The Love Guru (2008) - Quotes

Quebec Pizza and Humor in The Love Guru

Jacques Grande: Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.

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Self-Identity and Reflection in Dialogue

Guru Pitka's books: I know you are, but what am I?

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Advice on Avoiding Painful Actions

Guru Pitka's books: Does it hurt when you do that? Don't do that.

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Questioning the Nature of Happiness

Guru Pitka's books: If you're happy and you know it think again.

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Observation of a book's condition

Guru Pitka's books: What's this? A dead one of these.

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Self-Inflicted Frustration and Reflection

Guru Pitka's books: Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you still hitting yourself?

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Confronting Personal Challenges with Guru Pitka

Guru Pitka: What is it you can't face? (use strong Indian accent on "can't")

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Embrace Freedom and Adventure

Guru Pitka: Go Speedy. Ride like a cowboy.

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Desire to Sing Expressed by Guru Pitka

Guru Pitka: I WANNA SING!

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Guru Pitka's Admission of Truth

Guru Pitka: I lied. She is still with Le Coq, and he still has the biggest Weiner in history.

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Humor in Perception of Skin Tone

Guru Pitka: Well, it looks more like Gay Skin. (laughs)

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The Power of Distraction Explained

Guru Pitka: THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A Request for Quick Alligator Soup

Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.

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Confusion and Unexpected Feathers

Guru Pitka: I don't know what you're talking about. (coughs up feathers)

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Departure with a Playful Twist

Guru Pitka: Let's make like a baby and head out.

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Tattoos: Drama and Daffy Duck Explained

Guru Pitka: I have two tattoos. One of them is DRAMA tattoo and the other is a picture of daffy duck pushing a lawn mower through my pubes.

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Guru Pitka's Warning Against Violence

Guru Pitka: If you ever sucker punch me again, I'll kick your ass all the way back to the keebler factory.

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Questioning the Nature of Unusual Objects

Guru Pitka: Is it made out of dog? Is it a dog's tingy, am I being punk'd?

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From Nowhere to Now Here

Guru Pitka: Tonight I want you to go from nowhere to NOW HERE.™

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Repetition of a Name in Context

Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay... Marishka Hargitay.

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Celebrity Names in a Humorous Context

Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay Val Kilmer.

Celebrity References in a Humorous Context

Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay Jessica simpson.

Embrace Humor in Unexpected Situations

Guru Pitka: Break the pickle...tickle, tickle.

A Strong Warning Against Eye Pecking

Guru Pitka: Don't peck my fucking eyes!

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

Guru Pitka: BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth™

A Playful Take on Childhood Rhymes

Guru Pitka: Milk milk lemonade this is where the fudge is made

The Farm of Guru Pitka

Guru Pitka: Guru Pitka had a farm. EIEIO. And in that farm he did no harm. EIEIO.™

Introducing a New Character in The Love Guru

Guru Pitka: Dick Pants... send him in.

Journey of a Hockey Player's Transformation

Guru Pitka: Although I was raised here in India, I was born in America, which is where our journey begins. It's the story of a hockey player, named Darren Roanoke. My most resistant student, who became my greatest teacher... Or some such bullshit, I don't know.

The Nature of Intimacy Explained

Guru Pitka: [Laughs] In my book, "If you're happy and you know it, Think again", I speak of the teachings of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See™. Intimacy is like putting your Wiener on a table and having someone say. Hey, That looks like a Penis, Only smaller! Only Smaller...