The Mexican Quotes

Jerry Welbach I need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o!

Samantha Barzel I am a hostage? This is so Jerry.

Jerry Hola!

Mexican Policeman Is this your dog?

Jerry Uh, sort of...

Mexican Policeman He does have a personality, that certainly counts for something.

Jerry Yeah, good guy...

Mexican Policeman This your car?

Jerry Yeah, it's a rental... I'm an American.

Mexican Policeman No shit?

Jerry Yeah.

Mexican Policeman Really?

Jerry Yeah, yeah...

Mexican Policeman I am a Mexican.

Jerry Cool.

Jerry Oh, Ok, I was under the impression, with Margolese getting out of jail and all, that the last job, was my last job.

Bernie Nayman You fucked up that job.

Bobby Victory You fucked up that job, Jerry.

Bernie Nayman Yeah, this job, will be your last job.

Bernie Nayman It burns my ass to write you a check every week. That's an issue.

Jerry I can explain what happened.

Bernie Nayman You say to people "I can explain what happened" when it's a once in a while, blue moon thing.

Bobby Victory It's every time with you, Jerry.

Bernie Nayman It's every fucking time.

Car Thief If you're going to kill me, at least tell me who it is that's going to send me to God. Tell me!

Jerry Look, I'm not going to kill you. But I am going to shoot you.

Car Thief But why, sir? Why?

Jerry Why? Why? Because you stole from me and you know about the pistol and you're just going to steal again and I can't have you coming back in the situation like a fly in the ointment.

Car Thief No, I won't be a fly! You'll never see me again.

Jerry Look, you're getting shot and that's it. It will take you time to get to the next town especially if you're limping.

Car Thief Wait, wait! What? Limping? Can't you just tie me up some more? I mean, fuck. You shoot me? Tie me!

Jerry Yeah, I don't have a rope.

Car Thief So you shoot me?

Jerry It's the American way.

Leroy I'm here to regulate funkiness.

Leroy Jerry, I want you to know. You're the craziest fuck I ever met.

Bernie Nayman Jerry, You're a fucking moron. Here are your options: Number 1, I roll you up to the neck in a carpet, stuff you into the back of a sedan, and light you on fire with gasoline. You with me? Choice one.

Jerry Yeah.

Bernie Nayman Number 2, You like sex and travel? What, you like to have sex, you like to travel? You get you ass on a flight to Mexico. All the ten dollar hookers you can shake your stick at. You pick up a pistol that belongs to Margolese. What's it going to be?

Leroy Don't you love him?

Samantha I think that's the problem. We love each other too much.

Jerry Baby, what are you doing?

Samantha You said this was your last job, Jerry!

Jerry What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, I can't, the old lady wants me to quit. Fuck off.

Samantha Yes! Something like that. Like exactly!

Jerry I'm not in insurance, sweetie!

Jerry Welbach You're missing the grand design here! If I don't go, I'm dead! Yeah. And it's a little hard to carry on a relationship when I'm stuffed with straw and formaldehyde.

Samantha Barzel Real emotion transcends language, Jerry. You don't have to understand their words to feel their pain.

Samantha Do you have any idea what I have been through these last few days?

Jerry Oh, Sam, whatever you've been through multiply that by 1000 and you'll have a vague conception of where I'm at.

Samantha Oh! Oh, isn't that typical, Jerry? It's all a competition. Tit for tat, tat for tit.

Jerry Stop yelling, for Christ sake! Listen, how are you? Are you ok? Are you all right? Where are you?

Samantha Toluca airport, Jerry. And things are shitty, really shitty!

Joe the Pawnshop Owner Hola.

Ted I no fuck around, comprende? Gun, gun, loaded. Bang, bang. You dead.

Joe the Pawnshop Owner Do you have a speech impediment?

Jerry The group thinks we're married. I accepted the potato slicer for our anniversary. Right, sweets? I go along.

Samantha That's it. That is it. You... You... You go along!

Leroy I have to ask you a question... and it's an important one so, I want you to think about the answer before you give it to me. Okay?

Samantha Okay.

Leroy When two people love each other - Really... Love each other - but they just can't get it together, when do you get to that point where enough is enough?

Samantha Tha?... oh, well... that's... you know... um... you know it's Over when... okay, I have, like, these psychosomatic, insomniatic manifestations of... uh, well here's the thing about me: I'm a product of my emotions, versus being a product of my environment, like HIM, which he is, exactly, just THAT, environmental... uh uh I need sunshine to grow; that's who I am, and uh with the projection of the... I have goals

Leroy That's your answer?

Samantha Yeah.

Leroy That's not right. I mean, there's a right answer here, but that's not it.

Leroy Look, in my business you're surrounded by loneliness, and finality. Now I don't care what your take is on an afterlife, when people die, it's scary. And they go alone. Now the people that I send off, that have experienced love, they're a little less scared. I mean they're still scared, but there's... a calmness to em, and I think that comes from the knowledge that somebody, somewhere loved em, and cared for em, and will miss em. Now I see that from time to time, and I am awed by it. I don't think I'd be telling you any of this if it wasn't for Frank. Anyway, it's a loaded question. Look, when two people love each other - Totally, TRUTHfully, all the way Love each other - the answer to that question is simple, especially in your case. When do you get to that point where enough is enough? Never... Never.

Jerry Welbach I don't know what it takes! I'm new in the fuck you business.

Frank Guns don't kill people - postal workers do.

Samantha Barzel By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to ] your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives.

Jerry Yeah..."you're just doing your job...

Ted Hey, I do what I have to do, okay?

Jerry Would you listen to yourself? You sound like Schultz from Hogan's Heroes! "I know nothing! Nothing!

Leroy Kevlar is for pussies.

Samantha All right. Jerry, I want you to acknowledge that my needs means nothing to you and you're a selfish prick and a liar.

Jerry Oh, my God!

Samantha Jerry, acknowledge.

Jerry I... Ok. I will acknowledge that I promised to go to Vegas with you. But now we're just slightly delayed. If you want to construe my wanting to stay alive as being selfish, well, then okay. But I have every intention of going with you because your needs are very important to me, sweetheart. Come on. Look at my all my stuff here, all over the pavement. Come on, baby? Huh? What do you say? Ok?

Samantha I'm going with or without you, Jerry. What's it gonna be? A bastard!

Jerry A bastard. What happened to, uh, "sweetheart" and "big love" and all those things you called me in the bedroom last night?

Samantha The only thing I'm interested in calling you, Jerry, is a cab!

Leroy I know we're all a little grouchy right now. We'll get something to eat, you'll get the pistol and then we'll go our separate ways.

Samantha Really separate ways.

Jerry Don't start, Sam.

Samantha Shut up. I'll start because I have the right...

Jerry Why do you do that? Do not tell me to shut up. We had an agreement, remember?

Samantha Shut up.

Leroy Why don't we all shut up a bit?

Jerry I swear to God, I will crash this fucking car right now.

Leroy Jerry, don't do that.

Jerry I will. One more word out of you. Another word, Sam. One more word. I swear to fucking God.

Samantha Naugahyde.

Jerry All right.

Samantha What was that?

Leroy What?

Samantha That moment?

Leroy What? What moment...?

Samantha Are you gay?

Leroy As in happy?

Samantha As in homosexual?

Leroy What does my sexuality have anything to do with this?

Samantha You just checked that guy out and had a moment'!

Taglines love with the safety off