14 quotes
Jesse Duke Reflects on Life's Journey
The Balladeer
Jesse Duke has been to two places in his life: Hazzard County and Korea. As far as he's concerned, that's one place too many.
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The Cost of Divorces Explained
Jesse Duke
You know why divorces are so expensive?
Luke Duke
No.
Jesse Duke
Because they're worth it!
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Political Humor in The Dukes of Hazzard
Jesse Duke
Know what happens when you give a politician Viagra?
Luke Duke
No.
Jesse Duke
He gets taller!
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Humorous Wordplay on Animal Hybrids
Jesse Duke
Know what you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Luke Duke
No.
Jesse Duke
You get a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye.
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Health Advice from Jesse Duke
Jesse Duke
An apple a day will keep the doctor away, darling.
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The Importance of a Backup Plan
The Balladeer
When you're flying by the seat of your pants, nothing sounds better than a Plan B.
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Comparing Tornadoes and Blonds in Humor
Jesse Duke
You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?
Luke Duke
No.
Jesse Duke
At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.
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Accidental Damage to an Antique Clock
Jesse Duke
Guy come out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather's clock. Bumped into this drunk, broke the clock.
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Mr. Prickett's Car Speed Comparison
Mr. Prickett
(To Daisy about his car) "She's faster than a cheetah on cocaine.
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Unexpected Encounter Under the Vehicle
Daisy Duke
I think something bounced up into my undercarriage.
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Daisy Duke inquires about Boss Hogg's location
Daisy Duke
Enos, where's Boss Hogg and Roscoe?" (Enos- At your farm) "Thank you Enos. That might be a new record.
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Determined to Stay at the Ranch
Jesse Duke
The only way I'm leavin the ranch is in a wooden box!
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Confusion Over the Chinese Fuse Direction
Sheev
Hmm, might be a wet fuse.
Bo Duke
Maybe its backwards.
Sheev
It's supposed to be backwards, it's a Chinese fuse.
Bo Duke
No, I mean it's backwards from the way it's supposed to be.
Sheev
Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke
I ate Chinese food once.
Sheev
Yeah, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.
Bo Duke
I dated a Korean girl in high school.
Sheev
That is a totally different Oriental nation. Get an education!
Bo Duke
You're the one who got the fuse wrong.
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Critique of Incompetence in Politics
Roscoe P. Coltrane
(To Cooter) "Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor!
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