30 quotes
Embrace Freedom and Adventure
Guru Pitka
Go Speedy. Ride like a cowboy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Perception of Skin Tone
Guru Pitka
Well, it looks more like Gay Skin. (laughs)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Unexpected Feathers
Guru Pitka
I don't know what you're talking about. (coughs up feathers)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Nature of Happiness
Guru Pitka's books
If you're happy and you know it think again.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guru Pitka's Warning Against Violence
Guru Pitka
If you ever sucker punch me again, I'll kick your ass all the way back to the keebler factory.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tattoos: Drama and Daffy Duck Explained
Guru Pitka
I have two tattoos. One of them is DRAMA tattoo and the other is a picture of daffy duck pushing a lawn mower through my pubes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Strong Warning Against Eye Pecking
Guru Pitka
Don't peck my fucking eyes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Distraction Explained
Guru Pitka
THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Guru Pitka
BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth™
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for Quick Alligator Soup
Guru Pitka
Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Inflicted Frustration and Reflection
Guru Pitka's books
Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you still hitting yourself?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Avoiding Painful Actions
Guru Pitka's books
Does it hurt when you do that? Don't do that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introducing a New Character in The Love Guru
Guru Pitka
Dick Pants... send him in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire to Sing Expressed by Guru Pitka
Guru Pitka
I WANNA SING!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observation of a book's condition
Guru Pitka's books
What's this? A dead one of these.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Departure with a Playful Twist
Guru Pitka
Let's make like a baby and head out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
From Nowhere to Now Here
Guru Pitka
Tonight I want you to go from nowhere to NOW HERE.™
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Personal Challenges with Guru Pitka
Guru Pitka
What is it you can't face? (use strong Indian accent on "can't")
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Farm of Guru Pitka
Guru Pitka
Guru Pitka had a farm. EIEIO. And in that farm he did no harm. EIEIO.™
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Repetition of a Name in Context
Guru Pitka
Marishka Hargitay... Marishka Hargitay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Quebec Pizza and Humor in The Love Guru
Jacques Grande
Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Intimacy Explained
Guru Pitka
In my book, "If you're happy and you know it, Think again", I speak of the teachings of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See™. Intimacy is like putting your Wiener on a table and having someone say. Hey, That looks like a Penis, Only smaller! Only Smaller...
[Laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Journey of a Hockey Player's Transformation
Guru Pitka
Although I was raised here in India, I was born in America, which is where our journey begins. It's the story of a hockey player, named Darren Roanoke. My most resistant student, who became my greatest teacher... Or some such bullshit, I don't know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrity References in a Humorous Context
Guru Pitka
Marishka Hargitay Jessica simpson.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guru Pitka's Admission of Truth
Guru Pitka
I lied. She is still with Le Coq, and he still has the biggest Weiner in history.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Identity and Reflection in Dialogue
Guru Pitka's books
I know you are, but what am I?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Nature of Unusual Objects
Guru Pitka
Is it made out of dog? Is it a dog's tingy, am I being punk'd?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace Humor in Unexpected Situations
Guru Pitka
Break the pickle...tickle, tickle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Take on Childhood Rhymes
Guru Pitka
Milk milk lemonade this is where the fudge is made
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrity Names in a Humorous Context
Guru Pitka
Marishka Hargitay Val Kilmer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.