
Keith Morgan
Well, do you know what?!
Tammy Banks
That shit's medical!
Keith Morgan
I-- LISTEN!! Tammy, you have already been fired. I have already terminated your employment. You are at least 40 seconds fired, so please exit the Topperjack's.
[furious]
Tammy Banks
Fine. You know what? I'm gonna give you this.
[gets up from the chair]
Keith Morgan
Tammy.
Tammy Banks
I got it right here.
Keith Morgan
It's your middle finger.
Tammy Banks
No. Poom. Read between the lines.
[shows three fingers from her right hand]
Keith Morgan
I knew that you were gonna do it, Tammy. So it's not as good. I get it, Tammy.
Tammy Banks
Poom. You get that?
[makes a little version of the middle finger]
Keith Morgan
What is that?
Tammy Banks
A little version of this.
Keith Morgan
Hey, don't let a deer hit you on the way out.
[sarcastically]
Tammy Banks
You dick. You know what?! Don't let these ketchup packets get stuck in your gross armpits! You'll have to buy new shirts, you dick!
[frustrated; starts throwing the Topperjack's ketchup packets]
Keith Morgan
Those are Topperjack's supplies. You are no longer an employee of Topperjack's. Oh.
[Tammy shakes her hair in the buns]
Tammy Banks
Yeah, that shit's contaminated now! For overtime due, Keith. Overtime due.
[starts taking the Topperjack's burgers]
Keith Morgan
Tammy, just get out.
Tammy Banks
Enjoy the special sauce.
Keith Morgan
Do not touch the Tower Deluxe burgers. Those buns are all still good. Just change the hats.
Tammy Banks
Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.
[aggressively gets cocky in Keith's face; raises both middle fingers]
Keith Morgan
I'm calling the police!
Tammy Banks
Uh, just thought you should know, the meat here is real shitty. Real, real, real shitty. That's the truth!
Keith Morgan
That's not true.
Tammy Banks
That's not chicken. I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.
[to a customer]
Keith Morgan
It's 110% chicken.
Tammy Banks
Bird doesn't come out of squeezy tubes. My gut here, is mostly dick and beef.
Keith Morgan
She's disgruntled.
Tammy Banks
You know what.
[fed up with Keith's excuses; throws a Topperjack burger at Keith's arm as payback]
Keith Morgan
OW! My elbow.
Tammy Banks
Boom! Later loser!
[leaves the Topperjack's restaurant]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tammy's Defiance Against Betrayal
Tammy Banks
Missi Jenkins is a whore! And I kicked her ass! Kicked her stupid ass. Don't call me, Greg, when she dumps you! Because I won't call you back! No fucking way! I'm gonna be too busy fucking models and shit!
[walking to her parent's house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Homecoming and Unwelcome Surprises
Tammy Banks
God. Hey, Greg. I'm home. Think your ringer's off. I've been calling you. That asshole Keith fired me. Can you believe that shit? Like, who would wanna work there? What's going on here?
[walks into her house; sees Greg and Missi Jenkins having a meal at the dining room table]
Greg Banks
Hey, Tammy. Wow, you're home so early.
Missi Jenkins
I'm sorry you got fired.
[to Tammy]
Tammy Banks
Shut up, Missi. Why are you in my house making my husband dinner?
Greg Banks
Uh, actually, I made her dinner.
Tammy Banks
You're gonna get your ass kicked. You hungry?
[to Missi Jenkins; advances towards Missi]
Greg Banks
Tammy.
Tammy Banks
YOU WANNA EAT MY FIST FOR DIN...? Ow! Shit!
[Missi slaps Tammy in the tongue, causing Tammy to fall to the floor and drag the third dining room table chair down with her]
Missi Jenkins
I am so sorry, Tammy. You startled me.
Tammy Banks
Keep your dirt fingers out of my mouth. You scratched my tongue. I'm leaving you, Greg. I'm taking the household money and getting out of here. God! Nice, Greg. You have to cheat with the neighbor? You can forget about me feeding your stupid cats, Missi. I'm divorcing you, and I'm using you, bitch.
[gets up; to Greg; walks into the kitchen and climbs up the silverware drawer to the top of the counter; to Missi; to Greg; to Missi]
Missi Jenkins
For what?
Tammy Banks
You... For being an asshole. That's what I'm saying you for.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Dismissive Farewell from Tammy Banks
Tammy Banks
Poom! Later, loser.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.