The Great Outdoors Quotes

Roman Craig Chet is going to shit a solid gold brick when he sees us.

Roman Craig Pontoon boat? What are you going to do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?

Chet And by the way, don't try to steal any of our stuff on your way out!

Kate Stuff? What stuff is there to steal?

Connie Oh, we got stuff!

Kate You're a louse!

Connie Well, why don't you go find yourself a spin cycle!

Chet Yeah, go find yourself a spin cycle! (turning to Connie) What the hell does that mean?

Kate Ahh!

Roman What?

Kate It touched me!

Roman It's been touching you for 12 years. You never freak!

Kate Not you!

Kate A thing.

Roman What thing?

Chet What's going on?

Kate That thing!

Roman Oh, it's just a little sparrow.

Kate Come on, Roman. It's got ears!

Roman Craig You know what the gourmet here wanted? Hot dogs! You know what they're made of, Chet? Huh? Lips and assholes!

Three Raccoons Hey kids… New people in the loon's nest! They have Illinois plates, Mom. If they're from Chicago, we'll be eating good. Lobster Tails! A shitload of raw hot dogs! You know what they're made of… Lips and assholes! Rock on the top of the cans. That never works. We'll just knock the cans over. Of course we will. Can I stay up again and watch the big guy rake up all the mess? Where're the garbage cans? They're not the cleanest species on the face of the earth, you know. It's not a problem. We'll just have to break in. Can we dot that? What do you think we have these wonderfully articulate fingers for? To scratch our asses? Why's Jody sitting the lake? You didn't hear? She got shot in the ass! Oh no! Don't tell me… Yup… She's bald in both ends now!

Ben Dad?

Chet Yes, Ben?

Ben Does this mean we won't be getting Christmas presents this year from Aunt Kate and Uncle Roman?

Buck Oh, blow it out of your ass, Ben!

Connie Okay, nobody is blowing anything out of their ass. What we are having is a little problem, and it doesn't mean your father and I don't love your Aunt Kate and Uncle Roman, what it means is that we're having some emotions.

Chet What it means, what it means is that I would like to blow Uncle Roman out of my ass, that's what it means!

Connie I don't want to hear anything else about anyone blowing anything out of their ass!

Ben You might as well blow the whole family out of your ass while you're at it, Dad!

Chet Do you understand what's going on here, son? Do you know what your mother and I are trying to say?

Ben Aunt Kate and Uncle Roman are incredible butt-heads, right?

Chet You bastard, you bastard!

Roman I think he's saying go faster.

Bartender He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?

Reg S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six...

Chet Six times?

Reg S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n the head!