The Boss Baby (2017) - Quotes

Tim: [regarding Baby Corp] So this whole place is run by babies?

Theodore: Yep.

Tim: My dad says, "Those who can, do. And those who cannot, supervise.

Boss Baby: Your father is a hippie.

Tim: [about "Blackbird"] Stop it, that is my song, not yours! My parents wrote it just for me!

Theodore: Really? Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?

Tim: No, Ted and Janice. You don't even know their names. You’re just trying to steal them from me! You stole everything! You’re the one who should be in jail!

Theodore: [sighs] Look, it is time we put our differences aside. Oh, uh, have you been...

Tim: No!

Theodore: [?] Oh, where is HR when you need them? Take it.

Tim: I don't want your filthy money.

Boss Baby: [Is the kid listening?] Thank you all for coming here on such a short notice. Now, before we begin...

Triplet One: Yes, sir!

Triplet Two: Sure is!

Triplet Three: Affirmative!

Boss Baby: Jimbo, run some interference.

Tim: Hey!

Boss Baby: We babies are having a crisis!

Triplet One: Oh no!

Triplet Two: That's awful!

Triplet Three: Horrible!

Staci: What is it?

Boss Baby: Well, it's simpler if I just show you. Teddy, if you please.

Story Bear: Let's put on a show!

Triplets: [Staci gasps] Oh.

Story Bear: Here we go!

Boss Baby: [Jimbo hits lights] Jimbo, hit the lights. You see, babies are not getting as much love as we used to.

Staci: Why? Have we been bad?

Boss Baby: No, Staci. But I will tell you who is. Behold our mortal enemy. Puppies!

All: Aww!

Boss Baby: No! NO! That!s exactly the problem!

Tim: Puppies? What is the deal with puppies?

Boss Baby: ['''All''': Chiwee...; Jimbo laughs] Throughout history, people have loved babies more than anything in the world. We have always been must-have item, number one on every wish list. Puppies were merely accessories. But all that changed when the puppies began coming out with new designer models. Each one more adorable than the last. Remember the Labradoodle? The Peekaboo? The Chiweenie? Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling. Not possible. Don't waste your time. We all laughed at the Shar Pei. And now it is number one in China.

Triplet One: Oh no!

Triplet Two: That's terrible!

Triplet Three: Horrible!

Boss Baby: Yes. And it gets even worse. Francis, the CEO of Puppy Co, made this announcement. Teddy, roll the clip.

Francis Francis: And we are on schedule to release the most adorable puppy ever! We are going to launch it at the pet convention in Las Vegas! Watch out, world! It is going to crush the competition!

Jimbo: [laughs] Yay!

Boss Baby: No, Jimbo. No "yay". We are the competition! This is war. Puppies are winning, and babies are losing. Thank you, Teddy. And if this new puppy is as cute as we fear, it could put the baby business out of business, baby.

Triplet One: Uh-oh!

Triplet Two: That's awful!

Triplet Three: Bad news, baby!

Staci: What are we going to do?

Boss Baby: My job is to find out exactly what that new puppy is, so that Baby Corp can stop it. And you're going to help me.

Triplet One: Genius!

Triplet Two: Home run!

Triplet Three: You still got it, boss!

Staci: Yay!

Boss Baby: Yay. Now, your parents all work for Puppy Co. So, have you learned anything from them?

Triplet One: Yes, sir!

Triplet Two: Sure did!

Triplet Three: Mm-hm!

Boss Baby: Fantastic. Triplets, go!

Triplets: A, B, C, D.

Boss Baby: No, what have you learned about the new puppy?

Jimbo: [laughs] Yay, puppy!

Boss Baby: No, Jimbo! Puppies are evil! Staci, read back the notes.

Staci: [Jimbo rattles, then Theodore stops the rattle] I can't read. What's it saying?

Boss Baby: THIS IS MY TEAM!? A muscle-head, a bunch of yes men, and a doodler?

Triplet One: Exactly!

Triplet Two: Affirmative!

Triplet Three: Good call!

Triplet One: Oh yeah!

Triplet Two: Nice one, BB!

Tim: Gotcha!

Boss Baby: (to Jimbo) PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! Cookies are for closers.

Story Bear: Let's have another show!

Boss Baby: [Staci cries] No, Teddy! No!

Story Bear: How about a hug?

Boss Baby: No more shows!

Triplet: Boss!

Story Bear: There's plenty of love to go around!

Boss Baby: Teddy, go to sleep!

Story Bear: [in low-battery voice; faints] Nighty-night...

Triplet: Boss, Boss!

Boss Baby: WHAT?!

Triplets: PARENTS!

Ted: [The parents begin taking pictures of the babies, Boss Baby is eating his foot, Staci is throwing her papers in the air, and Jimbo is eating all the cookies] Aww! It's like they're having their own little meeting!

Janice: Isn't that adorable?

Man: Who wants dessert?

Boss Baby: [takes his foot out of his mouth; it repeats on the tape] God, this is so humiliating!

Tim: [determined; gasps, finds Boss Baby and his infants] Wait until Mom and Dad hear this.

Boss Baby: Hey, Templeton, what you got there?

Tim: [hides the tape] Uh, nothing.

Boss Baby: Hand over the tape.

Tim: [rushes outside and finds Janice and Ted inside] Never! Mom! Dad! Over here!

Janice: Hi, Timmy!

Ted: [Tim gets surrounded by Boss Baby and his infants. They are in vehicles. Staci in a kid's flower bike.] Hi! Anyway...

Girl: [Jimbo rolls his ball popper. The triplets in a firetruck. Boss Baby in a police car.] (on recording) Flower power!

Boss Baby: [through a bullhorn] You can't get away from Johnny Law, simpleton.

Tim: [runs] Ha!

Girl: Fasten your seat belt! Let's go!

Jimbo: [crashes through a fence. The triplets ride in the firetruck and snatch the tape] Run, run, run, run, run...

Tim: Hey!

Triplet: [Tim finds the hose rolling out] Ha-ha!

Tim: Hmm.

Triplet: [gasps; Tim ties the hose to a pole with tap and yanks it really hard, which sends the triplets and the tape flying] Uh-oh!

Triplets: [flying through the air] WHOA!

Jimbo: [runs out of the fence; catches them, and the firetruck hits the ground explodes, sending the tape flying] Run, run, run, run, run, run, run! Catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch!

Tim: Whoa!

Boss Baby: [grabs the tape and flies in the air then comes back to the ground; finds Tim in the police car, then Tim splutters] Yes! Oh, yeah! Let go, you little...

Janice: Oh, look, the kids are finally getting along.

Ted: [Janice and Ted clink glasses together] That's nice!

Tim: [rides a rope into his treehouse, and grabs suction cup darts and a Nerf gun; uses a paper clip and swings down on a rope and shoots suction cup darts at Jimbo] Sayonara! You wanna play? Let's play!

Jimbo: [gets suction cup darts on him. The tape drops. Tim grabs the tape] NOOOOO! Save Boss! Save Boss!

Boss Baby: Get him!

Triplets: [Tim jumps on a trampoline into the window of the house, and Staci and the triplets bounce on the trampoline, unable to reach the window. Staci flies into the air and gets stuck in a tree] I got him, I got him, I got him!

Tim: You're toast, baby man!

Boss Baby: [Jimbo twirls him, and Boss Baby flies into a window, breaking it.] Upsies! I need upsieeees!

Ted: [comes out with a plate of cheese-sticks; drops the plate] Who wants... cheese-sticks!

Janice: [They look at the mess.; Jimbo stands still.; The triplets play with the broken glass from the window that Jimbo threw Boss Baby into it.; Staci is stuck in the tree. She looks at them, with a confused expression on her face, and cries.] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Tim: [Boss Baby runs in his walker and gets vampire teeth, then growls and bites Tim on the leg; Boss Baby tumbles, and Tim slides down the stairs] Mom, Dad! I've got proof! Ah! Oh, someone can't go down the stairs? Ha!

Boss Baby: [spits out vampire teeth; rolls down the stairs, then Tim opens the door, and he rolls outside, and Tim closes the door] Nothing can stop me!

Tim: [runs into the office room] Mom, Dad! Where are you guys? Hello! Where did everyone go? Mom, Dad! The baby can talk!

Boss Baby: [turns to Tim in a chair] Oh, can he now?

Tim: Wait, how did you...?

Boss Baby: [grabs a stapler] Hand over the tape, Timmy, or Lam-Lam gets it, see?

Tim: No!

Boss Baby: [staples Lam-Lam's nose, then Tim whimpers; staples Lam-Lam's eyebrow] What's that, Lam-Lam? Oh, you want a nose ring? Well, it's really not my scene, but who am I to judge!? And an eyebrow ring. Seems like a little bit too much, Lam-Lam!

Tim: Ah!

Boss Baby: How's that gonna look in a job interview?

Tim: Stop it!

Boss Baby: The tape, Timmy, or I'm gonna rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip...

Tim: [grabs Lam-Lam and they tug at her] NOOOOO! Let go!

Boss Baby: You let go!

Tim: You let go!

Boss Baby: Give me the tape!

Tim: [pauses; gasps, seeing Lam-Lam ripped, then glares at Boss Baby] Give me Lam-Lam!

Boss Baby: [Tim grunts, grabs him] Whoops! Too far! Templeton, Templeton, let’s be reasonable! We can be reasonable, right? What are you doing?!

Tim: [throws Boss Baby in a baby jumper and opens the curtains and window; puts the jumper up on the window] You've been asking for this since you got here!

Boss Baby: We can talk about this over a juice box!

Tim: [pulls it back to use as a slingshot] Time for juice boxes is over!

Boss Baby: No, no, Templeton! You wouldn't!

Tim: Say bye-bye, baby! You're fired!

Ted: [enters the room with Janice] Tim, what are you doing?!

Tim: [looks at his father; Boss Baby looks at Ted, and cries. Tim let us go of the jumper, accidentally shoots the tape out the window, then it lands onto the road and gets run over in tape is brokeness by a passing car, horrified, gasps; Boss Baby grins triumphantly] Nothing. My proof!

Janice: [takes Boss Baby] Tim! Explain yourself!

Ted: Yes, explain yourself!

Tim: It wasn't me! It was the baby's fault!

Ted: The baby's fault?

Tim: It's true, he can talk! They all can talk! They're having a meeting! There's something about puppies! It's one big baby con-spy-racy!

Janice: [shocked; Boss Baby snickers] Timothy Leslie Templeton!

Ted: We are very disappointed in you.

Janice: [corrects Ted] No, we're mad at you!

Ted: Exactly, we're mad at you!

Tim: [heartbroken] Mad?

Ted: You need a time-out!

Janice: [corrects Ted again] You're grounded!

Ted: Yes, grounded! (to Janice) For two?

Janice: Three!

Ted: (to Janice) Three days?

Janice: Weeks!

Ted: Weeks! Three weeks!

Janice: For three... EVERS!

Tim: [heartbroken] Grounded?

Janice: [Boss Baby gasps and looks at her up with confusion] You're gonna stay in this house with your baby brother... until you learn to get along.

Boss Baby: [slight pauses; disappointed; Tim looks down in disappointment. The scene fades to a jail/prison cell] Oh, great.

Adult Tim: [narrates] It was my first time behind bars. The big house. The lock-up. Grounded for life. The minutes turned into hours, the hours into days. Every man has his breaking point. This was mine.

Ted:: Well, you carried Lam-Lam around until you were like-

Tim:: [suddenly sharp; Boss Baby snorts to hold back a laugh and spits out baby food] This is not about Lam-Lam.

Wizzie: [After the end credits, the alarm clock goes off; flailing his arms up and down] Wake up, little halflings! It is time to leave. Go and live your peasant lives. BE GONE WITH YOU!!!

Wizzie: It's okay, little halfling. Sometimes, I get confused too. Especially during daylight savings time. Spring forward, fall back. We don't even have calendars in the wizard's realm! There is no spring, only darkness and winter!

Wizzie: [Tim: What's the point, Wizzie?] Because it's 7:00 a.m. I have one job to do, and you make it so difficult.

Wizzie: If only I could reach my magical shank. I could break us out of this big house.

Wizzie: It's okay, little halfling. Perhaps I can be of some assistance. Blackbird singing in the dead of night! Pray, take these broken wings and learn to fly! Fly, you fools!

Wizzie: We could buy a bouncy house! Godspeed, Tim! It's 8:45 a.m.

Wizzie: Expose his dark magic!

Wizzie: Perhaps your parents need to be enlightened. With a great curse! They shall not pass!

Wizzie: Then I shall cast upon him a great curse! He shall not pass!

Wizzie: Oh, what's wrong, Timothy? Has that little dwarf made you blue?

Wizzie: Arise for a nutritious breakfast! It's 7:00 a.m.

Wizzie: [repeated line] Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.

Francis Francis: Nothing is going to get in the way of my vengeance. Not you, not anybody! Baby Corp is through! I win! Ha!

Francis Francis: You could have had your parents love all to yourself again! But no, you blew it! You let that baby boss you around!

Francis Francis: Bratty kid!

Francis Francis: Baby Corp stole all the love from me, and now I'm goingto take it back from them... You should understand what I'm talking about! You got replaced just like me?!

Francis Francis: I'm launching my Forever Puppies, and there's nothing you can do about it!

Francis Francis: We're gonna launch a brand new puppy in every continent. In every country! We're going to take over the world, one heart at a time. Imagine a puppy that never grows up, never gets old. A puppy that stays a puppy forever. I give you the only thing you'll ever love, the Forever Puppy!

Francis Francis: And we are on schedule to release the most adorable puppy ever. We're gonna launch it at the pet convention in Las Vegas! Watch out, world! It's gonna crush the competition!

Tim: I WISH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN!!

Tim: Hang on to your diaper!

Tim: I don't want your filthy money.

Tim: No, Ted and Janice. You don't even know their names. You're just trying to steal them from me! You stole everything! You are the one who should be in jail!

Boss Baby: Upsies. l need upsies.

Boss Baby: (to Jimbo) PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! Cookies are for closers.

Boss Baby: Let's just say, I'm the boss.