22 quotes
Questioning Beauty Enhancements Among Friends
Brenda
OK Elise, the time has come... spill it. Those goddamn lips- what's in em. Are they wax?
Elise
Excuse me?
Brenda
What else did you have done? Come on Elise you can tell me. The cheek one, the jaw line. Did you have a little bit, or the full enchilada?!
Elise
I work out every day. I watch my diet. I have not had plastic surgery.
Annie
Well good for you, you look terrific.
Brenda
Oh come on. Elise your lying through your caps.
Elise
Ok. All right, I have been freshened up a little.
Annie
(Puts down wine glass) Oh god, does it hurt.
Elise
(drinking) Mmmm, no.
Brenda
What do they do with the stuff they take off? Do you get to keep it?
Elise
Oh come on Brenda, it's the nineties for god's sake. (Picks up cigarette and lights it) I mean it's like... Plastic surgery is like good grooming, it's like brushing your teeth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Beauty Treatments
Elise
Do it Morris, do it to me now, I need it. You're the only one who does it the way I like it. You're the king.
Morris
Elise, if I give you any more collagen, your lips are going to look like they got stuck in a pool drain
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Celebrity Emotions
Elise
You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hollywood's Age Constraints on Women
Morris
You're 45! If I give you one more facelift, you're going to be able to blink your lips. I mean, don't you want to be able to play a part your own age?
Elise
My own age?" No no. You don't understand. There are only three ages for women in Hollywood; "Babe", "District Attorney", and "Driving Ms. Daisy." And right now, I want to be young. Science-fiction young.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Abundance and Enjoyment
Elise
Fill em up!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Identity and Relationships in Conversations
Chris
You're a doormat.
Annie
Why are you so crabby today honey, is it school? I know what it is; it's a boy.
Chris
I'm a lesbian mom. I'm a lesbian, but that's not the point.
Annie
Wait, sweetie, when you say "lesbian"--
Chris
And don't tell daddy, I want to tell him myself when the time is right. Like Father's day or Christmas morning.
Catherine
Annie? Thank God you're all right. Where were you? Who saw you?
Annie
Who saw me what?
Chris
She was sleeping with daddy.
Catherine
Oh muffin dear you've come to your senses, I'm so happy.
Annie
Mother, I am not sleeping with Aaron. He's just having some problems with his partners. He's feeling very conflicted and he needed somebody to talk to.
Chris
Doormat!
Annie
Lesbian!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Shocking Breakup Announcement
Aaron
I want a divorce.
Annie
(shocked)B-- BUT WE JUST MADE LOVE! I mean you asked me out! (Starts crying)
Aaron
I asked you out to tell you, but then you looked so good. I thought, gee isn't this romantic. You know one last time, a goodbye kiss.
Aaron
Annie don't be childish, you know how you manipulate me.
Annie
What, manipulate, i.. i..(Realizes what's going on). Oh my god, is there someone else?
Aaron
Of course not this is about us,... well it's really about you...
Leslie
Babe!
Leslie
Oh my god.
Annie
Oh my god!
Aaron
Oh my god...
Leslie
This is very awkward...
Aaron
No, no, Annie was just leaving!
Leslie
You told her?
Aaron
I was totally upfront!
Annie
What!? Excuse me!
Leslie
Annie, this is rough, I know that-
Annie
ROUGH!? Wait a minute, I don't understand! You are my therapist!
Leslie
I'm a woman.
Annie
He is my husband. Oh!
Aaron
Annie, we've been separated for months. Now let's not over-dramatise.
Leslie
Aaron, she's aloud to be angry. Annie, let's use this; he's found someone new; you're free; closure.
Annie
I am sorry, but that is not what this is. No!
Leslie
Annie no, Annie you're not helping us out here- now I am sorry...
Annie
SO AM I! I AM VERY SORRY I EVER MET YOU; AND I AM SORRY THAT I ALLOWED MYSELF TO LOVE YOU FOR ALL THOSE YEARS. I'M SORRY I DID NOTHING BUT BE THERE FOR YOU EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY AND SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR EVERY MOVE!!! I'M SORRY!!! (Starts crying and leaves)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call to Action for Morty
Brenda
Wake up, Morty! Time to smell the audit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Revelations and Social Commentary
Chris
Guess what, dad? I'm a lesbian. A big one.
Dr. Morris Packman
If I give you one more face lift, you're going to be able to blink your lips!
Gunilla
(sees Shelley and Morty entering her building) Social climbers on the rise.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Independence in Relationships
Wives
You don't own me... don't try to change me in any way. You don't own me... don't tie me down cause I'll never stay!
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aging and Attraction: Elise's Perspective on Love
Elise
No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Conversations Among Friends
Shelly
Got a cigarette?
Bill
Certainly. By the way, how old are you?
Morton
May I have this dance?
Brenda
Certainly Morty.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowering Message on Strength and Independence
Elise
Ivana? I wanna thank you for coming so much, you're an angel!
Ivana Trump
Oh, of course.
Annie
Thank you so much, again.
Ivana
Ladies, you have to be strong and independent. And remember...
Elise
What?
Ivana
Don't get mad... get everything.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Guest at the Bar Mitzvah
Brenda
(gasps loudly)
Annie
What?
Brenda
He brought her to our son's bar mitzvah?
Annie
Is she a gift?
Uncle Carmine
Permission to speak freely, Brenda?
Brenda
Oh yea, Annie's cool.
Uncle Carmine
Morty is garbage. You gave him the best years of your life, and he pushes you aside for a younger model. It would be an honor for us to take him out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Critique of Cynthia's Risky Decision
Brenda
You know, I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off of Park Avenue.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sisterhood and Frustration in Conflict
Elise
You wouldn't understand, you're civilians!
Brenda
That's it. (infuriated) I understand. (she grabs the bottle from Elise)
Elise
Hey... give that back...
Brenda
I'm saying this to you with love, compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood: you are full of SHIT!
Elise
What?
Brenda
(pouring the alcohol down the sink) So okay, alimony sucks! Okay, you didn't get to play a policewoman in a Wonder bra! But look at you! You grew up gorgeous, and thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts, you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time, you were a great actress, you've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people sucking up to you, but I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say your perception of life is somewhat altered!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Morty's Generosity Towards His New Partner
Brenda
What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Drinking Habits
Elise
You've got some nerve! I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person!
Brenda
No, that's why your co-stars drink!
Elise
I am not a DRUNK!
Brenda
Oh really? Let's examine the evidence! Look! All bottles! And gallon jugs!
Elise
I had GUESTS.
Brenda
Who, Guns N Roses?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Friends at a Celebration
Elise
You didn't invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!
Brenda
You wouldn't have come!
Annie
Yeah, it was in Hebrew...
Brenda
Oh, SHUT UP!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Synagogue Etiquette and Personal Shame
Brenda
Don't shame me in the synagogue.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Critique and Protest Against Designers
Brenda
(upon seeing a slinky dress) Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jealousy and Feelings Among Friends
Elise
You think just because I'm a movie star, I don't have feelings, well, you're wrong! I do have feelings! I'm an actress! I have ALL of them!
Brenda
(putting on a meek voice) Well, I wouldn't understand. You see I'm just a poor little housewife, in a little apron, with a little child to raise!
Elise
Yeah, well, you were always jealous of me, even in college, because I was blonde and beautiful and talented, and I could have any guy I wanted!
Annie
(faintly in the background) Um, you guys...
Brenda
And did! Every guy! Most of the senior class and half the faculty!
Elise
Well! It was the Sixties!
Brenda
(scornful) Look at this place! Is this where your fanclub meets? Do you have ritual sacrifices?!
Elise
Put that down! Put that down! I won that!
Brenda
I remember! Your first talkie!
Elise
Yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? Best Digestion?! (she screams as Brenda throws the statuette) Oh no... Brenda, this is a Golden Globe! It's sacred! It's... TRADEMARKED!! (Elise throws the statue at Brenda and smashes the wall mirror)
Brenda
(frightened, she barks) "Are you CRAZY!?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.